All Manner of Meanderings

by Valhuir

On Rock Farms

It wasn't a quarry.

Of course it wasn't a quarry.

No matter the fact that they dug rock out of the earth for use in construction projects, paving stones, and the occasional neolithic structure (“In case of Stonehenge Emergencies!” had declared Pinkie Pie), it wasn't a quarry.

It was a rock farm.

Naturally.

Respectable Earth Ponies work on farms, not in quarries, after all.

Neither was it a mine.

Nope, it definitely wasn't a mine.

Of course it wasn't! It wasn't a dark, smelly hole in the ground that could cave in on them at any moment. Never mind that they provided ores to various industries, as well as crystals and gems for all sorts of purposes.

It was a rock farm.

Naturally.

Only Diamond Dogs dug in dangerous mines, after all.

So it was only natural that on my visit to Pinkie Pie's family, I saw something that just HAD to make sense.

Well, it just HAD to. Otherwise, I'd think I'd finally flipped my lid.

Pinkie's father was wearing a yoke, very similar to Big Mac's. He wss dragging a plow being guided by his wife, while the rest of the family was sprinkling sand, iron filings, and shattered geodes into the furrows.

A rock farm.

And I'd arrived around planting season.

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“Now, son, life on a rock farm is different from those other farms, y'hear?” Igneous Rock Pie was talking in a rather animated way for him – meaning only slightly slower and less excited than a typical pony trying to explain calculus. “Planting season takes a few weeks, yes, but growing season lasts three years for the slabs, four for the ores, and six for the gems.”

I nodded, as Cloudy Quartz served dinner. Pinky dove right in to the greyish... whatever it was, while the rest of her friends did what I did, and try to figure out what it was before trying a bite. “Ah thought rocks took a lot longer to form, mister Pie?” asked Applejack.

“Oh, they do, young lass, they do – without Earth Pony Magic, of course. Tomorrow is Stamping Day, y'see.”

Right. Magic. Explains it all, I suppose. But I had to ask. “Stamping Day?”

“Yes, don't you know,” said Cloudy. “Why do you think we asked Pinkie back for this week?”

“Even Maud will be back tomorrow,” insisted Limestone.

Igneous looked at us. “Now, you Pegas... Pegasuseses... you folk with wings, you Unicorns, you little dragon, and you... whatever you are, you need to stay indoors on the morrow, y'hear me? This is Earth Pony Magic, and you others have been known to cause weird things to happen.”

“An' what will I be doin'?” asked Applejack.

“Just think of it as bucking the ground, of course!” declared Pinkie. She glanced at my almost uneaten grey mush. “Are you gonna eat that?”

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Sure enough, Maud was back from studying for her Rocktorate shortly after dinner had finished. I wondered why she, of all the sisters, wore eyeshadow, then shrugged. Maybe she'd met a handsome petrolith at school, then I chided myself internally for such a rude thought.

I sat on my pallet in the Pie Guest Room. It was huge, actually large enough for all of us (sans Pinkie, who was supposed to be back in her old room), but none of the beds were large enough for me. So there I was on the floor, on a pile of overlapping blankets. Pinkie had joined us a short while back, mostly because, as she said, “With all of my friends at home, I finally get a sleepover like it was elementary school!”

I glanced at Spike. He glanced at me. We both rolled our eyes. Twilight opened her mouth and inhaled, but before she could speak, Spike said, “No, Twilight. No checklists, no books, no guides, and no manuals. This place is boring enough as it is, it could use a little spontaneity.”

“Why, Spikey, how rude! Just because things are a little... well, a touch... umm, drab, doesn't mean we have to be so blunt about it!” Rarity's scolding did seem a mite half-hearted, it should be said.

“I agree with Spike, this place is BO-RING,” declared Rainbow Dash. “And I can't even leave the house tomorrow? PSHAW!”

“Don't worry, silly,” said Pinkie. “After Stamping Day, you can do whatever you want!”

Twilight perked up a little. “How many Stamping Days have you had since you've been at the farm?”

“This'll be my first!” she declared. “Planting Season is a few weeks long, then growing season a few years, then Harvest is twenty years long!”

>THUD<

“Spike, go get a glass of water.”

-=~*~=- -=~*~=- -=~*~=- -=~*~=- -=~*~=- -=~*~=- -=~*~=-

Stamping Day was... weird. It was like watching an interpretive dance to a bongo beat, as all of the Pies, and Applejack, practically pronked all over the field. Bouncing on all four hooves, they seemed to land harder than they should. Meanwhile, Igneous was shouting directions.

“Over there! That furrow needs a flattening!”

“Those geode seeds need to be deeper, Marble!”

“Limestone, move away from the durn boulder! You've already Stamped that area fifty times!”

Twilight was scribbling furiously, drawing diagrams and taking notes. Fluttershy was staying well away from the windows, probably hoping no little critters got Stamped, and Rarity and Spike were playing checkers in the middle of the living room.

“BORED!” suddenly shouted Rainbow Dash.

Everyone stopped what they were doing, and turned to look at Rainbow.

Rainbow blinked.

“Aren't you guys bored, too?” she asked after a few moments.

“Not really, no,” I said. I had my Game Colt, after all, a gift from Princess Luna on my second anniversary of arriving here. It may have been magically powered, with game crystals instead of cartridges, but it was fun.

“Not really, dear,” said Rarity, turning back to the checkerboard, one hoof to her chin in thought.

“umm... no?” Three guesses who said that, and the first two don't count.

“Bored? But... but... Research! Aspects of rock farming never fully documented! Academic paper published! KNOWLEDGE!” Twilight was up on her hind hooves by this point, surreptitiously being steadied by Spike.

Rainbow blinked. After a few moments, she settled down on the floor. “Oh.”

A few more moments passed. Igneous's voice drifted through the window, slightly louder than before. “I said get away from the durn boulder, Limestone!”

Finally, Rainbow slumped towards the stairs. “Eh, it's naptime, anyway. I'll see you guys at dinner.”

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Dinner was just as it was the day before, but with Maud present at the dinner table. “Good job, girls,” declared Igneous.

Twilight was practically thrumming with energy. “So is that the end of planting season? Do the Harvest Seasons for the different crops take longer than each other? Why is Limestone obsessed with that boulder? Why does Maud wear eyeshadow? Are you actually related to the Apples? What do you do during growing season?”

Igneous blinked. “That was... remarkable.”

Cloudy quartz laughed slightly. “I do think I heard all of those questions. Now, let's see... Yes, that is the end of planting season. Yes, the harvest seasons take different amounts of time – gems don't take as long to harvest, and slabs take the longest to harvest. Limestone is theBorn Guardian of Holder's Boulder, which acts as a sort of lens for Earth pony Magic on Stamping Day. Maud is currently engaged to a wonderful Pegasus colt named... oh what was it... Saltwing? Sore Wing?”

Rainbow Dash planted both front hooves on the table. “Soarin'? The WONDERBOLT?”

Cloudy nodded. “Yes, that was him. And please take your hooves off the table, dear.”

Rainbow's jaw dropped, but she complied, and lowered her hooves back to the ground. She was muttering something to the effect of “Pinkie Pie... brother in law... Wonderbolt... Soarin'... had my chance dangit...”

“Yes, she wants to look pretty for her beau,” added Cloudy. “And as far as I know, we are NOT related to the apples except by marriage. If we were, poor Marble's heart would be broken. And so would your brother's, Applejack.”

“EEP!” squeaked Marble, who darted under the table.

“Say WHUUUU?” shouted Applejack, eyes wide.

“Yes, they've been seeing each other when they could since that last Hearthwarming, don't you know.”

Igneous nodded. “And I do think it is bedtime. There's a lot to do tomorrow, you all better get your rest!”

-=~*~=- -=~*~=- -=~*~=- -=~*~=- -=~*~=- -=~*~=- -=~*~=-

We were headed back to Ponyville the next day, and the entire Pie family saw us to the train station. “Pinkie, Maud, dears, it was good to have you back,” said Cloudy.

“Mm-hmmm,” agreed Marble.

Twilight bluhed slightly. “Thank you, it was wonderful being here. But... you never did answer my last question last night!”

“Oh,” asked Cloudy. “What was it?”

“What do you do for the three years of Growing Season?”

Igneous nodded, and took a solemn expression. “What do you expect we do?”

Twilight blinked. “Umm... work hard? Do... something, I don't know what, to keep lithovores or something away from your crops?”

“T'ain't no such thing as lithovores, 'sides dragons,” said Igneous. “Nope, we do the most important thing of all as dedicated rock farmers.”

“And what's that?”

Using one of Pinkie's tricks, Igneous pulled a huge pile of luggage out from behind him. “Vacation time! Three years in Las Pegasus ought to be enough!”

Author's Note:

Something in my head ever since I heard the phrase "Rock Farm"