Rainbow Dash had returned the morning after Nightmare Night to find the sleepy town of Ponyville in ruin. Not something unexpected for Ponyville’s track record, but enough to wilt her whistling tune. Smashed windows, overturned carts and stands, brown blood stains veining their way through the cobblestone streets— there’s only so much a pony can see before her stomach starts twisting in knots. Yet she did not see any broken trees, or collapsed buildings; there was no sign of parasprites, or changelings, or anything that had plagued Ponyville in the last few years. She settled on an uneasy trot as she scanned for any sign of her friends.
She knocked on the door of The Golden Oaks Library. Five sets of eyes peeped back at her. Thank Celestia, they were all in one piece, if a bit shaken up. There had been a riot, they told her. The library seemed to be the safest spot to hide. A strange creature, a human, had emerged from the Everfree forest in Dash’s four month absence. The cunning carnivore had tried to fit in, but was too violent, too unstable. It had to be driven out of town when the thing killed Pokey Pierce, and tried to kill Lyra too.
The autumn had been a grim affair by her friend’s account. Fluttershy found him savaging her chickens with her own kitchen knife. Twilight tried to find him a new home, but the human and its employers insisted on keeping him in town. The jobs he gathered were disaster after disaster, making a scene wherever he went. He worked briefly on Applejack’s farm, and that only ended in him scaring off all of their hired help. If only Twilight had known how the human’s stay was to end, she would have nipped it in the bud, and driven him back to the Everfree Forest the day he came out of it.
And what was Dash to do? She would have protected her friends had she been there, though the damage already done, justice already dealt. The last anypony had seen the human was Princess Luna magically banishing it to wherever it came from. With the rest of Ponyville, she rebuilt the broken town, that much more wiser, and that much more cautious about anything else that came from the Everfree.
Ponyville was no stranger to cataclysmic events. After ursa minors, parasprites, Discord, and marauding dragons, cleaning up after a riot was little more than a weekend chore. For one, Dash was just thankful that none of her friends were hurt, and glad of her purchase of a cloud home. The mortgage was a bit steeper, but then again, it came out of almost every disaster unscathed. As she unpacked her bags from her trip, she took a rare moment to count her blessings.
A few months after that, the earth pony Loose Leaf approached Dash, asking about any experience she had with the human. Loose Leaf was a bookish pony, yellow coat, a short mussy mane and a cutie mark of stacked paper. He spoke matter-of-factly, and had a judicious manner. Dash had heard he was an out of towner, some pencil pusher for Mayor Mare that moved to Ponyville a while back.
Dash told Loose Leaf what she knew, which was little. He jotted down some notes, and thanked her for her time before trotting off. The whole process took less than three minutes.
She saw him occasionally around town, talking to this pony or that. She heard a rumor that he got Lucky arrested, the pony that saved Lyra’s life. Dash didn’t know Lucky either and gave it little attention. Within a month or two, she rarely thought of him or the human.
At least until this morning.
Wedged between her utilities bill and the newest chain letter from her aunt in Neighvarro, was the little booklet. Report and First Hand Accounts with the Human in Ponyville, Jeremiah Walker, Assembled by Loose Leaf. The title text was black on white, serifed and unassuming; the cover, unadorned. Rainbow had almost not read it, because it did nothing to grab her attention.
Dash did not consider herself a particularly curious pony. She threw it on top of the mound of mail accumulating on her kitchen counter. No time to read the mail now, she was going to be late for her weather duties. At the end of the month, she would perform her regular mail purge, opening or tossing her unread letters as needed. She decided she would pay the bill then, and discard the other two. At least until she saw Princess Luna’s name as one of the many interviewees. If she was interviewed, then that meant there was a first hand account of her kicking the human’s butt. That was something Dash could sink her teeth into. A quick skim through of the report, and she would be on her merry way.
Four hours later, Rainbow Dash finished reading the report for the third time, and it still didn’t make sense. Not to her anyways. How could Loose Leaf get away with publishing this? Were the residents of Ponyville even capable of all of that?
Were her friends?
With a furrowed brow, she threw it back onto the stack of Daring Do novels by her bed. Then she laid down, and stared at her ceiling. She fought the urge to kick something.
Her friends gave her the full account of the story. Then where did all these made up details come from? Nopony had mentioned his employment with Applejack was ended when a mob of ponies chased him off her farm. Nopony mentioned how he was vilified from the moment he set foot in town, nopony mentioned how he’d tried to make amends to Fluttershy, nopony mentioned how ponies refused to sell him food, or how they threatened him and chased him off. Nopony mentioned how he was legally a pet. Nopony mentioned how Pokey Pierce, minutes before dying, had attempted to frame him for an assault as part of a hare-brained scheme to win Lucky’s marefriend back.
Her friends would never, ever let all of that happen. They were the Elements of Harmony for Celestia’s sake. Loose Leaf, whoever he thought he was, was just trying to make Twilight and Fluttershy look bad.
She wanted to clear her mind. And as she always did when she needed to think, she flew.
It was scheduled for a heavy rain all day, a rain that she was supposed to help set up, but Dash didn’t care. Her head was as troubled and roiling as the skies she bobbed and weaved through. She ignored the calls of the other pegasi on weather duty as she saored by. Who let the human —No, Walker-— be treated like he was?
She ought to go find Loose Leaf and give him a piece of her mind. She decided that, she muttered it to herself, but somehow she found herself flying towards Fluttershy’s cottage.
Even though it had been a year since the human had wandered onto Fluttershy’s property and slayed Elizabeak, she had not taken down the chain link fence around her property, in part because she still harbored a healthy fear of the human, but mostly due to the fact that they were set in concrete, making them notoriously burdensome to remove.
Fluttershy answered the door fairly quickly; dash only had thirty seconds of thumping on the door. She had taken to only using two of the six locks installed on her door, again, a product of Jeremiah Walker’s unexpected visit, and again, fell into disuse because the knobs and levers were hard to grip with hooves.
Normally Flutters would have smiled to see Dash, but Dash had a burning fire in her eyes that made her Fluttershy recede back into the doorway.
Rainbow Dash stepped forward before Flutters had the chance to shut the door. Fluttershy winced, thinking that Rainbow Dash was about to yell at her. Rainbow Dash thought so too, but was surprised to hear her voice, low and choking, ask, “Why didn’t you help him?”
“The human?”
“Jeremiah Walker. He has a name,” Rainbow said, throwing her copy of the report onto the kitchen counter. “You of all ponies, had every chance to help him, and you just hid.”
She tried to respond, but Rainbow Dash cut her off once more. “You know what? You did less than nothing. You broke his arm. Everypony knows it. You, Twilight, and the rest of our friends did nothing but make his life worse.”
As brave as she could, Fluttershy bit her lip. “Rainbow dash, you seem really, really upset, please, just sit down so we can talk about this.”
Reluctantly Rainbow Dash sat down at the kitchen table. All the critters in the cottage chittered nervously. Fluttershy threw them a worried smile. “Don’t worry little ones, The human isn’t going to be coming back anytime soon.”
That made Dash grit her teeth. “You know what? I have every right to be upset. You treated him like a monster, and that’s what he became.” She jabbed a hoof towards Fluttershy.
Fluttershy closed her eyes and took a deep breath before meeting Rainbow’s eyes. “You weren’t there Dash. If you were with us, you would have been just as scared, and confused. I know now I probably should have done something different, but what else would we have thought to do?”
“You’re right, I wasn’t there, and I believed that excuse when Twilight told me when I came back to find the town in ruins. You all told me how you tried to help, but it couldn’t be helped, because he just wasn’t meant to live alongside ponies.
“I was reading the report, because I wasn’t here, but then it kept on saying how our friends did these horrible things to him. I didn’t believe it though. Not at first, but how could so many ponies lie?”
“I don’t know what you want me to tell you, Rainbow Dash.”
“Tell me, why didn’t you do anything to stop him from being hurt, from being chased out of town?”
Fluttershy’s mind was filled with what-ifs. What if she hadn’t waited till the last minute to go shopping on that fateful day, and she had gone earlier in the week? What if she had eaten a little less, and had a few things left in her pantry instead of bare shelves? What if she hadn’t stopped to talk to Cloud Chaser on the way back, and she had found him before he even found her cottage?
She could have greeted Walker like any other animal —no, like any other guest— in need of food and water. She could have easily given him some fish, or worms, or anything. If that happened, maybe nopony would have been afraid of him, nopony would have gotten hurt, and he could have joined Ponyville to open hooves.
But fate conspired against all of that, and she found Jeremiah Walker the infamous human before anypony knew his name, pinning down poor Elizbeak with his knees, jerking her very own kitchen knife through the chicken’s neck as she gave one last desperate flutter.
She had dropped her groceries, and barreled towards him. In the crash she heard the snap of bone. She was standing over him, he was clutching his arm, covered in chicken blood, his own blood. After so much confused shouting and apologizing, she had been too overwhelmed to do anything but order the nearest bear to watch the human while she fetched the veterinarian.
Dr. Horse came at once to take the human away, leaving Fluttershy to grieve over Elizabeak.
The news spread quickly, and nopony blamed her for avoiding the human. Yes, she was the town’s unofficial animal caretaker, but how could you ever open your home and hospitality to some rabid creature that broke into your home, and slaughtered one of her own pets?
Guilt still haunted her sometimes though. When anypony had asked her about the human, she only mumbled how she wished he would just go somewhere else. In a twisted way, she got her wish.
There were so many times she could have stepped in. So many ponies were in hysterics about how he ate anything with wings, pegasi included. Everypony whispered how he was just waiting for the right chance to come and kill everypony. What they seemed to forget was how wild, carnivorous creatures often kill their food, at least until they’re asked to stop. And this was a human, a creature capable of speech and reasoning. Fluttershy was well aware that he could be persuaded otherwise by the time Dr. Horse took him away.
He did apologize when he left. But Fluttershy didn’t mention this. She didn’t correct anyone about the rumors surrounding his diet, and just kept her head down. She saw him in the marketplace too, trying to use what few bits he had earned to buy food. Instead he got shouted at. She didn’t say anything then either.
When Loose Leaf, the young stallion started his interviews, he went straight to Fluttershy. She had declined to give Loose Leaf a statement either.
“Are you sure? This could help Princess Luna find out what really happened on Nightmare Night.”
She simply shook her head, then too.
She conveyed as much to Rainbow Dash, who only scowled throughout the whole explanation.
Fluttershy looked up. “I’m sorry. I think we all are. But you shouldn’t be mad at Pinkie Pie. She didn’t do anything to the human.”
“Except spread rumors like it was her job,” Rainbow dash muttered.
Fluttershy continued. “Rarity either. She helped him when nopony else would too.”
“I guess she’s the only friend I have that gives a damn about non-ponies.” Rainbow got back on all fours and marched through the door. “And they call you the element of Kindness,” She muttered scornfully.
Fluttershy tried to apologize one last time, but Rainbow Dash was already airborne.
Rainbow banged on the door of Golden Oaks library, but Twilight had left town a week earlier, to visit her family and ‘visit Celestia.’ Dodging out of town before the report was released, Rainbow Dash realized. Her last knock left the door with a horseshoe indent and short a few splinters. “Out of town my flank,” Rainbow muttered under her breath.
Rarity poured her troubled friend a cup of Jasmine Oolong tea. The pitter patter of rain turned into constant drumming against the window pane of her kitchen. Rarity stirred a lump of sugar into her own cup, taking a sip as she looked expectantly at Dash.
Rainbow Dash sat quietly, brow furrowed, too deep in her troubled thoughts to drink. Her gaze was lost somewhere in the steaming cup between her hooves. Rarity thought to prompt her into discussing her feelings, but waited for her pegasus friend to give voice to her own thoughts.
“I don’t get it,” Rainbow Dash finally said. “We’re the elements of harmony. We’re supposed to prevent stuff like this from happening. But here they all were, shouting the human down. Applejack let a mob chase after him, Fluttershy broke his arm, and Twilight spent the entire time trying to kick him out of town. I thought we were better than this!” She thumped the table. Rarity levitated their cups up just enough to prevent them from spilling.
“Rainbow, darling. I know it’s awful to think that we all played a part in this. Although you have to understand, Applejack was trying to help Walker, by giving him a job. And Twilight, while misguided, was trying to find a safer, better place for the human to live. Pinkie Pie,... well, is Pinkie Pie. Don’t you think you’re being a bit harsh?”
“Harsh? Harsh?” She flared her wings out. “Letting a mob chase after somepony for what they eat is harsh. Not batting an eyelid when somepony is threatened with a gun in public is harsh. Standing by when somepony is harassed for trying to buy food is harsh. Letting a lynch mob chase after somepony is harsh. Ponies died. And they’re all just as guilty for not having done anything.”
Rarity tapped her hooves together gently. “Well, I suppose you’re right. Although you must realize, Elements of Harmony or otherwise, we are not without faults and errors. For what’s it worth, Applejack and Twilight both spoke to Loose Leaf, and told him the truth, even though it didn’t reflect well on them. It’s because they told the world what they did wrong that you even know about this. They’re not guiltless, but they’re doing what they can for the situation.”
Rarity cast another glance at her friend “It’s hard to take a step back and look at a situation objectively when you’re in the thick of things. I was afraid of him too, at first.”
“Then what changed your mind?”
“Second impressions, Rainbow Dash. I’d heard everything about him, and when he came knocking on the door to my boutique I thought I was going to die. But he acted like the perfect gentlecolt, and I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He was a paying customer who wanted nothing more than a new set of clothes and to apologize to Fluttershy. That last part didn’t end so well, but regardless, I think you would do well to take some time, and look at the situation again. I understand you’re upset about how our friends acted, but they need that second chance from you, just as Walker needed that second chance from me.”
Dash huffed, and took a gulp of tea that did more to agitate her knotted stomach than to soothe it. “I guess I can talk to AJ.”
Rarity smiled warmly. “It’s a start, Dash.”
Applejack rested a foreleg against the porch beam. She shook the rainwater from her mane, and readjusted her hat. “Ain’t you cold? You’re soaked to the bone for land’s sake.”
“You’re changing the subject, AJ.”
She met Rainbow Dash’s gaze, even and steady. Her green eyes looked at unflinchingly, even if with a pang of remorse. “I did wrong by Walker, and I’ll own up to it.”
Rainbow Dash scowled. She thought hearing somepony confess would set her back at ease. It only made her grit her teeth harder. “Owning up to it won’t fix what you did. You were supposed to be giving him a job, but you let him get chased off your farm by a bunch of angry ponies.”
“I tried to help, RD, honest. I still thought he was dangerous, and I was doing anything and everything to give him a job, and to make all the ponies feel safe.” She sighed. “Then he goes and puts his hoof in his mouth like nopony’s business, shouting to the whole wide world that he eats cows and he’s damn proud of it. What would have happened if I stood by him when he said that?”
“He would be safe right now,” Rainbow Dash spat. A cold drop landed on her nose.
“Could I have calmed down the situation if I’d done something differently? Even if I could have, he was making it mighty hard to help him. I ain’t proud of what happened and I’m not proud of what I did, but it’s in the past, and there isn’t nothing to do but to learn from it and live with it.”
“You have a lot of learning to do, that’s for sure.”
“Rainbow, this human wasn’t exactly what you’d call a model citizen. He killed his own brother, in addition to everything else. It said so in that report.”
“It’s not fair to judge him for that, damn it! You didn’t know that when you kicked him off your farm!”
“I reckon I didn’t. It doesn’t paint a pretty picture of him though. If I had known that I wouldn’t have even let him set foot on this farm to begin with.”
Rainbow gave AJ a dark look.
The front door to the porch creaked open. “AJ, Is everything alright?” Apple Bloom asked.
Applejack ruffled her sister’s hair. “Everything’s A-okay sugarcube. Would you get Rainbow a towel and some hot cider? ” She turned to Rainbow. “We can talk later if you like. I know it’s a lot of bad sounding stuff in that report. I’d be huffing and puffing like a bull in a tomato patch if I were in your horseshoes. Come, get yourself warm and dry. Stay for dinner and we can have a full talk afterwards. I recognize we don’t exactly see eye to eye on this.”
Rainbow stamped her hoof. “I don’t want to talk about it! I want…” she trailed off.
What did she want? Justice? Answers? Apologies? She clutched her head, trying to put words to the nameless feeling burning in her chest. She wanted to help somehow, she wanted to hurt, and to feel hurt. Yet no one had acted against her or her friends. She wanted to shout and to cry, to carry on and pretend the whole thing didn’t exist. Yet it did exist, and nothing she could shout would change that fact. She wanted this to never happen again, not for any human or other creature coming to Ponyville, and not for Ponyville either.
At the end of the day, she could not in good conscience let Ponyville fall down this path, and that’s all she could decide with any kind of certainty.
“Did you read the report?” Applebloom asked softly, barely louder than the falling rain.
“I did,” Dash replied. She did a double take. “When did you get a cutie mark?”
“I got it when the riot happened,” Apple Bloom said, with a bit of embarrassed glee. She looked at her new mark, a magnifying glass on top of a shield.
Rainbow looked at it. “You helped him, right?”
“I guess so,” Apple Bloom said. “Ms. Rainbow Dash, I know you must be really upset about the riot and the report and all.” Rainbow nodded stiffly in agreement. Apple Bloom continued. “I know a way you can help. Not the human, but a lot of folks out there aren’t being treated like they should be.”
Apple Bloom handed Rainbow Dash a flyer.
“Non-Equine Rights movement?” Dash read aloud.
“You’ve must have heard of it! It’s been all the talk around town,” Apple Bloom said.
Dash dimly remembered throwing out such a flyer during the previous month’s mail purge. “Um, yeah. Totally.”
Apple Bloom scratched her head. “I guess you weren’t here when all this stuff was happening. Well, Spike realized that the human wasn’t able to become a full citizen of Ponyville, and neither was he. Or anybody that’s not a pony. We’re trying to fix that. I help Spike with some of the stuff too.
“We’re actually having a meeting this weekend. He’s calling it a town forum, I think. Tons of ponies are going to be there talking about the report, and the movement, and all kinds of stuff. I know ponies are up and arms about the report, but I think you should come.”
AJ’s flat look was ignored by Apple Bloom.
This so called town meeting wasn’t going to bring Walker back. It wasn’t going to change what Rainbow’s friends had done. It wasn’t going to make the town magically friendly to any stray humans.
Rainbow reluctantly accepted the flyer. “Well, it’s a start.”
It's nearing 4 am, so insta-fave but I'll have to read it tomorrow.
Words cannot express the utter glee I felt when I saw this.
Totally didn't expect this fic to be posted today. Now that it's here, I can't wait to see how this goes.
walker... help twilight? pft! F THAT!
The behavior of Rarity, Fluttershy, and Applejack are churning my stomach horrible. No real sense of guilt. Nothing but the excuses of cowards not learning their lessons or any hint of any possibility of redemption on their part. I can't read this.
7312912 Which is why she's taking Spike with her, to remind him of the good people/ponies he would be helping.
7313037 so, essentially using him as a means to an end?
Social change is messy. I doubt it will be easy.
7313061 Pretty much. Twilight doesn't have the best record of thinking things through when she's frazzled.
ahh the tale begins anew.
can't wait to see more my friend
7313103 this is true. Very much true.
oh joy more AA and 'political correctness'.
7312990 They're in denial at this point. They don't want to accept what they did was wrong, even if they say they are. The whole town is. Would you want to feel guilt about treating someone like they did when you've always considered that person an animal? It will take time for it to sink in. The true guilt will come, and with it, their desire for redemption.
7313168 Well, the opening paragraphs say that Rainbow got the story from her friends long before the report came out.
Anyway, nice to see this starting, I enjoyed the original story.
Replace with "yeah"
Definitely curious to see how this goes.
A sequel! Thank you
Seeing this sequel finally pop up made my
dayweekmonth. Great to have you back, trump card.It's gonna be a long, rough road for Ponyville and Equestria, but one well worth walking. Also, I have to give kudos on nailing Applejack's 'voice'. "Huffing and puffing like a bull in a tomato patch" is a spot on southerism for her.
I really liked the emotion and frustration in RD this chapter. I kinda agree that she wasn't being the most loyal pony here, but I feel that it makes a lot of sense and actually fits one of the themes here. None of the Elements are paragons. They all have had flaws that are exposed through this unfortunate circumstance and if there's anything that deserves frustration from the element of loyalty, it's betrayal. And RD was betrayed on multiple fronts. Her expectations of her friends were betrayed, she feels like they lied to her and she feels guilty that, in a way, she betrayed them by not being there to make them see what they were doing. I wonder, though, if RD has some deeper connection to nonponies than the others that has her this defensive, or if she just feels like her friends should have done better.
Ultimately, I feel like this was a good and powerful chapter to start on. It really sets the tone and I would love to read more like it. Thank you!
It is very interesting concept that non-ponies are considered as a ''pet'' that sort of action would normally devastate a country.
It would prevent any foreign trade and trader, any kind of technological and scientific circulation and that sort of behaviour is a Casus Belli for a war when one claims an ambassador a ''pet''. I am honestly surprised why they are not invaded yet.
I'm just eager to see more of this. Nothing is better than a brand new story being published with at least 2 chapters pre-written.
.eah should be yeah
Applejack still seems determined to toss what she did aside and move along. She hurt Walker almost worse than the larger bulk of Ponyville's citizens, assuring every pony she could that he was going to eat them, etc...
Quite frankly, Rarity is the only one who deserves any compassion, and even then it isn't much.
I hope Spike makes good progress on his front.
7313699 Ambassadors likely enjoy a protected status of some kind. That, and Celestia controls the sun. Anybody that insanely powerful isn't just attacked at the drop of a hat.
I made a very weird noise at seeing this. Cannot wait to see what happened to this guy.
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... *picks up and huggles an RD and a Rares* ... *sweeps in a Gilda as well, because*
Best ponies in story.
... And now we play the agonizing waiting game.
It's here! *Off to read*
What about Applejack? She blatantly LIED about him.
Up IN arms.
The only thing any of the guilty Ponies are doing is making excuses for their racism. Applejack owned up to it, but she twisted the story and left out a few very key specifics. Lying AGAIN. It is obvious that not a single one of them have learned their lessons. They are all EXACTLY the same as they were before and Twilight was so much of a coward that she couldn't even stay and face what she fucking did?
Fluttershy said what happened then made excuses for her actions, or lack thereof.
Twilight ran off because she was too chicken-shit to own up to her bullying and racism.
Rarity made excuses for the rest of the Mane 6, which brings her right down to their level.
Granted, our Human protagonist is far from a perfect person, but if fucking TRIXIE is the nicest Pony he meets... he must be in the depths of hell itself.
7313037
spikes not a pony thou, hes a pet ;p
I may wait a few chapters before starting on this. Judging from experience with your previous story, it's going to drive me insane unless I have as many chapters to read as I can get my grubby little paws on.
Okay, the previous story was awesome, and this one starts in the right track.
7313699
Well, it's easy to be jerks when your leaders literally control the sun and moon, making any attack on you pretty much slow suicide for anyone else.
Some sort of
Applejack will never apologize, she's already destroyed her name, her reputation and the future trust of many Equestrians. The instant she confessed her wrongs to Loose Leaf, she's got nothing to left to lose so now she's honest with herself, Applejack, Element of Honesty and speciest (The fact she was unamused with AB's involvement with Spike's movement says plenty).
Oh man youre expanding upon a wonderful world. Cant wait to read more.
7313940 All the more reason for Walker to be empathetic with their plight.
7313663 Well her old best friend was gilda who was a griffion, a non-pony. I think it's safe to say that she knew more non-pony species then just gilda.
*Manly Squee* So happy to see this again. Can't wait to see where you take this.
7312990 I disagree. That's more akin to looking at them threw rose-colored lenses.
We all want to judge them for reacting in a way that western society would condemn. But it's only been in these past few decades that we've reached that point. Plenty of judging went on prior for that (and still does sadly).
On the subject of eating, the crew of the Essex (the whaling ship which was rammed by a sperm whale and whose story would inspire Moby Dick) avoided taking their life-boats to the closest islands, because they were thought to contain cannibals. Instead they rowed over twice the distance to the next closest land, and had to resort to cannibalism themselves.
So I don't view the ponies' fear as out of place. It isn't far off for what Equestrian society could be.
What I have complained about is that the Mane Six were mostly acting out of character for the story. We've seen them in the show be very open-minded to other cultures and ways of life. Fluttershy had even dealt with carnivorous animals happily.
But she shouldn't be viewed as bad for being upset seeing a pet (which she could even talk to as a normal person) be slain right before her eyes.
The Man With Two Names left me with the impression that he earned redemption, but they could not. Plus he was sent there to be punished, and now they are to be punished for punishing him, which makes no sense to me.
I'll track this one to see if any sense will be made out of everyone's actions.
7314221
Good point! Nice catch.
Damn, this author, just so many emotions.
Racist ponies make for good interesting stories, but bad for your emotions. Def
7313663
I commented on this issue in the previous story, heck I think I might have commented twice after I forgot my first comment, but I saw this idea brought up several times back then and I have to say it lost most of its weight with me when we got to Twilights' chapter. I said it before, if i squint real hard I could see where donald trump card was coming from with most of the mane six. But when Twilight had a conversation with Walker about books, education systems, and his desire for a library card and her thought process was basicaly 'huh that's weird why would wild animal know about any of that?' and then continued with her plan to kick him out into the wild, that goes well beyond a 'flaw'. Honestly the thing I am most curious about with this sequel is how the author can even begin to address that.
Supressing what?
Spelling, grammar?
I like how this sequel pretty much points out the out of characterness of the original. Something a lot of people who pretty much copied your story didn't seem to realize was that it was already a bit far fetched given the characterizations on the show, and thus the derivative fan fics ended up dialing up the OOC without acknowledging it at all. This was actually something that bothered me in the original story. I just could not see characters like Twilight or Applejack acting like they did in the fic. Good to see Rainbow Dash effectively deconstructing that element of the story in the sequel.
7314651
Derivative fanfics? I'm so flattered! I didn't realize that there were other fanfiction inspired by mine. Would you be able to point me to some?
One challenging part of writing a sequel so much later is that I'm seeing the inconsistencies and weaknesses in my previous story (particularly the ooc), and trying to find a way to address them and use them to my advantage. So far, so good I hope.
7313761
Ostensibly insanely powerful. They better get cracking on the reform before Celestia does something crazy like lose to her sister, Discord, Chrysalis, Tirek and a bunch of vines, otherwise foreign rulers might start getting some reasonable ideas. Embargo.
Equality for all citizens also seems like something that Celestia would support, foreign pressures would only give her dissenters a reason for pause.
7314627 Imagine finding out a friend of yours was being a major c*** to someone who didn't deserve such treatment, but when you confront them about it, they practically gave a shrug with a "Yeah, and?"
Suppressing would be the generalist term of not allowing anything of everything in you from releasing a can of sh*tstorm with a lovely garnish of @sswhooping upon them.
7314710 I imagine she does support it, but she likely doesn't know how unbalanced the scales are, and wants to let her little ponies decide for themselves as much as possible.
Hands/hooves-off can be good much of the time, but here? Perhaps not.
Glad to have you back! This was an unexpected treat! The sequel seems off to a very good start so far. I like how you've made Dash both the voice of reason and the voice of the readers. I'm very much looking forward to reading the next chapter. I hope we get a scene from either Celestial or Luna's point of view.
I just realized I haven't feel this level of immersion in a long while. I'm not gonna say "since The Man with Two Names ended" but I do acknowledge this chapter was a read I took very seriously. So, thank you for writing it.
Like it's predecesor, this is character-centric. I really like where Rainbow's characterization is going, as well with Apple Bloom's. It was a nice touch to use Rainbow's POV as a way to re-introduce the whole situation to the readers.
Keep up the good work.
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I don't know how many are explicitly inspired by yours, but I have seen like one or two mention your story in the authors comments. I think most of the "similar" stories are just other authors coming up with the same idea independently, but I see your fic mentioned in comments sections in other fics enough that I'm pretty sure there are quite a few fics on here that have been outright inspired by your's, or at least influenced by it. Here are two stories that are very similar. There are dozens of others, but these are the two I can immediately remember.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/184701/ending here is one of the better ones... Again, it's dialed way over the top. It had it's own recursive fan fic sequels. I'm typically not a fan of what I call "sympathy fics", which are stories where an OC is thrown into a story and forced to endure ridiculous amounts of tragic stuff so you sympathize with them more than the actual canon characters, often to the point where the rest of the cast is massively out of character. But sometimes they are done rather well, even if they come across as a bit cringeworthy to read.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/209181/the-rainbow-savior here's another similar story that in hindsight seems rather funny when you consider your own sequel has Rainbow Dash as the one who sympathizes with the human. This is one of the few stories that didn't seem to be trying to outdo yours in the "dark" category. Probably could use a somewhat deconstructive sequel, but the author doesn't seem to want to write it, and neither do I.
I don't dislike most of the stories that are similar to The Man With Two Names. But your story was already very OOC, very dark, very hard to believe, and just a tad cringeworthy. Most of the stories with the same general plot managed to dial all those things up even further, and thus aren't quite as good.
I think I remember you making a blog post or something where you said you knew you wrote Twilight as massively out of character after re-watching a few episodes. I actually found her to be one of the more believably out of character characters in the fic, since she's still trying to do the right thing, just in a completely idiotic way, which to be fair, is something she actually does in the show itself a few times, especially in more recent episodes. Besides characters act a bit OOC in the show itself sometimes, it's even commented on once in that Rarity episode with Suri Polomare. People act OOC from time to time in real life too. The trick with fan fics is making it believable enough that the reader can go "OK this isn't how they normally act, but I guess I can sorta kind of believe they might act like this in a very rare situation". I had to suspend my disbelief a bit while reading how you wrote Twilight, but not quite as much as for some of the other characters.
It's the way you wrote Applejack that made me cringe a lot while reading. I can't really see a character like Applejack, who nearly gave her life to save Spike in one episode, spreading rumors about Walker liking to eat pegasai and not giving him a chance to explain himself after his little screw up. A more believable reaction from her to the whole cow thing would have honestly been to have her act terrified rather than angry (Remember how she acted like Zecora was some spooky boogyman?). I mean heck, she didn't even act vengeful towards the Flim Flam Brothers and they tried to take her home away, which is more than Walker ever did. You somewhat recouped a bit of her characterization in the end when you had her pay Walker for his work after the fact regardless of how things ended up turning out. Maybe I was projecting a bit when I read that scene, but it almost seemed like Applejack was already feeling guilty at that point. In this fic she outright say's she messed up, which is refreshing, but I still have trouble reading it as the same Applejack from the show.
It's happening!!!!!!!!!
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Her behavior makes total sense though, she's experiencing an extreme moral dissonance between her personal values and the way she utterly violated them with her terrible behavior. Looking back on what she did is so painful to her psyche that her mind is literally trying to pretend it didn't happen or justify it so she can cope with the situation.