Not covered in the Standard Operations Manual
“Twiii-light! Twilight Twilight Twilight!”
Princess Twilight Sparkle woke to the lovely notion of a bird chirping at her window. As the chirping continued, however, she gradually became more disappointed and more certain that it was not chirping.
It was, in fact, the sound of Rainbow Dash standing on her balcony and shouting in through the big glass doors of her bedchambers. Predictably soon, Rainbow lost patience with shouting and added banging against the door with her hooves to her repertoire.
Twilight got out of bed and headed to the door. She didn't want to, but she knew from experience that it would only be a few more moments before Rainbow resorted to breaking the door down.
She opened it. “Can I help you, Rainbow?” she said as politely as she could manage, given the earliness of the hour. The sun had barely risen, and she would much rather have been in bed a little longer.
“Twilight, you've got to help!”
“What is it this time?”
“Fluttershy's in trouble! Come on!” Rainbow flew away.
Twilight stayed quite calmly standing on her balcony, patiently waiting for Rainbow to come back.
Rainbow came back. “Twilight, come on!”
“I'm not going to just rush off unprepared. Now tell me, exactly, what kind of trouble is Fluttershy in? It's Discord again, isn't it?”
“No no no. Well, maybe, but he's only a small part of the problem, and only by a technicality.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “I can't imagine Discord being a small part of any problem.”
“It's not that, sheesh.” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Are you going to help or not?”
“You still haven't told me what the problem is.”
“There's some awful mare there telling her that she has to get rid of all her animals!”
Twilight thought about it for a moment. “But how does that involve Discord?”
“She's counting Discord as one of the animals!”
That gave her a chuckle. “Okay. Why's she doing it?”
Rainbow was nearly growling now. It almost seemed like she'd start pulling her own mane out at any moment. “The heck if I know! She says she's from the P.C.E. or some garbage like that, and she's totally impossible to deal with.”
“Ah, Ponyville Code Enforcement. But what do you expect me to do about it?”
“Do you even hear what I'm saying?” Rainbow threw her hooves up, then pointed in the general direction of Fluttershy's cottage. “They're trying to take Fluttershy's animals away! I don't care what you do about it – send her to the moon if you have to – just stop her from terrorizing Fluttershy!”
“Oh don't worry, Rainbow. I'm sure it's just some kind of misunderstanding. Let's go clear it up.”
Rainbow was clearly still antsy and prickling for a fight, but she seemed to accept at least that Twilight would be following her there.
The two of them took flight together and made quick work of the short glide to Fluttershy's house. Of course, Rainbow was hardly making it the easy glide it should have been. Instead, Twilight was straining to keep up with her the entire way there. Even so, there hadn't been any rainbooms along the way, so Rainbow must have been holding back to help Twilight keep from falling behind.
The scene at Fluttershy's cottage didn't look good. Half the animals – including Discord – were running wild and making a terrible din. The other half were cowering in their holes and cubbyholes, cringing away from any of the others who came too close.
In the middle of it all, Fluttershy was on the ground crying. Above her stood a middle-aged earth pony mare. Her dark blue mane drooped listlessly across her face and back as she read to her out of a thick grey manual.
Twilight strutted up to the strange mare, interrupting the monologue that had been in progress. “Good morning, Miss...?”
The mare didn't volunteer a name.
“Ah... right. Anyway. I hear there's been some misunderstanding about Fluttershy's animal friends.”
“No misunderstandings have occurred at this point in time.” The mare spoke in a low monotone, giving every syllable exactly the same amount of emphasis. “The current owner and/or resident of the property has been duly informed of her multiple code violations in full accordance with regulations and processes.”
“And you are...?”
“Are you requesting that I provide identification for myself?”
Twilight blinked at her. This was going to be tough, she could tell. “Yes.”
“I am the new primary code enforcement officer for the Ponyville and Lower Canterlot Hills District, under authority of Ponyville Code Enforcement. My identification number is three five eight zero three five eight zero zero zero nine.”
“But what's your name?”
“My name is Sugar Berry.”
That name was painfully wrong for a pony with that kind of personality, and Twilight actually had to struggle to keep her reaction to it from showing on her face. “So, what's the problem here?”
“This Ponyville resident has accumulated a density of approximately two hundred and forty-five pet animals per acre, while within the city limits of Ponyville, the municipal code only allows for a density of six pet animals per acre. The resident must make a reduction in pet animal density to acceptable levels within three business days or be faced with an eviction process.”
“But she's Fluttershy.”
“The name of the resident has no bearing on these proceedings.”
“And the city limits are right over there.” Twilight pointed to a small sign a couple houses further down the road. "She's almost outside of them anyway.”
Sugar Berry shook her head slowly. Her mane barely moved. “Her residence is clearly situated within the city limits of Ponyville.”
“And I”— Discord popped in out of nowhere in particular —“am not a pet animal!”
The mare looked through her weighty manual again. “You do not match any of the sapient races described here.”
“But I'm a friend, not a pet! I'm the Spirit of Chaos! I can talk and everything!”
“Sheep can also talk, and they are clearly listed under the 'animal' category in my Standard Operations Manual.”
Discord squinted at her. “Maybe it would help if I turn you into a sheep.”
“Easy there, Discord.” Twilight butted back into the conversation. “I'm sure that won't be necessary. We'll get it all cleared up.”
He closed his mismatched arms over his chest and harrumphed, but he did step aside. “Well, if it turns out you do need me to turn this awful mare into something more interesting, just call.” With a flash of light, Discord vanished.
Sugar Berry turned away. “If you'll please excuse me, I need to go begin filing the pre-eviction warning paperwork.”
“Oh no you don't!” Twilight rushed around her, standing in her way. “This isn't over yet.”
“Yeah! Get her!” Rainbow yelled unhelpfully, watching from Fluttershy's side as she tried to comfort the sobbing yellow and pink heap.
The mare stopped walking. “Impeding a code enforcement professional in the course of his or her duties is a second degree misdemeanor.” In her monotone, it sounded less like a warning and more like a simple statement of fact.
“Oh, I'm not impeding. I'm here to issue a few edicts. Royal edicts.” Twilight fluffed out her wings and pointed to her horn. “You do know who I am, right?”
“You are the Princess of Friendship, Twilight Sparkle.”
“Yes.” Twilight nodded. “And Princess Twilight has a few royal commands to give.” She stood up straighter and spoke consummate clarity, “First, the rule limiting the number of animals per acre within Ponyville city limits is hereby suspended for any facilities that provide medical care and feeding to the animals.”
Sugar Berry stared blankly, her face completely neutral.
“Second, the city limits of Ponyville are hereby moved to this line.” She drew a line in the dirt of the road with her hoof, a line that would place Fluttershy's cottage on the outside. “Which means you no longer have any jurisdiction over the area including Fluttershy's house.”
After giving her blank stare for a moment longer, the mare stepped around Twilight and resumed slowly walking down the road.
“Hey!” Twilight called after her. “Did you even hear me?”
“I have heard, understood, and memorized those royal edicts, Your Highness,” she said without pausing her slow stride. “After filing the pre-eviction notice on this property, I will enter them into the register of law to be distributed across Equestria.”
“After you evict Fluttershy?” Twilight followed alongside her. “The law just changed, Sugar.” On second thought, Twilight began to enjoy that name. Using it gave her just the right feeling of condescension.
The mare stopped in her tracks and opened up her thick manual, flipping through it. “No, it still reads exactly the same.”
“Forget the book! I'm telling you what the law is now.”
“My job description clearly states that I am to ensure the enforcement of the municipal codes contained within this Standard Operations Manual.” She began walking again.
“But I just overrode what the manual says.” Twilight's eye was beginning to twitch a little. That wasn't a good sign ... for Sugar Berry.
The mare didn't even look at Twilight. “Updates and addendums to the Standard Operations Manual typically take six to eight weeks to be distributed to all code enforcement professionals.”
Twilight stopped in her tracks, letting her adversary gain a slight lead. This was infuriating! Fluttershy would be evicted long before a change ever found its way into that book, and this automaton of a mare would never deviate from what the book said.
She should have the power to fix this, more than enough power to fix this. Mayor Mare should have been able to fix this – having a princess on the case should have been overkill ... and yet, somehow it wasn't enough.
Sugar Berry was getting well ahead now, but not so far as to make it at all difficult to catch her if Twilight hurried a little. Catch her... Twilight nodded to herself. It was the only way. If the other princesses caught wind of it, they would understand.
“Rainbow,” Twilight called out. “Rainbow, I need you!”
Leaving Fluttershy to cry in peace, Rainbow was at Twilight's side in a moment.
“Rainbow Danger Dash, I hereby—”
“Um, Twilight... Danger isn't really my middle name. I don't actually have one.”
“Oh.” Twilight blinked for a moment, then recovered. “Rainbow Dash, I hereby deputize you as a lieutenant in the Royal Guard.”
“Sweet!”
“As your first order, I command you to apprehend the mare Sugar Berry and take her to the dungeon of my castle, where she will be confined for six to eight weeks.”
“Woah.” Rainbow stared at her. “Your castle has a dungeon?”
Twilight smiled back. “It's a friendship dungeon.”
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- FrontSevens · 4.7k words · 647 25 · 8.9k views
- naturalbornderpy · 1.5k words · 1,074 50 · 13k views
- Prak · 3.1k words · 1,190 48 · 14k views
- DrakeyC · 2.1k words · 1,578 20 · 18k views
- Titanium Dragon · 2.1k words · 1,342 53 · 14k views
- Level Dasher · 2.3k words · 218 9 · 3.8k views
- naturalbornderpy · 2.5k words · 1,387 20 · 16k views
- Zef · 4.9k words · 787 24 · 10k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.277 seconds
Total duration
1,005 users online
1,926,429 hits today, 2,924,228 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
That ending is all too enjoyable.
6701812
Good, good, I was worrying that it had come through too weakly.
Best. Ending. Ever.
6703711 Fixed your coverart.
i.gyazo.com/a4cd12f7810c333599e9f5f421b26199.jpg
friendship dungeon? do we 'want' to know what goes on in there?
funny story 
go twilight show her the way of friendship when she is goanna listen for you talking about friendship for months
Lol! That was abrupt! I like it!!
Okay, that was a fun and cute one shot.
6715878
Ever? Wow!
6715892
Heh, that is a little bit more accurate.
6715902
I'm sure my evil twin, dirty little secret, could tell you what goes on there...
6715921
And it will have absolutely no effect.
6715924
The best kind of abrupt.
6715927
It was pretty fun to do.
The hardest part was coming up with a decent reason for her to do it.
6715983 on that kind of pony nope
6716002
But... everybody else loves the ending.
Eh, different strokes for different folks, I guess.
6715983 When I say ever I mean I have yet to find anything else better.
Hmm I wonder if we'll ever get to see her time done there... in a sequel maybe?
Heh, I rather like that idea.
DDDDDUUUUNNNGGGGGEEEEEOOOOOONNNNNN!
Aaaaand the moral of this story is.........
Don't with Fluttershy.
I mean it.
Just ... don't.
Yeesh.. poor Sugar Berry.. she's lucky the dungeon is all Twilight did to her, you don't cross the line with Twilight if your value your health.
Discord doesn't count as a pet since he doesn't live with fluttershy. He lives in a chaotic dimension, however this "sugar berry" it's like she being 100% dick on purpose. overall this is a well written anecdote. I enjoy it.
It’d be funnier if Discord counted as multiple animals.
6715983 noooo, you are feeding the plot bunnies. those things are evil.
It'd be interesting to see a continuation that goes into the full impact of everything Twilight just enacted.
inb4 TD reviews as "Not recommended" and says "it just didn't do it for him" and "it wasn't fleshed out enough to provide any real meaning to the story, while the abrupt ending provided neither closure nor a sufficient punchline to justify the lack of one"
Meanwhile cooler heads would've had Twilight bellow Discord back front and center, and simply have him move Fluttershy's property outside of Ponyville city limits where Sugar Berry can't go.
6716253
Heh, that would also work.
6716228
Which would all be fair enough.
This isn't exactly a 'heavy' kind of story.
6716204
Eh, it wouldn't be that much. A few households would be newly outside of Ponyville's city limits, and maybe a vet hospital or two opens up to compete with Fluttershy.
6716164
Twilight, I've noticed you have quite a few of my bureaucrats locked up in your dungeon. Would you care to explain?
It's a long story.
Well, we're both immortal -- we have time.
I'm immortal?
Nopony told you?
Heh, now that would be a worthy sequel.
6716163
Heh, it would! Now I'm sad I didn't think of it.
6716160
Thanks! ^.^
6716125
6716129
I think it's a safe bet to just not mess with any of the mane 6.
6716087
Ah, that didn't take long.
6716082
It does somehow seem to fit.
6716051
Eh, sounds pretty boring to me.
6715902 friendship dungeon, fungeon, you know what's going to happen
Is it a fungeon?
6716365
Yep, and there goes the other reference...
6716364
Just good clean fun, of course.
6716344 That doesn't mean that it isn't worth reading. It's not heavy, but it's not even 2000 words either, so it takes what, 5 minutes to read? It also made me smile, and while it's not gut-burstingly funny it's still entertaining - even if one could argue it's just fluff, 5 minutes of fluff isn't a bad thing.
Anyway, I was mostly poking fun at how TD seems to review all the stories you put out (at least recently) and never rates anything but "not recommended", usually stating lack of real punchline or point to the story. Not that that's bad - he just has different critera to what you're actually aiming for.
6716458
Heh, yeah. That's kind of becoming a tradition for whenever I hit the feature box.
“Wait a minute,” declared Princess Twilight Sparkle, deep in thought. “Bring Miss Sugar Berry back here for a moment, Rainbow Dash. I think I have a solution that will satisfy all of us.”
A few moments later, the code enforcement officer sat reluctantly at a small table where Discord was serving tea with small steaming cups of of a delightful golden beverage for all of the ponies except for Sugar Berry, who appeared to have something vaguely six-dimensionsional and hungry lurking in her teacup.
“I just wanted to get a few things straight, Miss Sugar Berry,” said Twilight with a ladylike sip of her tea, just as Celestia had taught her. “According to Ponyville code, a ‘pet’ is defined as a non-sapient creature that is under the control of a sapient creature, either by confinement or by training, correct?”
“Y-yes,” said Sugar Berry, eyeing a set of sugar cookies on the table that seemed to be eyeing her back. “Although I fail to see how having me assaulted to provide an elementary definition fits in your role as Princess of Friendship.”
“I’m getting there,” said Twilight with a wave of her hoof at the large swath of animals who surrounded their table, each looking on with various degrees of depression. “And since none of Fluttershy’s animals are restrained except for the chickens and Angel bunny, who I see tied up by the house, all of the rest of these animals—”
“Pets!” insisted Sugar Berry.
“—animals,” continued Twilight, “are pets instead of wildlife because they obey the resident pony, correct?”
“Indeed,” said Sugar Berry with a sniff.
“Very well,” said Twilight. “Fluttershy, I need you to do something for me. Tell every one of your friends that Miss Sugar Berry is not to be attacked in any fashion. Can you do that, please?”
“Of course, Twilight.” Fluttershy sniffed one last time and blew her nose into a kerchief held out to her by a nearby bear. “Thank you, Hairy. Now all of you, listen up. I don’t want any of you to hurt the mean Missus Sugar Berry in any way, do you understand?”
As all of the animals nodded, Fluttershy turned back to Twilight. “I know you think my friends might be angry, but I don’t think any of them would actually hurt her.”
“We’ll see,” said Twilight, turning back to the code enforcement officer. “So all of the animals here that obey Fluttershy and do not attack you, are obviously her pets, and you intend on removing them, correct?”
“Correct,” said Sugar Berry with a thin, victorious smile.
“And by the same rule, any of the animals here who do attack you in any fashion are wild animals, and can remain.”
“Corr—” The response froze in Sugar Berry’s throat as she looked at the circle of animals that surrounded their little tea party. The shrinking circle.
“Perhaps,” she started with a small, dry cough, “we can come to some sort of agreement.”
6716543
Heh, now that's a fun sort of comment, and a kind I don't get very often.
It's lovely! ^.^
6716344 Hmmm, true.
I think this was a bit too short and the ending wasn't very satisfying because we never got to see any kind of resolution to the conflict, it's just a heavily implied resolution that actually probably wouldn't work so leaving this kind of thing up to the my imagination just makes the ending that much less satisfying. It would have been a lot better if you had included the resolution and shown us the results and maybe explained how or why it worked a little bit.
On the other hand it's very well written and it does deserve an upvote and a favorite despite my complaints.
6716775
Heh, well, thanks for that, I guess. ^.^
And yeah, it does end pretty flippantly... but I did really like that last line.
just yes!
6717473
Heh, glad you liked it!
This was Twilight's solution, right there: royal decrees are NOT "typical."
Of course, the ending would still be an appropriate finish--disobeying a royal decree typically has a certain amount of jail time....but having the opportunity for us to see the bitch's reaction would've made this an immensely satisfying story.
Still, 8/10 as it is.
6716543 I like it, Georg. Perhaps that could be the scene at the end of her 8th week?
6717933
Heh, I guess, but yeah... it was still fun.
Friendship dungeon. I'd love to see how that looks like
6716543
Heck, they don't even need more than one... Angel can probably deal with this... personally.
(I am still 90% convinced the wasteland future in the finale was Angel's...?)
Go Princess of Nepotism.
6716543
Unforunately, I feel the joke falls a little flat, since you diverged from Sugar Berry's established personality too much.
I feel like something like this should have happened in the Rarity Takes Manehattan episode with the pony who basically spit in Twilight's face when she asked to cut in line.
6717950 What's the point of being a tyrant if yer not even gonna be tyrannical!
Celestia's way too nice. I'd have had Luna beheaded WAYYYYYY before NMM became a thing! That's how you prevent conspiracies from happening! You eliminate EVERYONE you suspect could be capable of opposing you! *Alondro studied at the Stalin & Mao College of Leadership*
6716543 *Alondro applauds* This sort of cognitive exercise should be taken by characters much more often in the series.
media0.giphy.com/media/ewc3VGqFJ65kk/200_s.gif
Yeah, absolutely no abuse of power here. Move along, citizen.
6718458 Who was abusing power, Twilight or Sugar Berry? :)
Normally I'd agree that Twilight was being a bit over the top, but in this case Sugar Berry was acting like the worst kind of rules-lawyer robopony and I have a hard time finding fault in her decision. I'm sure if the story had continued they'd have found some way out other than keeping her confined for that whole period. Perhaps Twilight could just physically rewrite the rulebook right then and there - she's got the magic for it. Throwing her in the dungeon is a good way to interrupt the most immediate part of the problem for starters, though. And sooooo satisfying.
Is that like Pinkie's party cave, or something far more... sinister? Devious?
...
It's a wine cellar, isn't it?