All Manner of Meanderings

by Valhuir

On Humanity

“What is my world like? Wow, you really started with a softball question there, Princess.”

The purple alicorn known as Twilight Sparkle had the grace to at least appear to be embarrassed at that statement. “Well, I ask, because you're nothing like the humans from the other side of the mirror. I know about humans, at least biologically, but I was wondering how different your world is from theirs.”

“Stop right there,” I said. “First of all, I doubt, honestly, that the humans you mentioned before, and my brand of Homo sapiens, are even related. For one, we don't come in rainbow colors, just varying shades of brown and beige, with only a little hue difference thrown in for good measure. Second, it's likely to be VERY different. The world you told me about seems to be more of a divergent reality of this one – too many counterparts, for example.”

Oops. Now I'd done it. I saw her eyes open wide and an excited smile threaten to split her head wide open. “Divergent as opposed to paralell? That's amazing! If we could isolate the moment of divergence, we could possibly...”

“Erm... can we get back to that later?”

“Oh... right. Well, I guess you could just give me a sort of overview?” She glanced down at her supplies, and I'd hazard a guess that she was ensuring she had enough ink and parchment, as well as a few spare quills.

“Yes,an overview of a world with over seven billion people, and a recorded history dating back several thousand years. It'll only take a few months, honest!” I snarked at her.

“S... s... seven billion? As in, a thousand times seven million?”

I grinned. “Give or take, yep. Remember, there are no other sapient species on our planet.”

“But... but how do you FEED that many pon... people?”

“Ahhh, the wonders of technology,” was the only answer I gave her. “Anyway, let's start with anatomy and biology, then move on to psychology, sociology, and history...”

It's a good thing Spike kept us fueled with coffee and snacks. I could tell the little guy was not interested in how many stomachs humans had, or how the biceps muscle not only operated in a human arm, but also why it was socially considered a sign of physical strength.

About an hour and a half later, I had exhausted all I could think of on the basic anatomy of a human being. I know I got a few bone names wrong, and I'm not exactly a doctor, but hey. “So... that's that. Sorry it's not in too much of an order, guess you could collate your notes when you can find the time.”

“Of course!” Twilight said, her eyes brightening. “Which will give me plenty of time to study my notes further. Now what can you tell me about the common psychology of your people?”

I was silent for a while, pondering how best to answer that question. “Well... a lot of human psychology comes from both our cultures, and from how we evolved.”

“Evolved”? Her face was scrunched up in mild confusion. “What do you mean by 'evolved'?”

“Well, the generally accepted scientific theory for life on Earth is that over thousands of generations, a species will undergo changes to best suit its environment, and its place in that environment. Over enough time, a single species can completely change, or even split into different species if the environment or place in that environment is different enough. That's known as 'evolution'. There are those that do not accept that, citing religion and saying, 'it's only a theory', not realizing that using the term 'theory' in science is only one step shy of 'Law'.”

“Thousands of... okay, I know I'll regret saying this, but how old is your world?”

I looked at her. “How old is my world, or how old is life on my world?”

“B-b-both?” She was wincing, like she was not expecting to like the answer.

“Our planet was thought to be about four and a half billion years old. The earliest signs of life were at four billion years ago, but life really started flourishing in what is known as the Cambrian Explosion, about five hundred million years ago. And as for humans, we currently think the first early humans appeared about two million years ago.” I then grinned at her. “We're just young'uns, on a geological scale.”

*THUD*

Just great. “SPIKE! Can you bring me a glass of water and a towel?”

-=*=-=*=-

Twilight dabbed the last of the water off her face as she glared at me. “You could have found another way,” she said.

“Aww, poor wittle gwumpy pwincess not wike a widdle wawa?”

Her horn started glowing. “Stop. You don't wanna know what I will do if you don't.” An evil grin crept across her face. “On second thought, please continue. I have some new spells to try out. You know, the ones Discord taught me?”

“Oooookay, moving on. So, humans evolved from a species of plains-dwelling apes. So, yes, Rainbow was right to an extent, we are related to monkeys. Closer related to chimps and orangutans, though. We developed an upright posture to help keep a lookout, or so we think, and developed a hunting method relatively unique to us. We simply never stopped chasing our prey.”

“But you're not really that fast – even I can outrun you,” she protested.

“Fast? Who needs to be fast. I said we. Never. Stopped. Before I start this example, please remember that our prey species were not sapient.” I stretched a little, hearing the joints in my shoulder pop as I considered how to phrase things. “So, we have an antelope. It's fast, very fast, and can even outrun the big cats. All of a sudden, this weird tall, skinny ape charges at it. Of course it'll run. Then, when it thinks it's far enough away, it settles down to rest.

“Well, no sooner has it started to collect itself, than the ape is back, still chasing it. So it runs away again. Every time the antelope thinks it's far enough away, the darn ape is there. Eventually, it's too tired to run anymore, and... well, the overall term is 'persistence hunting'. I may not be in the best of shape now, but when I was younger I'd run seven miles a day easy for PT in the mornings when I was in the Corps. And that's not even getting into Marathon runners, who run a little over twenty-six miles in a single race, or the hyper-marathoners, who run hundreds of miles per race.”

“Th... the... THE POOR ANTELOPE!” she bawled.

“TWILIGHT!” I snapped, and the tears suddenly stopped. “It was just an example. Humans haven't hunted that way for thousands of years.”

Once again, she looked embarrassed. “Oh. Right. So how does this apply to human psychology?”

“I gave you the answer right there. A lot of human psychology can be originated from the fact that, with a clear goal and desire for that goal, humans just do not give up.” I shrugged. “A person might give up, but a group of humans won't give up until we are practically beaten about the head and shoulders with the fact that something might be impossible – and even then some of us keep trying. And if we find out why something is impossible, that leads us to figuring out how to make it possible.”

“And this explains how you were able to develop technology without magic assistance, wow. Well, then, besides that, how would you say humans compare to ponies in personality?”

I was silent for a while, thinking. “Twilight, you know that game Spike plays with Snips, Snails, and Pipsqueak? The one about using dice and stuff to pretend to be a pre-Discord era adventurer?”

“Yes?” she asked.

“You know the alignment system it uses? It has two axis – a moral axis, from good to evil, and a 'harmony' axis, from Law to Chaos? Well, both races can potentially be just as selfless and good as all get out, and the average pony is about the same as the average human. But... well, where about the only pony you've told me about I would actually call 'evil' was Sombra, there have been countless evil humans through the centuries.

“Hitler. Pol Pot. Stalin. They were evil writ large scale. They committed atrocities even Sombra would pale at. In fact, for most of recorded human history, the heroes weren't the most morally upright or inspiring people – they were the ones who fought the best and killed many enemies.”

She shuddered. “That's horrible!”

“It wasn't all bad. Some of the greatest of the heroes were also good men and women. King Arthur was a legendary ruler who balanced skill in battle with wisdom, and the concept of real justice and not 'eye for an eye' justice. He may or may not have actually existed, but he represented an ideal we still hold for over a thousand years. Joan of Arc was, removing the religious elements, a woman who sought the freedom of her people from an oppressive foreign power. More recently, the fictional heroes most celebrated by our culture are beings of great power, who use that power to protect the innocent, right great wrongs, and stand as a bulwark against disaster.

“The fact remains, not every human is good. There are those, however, who declare our entire species irredeemably evil having been swept up in the morass of our so-called 'news media'. If a human meets thirty people, and twenty nine are polite and kind while one is rude and cruel, they will only remember the rude and cruel one. We read about evil deeds and dark things, so we can think to ourselves 'Oh, goodness, thankfully none of that happened to my friends and family.' Our news media caters to that, telling us about the darkest, most disastrous events leavened with the occasional tiny grain of hope with a so-called heartwarming story.”

I sat there for a moment, thinking. “Truth is, despite what most people think, mankind is slowly but surely getting better. As of the time I left Earth, the number of people who died in war per year was at its lowest point in recorded history. Teen pregnancy was at its lowest ebb, and the number of people who lived in what could be called 'abject poverty' had been literally cut in half over the preceeding ten years. Public acceptance for people who were different was at an all-time high, and every year our overall societal enlightenment grew by more than the year before.”

Her quill had fallen silent. “So you're saying that humans aren't perfect, but that they're getting better.”

I shrugged. “Isn't that the goal of any sapient species? To be better as beings and as a society than the generation before?”

She smirked. “Not if you ask the Diamond Dogs. They want to have more gems than the previous generation.”

“Give them time, you highness,” I said. “Give them time.”

She nodded, and picked her quill up. “Okay, so now, history. Let's start with the oldest actual writings you have.”

“Well, we could go further back thanks to anthropology, but the earliest extant writings were, I think, from a place called Sumeria...”

Author's Note:

Yes, I finally decided to add some musings to this site. The above short story was pretty much inspired by all the "HOOMANS IS EEVIL!" bits I've seen in various other stories and other sites, and could theoretically fit in any number of typical "Human in Equestria" stories.

Future chapters could be shaggy dogs, feghoots, philosophical musings, or even headcanon. You have been warned!

Comments

[HolyCross9]

This is amazing! I can't understand why your story hasn't received any comments in the first place.

Also, I wanted to give you a response to what you said to me on kudzu's story, but after his last response to me he up and blocked me. So, yes, I admit I started trouble and should have done it differently by saying something like "same-sex pairings in stories are not my cup of tea" instead of going out all violent on one of his characters. I don't care if you believe me or not, but that's what I wanted to say in response to your comment.