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Joined 12th Aug, 2015 ·
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Riiiiiiiiight. Cause Sunset totally wasn't a massive bitch when they first met. #sarcasm
She didn't really give the best first impression. In fact, I'm pretty sure Twilight had a crush on Flash Sentry. Not Sunset Shimmer
No.
There's porn with a complete lack of plot, and then there's this.
Porn with a complete lack of sense. Porn with a complete lack of structure, flow, and build-up.
To say nothing of a complete lack of editing.
Poorly written, no build-up, no regard given to why Sunset's there, why she came back, how she and Twilight ended up like this.
The sex itself is lackluster, derivative, and pretty much cribbed from any of a dozen other clopfics.
All in all, very little effort went into this, and it shows.
I will admit this was lacking, but as a personal comedy piece I will add this to my favorites.
it was a bit to past full so you should slow the past on your work and take time on it
Not saying anything for the fast pace or the lack of plot/sense/reason/forethought, this piece lacks consistency. Hand/hoof was a big giveaway on that. Plus I know the 'going all out' thing is sexy, but she can't give it all she's got one minute and then amp it up the next. Sunset had to gather the strength to reach Twilight, but then has an idea so she can flip the other mare over and get on top.
Since Sunset calls out that she's back, I didn't realize until the end that she was visiting and not simply living/staying there, and also it's written as if she's leaving immediately and there isn't a chance for them to have another set of sexy times before her return.