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Starlight Glimmer has a new friendship lesson from Twilight while she and her friends are out in Canterlot: Find a common interest with a pony she barely knows. After going to the coffee shop she bonds with Barista Mocha Jon and the two decide to start a duo together. However they do not achieve instant success and have struggles both with helping themselves and helping somepony they both used to love.
(Imaginary Special Guest: Lindsay Lohan)
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Self-insert fics aren't well received in writing communities Newfriend.
7802681
The true tragedy is that this isn't a clopfic.
7802702 You know the funny thing is I actually respect this guy a little for that. Most of the time a self-insert is either fucking a waifu or showing how awesome he is with cool, new autistic superpowers.
7802736 Oh gosh no, my OC is really prone to slapstick and horribly clumsy, he gets that from his dad being just as clumsy and because his small horn makes his magic backfire at him all the time
7802702 The biggest tragedy is that this story will have a character who is literally meant to be seen as Lindsay Lohan
This story does have potential, however I feel it's lacking. The story so far just feels rushed, with some characters showing emotion at one point, while in others they tend to have none at all. ( If that makes any sense. ) But to me the three biggest flaws are...
1. It's a self insert, not that there is anything wrong with it. Sometimes self inserts just don't work, and this is a good example of one that doesn't.
2. The description mentions an "Imaginary Special Guest: Lindsay Lohan", and I can't help but wonder why have this person in the story at all when it adds nothing to the plot.
3. The comedy just seems forced to the point of it being cringe inducing.
I know I might seem harsh, but if I didn't think that this story could be better, then I wouldn't take the time to critique it.
7802882 Well to respond to these kindly after understanding your persoective:
1 I work hard to make sure my OC isn't some Mary Sue who out does everyone else, I work hard to give him quirks and slapstick. I'll be sure to add more quirks in later chapters.
2 Her character will actually he a very major character later in the story, and the character actually is important to the plot I just am nowhere near ready to add her in.
3 Over the top comedy is my type of humor and I understand it doesn't float everyone's boat.
(why is this story suddenly getting more and more popular out of nowhere?)
7802893 I'll take your word for it, and I just happen to cross paths with this fic at random. I tend to browse for random stories to look at.
7802906 I'm just surprised because this story got four comments in two hours, even negative ones are a surprise
7802910 I know of a group that might help you. just keep an eye on the notifications.
http://www.fimfiction.net/group/97/looking-for-editors
I've taken the liberty of putting it in that group.
7802943 I'm already in like half a dozen of those help/support groups actually