Children of the Night

A few years before Twilight was send to ponyvile princess Celestia send a single pony of to find a lost colony send by Luna now princess Celestia has send Twilight and her friends to help this pony, but why does it seem that Twilight don't like this Pony

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 13 )

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Hillbe

Hillbe #1 · Jul 20th, 2015 · · ·

JUST SAY THEIR NAMES IT WONT HURT

HONEST IT WON'T

Pony paladin

Pony paladin #2 · Jul 20th, 2015 · · ·

6223735 Gotcha

Hillbe

Hillbe #3 · Jul 20th, 2015 · · ·

6223768 past & present tense too, you can slow the pace of the story by adding more filler ( character thoughts and more back ground stuff)

like the song / story of looking for the lost agent & foals...

Pony paladin

Pony paladin #4 · Jul 20th, 2015 · · ·

I'm glad to hear this since this was my very first try at a MLP fic

The Nameless Pony

The Nameless Pony #5 · Jul 20th, 2015 · · ·

Firstly, I like your name; Pony Paladin, very cool. Secondly, Hillbe gave you some good feedback, so take it into account and keep going! The end left me wanting to see more so for a first MLP fic I'd say you've done well.

Violet Runner

Violet Runner #6 · Jul 24th, 2015 · · ·

good but could use an editor.

the story would flow better if you made a new paragraf when some one new is speaking.

ex. In stead of:

"Is there something wrong Twi?" Asked Applejack since Twilight stopped in her sentence and the mysterious Pony turned and frozed completely solid when he saw Twilight. "Twilight?" He said absolutely amazed "Paladin?" Said Twilight just as amazed.

Try:

"Is there something wrong Twi?" Asked Applejack when Twilight stopped mid sentence as the mysterious Pony turned and froze when he saw Twilight.
"Twilight?" He said astonished.
"Paladin?" Twilight said equaly amazed.

Pony paladin