"Bruce?"
"Yeah?"
"Uhm, is there something you want to talk to me about?"
"Not that I can think of."
"Not even what you told Pinkie Pie?"
thunk
"Bruce?"
"Yeah?"
"Please don't try to hurt yourself."
"I have a surprisingly hard head."
"Yes, well, for my sake."
"...I'll try."
"....Bruce?"
"Yeah?"
"You can talk to me about anything you want to, ok?"
"Sure."
"Even things that might make you feel uncomfortable or bad. Even things somepony else has told you to keep secret, ok?"
"Yep."
"...well, I'll let it be then. Just, we don't eat, ergh, meat here, ok?"
"Yeah, kinda figured that out."
"...ok then."
Spring got up from where she was sitting, patted me on my back and walked back into the main room. I could tell because even though my face was planted firmly in the tabletop, that chair gave out some horrendous squeaks. We had been sitting alone and in silence for a few minutes - Pinkie and the Cakes having hustled the twins out of the room - before she tried to open that particular conversation.
It was as awkward as I thought it would be. At least I was alo-
"Bruce?"
OF course. Fluttershy crept into the room slowly. Hooves, even soft ones, made a great deal of noise on wooden floors. Sneaking out of Sugarcube Corner was going to be crazy when those twins start their teenage years. I kept my face where it was, giving a muffled grunt in response.
"Uhm, would, uhm, you like some company?"
"No." I picked my head up and looked at the newest intruder to my Fortress of Semi-Alone. "No, I think I just want to be alone right now if that's ok." Fluttershy visibly cringed. She wasn't wearing her armor anymore, probably to make herself seem less 'intimidating.'
"Uhm, I-I'm sorry but I don't think that's a good idea." OF course.
"Well, why'd you as-NO! Shut up mouth, you've gotten me in enough trouble tonight." thunk
"OH! Oh my, please don't do that." She ran over and put a wing around my shoulders. "Please don't hurt yourself."
"Why? It's a wonderful way of coping with ... this."
"This what?"
"THIS!" Oh god, don't shout at Fluttershy, she doesn't deserve it! I yanked my head off the table - almost headbutting Fluttershy and knocking her back regardless - and waved my hooves about. "This everything! Go to bed a fully grown man with self-control and wake up a 'My Little Pony' with the self-control of an idiot and child!" I put my head down on the table, more gently this time, and heaved a massive sigh. "And it's not going to get any better because no one believes me, no one takes me seriously, and I don't even know where to start looking for help."
"Bruce," Fluttershy sat back upright, placing her wings back around my shoulders, "we're all here to help. We want to. But we need to understand. Spring hasn't told me very much about you except you were in the hospital today and you're troubled. I need to know so I can help."
"She's going to tell you I'm delusional. I have a fantasy land of humans made up in my head to escape my problems and that I'm a damaged little colt that needs love and affection." I rolled my eyes and my head away, facing the wall instead of her. "And because the truth is so preposterous that she can't accept it - I doubt she'll even try to find out if it's true or not - I'm going to be stuck having to live a life that isn't mine."
"Uhm, oh my." I felt the wing around my shoulders squeeze slightly. We sat there in silence for a while, Fluttershy just holding me as I breathed slowly.
"...you're not going to say anything Fluttershy? About how humans don't exist or how I'm just confused or anything?" I kept my head pointed away from her, staring at the kinda garish wallpaper. It had cupcakes on it. How apropos.
"Oh, uhm, I can if you'd like." Her voice was very soft, especially when your head is pointed the other direction, and I found my ears swiveling to catch her words. Ponies may be weird but there are a few perks to it all.
"No, no. I'm kinda glad you didn't." I wanted to say more. I wanted to throw another tantrum about how unfair life is, how things shouldn't be like this. How I miss my wife, how I miss being who I was, how I just wasn't happy. But I didn't. I just sat there, underneath Fluttershy's wing, breathing slowly so as not to start crying again.
"I think it's time to get you to bed, Bruce. Tomorrow, uhm, tomorrow we can deal with ... all of this." I nodded in response and let the animal caretaker-turned-Guard lead me back into the common area. In the alcove, Spring was talking in a low voice to the Cakes, all of their eyes wide and Mr. Cake even holding back tears. I heard Pinkie somewhere, playing with the twins. Rainbow Dash had gone, it seemed. Though I didn't look at them purposefully, for a moment my eyes met the eyes of couple that was to be my caregiver. A look of worry from both sides.
Birds. Lots and lots of birds.
My old alarm was one of the buzzing-screaming deals that has the most annoying sound in the world telling you to get up. It was also located as far from my bed as I could stick it so I'd have to get up to go turn it off. The entire town of Ponyville had the sweetest bird song ever to wake up to. It was a gentle reminder that the day had begun and that it was time to wake up. One problem, though.
No snooze button.
"Argh, shut up you stupid birds!" I flipped over and tried to bury my head in the pillow, trying to drown out their racket. It was less than successful. In fact, it seemed that they got louder in response. "Can't an old man get some rest?"
"You're not an old man, silly, you're a young colt! And it's time to get up!" Pinkie's voice cut through the chirping birds. Me, I'm not a morning person. I don't like coffee but if I don't have my morning caffeine pill and Pepsi (ugh, Coke), I'm just not ready to call myself awake. And, depending on what I did last night, my hangover cure (raw egg, instant coffee powder, hot sauce and just a bit of whiskey). Pinkie is an any-time-mare it seemed. I groaned and uncovered my head.
It was dark when I had collapsed into bed last night and I really hadn't gotten a good look around - what with Fluttershy cooing at me and singing lullabies. Now that it was morning, I could take some time to glance at the room I had been snoring in. And it only took a second for me to realize that I really didn't want to stay. It was blue, sure, but man was it frilly.
"Pumpkin likes blue I guess," I mumbled as my mind tried to come to terms with all the lace. A pair of windows with yellow curtains bright enough to hurt poured sunlight into a very bright blue room. There were flower and, weirdly, soccer ball designs imprinted in the paint that seemed to match the contents of the room perfectly - flowers on the bedside table and soccer paraphernalia spread about the floor. The bed was in a corner opposite the now-opened door - Pinkie evidently just passing by to wake the 'foals' up - and aside from a dresser with socks of all things sticking out of the drawers and the slight mess on the floor, the room was pretty empty. With a long-suffering sigh, I tossed the lemon-yellow bed spread aside and tumbled out of bed. As I lay on my face, my eyes twirling in different directions, I mumbled to myself.
"I have got to get the hang of getting out of these things."
After having been subjected to Mr. Cake's hoof-y ministrations last night, you'd think I would know where the dang bathroom is.
Nope.
After stumbling out of the bedroom I was temporarily inhabiting, I managed to find every. Single. OTHER. Room in the entire place EXCEPT the bathroom. It wasn't even a very complex building! Three floors, that's it. First floor, Bakery. Second floor, Cakes Residence. Third floor, Pie Residence. How in the world could I miss an entire room? After struggling to find a toilet - and failing - I was pee-dancing my way down stairs to ask for directions. Why was it so dark down there anywa-
"SURPRISE"
A hundred voices shouted at me from below. The lights snapped on and I saw ponies packed into the bakery. Unfortunately, that was about as far as my brain got with trying to interpret anything before my neurons shocked themselves into a semblance of wakefulness. With a girlish scream, I tried to leap backwards. My hind hooves caught the edge of one of the steps however and that was just enough to throw me off balance. i think I kinda hovered there, in between falling and standing, for just a little longer than physics should have allowed me. But I'm no Pinkie Pie and I went tumbling head-over-tail into a pile of blue pony parts at the bottom of the steps. Pinkie bounced over from where she stood in the front of the 'call the fire marshal' level packed crowd.
"Were you surprised?! Were ya, were ya, were - sniff ew, Bruce! I didn't think it was THAT startling!"
Alright! Finally!
You got me to smile and all I want is more story. Keep it up dear author.
LOL YES! He is slowly reverting to a colt's mindset =P
It updated.......YES *whoops loudly*
Bruce is just....ugh...he seems smart in some ways but he has no idea how to handle any sort of situations that involve ponies apparently...
anyway funny chapter Me gusta
the second you brought up the restroom i knew this would happen and im happy to say i was disappointed pls keep it up
pooor bruce
WHY WOULD YOU BUT BRUCE THROUGH THIS
Poor Bruce. Of all the ways to lose control...
Hahahaha.
Urine trouble now!
OH god. . . Why didn't I think that she would throw a party for him? It IS Pinkie Pie after all.
Abort! ABORT!
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That chapter title......
That ending.......
Why the hell am I laughing so hard
poor guy doesn't get any breaks, but at least Fluttershy may believe him.
good again cant wait for the next
I want to see Bruce destroy Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon in a verbal battle considering he doesn't have a cutie-mark.
Oh god WHY? That poor guy. Normally I'd say "give the guy a break" but for some reason I get a sick pleasure from his suffering... Well I am part German...
What?! Pepsi?! Bruce my opinion of you has plummeted!
This has to be one of the greatest fanfics ever. EVER.
Keep up the good work on this. I'm excited about whatever happens next!
Kinda disappointed though now that I think about it. The whole him eating meat thing was blown off so easily I was half-expecting a damn panic attack! And it seems like meadows didn't really care, as it just shown her giving him a light talking to or whatever.
ditto with DemonJack
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I think it's a case of, they can't do anything about it. Remember, they're dealing with a colt that (in their mind) -
1) Has been horrifically abused both physically, emotionally, and sexually. (sexually abused and traumatized to a degree that I can barely comprehend.)
2) Been forced to eat meat.
3) Smokes, swears, and drinks alcohol
4) Abandoned
5) Is most likely a Diamond Dog slave escapee
The Counselor notes state -
They have to tread so carefully around him, like walking on glass. Trying to force him to talk about something he obviously doesn't isn't going to work. And going ballistic over it would just clam him up further.
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I stay suprise dat no one wen post dis shit
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And apparently (from Spring Meadow's perspective) talking about the meat-issue at this point is causing Bruce to initiate self-mutilating/self-harming behaviors.
I understand Fluttershy accepting the whole meat thing.
She has a better "circle of life" understanding than anyone else in the series.
NEW CHAPTER! Time for more hilarious Bruce antics.
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1038780YES, YES, YES, YES! DO IT! NOW!
a part of me just wants Bruce to be a dick to everyone
I read the title and groaned.
Then I read the chapter and laughed. Really should have seen that coming.
XD Great chapter! Can't wait for more hilarity! XD
The next chapter is going to be so much fun!
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Perfectly said, I would love to see this situation stretch far it can be stretched.
There should be scene as well where Bruce finally acquires some smokes, I KNOW the feeling that he is having in that story; I devolve into something of fuzzy monster-less than human if I don't have a drag or find a alcohol as way to deal with this.
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But would you/he resort to stealing tobacco?
1039231 If I was Bruce, I would since he is an colt now and the store obviously wouldn't sell to minors. Plus the nicfit he had earlier in the hospital is only the beginning.
Gotta say they took the whole "I eat meat" thing pretty well...
Awww, poor Bruce Though from the title I knew somepony was gonna piss somewhere they weren't supposed too.
It was nice though that Bruce finnaly got to vent some of his frusration, I find that sometimes it feels good to shout out your problems as loud as you can. And I wonder how long he can go before trying to kill something to get at its meat.
Still thourgholy enjoy the chapters and can't wait for more.
Poor guy,
Now on top of everypony thinking he's a damaged colt, they probably think he has a bladder issue now...this could lead to funny embarrassing things XD
1038593 because he can, that's why anyone does anything.
Poor Bruce....
Considering that we've seen Fluttershy feed fish to some of her animals in the show itself, the meat issue is usually a bit overblown in HiE stories, so I was pleased to see that they didn't react too over the top about it.
Now I'm wondering how they'll react when he complains about missing having sex with his wife.
1038780
I totally agree with you. Please author, do it!
Me, I want to see a new psych eval with the new information to find out what the good doctor thinks is going on. After all, we now have three new pieces of information to theorize about.
* Knows identity of two auxiliary ponies on sight.
* Nervous about and avoiding anyone in guard armor.
* Has eaten.. (ugh) .. MEAT!
I would've thought that Ms. Meadows would forbid Pinkie from pulling something like this.
What in the world made Pinkie even think that this would be a good idea?
...And don't answer that, because I already know the answer.
And is public urination still frowned upon, I wonder...
same as the guy above me
A NEW PSYCH EVAL
You know as bad as I feel for Bruce, I'm starting to feel worse for Pinkie, you just know she's going to be yelled at for this
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Pepsi is God's nectar.
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Guys? This is the HARDEST Spring has EVER pushed Bruce to tell her something. She's not going to yell, bribe or do anything else that might harm him further but, yes, she REALLY wants to know where this came from. I described eating meat as akin to eating bugs for Westerners. Well, it's a bit worse than that really. It's almost like it's a bare half-step away from cannibalism to the ponies. Considering the intellect of the animals we've seen so far, can you really blame them for being a bit grossed out?
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...? Well, I mean, yes, a bit (the brain affects the mind and all) but I don't see where it's more obvious than normal. He fell down some stairs while having to pee really badly, it's, uhm, gonna happen.
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He has no idea how to handle people at home. Now everyone's an alien.
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She's not going to be the first. She just knew he needed a quiet, supporting shoulder.
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He's married! Don't you know, that means your sex life is over.
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Let's just say Spring had input into the party. Though the 'surprise' party aspect was an ... unexpected side she didn't think about.
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Weeeellllll, I have a thought. I just have to find the perfect pony for the job.
Like the others are saying about Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, he should just make fun of their cutie marks. Seriously, Silver Spoon has a spoon... What's that about? And Diamond Tiara's good at what? Being a brat?
Wouldn't it be hilarious if he goes to school and starts doing trig to prove that he is not a foal. I would laugh my ass off. They will either believe him, or he will be seen as some sort of genius.
THAT'S A GOOD CHAPTER! Lord Pisspants has joined the party.