- Member Since 7th Jun, 2012
- offline last seen 2 hours ago
ocalhoun
I am not contained between my hat and my boots.
ocalhoun
Joined 7th Jun, 2012 ·
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this will be good
8168829
^.^
8168834
I sure hope so!
And of course Celestia has her own cards. She chiseled them out of a nice slab of granite, with all of the numbers written in cuneiform so they're official.
Another flash emanated through the room, this one a blue so dark it was nearly black – Princess Luna had arrived. The Princess of the Night already began walking toward the bar before she noticed her sister was present. Stopping in her tracks, she turned and smiled. “Sister, you came!”
No, I don't think the story is quite that far along yet. But Luna has the right idea...
8168885
Okay, I'll give you that one.
Well then. Might I suggest the captain who's been flirting with her totally oblivious self?
I have this feeling this will get even funnier.
I'm unsure whether I'm going to regret reading this for reasons completely unrelated to the story itself. But it's ocalhoun, so the story should be wonderful.
Celestia inventing poker was another of her attempts to prove she could be 'fun,' right? I bet it was.
8168936
Oh, we'll get to that.
But I wouldn't count on it working out.
8168948
^.^ I should hope so!
8168988
So much faith in me ... I hope it's justified.
Clearly, she's Princess Celacetia.
I think I know the right pony for this.
"The perfect stallion you and I must fiiiiind...!"
And if it fails, she'll resort to a love potion. Bam! Problem solved.
(Note: I haven't read it yet, just in case there actually is a song.)
Prep the OR! This patient needs an emergency stickectomy, stat!
8169032
Or love poison. Whichever.
8169025
^.^
8169063
And that's what the whole story is about.
Sort of.
8169078
She changed back to calling it a potion in the next to most recent episode. Canada episode.
Man, fuck Canada.
8169148
Nah... I don't have the stamina any more. It's like the old bromide: Drink Canada Dry! It might be impossible, but it'd be fun trying!
8169015 But of course! Wouldn't be fun otherwise.
8169148
It can be both.
8169194
It's not so difficult. All you have to do is stand on the US side of the border and stick your dick across the line repeatedly.
Hm, I'm liking where this is going. How long do you think this story will get before its conclusion?
Awesome story so far. I love how cringy-but-can't-turn-away Celestia's attempts to mingle with the common-er folk are. Where exactly is this story going to go, if I may ask? Will it be everyone trying to get her laid or learning to respect that she really doesn't want to get laid?
Love auto corrected to have, fixed.
personaly i was under the impression that the princesses did not care about love that much because of the fact that they can basicly blink their eyes and the lover is gone
Celestia having invented poker was only ever going to go in one of two directions.
(hasn't read it yet) Oh, it's not really a problem. She's just exercising the most effective method of birth control because she doens't want to be a mother....what with all the grown Canterlot brats she already has to put up with!
Loving the story so far, though I do worry about the serious turn it took at the end here. But I'm sure Twilight has it covered. Or maybe Celestia has not had a stallion because she prefers mares....
Anyway awesome work and thank you for writing this amusing story.
Yup. There it is. The feeling that something is wrong with one's self.
But, I'm still loving this in a... well, 'academic sense' isn't quite right. But just imagining the Equestrian government could be delayed for a day in order for the ruling bodies to hold a massive orgy.
"Everyone go home!"
*chorus of disappointed 'Awwwww!'s*
"Wait, not the batponies."
*smaller chorus of 'woo-hoo!'s*
EDIT: Whoops! Can't see this story if I don't track it!
The scramble for Celestia's chips would make Equestria's mapmakers weep and curse her name for years to come. It also somehow gave Cadence the Element of Laughter, half of Luna's guard, and a six-month subscription to Better Tombs and Dungeons.
In any case, I look forward to seeing where you go with this.
In any case, hopefully Twilight will apply a softer touch to her mentor.
what if sunbutt is just asexual? How insensitive of bookworm, moonbutt, and heartface.
8170786 That would be hilarious, especially if she isn't even aware that it is a thing and the other three realize it first.
8171077
He's sleeping with the other half, so everything is balanced nicely and nopony feels left out.
8171264 Guys I hear don't have as much stamina as girls when it comes to multiple times in one day. So that could be it, he doesn't care because he already gets what he needs from her.
How is this not mature rated? Also i fucking hate slutty Cadance.
Yes...because randomly shoving a guy and saying" sleep with this one!" will totally do what 4000 yrs hasn't.
Cadence is failing at her job...also she's Princess of Love not Lust, so she no longer has an excuse. In case Celestia needs some ammo in future verbal wars.
8171578
That's not the point - the point is giving Celestia a hard time. Obviously that kind of talk isn't changing anyone's mind about anything unless they are seriously drunk, but it CAN fluster them and provide amusement.
An 'inexperienced' Celestia...
That's honestly a new one on me. Okay, let's see where this hilarious train wreck goes.
8170786 Then she likely has a hormonal problem that needs checking out posthaste, that crap can get serious.
Honestly, I want Celestia to set her fellow princesses on fire at this rate.
8171655 True...but with these Princesses it's hard to tell...
8171691
Asexuality is not a hormonal problem.
Cadance is a whore?
Well stupid toy princess who should not exist does deserve worse...
good fic... i wish them a good hunt for a "tree branche" fit for sunbutt
8170786
Exactly!
8171691
It's a sexuality
8170786 Or she could just be chaste.. Seriously, not everything devolves into another sexuality.
8172904 Yaes, and one that could be a sign of a serious medical problem and/or debilitating disorder. Simply put, having no sexual attraction is often the result of hormone deficiencies that can lead to very serious problems down the line. Its why most medical professionals I've had the pleasure of speaking with on the matter suggest you visit a doctor as soon as possible. It is what aids is for homosexuals, except far more common and far less avoidable, as instead of being the result of lifestyle, its (possibly) the cause of it.
I would like to note that 1. I am not trying to degrade Asexuals, 2. My original comment did not say anything to the effect that Asexuality was not a sexuality (Though I do struggle to see how the lack of a sexuality counts as a sexuality. Its like calling atheism a religion, so if my lack of faith disturbs you, you can go ahead and count that against me), and 3. I would prefer that if you (or anyone else for that matter) would like to continue this conversation, please send me a message personally, there is no sense in filling up the comments with irrelevant material.
8173234
I mean an atheist's reply to "what is your religion?" Is "I'm atheist". If asked what your sexuality is and you're attracted to nobody, then asexuality is your answer. You can't be straight if you're not attracted to the opposite gender. These characterstics have no default value, so you have to answer with something.
wow she just has no luck........
Damn...talk about bad luck.
Here's an upvote take care of it...