- Member Since 12th Sep, 2015
- offline last seen Sep 24th, 2018
Mister
That one guy who likes writing stories about ponies, likes to box, likes to play video games, and always likes a challenge. Yeah, I'm that guy.
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You sir/ma'am have made my day, because ive been looking for a boxing story or at least something close to it.
I see pontential in this i also manage to spot some errors i would recoment looking for a editor or proof reader but other then that good chapter.
What's the crossover?
what crossover you choose?
7224321 human goes to equestria
7223081 I'm a guy, and thanks for the feedback I'll make sure to fix those errors
7224389 dude tge crossover is for 2 different franchises comes together or something along the those lines
I hope more chapters will come out soon, this off to a good start.
Hmmm... Appears in Equestria, in heat season... Derp
Run Andrew... Run!
This escalated so fast... Too many plot holes as well as a human acting ooc from how a person would really act.
No I will not let what happened to me happen to anyone else bucking run Andrew!!!
7229985 oh trust me he's gonna be doing a lot of running and hiding and maybe a little more *cough* spoilers *cough*
i am not sure why but once they mentioned heat i imagined him doing sleep holds on them saying shh no tears only dreams, not sure why i find that it would be funny if he did that to avoid them all
Nice keep up de awesome job
7224391 Normally, I'd make a depeciatingly snarky comment about how a user by the name, "GoldenBoy" uploaded a FanFiction about a guy (likely) having sex with a number of females, but I'm just not feeling it today...
7239171 Why? Whats wrong my friend?
7239128 Thank you, and I will.
7239174 Just got back from a trip to see family, so my mind is still exhausted. Twelve hour drive, so that was a thing...
7239187 Damn 12 hour drive, I'd be exshausted too no doubt about it. Well I hope you feel better.
7239206 I'll read this, after I wake up tomorrow... See you later.
7239285 Fine by me. Alright take care my friend.
Let's see:
1/ Andrew wakes up in Equestria, finds a baby colt apparently abandoned in the forest where he woke up.
2/ He meets the Elements, fought the majority of them, which led him in the hospital
3/ He meets a batpony by the name of Night Wing, rescued her from a rape gang, and now since it's nighttime, he's suddenly runs into Princess Luna...and she's very interested in Andrew.
I have to wonder why the foal was in the woods anyway. Due to the size, he's an actual foal, not quite big enough to be a colt yet, so first question is "Where is his mother?" I hope apparent heat season hasn't made her abandon her foal because of hormones.
7239323 Indeed he is still a foal, and his mother is well somewhere. I won't give out to much information about the parents until I get deeper into the story.
story's good just need some practice and it will eventually get even more better
When is de next chapter?
7239895 next chapter will be out soon
7240082 cool
look like he run into princess luna, what is she planning for him?
I'm just asking to be sure, how is the sex tag in this story meant? For language, for clop-scenes?
I have nothing against it, but right now I'm not in the mood for a story where they have their characters being more than sexual active. I just don't really like the storys, where they look like they are not even a bit interessted in something else than that.
Okay now Im talking far to long about it again, but I want to be sure you know what I mean.
that...is a rapey Luna...
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/010/733/1249709837579.jpg
7240499 Yes I do understand what you mean so don't worry my friend, and the sex tag is meant for clop scenes.
Is no one surprised with Luna basically going to rape him, and no one finds anything wrong with this?
A normal guy would press charges for un willing sex, and he's just going to take it?
7224391 Alright, that's not a bad start. One thing I suggest is differentiating the starts of your sentences. No one wants to ready a paragraph that goes:
It does not sound nearly as intriguing as:
You need to mix words around, find ways of writing sentences so they don't always begin with 'I'. Usually you only want a sentence to begin with the same word once every three or four sentences at most, but much better if only once per paragraph. Additionally, when you do use the word 'I', always always always capitalize it.
ALWAYS.
I was not quite able to get through the first chapter, as the repetitive sentences broke the flow too much for me. Consider finding an editor, as it could help a lot with your first few dives into writing.
NEXT TIME ON DRAGON BALL Z Andrew is currently in a hospital bed surrounded by the main six who are going to fuck him silly will he get out of this find out next time on Dragon ball z
7240514 encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQQeph2UgKcyBsBz6HTLFTJ3l5kglgNjO6MaPupcbGjf6y5RGQ7meJp8Tc
Welcome to Assholevile! You have your generic Bitch Rainbow to your left, a stupid crowd that gets scared of everything new to your right, and a human who gets blamed for all the world's evil in the middle.
What about the kid? Oh well, the anthro babes are hot at least.
7248484 The kid is alright, and your right about that my friend
7253701 when is de next chapter i can't wait
7257707 I'm almost done. Hold on a bit more.
7258871 *sitting agitately waiting 4 new chapter
7258890 chill aight, ok, give me like mmmmmmm an hour or two and I'll have it up.
7258979
fine but i might be asleep by then cause it is 10:53 pm here
All of Pineville of course, a village of pines wonderful thing this is an error in the story if you can't tell
7259421 Thank you for pointing that out. I'll fix that.
Uuuuugh. Just reading this in its current form is gradually burning away bits of my I.Q. as I continue.
Seriously, no offense, but you really should start thinking about getting an editor and descriptor, or you need to take your time while typing in your stories. 
I am enjoying the concept of this, but my advice is this: Slow the fuck down, check for any grammar errors, run-on sentences, paragraph errors, et cetera, then publish your chapters.
I apologize if I am sounding rude, but I like to keep my intelligence somewhat stable here.
I don't want to go 
.
so what happen next chapter?
7259513 I'll try to find an editor, but I just don't feel comfortable asking for one. I don't wanna bug someone ya know. But hey I appreciate you telling me, and your not being rude at all. I'll it take slow next time, look through the story, and fix the errors. So like I said thank you for telling me, and sorry for the errors
.
7259577
Good to hear. But if you do need some help with proofreading and editing alongside with you, I might point out a couple of users here that may help you out that doesn't really slack around.
7259605 That would be great help if you could point out to some. That's if you don't mind. I don't wanna bug you for looking for editors. I mean I should be doing that ya know.
right off the bat this guy get it,
I'm envious of him.