In the Age of Destruction, there were two sisters, one light and one dark but both alike in cruelty. There was great hatred between them, and their battles raged across the entire planet. One day, the light alicorn cast the dark one down to earth, into the hole they called Rainbow Cave. The attack was made with such force and speed that the dark one was buried and gone from the sight of ponies. Or so it was believed.
For burial does not touch alicorns in the same way it might touch an earth pony or a pegasus. The earth is no prison to them, and the dark alicorn proved it that day. The ground cracked and shattered, and magic as dark as midnight carved something into the ground. The earth itself rose up to reveal the dark alicorn, no more damaged than a tree after a summer breeze, standing amid a forest of floating rocks.
Night began to fall, and the dark alicorn began to rise. Her magic enveloped the stones, and a wave of earth massive enough to block out the sun surged up at the light alicorn. The rocks assaulted her form, trapped her in the same earth she had sought to entrap her sister in, and turned it to unbreakable alabaster. More and more of the rocks closed around the light alicorn and became unbreakable, until a glimmering white sphere was formed from the earth. The prison of the light alicorn was hurled into the darkness of space, and that is how the moon was made. And when the moon shines bright in the darkness, it is said that the dark alicorn still roams the earth, searching for any who would dare defy her power. We sleep at night because it gives praise to the dark alicorn, so that she will spare our lives yet another night.
-Tales to Terrify Your Toddlers, Chapter Four: Ancient History
"Why did you have to go and say that? Of all the things in the world, that's what you say in front of everypony in town?"
Twilight Sparkle stood in the door, fuming and dripping vegetable juice. It had been a long walk to Brights Brightly's cottage, and even at a gallop Twilight couldn't dodge every rotten fruit or vegetable. The hardest thing to dodge had been the insults; indeed, most of the fury on the newly minted alicorn's face came from the words hurled at her, not the produce.
"What? I just said what I was thinking." Surprise looked positively crestfallen, her blond mane and her wings both hanging as limp as wet noodles. "Is it really my fault if they take something different away from it?"
"Yes," Firefly chirped. Twilight looked up to the top of the stairs and glared at the pink pegasus, who glared right back with equal defiance. "All I did was answer her question."
"I believe it was meant as a rhetorical question, darling." Rainbow Dash was sitting on the couch, sipping tea through a straw and trying not to be too obvious about her staring. "Surprise can hardly be blamed if the townsfolk are a little..."
"Paranoid?" Applejack gave a little smirk, which widened into a reassuring smile when she met Twilight's gaze.
Rainbow Dash coughed, and pushed up the brim of her hat so that she could more easily glare at Applejack. "I was going to say excitable, darling, but if you insist on being rude about it."
"Don't mind if I do, missy." Applejack tossed her mane to and fro in mockery of the stylish earth pony. Twilight just sighed, and made her way further inside the cottage.
"I was having such a good day," she grumbled, more to herself than to anyone else. "I found an ancient spell that needed only the expert touch of a unicorn to complete it. I got to spend the whole day figuring it out, I almost missed lunch I was so in the zone. And then, when I finally find out what's missing, the spell decides to go off without so much as a how-do-you-do, and the next thing you know, the entire town thinks I'm preparing for an apocalypse!"
"Well, why else would you be trying to finish an immortality spell?" Firefly asked.
"Sweet bucking Tambelon, can't a girl tamper with magic beyond her understanding just for the fun of it anymore?" Twilight's horn glowed with a menacing purple aura, and her wings flared out behind her as she gritted her teeth. A sudden and unnatural wind swept up around her, tossing Rainbow's hat from her head and causing everypony's manes to blow in the breeze. Her friends shrank back in fear, as though facing down a terrifying chimera.
"Um, excuse me?"
It was a small voice, as small as a pigeon's feather caught in the scales of a thousand-year dragon. Even in a room all by itself, that voice sometimes went unheard. But for all its frailty, the voice of Brights Brightly cut through the alicorn's rage and brought her mind back to where it belonged.
"I... I was wondering if you might like some... tea?" The teacup trembled in the yellow unicorn's magic aura, and she did her best to hide behind her pink highlights.
"Thank you, Brights. I'd love some tea." Twilight took the cup in her own magic, and gave her most reassuring smile as she pulled it closer. There were a few seconds where Brightly's magic clung to the cup awkwardly, and a few strands of hair moved aside to reveal eyes filled with fear. "Please let go of the cup, Brights."
The unicorn trembled, and her magic stopped. "Sorry, your majesty. I didn't realize I was still..."
Twilight held up a hoof to stop Brightly. "What was that?"
Brightly's trembling grew worse, and a beetroot blush spread across her muzzle. "I-I said I didn't know I was holding onto..."
"No, that part where you called me 'your majesty'. Why did you say that?" The alicorn's eyes narrowed, and without really being aware of it, magic crackled like deathly lightning on her horn.
Brights Brightly took a few steps back, trying to hide her entire body behind her mane and tail. "I'm so sorry, I didn't know! Should I call you something else? Mistress? Your Ladyship? Your Omnipotence? Goddess my goddess?"
"What's wrong with you, Brights? I'm the same old Twilight Sparkle I've always been!"
"Um, no you're not." Surprise fluttered over to the space between Twilight and Brightly. "You're an alicorn."
"And we know all about alicorns." Firefly was walking down the stairs now, her every step a defiant crack of thunder. "We've all heard the legends. The Sparkling Mountains are their tombstones, the craters of Noctia their hoofpaths. They still tell the story of Rainbow Cave at little fillies' slumber parties."
With each name uttered, the cottage slipped further into a deep, contemplative silence. Twilight looked at her wings, and for the first time shivered at the thought of wearing them for the rest of her life. She remembered the stories as well as any of her friends; worse, she had seen the damage done. She had been to the crater they called Rainbow Cave, seen the Sparkling Mountains and the fossils beneath them.
"You think I'm just like them," Twilight hissed as she emerged from her memory. "You think I'm just like the sisters. You think I'm going to tear this world apart, just because I feel like it?"
The cottage was silent. None of Twilight Sparkle's so-called friends spoke a word. Firefly and Applejack were the only ones brave enough to even look the alicorn in the eye, and what she saw there was hardly comforting. There was hatred and disgust in Firefly's eyes, while Applejack bore a grimace of pity. Twilight could not tell which one was worse.
"I thought you were my friends," she whispered, and she started to cry. Her wings fell limp at her sides, and her hind legs threatened to give out.
"Oh, but- but we are your friends!" Brights Brightly spoke up from behind Surprise. Twilight's head snapped up, and she glared around the pegasus to stare at Brights.
"Look at me," she said, though it came out more like a growl. Brights gave a yelp, and scooted around Surprise until she was hidden yet again. Twilight sighed, and hung her head. "What sort of friend can't look a friend in the eye?"
"Hey, you shut your trap!" Firefly flared her wings and pawed at the floor. "This is Brights we're talking about! Frankly, you should be thankful she's not stuck in Whispersville."
"Don't you start defending her! You're the one who's just about ready to go out there and stir up an angry mob!" Tears streamed down the alicorn's face, and her horn began to glow.
"Whoa there, everypony." Applejack stepped into the middle of the kerfuffle, turning this way and that to prevent any sudden moves. "Now, Twilight, Firefly didn't say anything about torches and pitchforks or nothin'."
"She thinks I'm a monster." The glow faded from Twilight's horn. "You're all thinking it. You all think that just because I've got wings, I'm going to go out there and burn Ponyville to the ground."
"You talkin' smack 'bout pegasus influence, Twily?" Surprise's entire body rotated ninety degrees without getting up from the floor, and a ridiculously fake frown was plastered on her face. Twilight couldn't help but giggle at the ridiculous display.
"Whoever said we hated you, darling?" Rainbow Dash got up from the couch and came over to join the rest of the group. "I most certainly don't."
"That goes double for me," Applejack concurred. "Sure, it'll take some getting used to, but you're still Twilight Sparkle."
"You're sure there's no massive, end of the world disaster happening next Tuesday morning?" Surprise leaned further forward with every word, and Twilight chuckled.
"Well, I can't see the future, but I'm pretty sure nothing is going to happen that soon."
"Good enough for me!" Surprise all but exploded into the air, grabbing Twilight and pulling her up. "Don't worry, Twilight, I'll teach you everything there is to know about flying! I'll teach you how to take off, how to land, how to crash... No, wait, you probably won't need lessons on that, but I'll show you all my favorite wind currents, and we'll make sweet hurricanes together, and when it's all over we can roll out the sandwiches and have a big old-"
"Um, excuse me?"
It was only a few short feet, but Twilight hadn't been expecting Surprise to let go, and her wings didn't start flapping until she hit the floor. "What is it, Brights?" she mumbled through the floorboards.
"I, I don't think I hate you. I mean, you scare me, but everypony's scary, at least for a little. I, um, I don't really know what to think, but, um, sorry about calling you all those things..."
Twilight put a hoof on Brights' shoulder. "It's alright, Brights. I forgive you." The yellow unicorn beamed at the news, and embraced Twilight with only the slightest hint of hesitation. The alicorn squirmed a little in the surprisingly tight grip, and looked over Brights's shoulder at Firefly. "What about you? Do you hate me, Firefly?"
"No way." Beads of sweat were starting to form on the pink pegasus's brow. "I mean, maybe I'm a little on edge, but can you blame me? We don't exactly have any real frame of reference for alicorns besides the legends."
"Well, you've got one now." Twilight pushed away from Brights as politely as she could, then stood tall and spread her wings. "We're going to go out there, and remind them who I am! I'm not the alicorn sisters, I am Twilight Sparkle. I got turned into an alicorn by accident, and it's changed nothing about my personality. Am I correct in saying that?"
"Sure does look that way. I just hope we can make the townsfolk see reason."
"Oh, that shouldn't be too hard, Applejack." Rainbow Dash picked up her hat and settled it back on her head. "For better or ill, these small-town ponies are terribly impressionable."
Twilight Sparkle beamed at her friends, then turned and opened the door. She felt reinvigorated, ready to face the challenges with her friends by her side.
About five minutes later, Twilight Sparkle had had enough. The first tomato had blindsided her, but she had managed to catch most of the following onslaught. Applejack and Firefly had managed to pick up the few outliers that got past her guard, and Surprise was just happily eating away at all the hurled produce she could reach. Now, though, the alicorn's fragile patience had reached its end, and she tried to remember a spell for atomizing fruits and vegetables.
Then she realized there was no such spell, and set about creating one in the privacy of her mind. To her utter surprise and delight, what would have taken her hours to derive was now coming together in seconds. Twilight made a mental note to try creating some really difficult spells later. For now, she unleashed her latest enchantment.
The raised missiles of the mob crumbled to dust in their hooves, and Surprise was suddenly spitting up dust as she pawed at her tongue. Twilight beamed, feeling quite proud of herself until a shrill voice rose up from the townsfolk.
"The alicorn has made us defenseless! See the monster's cowardice revealed! She dares not strike against armed ponies, but now that we have nothing, she shall take everything we have!"
"Rationally minded as always, Rabble Rouser." Rainbow Dash took her place in between Twilight and the mob. "Are you going to try and get elected as king again?" There were a few scattered chuckles, but it takes more than mockery to disperse a mob.
"Spare us your treacherous words, thrall! We all know the truth of what's going on!" The voice called Rabble Rouser seemed to be moving through the mob, unseen behind the defensive line of fruit-hurlers.
Applejack rounded on where she thought Rabble Rouser was. "The truth is, y'all have got our friend Twilight reckoned all wrong! She's the same pony she's always been, she just got wings by accident."
"Only mindless puppets like you would believe a story like that! Step away from the alicorn, and let's see if you still spout those lies!"
"T-Twilight?" Brights Brightly was hiding behind the alicorn, all but curled up into a ball as she tried to hold her defensive bubble spell. "What is he talking about?"
Twilight Sparkle said nothing. She knew exactly what Rabble Rouser was trying to do, and she was desperately trying to think of a way to disprove him. So far, she had nothing.
"Behold, the silence of the guilty! The alicorn knows full well what she has done! To speak is to condemn herself! In your silence, there is confession!"
"Would you quit talking in circles already?" Firefly suddenly darted into the crowd, pulling out a small earth pony with a megaphone and soap box for a cutie mark. "Just be straight with us. What the hay are you saying?"
"You really don't know?" Rabble Rouser's voice grew soft for a moment. "Is her control so complete that you are not even aware of the spell's presence?" His voice rose again, and he addressed all of Twilight's friends. "You are under her control! Your minds are the playthings of this alicorn scum! Why do you think you ignore your own fears, your own hatred, to protect her? Your minds are not free, they are hers!"
There it was. There was the kicker. Twilight felt something small die inside as her five friends turned and stared at her in disbelief. She could see it in their eyes; they all believed him. Now it was only a question of how long before they cracked.
Brights Brightly was the first to run. Tears erupted like a volcano, and amid screeching cries of "I'm so sorry!", she ran back into the safety of her cottage. The door slammed shut, and the entire mob could hear the bolts being slid into place.
The next was Firefly. The pegasus turned to Twilight with a mournful look in her eyes, but the sadness quickly changed to hatred.
"I was wrong about you," she whispered, beating her wings to rise up from the ground. "You're just like the legends said." Without another word, she accelerated up into the air.
"Firefly, wait!" Twilight went to give chase, but her wings were still a very new part of her body. She scarcely made it two feet off the ground before she faltered and fell. She started crying into the dirt, but somepony lifted her up and smiled at her.
"Surprise..." For a moment, it seemed the cloud might have a silver lining. Then Surprise's smile became a frown, and she stuck a hoof in Twilight's ear. "Ow! What are you doing?"
Rather than answer, Surprise simply withdrew her hoof. Twilight saw a spot of greenish-brown on her friend's white hoof, and raised an eyebrow. "What is that?"
For once in her life, Surprise looked completely, unironically serious. "It's the part of my brain you stole from me." She shoved the hoof into her own ear, and when she pulled it out it was spotless. "And now I've put it back." Her wings hummed too quickly to be seen for a split second, and then she disappeared, leaving a Surprise-shaped cloud of dust in her place.
Twilight Sparkle turned to look at her two remaining friends. Applejack was trying to look everywhere while not meeting anypony's eye, and Rainbow Dash was hiding her face with her impressive hat. It was a valiant effort, but Twilight could practically count the seconds until they too betrayed her.
"Applejack?" The farm pony looked up at her name, and offered Twilight a weak smile.
"Don't you worry none, Twi. I'm staying right with you. Ain't nopony gonna tell me different."
"Not even your little sister?" Twilight could hear Rabble Rouser's smirk as he said those words, ushering the Apple family to emerge from the mob. The alicorn could see Applejack's heart break as her gaze met that of Papa Orchard, who stared at his daughter with pleading and a little preemptive mourning.
"I'll be fine," Twilight whispered to Applejack, who suddenly seemed much too far away. "You go on."
The thing that hurt the most about seeing Applejack go was the look of utter gratitude on her face before she turned her back.
"And that leaves only one." Rabble Rouser stank of victory and self-confidence. "What of it, alicorn? Do you have enough pony mercy left in your heart to release your final thrall?" He gestured widely at the mob. "Or will the key to her chains be ripped out of you?"
Before Twilight could say a word, Rainbow Dash was in front of her. That ridiculous hat still hid her face, but there was a head somewhere in there, and it was drawing closer to Twilight's own. There was a breath on the alicorn's ear, and she heard a whisper.
"Whatever else happens, remember that I am your friend. I don't hate you, and I don't hate what you are. What I hate is what I have to do now."
Twilight had no time to ask the obvious question. Rainbow Dash drew away from her as quickly as she had approached, and a blue hoof shot into Twilight's field of view like a crack of lightning. It connected with her jaw and sent her flying.
"How dare you!" Rainbow sounded offended, horrified, disgusted to her very core. "Such language, such vulgarity, such impropriety! And to think, you made me think of you as a goddess! You disgust me, you cur! You vile animal!" The fashionista's hooves crashed down on Twilight yet again, and she thought she heard something crack. "Go back to the hell you were born in! We don't want you here! I don't want you here! Begone, hideous beast!"
Rainbow Dash went for another swing, but before it could connect, Twilight cast a teleportation spell. Just like that, she was safe in her treehouse, lying broken-hearted and bruised on the oaken floor.
The bruises didn't hurt all that much, to tell the truth. Twilight had scarcely felt Rainbow's hooves on her, and a tentative poke at her ribs confirmed that the breaking sound had not come from the alicorn. But that did little to dull the pain. She knew what the intent, what the message of those strikes was; a rejection of everything she was, everything their friendship had stood for, all in the name of those ignorant ponies.
Twilight Sparkle dragged herself into bed, and cried herself to sleep.
okay if this is a story before pony's came to the world we now know then how did this not happen again.
6362909 Assuming I understand your question right:
Because the ponies of Equestria aren't shallow jerks, their alicorns saved the world from chaos instead of causing it, and basically because the Great Old Ones finally managed to create real friendship. History repeated itself until they got it right, and as controversial as it is, Magical Mystery Cure is what happens when the Purple Pony Princess Test is given, and succeeds.
6362933 okay good to know thank you for letting me know
6362939 No problem. Thanks for asking!
If the entities organizing Twilight's ascension each cycle are the Great Old Ones, does that make Discord in the Equestria iteration Nyarlathotep? Is Twilight's ascension them trying to bring about the birth of another Great Old One? Or is Twilight closer to a benevolent version of Horus from Warhammer 40k?
6364315 Yes, Discord would almost certainly be the ponified Nyarlathotep.
Twilight's ascension is neither of the things you suggested (at least I think so; Warhammer lore is an impenetrable wall of text to me). Twilight Sparkle the alicorn is a game-changer, a stress test of a pony world. Think of the various pony worlds as social experiments, attempts to create true, lasting friendship that will endure all trials, and Twilight's ascension as the ultimate test of that world's commitment to friendship.
6364468 Horus was basically a paragon of good who was corrupted by all four of the chaos gods. The only time the four of them ever teamed up was to corrupt Hours and turn him against the Emperor. Once he was turned, they let him operate how he saw fit, merely providing power.
If I understand correctly, it sounds like Twilight was crafted by your G.O.O.'s to continue their plans, just that their plans are far more benevolent than the Old Ones and Outer Gods of Lovecraft lore.
6364571 Exactly. I honestly use 'Great Old Ones' more as a placeholder for ancient beings than any specific Lovecraft meaning.
Okay, I can accept that these ponies are all arseholes and jerks, and their friendship is as shallow as the reflection in a puddle.
It still seems awfully arbitrary that even her 'best friends' would turn on her like a pack of timberwolves without any actual reason beyond ancient legends. They know the real Twilight Sparkle and they can see she's as shocked by what happened as anyone.
Given the power, I would love to drop into this story and say a few things. Go up to Twilight Sparkle and offer to transport her to the universe of 'The Great Alicorn Hunt' where another alicorn would be welcomed. Or any of a hundred versions of Equestria where a replacement Twilight Sparkle could turn around a sad ending into a happy one.
Then I would go among the ponies, including her 'friends' and spake thus.
"Do not fear, the Alicorn Twilight Sparkle is gone, sent away to another dimension never to return. They have need of the power and wisdom of an alicorn such as she to save them from a terrible fate.
Of course, that now leaves you with a whole host of problems as she was the only being who could have saved you from half a dozen upcoming threats. Now you're all going to die. But them's the breaks.
The two ancient alicorn sisters didn't fight because they were alicorns, they fought because they were jerks who could not understand the concept of friendship and harmony. In your treatment of Twilight Sparkle you have proved that you are truly their descendents, as it is clear you have learned not one blind thing from their fate.
I would suggest you devote your remaining days to building an ark to take you to another planet. This one is going to become very unfriendly now you've lost the only being who could have protected you. Basically, running away is your only hope.
And don't look to me for help. Normally I'd be pulling out all the stops to help ponies, but you have demonstrated that you're so far from being everything that a pony is supposed to be that I couldn't care less. Farewell, unlikely as that seems."
Of course, I'd just be blowing smoke, but they wouldn't know that. Yes, I'm not a nice person.
6382986 Yeah, I was afraid someone might bring up how arbitrary their betrayal is.
I have no excuses. The original story got away from me and suddenly became an analogue for the Twilicorn debacle, and somebody asked for a sequel. I am afraid that I cannot defend the logic of her friends betraying Twilight, beyond the blanket excuse of "yet another failed attempt by the Great Old Ones to create friendship that would withstand all trials".
I will, however, say that your hypothetical speech to these ponies is awesome. I especially like the line "You have proved that you are truly their descendants", and if this version of Twilight has enough of a spine, I'd be honored if you'd allow me to use that line.
On an unrelated note, HOLY SHIT YOU WROTE LUNA'S RETURN TRAJECTORY! I love that story! Man, you are just the coolest! If I may nerd out, it is an honor to have you here.
Okay, last thing, I promise. Do you think this story and the one that came before need an Alternate Universe tag? Because someone brought up that they don't really assume anything different than what we already know from the show, and I could use a second opinion.
6383538 Maybe if you make it less arbitrary. Her friends are scared of her, but they don't immediately turn on her. She manages to convince them to at least give her a chance to prove she isn't like the alicorns of old.
However, when they get out among the rest of the ponies, any attempt to defend Twilight meets with hostility and threats. 'You've been tricked', 'you've been mind controlled' they say. Having to choose between supporting their friend against the emnity of the village, not just against themselves but their families, and taking council of their own fears, they cave in, using the idea that Twilight somehow Jedi mind tricked them as an excuse to salve their feelings.
Then you have the confrontation, Twilight distraught and angry because of their betrayal, the others secretly ashamed of their actions, but getting angry and defensive about it and using the same slurs the rest of the ponies are using because it's easier to do that then admit they're in the wrong. I know it would take a lot more writing, but it would flow better,
Equestria version, if the townsfolk started saying Twilight was some kind of threat, Applejack would proceed to verbally rip them a new one, threats or no threats, and Rainbow Dash would have to be held back from doing it physically. Rarity would cut them down with a few well chosen words, and Pinkie would be trying to convince them that thye were all wrong, and if they all had a party together they'd see that. Even Fluttershy would be a quiet but determined No Sell.
Feel free to use anything from my comments you see fit.
As to 'Luna's Return Trajectory' yes, that's one of mine. I'm sorry it hasn't been updated lately, but real life has no been kind to my free time, and I have so many other ideas. One I may have a go at is 'You Can't Take the Sky From Me', (not a Firefly crossover). It's my own rejection of the standard Scootacripple memes.
The doctors tell Scootaloo and her parents she will never be able to fly. It's not the size of her wings, it's a congential disorder with her magic. Many ponies have traces of other tribe ancestry and show other traits, such as a pegasus who understands animals, an earth pony with wacky spacetime distorting powers or a unicorn with an affinity for gem finding. But the traits are rarely destructive. In her case, her wings channel earth-pony magic rather than pegasus magic, though her hooves and body are normal, allowing her to manipulate cloud.
Her magic core is strong, and her wings do channel that strength, which is why she can buzz them like a bumblebee and almost lift herself into the air by sheer dint of main strength and awkwardness, or haul several times her own weight at a a pace faster than a locomotive. Plus earth pony proprioception and pegasus reflexes means she has the insane 'cat on a hot tin roof' hyperkinesthesia that would make her an excellent star fighter pilot if Equestria had star fighters. Hmmm... a crossover with the Last Starfighter, after all Equestria has video games...
Anyway, Scootaloo has massive depression, has a lot of hurt/comfort from her friends and eventually comes to terms with being handicapped.... No, no she doesn't. She gets angry and decides she's not going to accept it. To start with she starts investigating ways to fix her wings, starting at unicorn magic and going up to Alicorn, Chaos and Elements of Harmony. She can do that as she has access to Princess Twilight Sparkle, Discord (who owes the Crussaders a solid for breaking him out of the hoosegow), and could influence several Element bearers.
When none of it works (because of narrative causality and all the writers who've used the permanently crippled Scootaloo plotline for cheap feels), she gets Rainbow to teach her how to hang-glide. Which she is awesome at, but it also gets her interacting with clouds. And that's where things get interesting. She turns out to have a talent for cloud manipulating, and figures out firstly a way to make herself cloud booties to stand on in the air (clouds seem to support arbitrarily large weights), figures out how to infuse it with magic so it can be interacted with by solid objects (allowing her scooter to be rebuilt into a hoverboard, and cloud safety jackets - life preserver style jackets filled with stabilised cloud that make the wearer fall like a feather, and ultimately how to draw water vapour out of the air around her hooves to create a support for her to walk on.
Her wings now only have to push her forward as she effectively cloud walks across the sky. So she can become the awesome flier she wants to be, invents several amazing things and generally wins.
6384455 Ah, that's a very good idea. Will take a bit of a rewrite, but definitely worth it.
Also, that Scootaloo story sounds great.
Forgive me if I sound like a broken record, but of the three questions I asked, one was not answered. In your opinion, does this story and the one that precedes it need the Alternate Universe tag? My apologies if the answer was just so obvious to you that you didn't bother answering.
6385080 Sorry! Not really, as this is some previous incarnation, not Equestria. Maybe set up the backstory of the duelling alicorns earlier to make it clear why they are held in such fear.
6385107 Perhaps the duelling alicorns backstory would work better as a separate prologue?
6385109 Possibly. Maybe as a quote from a book, to show it's ancient 'wisdom'.
6385116 Alright, rewrote the chapter. What do you think?
6391224 Much better. I'd have done it differently, having a slower build up, with multiple ponies doing Rabble Rouser's role, but I'm not you. This way works. I look forward to seeing where you take this.
6391593 Glad to have the attention of someone so intelligent.
So, uh...
Who's Nyarlathotep?
'Scuse me while I Google tha--OH GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!
6400194 AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
6400849
MY EYES DIED SCREAMING OH GOD.
6400888 And he's the subtle infiltrator of the team.
6401024
GG.
Great story.
6649528 You really think so?
Well, I won't stop you.
Interesting premise here for sure. Wonder where it will go from here.