Happiness Is What You Make Of It

by Nameless Narrator

4

The promise to Eclipse burdens me. I haven't told her I would totally for sure one hundred percent fix anything, but if I have a look at it and just say I have no clue what is wrong then the guards might get the right idea that there should be somepony better taking care of the barracks, somepony who can wipe the floors as well as repair things. Still, no reason to give up early. Perhaps it is just something simple that the guards don't do themselves because they are busy.

The shower room on the third floor is a simple large, square area with nozzles and dials sticking out of the walls. There are several pillars scattered around with wooden planks on them where those showering can keep their belongings. Near the entrance there is a sink and...

...two ponies kissing, their loud moaning dampened by the until recently closed door. As they notice me, they reach for their bags with toothbrushes, smiling as if nothing has happened. I'm not sure why. As far as I know there are no rules against being in company of one another. But hey, they are guards so they know their stuff.

"You spying on us, perv?" the stallion scowls.

"Yeah, can't get any yourself so you have to bother normal ponies?"

Ooooh, that's the issue! Of course not. I'm not interested in such things, those are for real ponies. I've already got all I need - a warm boiler room where I can spend the day. The hugging and kissing is not for me, and going for it would surely only mean trouble.

"No, Aim heer too-"

"GET OUT!" I dodge a thrown bag of washing supplies. Why does this happen every time? Still, all that means that I'm used to these situations.

"Mem, Ai tink yoo need dis for yor teet," I shove the bag back inside.

Showing my head proves a bad idea as a sharp spike of pain comes from my muzzle. I wasn't expecting the second bag. I should have. Two ponies, two bags of pain - logic.

"Uhhh..." I shake my head and rub my muzzle, "Ouch!" there's a little blood on my hoof.

"You didn't get the message?" the stallion rushes out and pushes me against the wall, "Go back to your underground hideout or something."

I must have startled them a lot if they are acting like this. My bad.

"Ai ken weit," I try to wave my hooves, but he is holding me too tight, "Ai em soree, but Ai em heer to fix d showers."

"What? You?"

"Uh... yes?"

"Hmph!" he lets me go and walks back inside, "Let's find a more private place. The moron is here to look at the water problem."

"Hey, cool!" the mare answers, "I hate having to promenade myself through half of the building each day."

"I wouldn't get too excited. This guy just wipes the floors. What are the chances he can do something about it?"

I wholeheartedly agree. Sadly, I got asked to do this so I have to do this. Simple.

They walk out side by side.

"Next time don't barge on ponies like that!" the stallion, "And if I find out you're lying just so I don't tan your hide, then..."

"Ai dont lai. Ai ken barelly remember wot is reel," a bit of honesty should reassure him I'm telling the truth.

"Um," the mare looks at the dripping blood, hesitating, "Sorry. I've got a good aim. If you manage to fix the water then I'll think harder before throwing stuff next time, right?" she chuckles. I smile and snort a little as more blood blocks my nostril.

"Dis happens a lot too mee. Its fain, mem."

Simple misunderstanding cleared, they leave and I finally get to see the state of the showers. I sniffle, still dripping red all over. It should stop soon enough if I breathe with my mouth.

Sink? No water. Showers from the left to right? Nothing.

"Hmmm."

That rules out mechanical failure. Pipes then? A leak is likely. What can I do with pipes? There is no way for me to get to them, since they are embedded in the floor, but at least I could find where the problem is to make it easier for a plumber.

Five minutes of tapping on the floor later, I find a darker and colder spot which just might be it. Thankfully, this room is not tiled like the one I saw in the castle once otherwise I wouldn't have found anything. The soggy mess crumbles a little under my hoof. If I had something hard I might dig it out, maybe? Not in my dreams.

So, pickaxe? No, that would break everything and make a mess. Is there a way to cut a piece of floor out without damaging everything around it?

The question plagues me as I take a stroll through castle grounds to clear my head. Fresh air helps me think.

I find a nearby pony standing on guard and tap on his armor. I doubt he's ever seen me before, but he assumes I belong to the castle because I already am here. Smart pony, saves me the trouble of explaining things.

"What is it?"

"Ai need a pleis where Ai ken borrow tools. Eez dere any?"

He blinks, working through my defective speech. It sounds fine in my head, my mouth just doesn't seem to get the right idea. Luckily, only the best of the best are allowed into the guard ranks, and he quickly gets my meaning.

"On the other side of the castle there is the equipment storage. A big building with a small entrance. Just tell the quartermaster what you need."

"Tank yoo!" I smile at him.

"What is it for?"

"Showers in d barracks, ser."

"Oh thank the stars!" he raises his spear to the sky, "Two damn days and it already feels like eternity," he blinks in realization, "OOOOH! You're the cleaning guy, right? I think I saw you once after night shift, you disappeared when the morning rush started."

"Ai trai not too get in d way."

"Then good luck with the fixing. I hate going half-wet through the cold hallway at this time of year."

"Ail doo mai best."

Well, I wish I could do the plumbers best, but I am only me so my best will have to suffice for now.

As it turns out, the quartermaster is a guard around forty whose bored expression would put a foal learning math to shame.

"Umm, hai," I wait my turn in a queue, "Ai need sum long, thick neils, a gloo or spekkel, and a hemmr."

"Fill in a requisition form 23c, get it signed by your commander, and you can have it."

"Ai just need it for a wail. D showers in d barracks-"

"If it is a short-term requisition, which means less than a day, I can just take your hoofprint, but you will still have to fill the form after you're done. Who is your boss?"

"Umm... enyponee?"

"Where do you work?"

"Barracks."

"Barracks, barracks..." he furrows his brows, then lightens up, "Sargeant Grey Shrine. Fill the form, get her signature, and return the things by tomorrow evening. Understood?"

"Yes, ser."

Magic is amazing. All I have to do is put my hoof on a piece of enchanted paper, and a unicorn will be able to find me anywhere in Canterlot. Granted, it might be too much of a waste just to be able to trace few tools, but order has to start small.

So, I had this idea - why break the floor completely when I can just hammer a long nail over and over into the floor and cut a block out like that? The pipe can't be fully surrounded by concrete. Before I do so, however, I get a piece of cardboard from the boiler room and take a small lump of coal from the storage. Few short moment later, I am sitting in the closed showers with a sign saying "Undr ree-pear" hanging on the door.

Grab a nail, hammer it down, pull it back out, move it an inch, hammer again.

It takes hours, my teeth and neck hurt, my gums are bleeding because I have to hold the nails with my hooves while hammering them down with my mouth. However, in the end there is a fairly cleanly cut block of floor which I pull out, revealing a crawlspace inlaid with wood and water freely flowing from a cracked pipe. The room under this one must be the second floor showers. I wonder if nopony really noticed a wet spot on the ceiling. Perhaps the guards are just too busy.

Turning the main water valve by the entrance to shut the water off, I put as much glue and putty around the crack and wait for it to dry. Another half an hour later, the pressure returns to the showers, and after testing each nozzle one by one I glue the block of floor back. It's not a great job, and anypony not careful will likely stumble on the gap, but it will be enough for few days. I celebrate the success by drinking as much warm water as I can handle. I haven't eaten anything in three days, so it doesn't help much. If I could write, I would write a book on the perfect diet.

I did good. I wonder if anypony will ever say that.

Silly Greyscale. It's I am supposed to do. After all, nopony thanks a hammer for hammering.

Comments

[Key Symphony]

The way Greyscale sees the world is really interesting... and kinda sad...

[Nameless Narrator]

6903365 It takes a toll on a person when he knows he is worth less than the air he breathes.