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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Stop using formatting. Also, you're supposed to describe things. Linking to "Anime-Guys-anime-guys-6494321-960-720.jpg" is nearly the polar opposite of describing. Your story seems to be mostly dialogue/narration and literally no...well, story.
Sorry, the story will truly develop in the next chapters. You could give me some ideas if you want.
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Constructive criticism is appreciated so thanks. I'm writing my next chapter soon.
I'm Super EVVIIILLLL!!!!