The weather could be better though ... so gloomy...
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Cover art from internationaltck. Used with permission.
Chapters (1)
Sanctae
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Just to get this in early, this is a bit of an experimental fic in more ways than one but mainly because I'm writing outside my comfort zone to get better at different styles. I'm not 100% happy with how the short has come out, honestly, but I've reached the point where I just can't tinker with it any more. Feel free to hate it, but please, please, please, if you can articulate why it isn't efffective, take a second or two to do so. Thanks for reading it, anyway. Hope you got some enjoyment from it.
I liked it.
I hope to see more like these.
CAUSE THIS WAS QUITE SCARY AND AMAZING!
SCARMAZING!
I think you are quite the amazing writer.
Not sure if Fluttershy is dead... or if everyone else is dead.
But this story was purty dang good!
So much feels, I could barely hold them in by the end. I don't think it needs any more fixing. Looks great as it is.
Good job!
I actually liked this. Usually I don't like sadfics because they're almost always trying to hard to make you have feels. This had enough subtleties to avoid that.
My only complaint is something that can't really be fixed - the tags kinda spoil the ending. The fic itself seems perfectly normal until the ending 'punchline', but the Sad/Dark tags are like 'HOLD UP YO THIS ISN'T WHAT IT SEEMS'.
Just my two cents.
974506
If something else like this springs to mind then I'll certainly write it. I just kind of go where my brain takes me, so no promises. But I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Thank you very much
975300
That's so nice of you to say. I was very worried that it would just read as being weird and incomprehensible, or just kind of dead and boring. Thanks for the encouragement!
974575
Thanks. I know it's a little bit ambiguous. I don't want to spoil it in the comments, but there is a 'canon' interpretation of events that I followed when writing it and it is a logical one that doesnt require -too- much suspesion of disbelief. I'll be writing it in a big blog update in a little while, so, I dunno, you can swing by that if you want 'Word of God' on it. Feel free to come up with your own interpretation though. The fact that you enjoyed reading it is more than enough to make me happy
977640
I actually asked Wanderer D about it as, at the time, his 'PSA' on tagging was still fairly new. He was sypathetic, but basically said that it was just how things rolled round here. It would risk failing submission in the first instance and even if it didn't it was liable to be taken down if anyone took issue with it. 
It's a shame, but I can see his point and so far people seem to be enjoying it regardless so...
Awesome! Glad you thought I did a decent job with it. As for the tag things, tell me about it
Im sorry,I dont get it.The comments help a little,but Im completely lost. Il reread.
978845 That's fine; this is the thing I was kind of worried about with the fic. If you want a hint, I'd say to look for contradictions in the narrative, things that just literally don't make sense, and see if it takes you anywhere.
Let me know if it makes any more sense.
That ending, it was, just, what? So very sad, and extremely well written.
989589 Thank you very much
A shame the genre tags had to spoil it, but a necessary evil. Loved the end line especially much, and your willingness to dabble in what, at first, seems like a very Seinfeldian 'story about nothing' that turns out to have a very poignant point.
1159138 Yeah, it's just one of those unfortunate things. I'm glad it didn't wreck the reading of it too much for you and that you enjoyed it despite.
wow. got in touched quite pretty well with the story. well i guess its because our routines are almost the same.
i did nazi this kind of story coming.
dual thumbs up for your work
1247211 Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
Well done. Very subtle...initially annoying because I read the whole story thinking there would be an explanation at the end, and only found a confirmation of what I had already surmised. Still though, creepily poignant, the way you portrayed Fluttershy's mental state as she puts herself in illusions to escape loneliness. The allusions to fire and smoke on the wind, too, were very effective images at giving that most elusive of explanations.
You've certainly caught a certain concept in spades: that preoccupation allows for great subtlety and undercuts.
The writing is solid, and I have to say I've never read a story that captures Fluttershy's POV so fittingly (for instance, something written with Rainbow would have a lot of "awesome" and more radical adjectives). All in all, a good job.
இڿڰۣ---
You have a remarkable ability to imagine each scene in multi-sensory detail.
Read this story after seeing the Review Team give it thumbs up. It's really well done; I like the look at Fluttershy's mind.
(I'm guessing what actually happened is that she's in Hell for some reason? Hence all the fire references, all her missing friends, the oppressive, depressing, almost painful atmosphere, no one actually being around (even Angel) and the repetitious aspect of her repeating the same day over and over again0.
God dangit. I am arguing with myself whether or not I would love to see what is going on here, or if the fact that not knowing makes it better means I shouldn't. This makes my brain hurt
Hmm... I have to admit that I might just be going all curmudgeon-y again, but I seem to have completely missed whatever this is alluding to. A few odd grammar choices made getting immersed difficult, and while I was quite aware of the mounting pile of clues, they don't lead anywhere for me. Without any grounding in why, it just came up empty.
Hints, anyone?
I had to reread this in order to even sort of get it, but here's my take on events:
1. There's some sort of fire in town. That much is obvious from the weather and sky.
2. Fluttershy picks up a feather. It belongs to Rainbow Dash (it's cyan)
3. She recalls running into Applejack in the morning. Applejack is telling her to make fire preparations, but being Fluttershy, she is too terrified to do anything.
4. She has tea with Twilight. Presumably, Twilight is angry at her for the same reason Applejack was, before heading to Canterlot, presumably looking for the princess's help with the fire.
5. Fluttershy encounters a few embers which start smouldering and starting a fire. She puts them out, but is very upset. Presumably, this is because it is a repeat of the events of the day with her friends getting angry at her. Examine this paragraph:
She sat for a moment, cowering below the tops of the grasses, shivering and sobbing. It was her fault, she knew it. If she was smart or brave then this wouldn’t have happened, but she wasn’t. She was just Fluttershy. Stupid, scared Fluttershy. Dragging out a bucket of water after the fire had already started. Too little too late. She lay there, shaking in her nest of grass as wind scurried over her.
This reaction over a few embers causing some smoke. Obviously she is being upset that it reminds her of something else, hence the "it wouldn't have happened" part. We know from Applejack that Fluttershy didn't make any fire preparations, thus the "too little too late" part. Therefore, on the day of the disastrous fire sweeping town, Flutters didn't do anything until the fire came to her, and had already started, making the bucket of water too little too late, comprende?
6. She goes home thatches the roof, and then has tea with Rarity. This is the start of logical impossibilities. She starts off, goes to the river, washes stuff, goes into town to have tea with Twilight, walks all the way home to thatch the roof, then walks all the way BACK into town to have a spa with Rarity. Why not just go see Rarity after Twilight, or take Twilight to the spa?
7. Consider the following: "considering lighting the fireplace to chase out the cold draught.
How silly that was. She hadn’t lit the fireplace in days. It was summer after all." Fluttershy isn't sure if she's cold or hot. I presume she hasn't lit the fireplace because fire is bad, as we've established by now.
8. We finally find out that the feather is burnt, suggesting something bad happened to Rainbow Dash in the morning. Hold on, how could it be burnt? She found it in the morning and didn't remark that it was burnt, suggesting some clash between the feather and her interpretation of reality.
9. She had to go have tea with Twilight, meet Rarity for their thursday spa session. Again. She just did this today, met with Rarity for their Thursday spa session. Then tomorrow she's having a Thursday spa session with Rarity. Enough said.
10. Lastly, and most tellingly: Mi-... loved them.
The full word is "missed" before Flutters interrupts herself. Thus, her friends are all gone, and she is fabricating them in her head.
I have no idea if that made things any more or less confusing. Thoughts?
2404961 Yeah, I got most of that, I think (always hard to be honest about what you did or didn't catch after the fact). It's the current setting that left me adrift. Is this Fluttershy living alone because everyone else is gone? That would seem most reasonable, but not having that one, concrete anchor gives me the feeling of the whole thing being so much smoke in the breeze.
Not that it isn't extraordinarily well conceived, but emotion for the sake of emotion has never really worked for me. I need something to tether it, to get the effect from it.
-Scott
Reminds me of Walter Mitty, only sadder.
"Well, this seems awfully normal so far... Wait a moment, didn't she just-- And-- oh. Oh..."
I think that's a fairly decent summary of my thought process as I read this. Nicely written though.
very nice work! One thing to say is that it is understandable that fluttershy would think a little simply while she was in mourning, this fic portrays her as seeming to have the mental capacity of a five year old. Other than that slight OOC bit, great and touching fic. Really makes you think and put it together in your head, something not seen very often. Well done, good sir, well done.
It's funny how—according to the comments—some didn't understand the story, even after the reveal, while some “got it” long before. I belong to the latter group, but still found it enjoyable: it is really well written, and the way clues are sprinkled everywhere is deliciously teasing.
While I was taking a shower, after having read this story, I suddenly went “Ooh! That's why the bowls were full of wilted leaves, rather than empty!”. Yep, this is the kind of story that sticks with me for a while
Also, a hint to those who didn't “get” the story. Some events here are real; they are told—mostly—in simple past, e.g. “She fluttered over to the feather”, “she gradually filled her baskets”. Others are barely imagined by Fluttershy; they are told—mostly—in past perfect, e.g. “she had to leave for her thursday spa appointment with Rarity”, “Twilight had been shouting at her a lot this morning”. There are exceptions, though: “the weather outside was hot and dry” is a blatant fallacy (as proven by the “damp linen”, the “cold draught” and the fact that the laundry didn't dry).
So yeah, Fluttershy’s friends are dead, and she's in denial. That much is pretty obvious. My interpretation is that Ponyville / Equestria burned down a few days ago, and she's reviving this day over and over. It can't be that long ago, considering the feather. By the number of drawings, I'd guess three days ago, give or take a cow.
It all seemed odd at first. 'This isn't Fluttershy' I thought, she's too closed off, in her own little world. But then it all makes sense. we got a serious case of the unreliable narrator. I wonder what she replays actually happened, the arguments or the tea/spa meetings. Anyway, interesting read, definitely a type of story you think about long after you read it.
wait what? I don't understand.
Edit: OH SHIT FUCKING TITS, MY HEART, IT AM KILL.
Oh my god. Oh dear sweet Celestia. I read the story and don't get it. I've read the comments and I STILL don't get it. I'm going to be thinking about Fluttershy losing all of her friends to a fire for DAYS. Argh. I'm trying to write an MLP novel here, and now this. Argh. Got to pay attention to those tags. Thanks for writing such a great fic, loved every bit of it. Damn it. Argh.
2427188 Those category tags are your first clue that something's off aren't they. In fact, this story would've been a simple if mundane Slice of Life if it weren't for the real story hidden in the narrative.
So the conflict is... Fluttershy remembering/making up her friends?
2453865 No, it's that Fluttershy is not properly coping with a presumably very recent tragedy. Something terrible has happened to Ponyville and to her friends, and it would seem to her animal friends as well. She's reliving the same day over and over again because she's mentally unable or unwilling to come to grips with what's happened.
Haunting, in a subtle way. I liked it.
You're missing a period at the end of this sentence.
"But she it was satisfying" doesn't parse. Did you mean just "but it was satisfying" or "but she thought it was satisfying"?
Finally got around to reading this. It was pretty good and interesting. My hypothesis for what happened, one of those falling stars actually landed on Fluttershy's house, causing the hole and a fire. That's why she's worried about the wind making her clothes smell smokey and the water thing with AJ and her. Also, she's dead, that's why there were no direct scenes of her interacting with others, only memories.
977722
I'm guessing this was a kind of self portrait kind of fic? I wasn't sure what you were going for the whole time I was reading through it. Was I sorta right in my guess?
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Those of you I'm replying to, and those of you who find this comment, Sanctae actually put up a blog post summarizing what happened in Ponyville a few days before this story is set. It's hardly necessary to understand or appreciate the story, but if you're interested, the summary is at the very end of the blog post.
2101815 Tell Pav that his plushie is the one to blame.
Last night I was drunk and angry, and I sat down to read this story. I skimmed through it and didn't pay attention, and I ended up hating it.
Today, after I had sobered up, I sat down again and took my time to actually read it. I really enjoyed it, and I'm surprised more people have not taken notice of it yet. What's more, it doesn't require sequel/prequel/add-ons to explain what happened. The whole story is self contained, as long as the reader possess the ability make inferences on what is presented.
Perhaps the people who don't like or don't understand this story are just drunk and only skimming it.
At first I didn't get it, and I thought, well, this is lousy. And then I did get it, and I thought, well, that's worse! So thumbs down; this is just … exactly the opposite of any sort of enjoyable. It is disquieting to no purpose, arrives at no sort of result, and leaves one feeling worse in every way than before reading it.
This is an amazing story that hits you in the feels, but it's so sad..so very sad.
2403362 she cannot accept that she's dead she repeats the day over and over again because she can't accept that she's dead she's torturing herself she feels guilty because something happened to her friends and she feels like it's her fault because of this it's her unfinished business her spirit is tied to wherever she is at least that's what I think