Written Script knew time was running out and his window of getting out of the burning manor was rapidly closing. Fire was all around, and smoke both began making him cough and wheeze along with obscuring his vision. Even the fact that he had lit up his horn like a torch wasn't really helping much. A explosion knocked him to the floor and he barely managed to levitate Diamond out of the way before he fell on her and crushed her small form. He put her back onto his back and ran even faster, resembling a wingless Bat-Pony out of Tartarus with the flames not helping this comparison any.
As he ran through the hellishly lit hallways, a wooden beam from above cracked and gave way and fell towards Script. As he braced for death, suddenly it was turned into splinters by a blast of pure magic from one very ticked off lavender librarian of a unicorn known as Twilight Sparkle. Script took a quick look at her face and winced. If looks could kill, he suspected Nightmare Moon herself might be in trouble. Twilight tore into him.
"Do you know how irresponsible you are? Not to mention foolish?" Twilight yelled, and Written's temper was rising but he forced it down. Some part of him knew she had a point. He was foolish in doing this, despite Diamond being in danger. He could have been killed himself, and then where would that get him? Well, it would certainly leave his son without a father once more, and that was something Script just couldn't risk no matter what.
"So what'd you expect me to do? Just wait for this place to collapse and let a filly die?" Script growled, and Twilight took a step back before recomposing herself. "You know, you are really snappy at times, anypony ever tell you that?" Script snarled.
"Pot calling the kettle black much? You know, I really have half a mind to just lecture you!" Twilight retorted, her temper worsened by the already stressful situation. But she didn't have time to consider they both had logical points to their arguments rude as Script was about it as a another explosion rocked the place and a fireball came right towards them both.
"...But maybe not right now. Run!"
"Oh I am, I am!" Script yelled in fear. "In this position I couldn't possibly not run now could I?"
"Just move it!" Twilight said back.
As they galloped to safety, Written muttered "Don't need to tell me twice..." sarcastically under his breath. Soon, they found themselves outside in the warm spring weather just as the Manor collapsed completely behind them. Diamond was given to the proper caretakers, some medical ponies under Nurse Redheart's command as the fireponies put out what remained of the blaze behind them. As they loaded Diamond into a medical chariot Twilight took Script aside.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled or snapped at you. The stress, and the situation... It... it got to me." She confessed, and Script actually chuckled. Twilight gaped, of all the responses she would have expected from him, that was not it. She was, at the very least expecting him to be downright rude and/or storm off. It wouldn't have been the first time he'd done so to anypony. Huh, maybe he was actually starting to change.
"Bah. You're probably right as always. I was a fool, if not one without reason. Well, I suppose you can look on the bright side." Script said dryly. "You probably won't be the last one to chew me out. Oh, I should expect a call from my cousin any day now once she hears about this. Yeah, that'll be fun."
A voice came from behind them.
"Wait, did I hear right? WRITTEN SCRIPT is actually admitting he's wrong about something?" Good Eats asked mockingly, and Script's only response was to make a very rude gesture with his hoof at him. Twilight just sighed. It seemed she was wrong, Script hadn't changed as much as she thought. Then, Rainbow landed nearby and pulled them both aside.
"Hey, listen the fireponies wanted me to come and tell you this. The arson investigator has already done a bit of digging and guess what they found in the kitchen." Rainbow said before she held out a talisman. It took a moment, but Twilight soon registered what Rainbow was saying in her mind and gasped to herself.
"It... It was on purpose. The fire, all of it. But who would do such a thing?" Twilight asked in horror and sadness. Script growled to himself again.
"Well, I do know one thing. It better not turn out to be the freaking butler." He muttered.
Ponyville High School, History Classroom
The news of what had happened spread through Ponyville like wildfire. Written Script had yet to realize this, but he'd become something of a celebrity. However, as the days went on he soon found out about it, and as anyone would expect of somepony of his... demeanor he wasn't pleased at about it in the slightest. It was just about the end of the school day, and Script was on his last class with his students. His room was wall to wall history related items, with a golden spear hung above his desk and old texts and photos in glass cases. On the blackboard was some information on the Griffin/Pony war almost two decades before.
"Okay, any questions before I dismiss you lot?" Script asked, unknowingly tempting fate.
To his surprise, practically everypony (Even his son who was in the back of the room) raised their hooves. Script blinked in confusion for a moment, but he quickly figured out what was going on and growled to himself.
"Maybe I should rephrase the question." He stated sarcastically. "Any questions not related to recent events shall we say?"
Everyone put their hooves down as Script groaned and his head met his desk several times. After he'd stopped bashing his brains out some, he muttered "Oh, it's going to be one of THOSE days isn't it?"
CMC Clubhouse, Sweet Apple Acres
Meanwhile, as Script was dealing with his new-found and quite unwanted fame, the trio of fillies known to just about everypony as the Cutie Mark Crusaders were having one of their latest meetings. They too had heard of what happened, and each took it rather differently as we'll soon see.
"So Crusaders, what should we do about getting our marks this time?" Scootaloo asked before she rattled off some suggestions. "Parasailing, treasure hunting, or maybe even pie eating?"
Apple Bloom rubbed her tummy and sighed wistfully as she said "Ah am down for that."
"Let's just not try baking again." Sweetie replied with a embarrassed look on her face as she remembered what happened the last time. So much dough... "We all know what happened last time we tried that."
It was then she noticed Apple Bloom's expression, one of sadness as she stared out the window towards the direction of where the Rich Manor once was in Ponyville.
"Apple Bloom, are you alright?" Scootaloo asked in concern and got a shake of the head in response. Scootaloo frowned to herself, given all she had seen she had a feeling about what was bothering one of her two best friends.
"It's just that..." Apple Bloom trailed off as she explained. "Ah was thinking about Diamond. And about what happened, y'all know what ah mean?"
Sweetie scoffed as she remembered all the times she'd been called a crybaby and a blank flank by Diamond, not to mention the magicless unicorn comments. Scootaloo on the other hoof also remembered the teasing Diamond had done about her being flightless and Diamond's general snobbery, but also knew she could be more then she seemed... right?
"Why should we care? She's a bully, and she hates us!" Sweetie snapped as the memories flooded back to her. Apple Bloom gave the harshest glare her two friends had ever seen.
"Sweetie, what if it was you? What if it was your sister and your parents who'd died in a fire?" Apple Bloom yelled, her own memories of losing her parents when the barn collapsed when she was just a toddler returning. As for Sweetie, she had nothing to answer the young Earth Pony's response. Scootaloo then broke up the silence with a question she thought they should be asking as well.
"Hey, what about Silver? She's Diamond's best friend. What does she think of all this?" The orange Pegasus asked, and Apple Bloom's and Sweetie's eyes widened. They really hadn't considered that.
"I... I don't know." Sweetie asked. "But seeing as how they're best friends you would think that she's at least somewhat sympathetic right?" And then Scootaloo got another brainstorm.
"We should make cards! I don't like Diamond, but it's the right thing to do. Heck, I bet I can get the whole class to do it!" She exclaimed before climbing down the clubhouse ladder and flying off towards Ponyville on her scooter. Apple Bloom and Sweetie stared and shared a look.
"...What just happened?" Sweetie asked and Apple Bloom replied "Ah... Ah don't know."
Nah, it's fine. Sweetie is kind of an asshole anyway. After all, she was willing to put her sister out of business over jealousy.
She is the one who started the fire ?
7204544 No offense, but I was hoping for advice from someone who actually seems to like the character. Then again, I may be wrong and you may actually like her. It just didn't come across that way to me.
7204631 Twilight seems on the mark except for the fact she starts the ranting while still in the crisis zone... she'll save it for after the fact more likely.
As for Sweetie Belle, yeah it does seem somewhat off the way your describing it, I think that's primarily because with Apple Bloom a quasi de facto leader of the CMC and Diamond targeting Scootaloo to sabotage their Equestria games routine they were the ones more targeted by DT and would thus be more likely to provide the resentment of DT than Sweetie Belle.
But I would hardly describe my view of the matter as totally accurate so make of it what you will.
7204919 Yeah, but I'd like to think that Apple Bloom in this story would be more sympathetic as now she and Diamond share something in common, in this case both of them losing their parents at a young age. Also, seeing as how this is pre season 3 I don't think the games have happened yet (I'm probably wrong but...) so Scootaloo has yet to become that target you mentioned. Mind you, she could have been singled out before offscreen so to speak and we just don't know it.
7204631 None taken. I think your Sweetie is fine, you don't have to make her a goody-four-hooves. In the show, she holds grudge again her own sister for stupid things. Her holding grudges against someone who bully her on a daily basis isn't far stretched. Plus, it is a spur of the moment. She reacts badly almost by instinct.
When she will think about calmly, she likely would feel horible afterward.
7206761 Oh yeah you did mention it was pre season 3, and good counter point.
I make it short, this story is rather interessting to me, and I hope there is really an adoption like I thought there would be.
I really liked it but I had already written this comment on a different medium, but I couldn't post it.
7207355 Yeah, Diamond will get adopted but it won't be for at least two more chapters. Script's got to actually be convinced a bit more before he actually does it.
7207503 that's okay, I'm just a bit impatient- Please take your time, I rather have something good than something too fast.
7215771 I admit, I was secretly hoping someone would comment on that. Dunno why.
7215771 Doesn't it originally go "Remember, Remember the 5th of November, gunpowder, treason and plot. Was guy fawkes a sinner, the victims all saints, are we glad that we got him or not?"
~E.B~
Twilight's rant should probably be moved to outside the burning building unless there's a reason she knows she can do this (i.e. she put up a shield spell).
If he really was exerting himself to the utmost physically, he'd probably be too out of breath to say this, at least without lots... of... elipses...
It's a little too soon to tell everything in breezy summary, I think.
This is another reason why an opening chapter with Written Script's normal life would have been good, since then you wouldn't need this sentence signposting your plot events. ...Also, weren't we in Written Script's head before? Why did you suddenly jump to what Twilight was thinking?
If you're hoping to do a more gradual change with Written Script, perhaps don't make him so verbose when it comes to describing his sins. It would be hard enough for him to even say "You... may have a point..."
That sounds dangerous...
Less than 20 years ago? Is... is that really something for history class? Unless it's, like, the end of the school year I guess... bah, history was never my best subject...
Can a unicorn really facedesk? Wouldn't the horn get in the way?
If we're about to see it, then you don't need to tell us. Especially don't have 'as we'll soon see' because it makes it sound like you're just watching the events, not writing about them, and it's just weird...
This is a bit too breezy. Telling us the character had a flashback is not as good as actually showing the flashback. Or better yet, don't mention the collapsing barn yet. Apple Bloom's point can stand on its own, and the explanation for why she's so sympathetic can come later, preferably in conversation, or when AB has some quiet moments to herself to reflect.
I really, really don't like the author's notes. I know that's not what you asked for help on but I'm saying it anyway. You don't have to tell us what we read in the chapter; we were just there.
I'm also with Magthere; Sweetie Belle seems the least likely out of the CMC to hold a grudge. Apple Bloom was tormented by Diamond Tiara for quite a while before the other two CMCs entered the picture (depending on how you read the events of their debut episode...) and Scootaloo is both fierier and more easily depressed, at least how I understand her. Sweetie is, well, a sweetie. She's usually first in line to feel bad about whatever dumb thing the CMC did. I'd probably expect AB to have mixed feelings, Scootaloo to still dislike DT, and Sweetie Belle to feel sad for Diamond Tiara (though not necessarily ready to go comfort DT.) I realize you're shipping Apple Bloom and Diamond Tiara later, but that doesn't mean you need to remove obstacles to their relationship immediately.
Twilight snapping, on the other hand, was completely in character.