Hi. If you're listening to me, chances are you're probably not a human. Or, at least, not anymore. Human's don't really exist around here, except others in other forms. Me, I'm pretty much unique. Unique among the unique. And I like this place. Beats getting a swirly on a daily basis anytime. Except for maybe the almost-dying part, but even that seems better. This is my story. How I went from being everybody's favorite punching bag to a legendary beast. Who knows, maybe you'll catch lucky and come here with me. Probably better than living on the planet of the jerks. But enough about that. Let me tell you about, well, me.
This is a part of the many-writer story called "Chess Game of the Gods", which started with Rust's "The Ballad of Echo the Diamond Dog" which merged with Blackwing's "Griffin the Griffin", and many others joined. Permission has been granted.
An amazingly well paced and written introduction. Welcome to the game; enjoy your stay.
Great story so far. One of the best intro chapters I've seen yet. Unfortunately you won't get it past moderation yet since you haven't made it to Equestria yet. That's part of the rules of posting a HiE fic on the website, you have to get to Equestria before you can publish it. So I can't wait for the next chapter and to see what you turn out to be.
Haha, check out my story "Who Makes the Wind Blow?" ... or at least the picture. That was a close one.
As for the story, I enjoyed it. Definitely a good intro, well done!
Color me intrigued.
Why, thank you. Always nice to receive praise.
i scrolled down to get the next chapter but i wasn't there
so now i wait
*Lurk mode engaged*
I like it i hope we find out more about the earth and water being's though. Maybe someone else will use them in a story.
I see you have mentioned the delicious mango in your story.
Congratulations young one
'Like real lightning' I thought to myself,
......I love my mind!
I really like the expansion on the creation story I made. That's half the reason I made it a legend, so it could be expanded or changed based on where the character came from. I must say this though, the writing is superb and I really look forward to where it goes. You also have a much more helpful game master than a lot of other people's.
DOVAHKIIN
DOVAHKIIN
742549
WWBWD. (WhatWouldBlackWingDo.)
THAT WAS AMAZING!!! I can't believe you're that good, what are you, a god!?!
This is awsome... Alot better than some of these storys
Well, seeing as everyone's happy happy joy joy over here, I'm going to go over some criticism that I have for the story, and some of the cliché's you have here, it may come off as a bit harsh and if you think I'm wrong feel free to ignore everything that I write.
First is the kid that's put down, and has to suffer everyday of his life
Second, he's an orphan
Third was the whole humanity is bad vibe that was going on
Fourth was waking up as an overpowered creature, which in some ways is worse than being a pony.
Fifth was the loading screen scene, which is way way way overdone in this verse.
Sixth was the massive block of a paragraph that you used when Madame Zebra gave her telling of the past, which needs to be split up into easy bite-sized chunks.
Seventh was the use of a chaos god to bring him to Equestria (even if he didn't behave all that chaoticly), and whilst I clap your back for not using Discord, you could have shaken things up a bit by making the god a god of hope, or war, or strawberry gum drops.
Eight was his explanation of the chess game, which isn't really all that hard to understand, and while not a cliché, as a result of it I look down at the narrator, as a boring version of Sweetibelle.
Don't mean to rain on your head cannon, but while this is mostly true you can choose to be anything you want. Even if it is already taken.
In fact, me and another author have both chosen to do manticores. =3
747584
WHAT?!?! That's not what Chaos told me. Hmph. The rules never stay the same for long when you're talking about chaos. I will have vengeance upon him.
748181 Yes indeedy. Chaos is a dirty liar.
WWBWD? He'd kill a dragon and drink it's blood too, cause that's what BlackWing would do!
The rules are open to interpretation, after all they are immortal beings of power. As for this story, I like it. Ventolians are basically four-legged, four-winged eagle beasts? Also, FUS ROH DAH!
Very good chapter, seems like dragon slaying has become a stable for our lovely Pieces.
Not going to the Gala.... Yippeee!!! I love originality.
'Internet cafe' seems to be a common theme with the Chess Game stories. Anyone else notice that? Not a bad thing exactly, but common.
Also, yep, this has been a good introduction. And Chaos seems interesting as a Deity to bring the human to Equestria, original and more interesting already than some others, I think.
Awesome, very awesome. I haven't read all of the stories in this whole awesome fanfic universe, and I also don't read the entire thing and have varying recollective ability. Who is Chaos referring to when he mentions what another Deity gave 'their player'?
I have to say very well done. one of the best i have seen. i am going to rank this right next to griffin the griffin.
759901
Little reference to how the bugbear received a couple gifts on his first day.
BUT.....
WHO
WAS
PHONE
768280 The Bugbear? What's the name of the story for that?
770613 What Was Lost
770613
I think it was "What was lost" In any case, got to the "Chess Game of the Gods" group, they got all the crossovers, so look for the bugbear.
http://www.fimfiction.net/index.php?view=group&group=907&folder=&view_all&order=last_updated&page=1
And yet another Game Piece gets a dragonscale weapon, I like it!
NOOOOOO! Don't leave us hanging like that!
Still.... Awesome chapter. Keep up the great work.
secundus
Loved that cliffhanger.
832053 You're on. But let's augment the stakes, shall we. 1000 bucks.
Gd story so far.
keep it up
Loving the story so far. Keep up the good work and do I see a living weapon?
Was he talking to his weapon? interesting
....Squash. Are you kidding me. You have to be kidding me.
853176 Nope, not kidding. It's especially good when ya hit one full on, and it produces a nice *thwack* sound. If that happens and we're showing the game to someone else, we giggle sadistically. Then there's the style points, when you hit the bee when it's flying away or holding the racquet reverse-style.
Why don't we just call an exterminator, you ask? Where's the fun in that. Another thing fun about this is: ALL DA B33Z R BELONG 2 US!!! Bumblebees are suitable, because they aren't aggressive. Yes, this means you shouldn't try it with a hornet's nest.
854464 Dude, it's not fun without aggression, hornets nests all the way! Queen! Ten points!
Ok Spelling pointer shall point.
"but it is know to zebras" Known
And this is great so far. Now let me procee with spending an hour reading the rest and showing possible spelling faults
"the ears, most definetely the eyes," Definitely
"Now, take the core heart of the beast and consume it, and embrace your destiny as the beginning of the new legacy of our species." Dang you Skyrim
Corrections:
"Do you know of any place I that does have that information?" This sentance currently doesn't make sense i think. Maybe change it into "Do you know of any place I can visit that does have that information?"
"The creature that was there looked like you had stretched Sandshrew, added slim, long hands with extremely long nails, slapped an armadillo's head on it and added a long, probably prehensile tail" So it lookes like something of a mix between
Sandshrew(base body)
pokedream.com/pokedex/images/sugimori/027.jpg?1332947997
Armaldo( Appearance)
gtsplus.net/files/images/art/sugimori/348.png
Vigoroth(claws)
cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/6/61/288Vigoroth.png
Would that be correct?
Edit:I digress i forgot to say how i feel about the story.
It is awesome and I like it
If i wasnt in editing mode i would give you a moustache.
860935 Thanks for the corrections. And dude, you are pretty much right on the appearance. Sandshrew is the skin pattern, the head of armaldo wouldn't be totally accurate, as in my mind it's more elongated, and of course, he has more than just two claws, he has four. But still, your powers of deduction are
unusual.
864865
Ok.
I tried making a pokemon sprite to make his appearance. I will soon return after i uploaded it to Imgur to let you see how it resulted.
Ok here is one try at it.
What do you think?
i.imgur.com/lGEXd.png?1
I need to find a better head but otherwise i think that should be somewhat good
so on the TO FIX list:
1. Longer head
2. add more parts of Armalodos appearance
3. Slim the body.
But if that is done i think it would be fairly accurate.
865269 HOLY SMOKES!!
Dude, you are good! The skin is, in my mind, a bit darker, but still, you are awesome! I could never do something like that. I congratulate you.
865302
Thank you.
It was quite a while since i last tried using what i learned during my short time of pokemon spriting. But those talents have sure been useful for doing some basic paintings in school assignments.
Ok
Darker colors,Check
Added those small things(feathers?) from armaldo as well.
More elongated head, Check'
And the procedure of how the transformation went, Check.
Here is round 2.
i.imgur.com/4i7YZ.png?1
The thing now looks a bit like a mix of a big Sandshrew with a crocodile mixed in.
865431 Not bad. Not bad at all. Keep up the good work.