I believe that in the process of saving my own butt, I've managed to accidentally royally screw myself over.
And by that, I mean that I'm all over the news now as the girl who mentally wrecked her own kidnapper. School's been harsh on me with the counselors asking if I was okay and all, but generally, I think that if I managed to mess up a guy's mind as far as I did, then I'm probably fine as far as mental health goes.
Ooh, and here comes another reporter. Geez, can't a not-so-normal not-actually-human girl live in peace?
"Tell us, Gadget, how did you escape?"
I shrugged, playing it cool to keep my secret safe. "Oh, y'know, blabbering on and on 'till he couldn't take it anymore, y'know?"
The reporter raised an eyebrow. "But the police say that he's been ranting about dark magic and witchcraft. Could you explain to us why he might've done so?"
Oh. They want the truth. Well then.
"Uh..." I began, "Do I have to answer?"
The reporter shook her head. "No, you don't, but it'd be nice if you shared some information. Things like this happen every day, and advice from a kidnapping survivor would do quite well for any future victims."
Dangit, is she trying to shame me?!
"Listen," I said harshly, slapping my hand (hoof?) on the table, surprising my interviewer/reporter/whoever, "I still gotta do my homework, so if you'd kindly step aside please--"
"Gadget!" Delmar called from the kitchen, "Do you wanna read this paper about creating wormholes? You might just be able to open that portal to go back home!"
...WHY, DELMAR, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO SCATTERBRAINED?! DOES HE EVEN REMEMBER ANSWERING THE DOOR TO A REPORTER?!
As my mental scolding continued, I tried to put on the most clueless and innocent face I could muster in the light of hearing Delmar asking if I wanted to open a wormhole to Equestria.
"Um... I can explain?" I squeaked quietly, shrinking down further with each word.
The confused reporter nodded. "Yes, please."
I sighed. "Well, do you want the simple truth, or the full truth? 'Cause with what you've just heard and likely broadcast live, it probably wouldn't matter anyways if you know now."
"Gadget?" Delmar called again.
"WAIT A SEC, DAD" I shouted back, "DON'T YOU REMEMBER THAT I'M BEING INTERVIEWED?!"
I swear I could almost hear him stop dead in his tracks. He knows he screwed up. I'll deal with his self-shaming later.
The reporter continued again after my reply to Delmar.
"So, you say that you have a simple truth, and the full truth. Care to explain the differences?"
I shrugged. "The simple truth is just that-- simple. The problem is, you'd likely mark me as insane if I told you the simple truth. Though, if I were to tell the full truth, or... heck, even show you the full truth, then I doubt that I'd be left alone ever again."
The reporter facepalmed, before continuing, "Well, if both options appear just as bad as the other, and you know that this could be vital information to prevent future kidnappings and murders, then why don't you tell us both truths?
Well then. Here it goes... I guess.
"So, start with the simple truth? The one that's dumbed down enough to fit in a single sentence?"
The reporter nodded patiently.
I took a deep breath. "I'm actually a unicorn pony that was unfortunately nicknamed 'Smurf Horse' by some kids at a hospital."
GADGET, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Heeey Ranell, chill. They already have suspicions, and I don't see any reason to hold it back now that Delmar's kinda already given them hints.
Heh. Good luck with the chaos.
Yep.
I could tell during that short conversation with Ranell that the reporter was trying to stifle a laugh. I mean, who in the right of mind would just say "Oh, I'm a magical happy unicorn that looks like a smurf!"? Well... I did...I guess...
Once the reporter calmed down, she began writing notes for the newspaper. 'Cause apparently she works at both the TV station and the newspaper. Finally, she looked back up, and kindly said, "Continue?"
Welp. Here's the doozy.
"Okay now... the full truth." I began, "My name is Gadget, and though I may look human," I paused, and dropped my disguise, shocking both the cameraman and the reporter into dead silence. "I really am a unicorn, and along with multiple abilities that humans have only dreamt of, such as teleportation and near-effortless levitation, I have recently discovered that I originated from an alternate universe unintentionally created by a kids' show from nearly half a century ago."
Now that that's out, I just gotta wait and see what's gonna happen. Probably chaos, like what Ranell said.
yeah, this'll end well. and by well, i mean chaos. a lot of chaos
7946737
Super Smurf Horse: Crime Fighter! (not from Krypton)
7946748 Traveling across the multiverse to fight crime... NOT SO SUPER SAIYAN SMURF HORSE!
Mind Blown. Boom.
7946743 chaos confirmed. get in the chaos-resistant bunker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Unfortunately I don't have a punchline that fits with the events of this chapter.
7946768 bestanimations.com/Military/Explosions/nuclear-atom-bomg-explosion-animated-gif-6.gif
D***** Delmar! You had one job! One!
Yep, it's the end of the world
And then the brony community (what's left of it) sighed a collective gasp
8274013
"I just want to see all of the ones who died rise from the dead and start the skelerony wars against the nonbeliever heretics and then travel to Equis before dying in peace. And then the remaining living ones stand sentinel across the planet against those that would try and steal all of Discord's chocolate milk rain."
- Late night reader 2017
8278397
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