Warning: Due to my "funny" sense of humor, this story will contain what will most likely be a lot of cringe moments. If that's not your thing then I just saved you from having to read this. Also, this story is pretty obviously a "Wish fulfillment" type of story too so just pass this story if that's not your thing either.
You've been warned. Do not continue with this story unless what I said above doesn't bother you.
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It's usually every bronies dream to want to be a pony. 'Usually' anyway because most would probably decline.
In a world where Equestria and Earth made contact. What if out of nowhere the princesses showed up asking you if you wanted to become a pony with all the benefits of knowing how to do everything? Sounds too good to be true? Well it's all legit and for one brony, he'll have the best time of this life! And that's just on the first day! This is a story of a series of events that takes place on Day One.
Some things to note about this story (Please read these before reading either version)
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Edit - I decided to unpublish the Trouble Shoes version of this story because... it's pretty bad.
Edit No.2 - Even though I said that I wasn't going to mention how Earth and Equestria made contact, or for how long and how they would know things. I might just go ahead and do that regardless at some point so readers can have an idea instead of being clueless.
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-The main one is going to be Double Diamond while the Trouble Shoes version will be optional because both stories will have differences even if both are pretty much the same in a way concept wise. So you could pick which one you want to read or just read both for the differences.
-Straight to the point: This is a self-insert that includes scenarios of what I would do as Double Diamond and or Trouble Shoes.
-I'm intentionally making this story easy in a way XD The "benefits of knowing how to do everything?" makes it very obvious.
-Since this story is straight to the point. The plot is small in this one meaning that I won't get into how Equestria and the Earth made contact. (I'm making these two version more silly compared to serious after all)
-Since I see this story as one where Equestria and Earth had made contact already, I'm not sure if I should add the AU tag. If a bunch of people reads this story and tells me that I should then I'll go ahead. (This story takes place on March 7,2016) ... actually having the AU tag is perfect.
-This is in no way related at all to Thunderclap and Thunderlane Go Shopping , A Day in the Life of Lunar Night or any of the related sequels. This story is completely new.
-This story will take place in real time meaning on the day I start this story, will be the day everything in the story takes place.
-This story will be written in a different style compared to the other ones.
-This story will have it's gay moments for both versions. Maybe a lot. Yes, gay. In the end it might be too much for some. So if you don't like gay then you can easily skip these.
-Due to my crazy sense of humor, this story will have it's Wat , Random, and Suggestive moments. A LOT! of suggestive humor in both versions. More so in the Trouble Shoes version. So if that's not the type of stuff you want to be reading in stories then you can skip these.
-Since I have such a crazy/suggestive sense of humor. If any of you read the craziness in the story and didn't approve of it, just remember: It's for the most part what I would do as a pony.
-I truly hope I can keep this entire story as Teen/Sex ... but, with what I have planned it'll be very borderline.
well this was a good story, a bit linear doe but still fun. I would have hope you would continue to make more chapters of this.
Well. I tried to read this, but there was so much cringe in the first couple thousand words I decided it wasn't worth it.
On the one hand, this is not the worst written story as far as technical matters go. It needs cleaning up and whatnot, but the prose is bearable.
What isn't bearable is the actual content. We have Celestia and Luna appear out of the blue in front of our protagonist, who doesn't seem to have any special qualities in particular. They tell him right away that Equestria and Earth are connected, because reasons. This already sounds contrived, but then they offer to turn him into a pony, again because reasons. This screams wish-fulfillment, especially because you admitted that this is a self-insert. I won't say there's anything objectively wrong with that, but it comes across as a little... pathetic, I suppose. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that this story was born from your daydreams.
The biggest cringes came from Victor's interactions with the princesses. By the way, was he masturbating in he beginning? Because if so, his junk was just hanging out during the entire scene. Anyway, he was way too familiar with them and vice-versa. Two random horses just showed up in his apartment; he isn't going to be able to hold a normal conversation right away. Disbelief, shock, awe--whatever. He has to have a bigger reaction if you want the reader to buy it. For the princesses, they tossed around fandom lingo without any explanation or indication as to how they learned it and became comfortable with it. Asking him who "best princess" is doesn't ring true coming from them; rather it feels like you forced them to say it so you could tell a joke. And the bit with Moonbutt and Sunbutt was just embarrassing to read. Would you tell two people you had just met minutes ago that they had these awkward fandom nicknames, and if you did, would they be happy to have them?
So, yeah. This isn't my favorite story, nor will it be for plenty of other people due to the issues I just laid out. It's just wish-fulfillment with characters created to stroke your ego and give you what you want, and while I'm sure that holds a lot of value to you, most other people don't care very much about somebody else's fantasies.
7056932
Well I was going for the whole "Straight to the point" thing in both versions. That's why there wasn't much of an explanation. Was that a good move on my part? Well... depends on who reads it. Which is also the reason why I skipped explaining why Equestria and earth made contact, how long for them to know everything and what not.
For that part, I almost was going to do it, but when they appeared, I never started doing that heh... I was familiar with them because I made this story happen in real time.
As for all the cringy/embarrassing stuff... it was pretty much stuff that I could think of to make myself look like a fool in both stories which apparently makes the reader go: "Why did I read this?"
I knew I was having a hard time doing this version and apparently it wasn't worth it.
But at least I'm glad you took your time to tell me what you didn't like about it since people only leave a dislike and not say anything.
7056792
It's crap though so I decided to just unpublish the Trouble Shoes chapter.
7056783
With the type of attention this story is getting. I really need to stop writing stories lmao.
7057113
I actually did not give a thumb-down; that's reserved for stories that offend my sensibilities.
And don't give up writing. Instead, keep trying to improve. Every story is a learning experience in that you can look back and say, "Here's what I did wrong. I won't make that mistake in my future work." Nobody starts out perfect; the authors who aren't worth the time of day are the ones who aren't constantly striving to become better and better.
7057135
Oh, well thank you then
not sure who would dislike your comment, but I went ahead and liked it anyway since it's the truth.
I decided to just go ahead and unpublish that version since I had no plans on doing that anyway so I should feel bad haha. I wouldn't be surprised if some of those dislikes came from that version alone.
I'm just not sure if the Double Diamond version is less cringy or not since both versions were similar stories with differences. So that remains to be seen.
When I decide to use my sense of humor in these stories. It ends up with mixed results unless I really make it clear in the description.
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And I don't think I can improve XD and I'm only saying that because I love reading stories on this site and thousands at that. I can't say for sure that that's the reason why I can't take the time and make something worth reading, but it probably is.
Maybe someday when I can actually settle down and not have anything going on that's keeping me busy then it can probably happen
7057186
What I read was actually the beginning of the Double Diamond chapter. The comment simply linked to the latest chapter because I commented from the long description page instead of in the chapter itself. And don't worry about upvoting comments; it doesn't mean anything.
In regards to improving, it's a matter of working on one thing at a time. Just write simple pieces, like Twilight Sparkle going for a jog or Princess Luna murdering a phalanx of bears. You don't even have to publish these things, but always try to get some feedback on them. Baby steps.
7057219
Well alright.
And that does make sense or I can just stop doing human-to-pony stories since the other two I did (not including the sequels) are enough
Maybe someday a random idea that's different will come to me like a one-shot idea related to a certain episode or something. I can probably pull something like that off just fine.
Smooth.
7057465
She would probably agree lmao.
7057472
Haha.
It's kinda like you did the opposite of my story, The Brony That Said No. A nice simple read, I enjoyed it.
7058166
I need to read that.
Funny, loved it.
I gotta say, I was a bit surprised that Bendy wasn't the author who wrote this.
7377294
Well, I'm glad you were able to enjoy it for what it is XD even though I know I messed up on this to the point that I unpublished the Trouble Shoes version of this story.
Not sure if that person would write a story like this.
Well, day one as a pony would likely never come to me, seeing as though I don't have an OC to speak of, simply because I relate that much to one or more of the characters on the show.
But if it somehow did happen, I'd try to find a way to revert back to my human form as fast as I could. As a musician, it is hard to live without the use of hands.
9522471
Unless you were a unicorn.
9525076
No offense, but do you think that a unicorn could play a piano or another instrument that requires the use of fingers just like a human can?
9525214
Could be possible if they learn enough.
9525231
So here's another question: if I were to become "ponified", how would I know what kind of pony I'd become and what cutie mark I'd have?
9525275
Well in this cringy story of mines, I straight up picked Double Diamond
so in that situation, pick whoever you want.
But, if this was a Conversion Bureau pony story then you would be randomly turned into one of the pony races after drinking a potion.
9525338
So if it were random, is there anything I could do to make the odds more in my favor?
9525386
I don't think so, no. I never read anything like that in those stories. Then again, it's been a few years since I read those types of stories.
So it's really random chance to end up being your favorite pony race.
9525395
Even if I have tight connections with the elites?
9525417
*Shrugs* if that's the case then lucky you.
9525816
So how would you envision someone having to turn into a pony to immigrate to Equestria? Would the type and cutie mark be specified on the ESTA form or something (with the alicorn option only reserved for particular people)?
9526400
I'm not sure how to answer that