Back in their high school years, there was a chance meeting between Shining Armor and Prince Blueblood. These ponies couldn't be any more different, but it turns out that each of them has something to teach the other... though there's no telling whether Blueblood will listen.
This short story was written for the EFNW 2015 Pre-Con Contest, where the thematic prompt is "Making New Friends." Check it out, and best of luck to everyone who enters! Cover art is from Pika-Robo's DeviantArt page. Check it out, too!
Chapters (1)
ouch... bloody shame that the chick indeed got between them.
solid read, far as my rookie skills can tell, no Errors jumping at me either so there´s that.
Chivalry will only get you 1/3 of the way there, apparently.
This kind of endings... Sad, which is my favorite!
That's...
That's good.
This is good. I like this look at Blueblood.
Sequel?
6/10 in my book, although in terms of letter grade: B.
This is fairly good. On the one hand, the ending is both very predictable and *way* too abrupt. It doesn't have a real denouement. On the other hand, it's an interesting take on the otherwise overused "high school drama" theme. Using these particular characters mitigates the fact that the story relies on a very old and well-trod trope.
Also, the basic mechanics of the writing (grammar, spelling, etc.) are excellent. I didn't see any mistakes.
Over all, I give it a 7 out of 10, and an up-vote.
Thank you very much for reading my story! I'm very happy you liked it so much, since character shipping isn't my strong suit. It's good to know I didn't embarrass myself by trying to tackle the subject. I'll probably wait until after the judging is done before executing any edits, but I'll try and adress your comments as best I can. A lot of these I'm already aware of and should have known better. My excuse is that the story was written in a terrible rush. Ahh, excuses! So much easier to provide than actual reasons.
Actually... http://www.interpretationbydesign.com/?p=5125
I personally choose not to indent the first paragraph, but either way is acceptable. I just like the way it looks.
Oh, don't be silly. Hyphens are perfectly acceptable here because "no-no-no" is a... uh... it's a phrasal adjective. Totes.
*shifty eyed dog look*
The wierd thing here is that the hyphen has no technical pronunciation that I'm aware of. It's never spoken aloud. Yet here I am using hyphens to denote rapidly spoken words. I'll probably just strip them out, since commas would have the opposite effect: they'd add pauses.
You ought to hear Nekonyancer on this topic. He did an audio interview of me recently, and one of the questions he asked me was "what's up with the way you use colons? It's wierd!" I'm not sure if I'm goign to stop using them this way, since my gut instinct is to say "Well that's just my style." Unfortuantely, the correct response to this statement is "Your style is wrong."
I'll probably change this, but a semi-colon seems like a step backwards. As far as I understand, the one and only purpose of a semicolon is to denote a list of lists.
Can we compromise with an ellipsis? Yeah? No?
Quite correct. The lines you point out, here and elsewhere, defenitely need better attribution.
s26.postimg.org/3larv8nh5/Facepalm_Black_Tile_5_1024x1024.jpg
I have even less excuse here because I already know this rule. I truly hope this was an autocorrect hiccough.
I'm honestly not sure why I capitalized these... peculiar.
Funny you bring this up, but this is actually my all-time favorite piece of advice: consistancy is more important than accuracy. I dislike writers that seperate sentences with two spaces instead of one, but as long as you do it every single time, I won't complain.
Oh, I've had longer. Though not often.
Thank you very much for your advice. It's always appreciated! If a reader is offering criticisms, even nitpicking and error-pointing, it means they care enough about the story to try and improve it.
And the fact that you haven't found any apostrophe problems warms my heart. I used to mix up "its" and "it's" quite a bit, back in the day.
I liked this story. Nicely written and Blueblood is perfectly in character, with a little added character on the side. His liking Cadence but getting turned down because she liked Shining Armor, who was just starting to be his friend, was a bit sad. Poor Shining Armor. He's being treated like crap for something he didn't even do! Good story.
As for no paragraph indention, I don't do that either. I don't like it, and I don't like the way it looks.
This was good.
Ouch, that's rough.
I think the story would have benefited from being longer. The pacing for the setup was fairly good, but it feels like it ends too suddenly for it to really sink in.
I wish there was a sequal to this, perhaps Shining Armor sees Blueblood at the Gala and sees how Blueblood seemed to not retain anything from his lessons. And then later finds out from Cadance that Blueblood helped her and Shining Armor get together. I think this would be a great way to deal with the hurt that can come from rejection, both from friendships and love.