Equestria is engulfed in war—against an evil tyrant with his army of slaves, for a peaceful freedom for all in a prosperous world. But, war was never that easy nor that simple, especially when it extends beyond military battles and reaches into the lives of all involved.
Because, in a war as far-reaching as it is destructive, no one can escape its grasp—and, no one can leave it unchanged.
Past the headlines of the day with its articles about victories and defeats on a frontline so far yet so close; past the propaganda spouting and espousing something patriotically believable but with a tinge of illusion; past the declarations and proclamations designed to keep the masses' hopes up for just another week.
Past those things, here are the stories of some who would live in this war from beginning to...end?
Awesome story! Can't wait for more!
It's a good start, I do enjoy reading these types of stories so here's hoping it goes on for a while. I do love reading really long stories. How many words do you think it will have, when all is said and done? Or is it too soon to say.
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Should end up at over at least 100k words, if not 250k and more.
8592611
Over 250k. Yessssss
Ponyville is in the centre of equestria, and the crystal empire is way up in the north. With the badlands to the south, which probably doesn't have many ponies living there, and likely doesn't have much farming or industrial potential. If the golden oak is used as a defensive position, chances are they've already lost.
Then again the soviets had many of their factories behind the urals, so the badlands may have semi decent industrial power if they have time to prepare.
8595760
Yes, Ponyville is far away from the Crystal Empire. However, the Crystal Empire just returned and most ponies don't know what their inhabitants are capable of—as Mayor Mare put it, "...the Crystal Empire has just emerged—what weapons do they wield?" This lack of knowledge over that is what made the defensive position idea a lot more sensible: If you don't know what your enemy can do, you might as well prepare for the worst. For all they knew, the Crystal Empire might end up using the weather against them—we see Crystal pegasi (although all of them as guards) in the original timeline, so using the weather to siege or to otherwise terrorize Ponyville is not a far-fetched idea. I could go on, but I think you get the point.
And, even if the Crystal ponies can't do air raids or manipulate the weather, it's better to have everyone be alert and ready even if the enemy is not near. It takes time to prepare defenses and to equip ponies with weapons, armor, and proper fighting techniques so doing it now is better than doing it later and risking facing an invasion unprepared.
I hope that clears up the matter.
8596517
Hmm, hadn't thought of that, you're right.
I haven't actually read the story yet, but why isn't there an Applejack tag?
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That's covered by the Mane 6 tag. Also, I wanted to get some cover art from the Crystal War timeline that's not related to battles—just a quiet scene. :)
This chapter just got me wondering, how useful would trenches be if your enemy is using spears and swords. I've read it before on occasion, and honestly now that I think about it, not very useful.
The reason trenches are good for defence is because the only part of your body that can be hit is your head. And your enemy is likely to be out in the open if they're attacking you. Obviously it's a lot harder to hit a small target like a head compared to a large target, like your entire body.
This is why trenches are so good for defence, especially during WW1 since for most of the war there wasn't anything that could breakthrough trenches, until the tank in 1916. And even that wasn't made in large enough numbers to make a difference in a battle until I think 1917. I think it was said that if you're attacking you want a 3 to 1 number advantage, and for an entrenched enemy, that increases to 5 to 1.
But with spears you need to get into point blank range to use them, AKA in the trench with you. So the defenders can't use their weapons until their defences (trenches) have already been compromised, so they are kind of pointless.
Unless of course other weapons are involved like bows, crossbows, some kind of artillery or magic. Also I can't remember if the crystal ponies used magic during the finale (or some kind of ranged weapon), but if they have something like that then trenches could be much more useful since the equestrian unicorns could shoot back with relative safety.
8610715
I didn't think that idea through, to be honest. Your points are good and fair. Thank you for catching that one early on.
This is where "Writing on the Seat of Your Pants" comes in: Trenches might be abundant early in the Crystal War, but who said that it would prove to be very useful? Just because it's a "military novelty" for the Equestrians doesn't mean it's going to be the breakthrough weapon that will end the war in months. Before they knew it, trenches might be outdated by forward operating bases placed strategically throughout the frontline—and, yes, there will be a frontline since, if one would take a look at the map during the Cutie Re-Mark, Part 1, then there would be seen rocky black walls cutting through Equestria. Those are, most likely, the walls Sombra established so that his gained land would not be taken back so easily.
Even then, the guard already has bows, crossbows, and cannons on their side—of course, those are ancient enough for the Crystal Empire to have seen before they disappeared 1,000 years ago (perhaps not the crossbow, but even that one is relatively old).
Once again, thanks for your constructive (and detailed) feedback. I'm beginning to look forward to it.
The only one of the mane 6 left to go to the front is pinkie, wonder what she'll do. And maybe twilight, but that's an unknown.
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Actually, there's Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Twilight Sparkle—and, I'll touch upon the former two at least.
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Oh yeah, I forgot. Guess because she only got a few seconds of screen time.
Hold on, zephyr is going to see a few colleagues about rainbow, I'm assuming to learn of where she went right? God if he goes to the front lines in an attempt to find her, I can officially say he is as stupid (if not more so) than I thought. If he does go to the front lines though he'll be in for one hell of a surprise. None of the equestrians really know the horrors of war yet, they may think it to be glorious or adventurous or something like the world just before WW1. And when he tries to leave like in everything else he fails out, he can't. He'll get sent back because if he leaves, that's desertion, he's only going home on leave, on a stretcher, or in a coffin. I really hate zephyr.
Also I'm trying to imagine what era pony society is in. They have giant skyscrapers, so that puts them in at least the 1920s, and in this chapter you said they have plastic furniture, which puts them in the 50s. This means they should have lots of large factories producing a lot of goods, and these can be converted into military factories, so in a few years of fighting and the full war economy has kicked in, the production will be extreme, especially if equestria is similar in production power to the US.
In the grand galloping gala episode we see fireworks, which means they have gun powder (there's also the party cannon but you can never be too sure with pinkie). Obviously weapons are far behind, but that's due to a lack of war. How would weapons develop, since they already have gun powder, and at least a moderate amount is already being produced to make fireworks and the like.
We know they have cannons thanks to pinkie, not muskets and rifles though. And how good would these weapons be? An earth pony may choose to use muskets, but probably not unicorns and definitely not pegasi. Unicorns already have ranged capabilities in the form of their magic, and maybe whilst not as powerful a musket, it will have a far superior rate of fire and possibly accuracy, though that depends on how accurate you believe unicorns to be.
But pegasi will never use muskets because good luck reloading one of those things whilst flying. They likely won't even use guns at all until either you can load a bullet/shell straight into the chamber (I think that's the right term, I'm not a gun expert) like those double barrel shotguns from the old west. Or until bolt action rifles are developed. Only then will reloading be quick and easy enough to be viable in combat.
I'm really liking this story so far, can't wait to see how it continues.
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Before I address the contents of your comment: Wow. When I was asking for detailed feedback, I wasn't expecting that much detail. All the better!
Regarding Zephyr: I won't say anything much about him because I don't want to spoil. All I'd say about Zephyr is that I actually like him as a character. And that's all.
Considering the technological era that ponies live in: It's not that simple. Someone who watches the show will get a late 19thcentury/early 20th century feel—but that's only because the main setting of the show is in Ponyville which certainly looks like a typical village during those times. As you've mentioned, the presence of skyscrapers brings Equestria up to at least the 20's (although I did not expect plastic furniture being an indicator of the 50's). However, one could go even further. Pinkie Pie mentions lasers (indicating that, if they're not invented yet, the idea exists), Vinyl Scratch has a disco jockey that can turn into a vehicle alongside appropriate music, and, if you want to stretch the boundaries, Discord used a smartphone at least once. To put it simply, Equestria's tech age is bizzare—which is to be expected from a cartoon setting that takes cues from popular Western culture, but, nonetheless, I plan to integrate that bizzareness as realistically as I could without straying from the feel of the show.
About weaponry, specifically rifles: As cool as it sounds to picture ponies using firearms, I don't think it would happen so easily. Ponies would have to get to being good with cannons first before theorizing and experimenting about smaller cannons—which would become the rifles we know today.
Thanks for your detailed post.
8620373
The reason I said plastic was from the 50s was that while there were plastic products well before this, like combs, it wasn't in a very large scale production for an extremely wide variety of products until the 50s and 60s I believe.
Looks like this universes starlight is getting involved. Let's see where this goes.
Also any reason the story is on hiatus?
8626143
Yes, this timeline's Starlight is getting involved.
Concerning the hiatus: It's nothing too serious. The Christmas season is going to bring with it parties, celebrations, and so on and, as much as I love writing, I don't want to leave my family and friends during this special time. New Year festivities will also explain the hiatus extending to early January. As for the rest of the month, there will be some personal and non-personal activities I'll be partaking in which might hinder my regular writing schedule.
If you're worried about me abandoning this story in the dust, don't worry. I know that the dead fic is a common thing in the realm of fan fiction and I've made it a commitment to finish whatever I've published barring any life-changing events. So, just consider this my downtime.
8627675
Okay then, that's fine. Spend time with your family and friends, it's what holidays are for after all. I'm a patient guy, I can wait.
Merry Christmas
I was wondering, is there any conscription. I know it was mentioned for cloudsdale, but what about for all of equestria, or is it still just volunteers. Also how willing are the equestrians to fight for their country. Are they unwilling and conscription needs to start early, or are they very willing and it isn't needed till far later. I mean during WW1 Britain didn't start conscription till 1916, we were that willing to fight. Heck, at the start of the war there were so many people signing up there weren't enough people to farm the fields. If this is spoilers for the future then you don't have to answer.
Also the chapters are really slowing down during this hiatus, I can tell you're taking a lot of time off writing.
8633700
Regarding conscription, I'll just say this: On the one hand, one of the reasons used for upholding a volunteer army right before and even during WWI was that volunteers, since they were not forced to fight, would end up just being better because they were better motivated to do everything necessary for their country. On the other hand, conscription brings in more people and, well, more people means more chances of winning (though not always).
Personally, I believe that conscription is the better choice (if you're desperate to end a war)—more soldiers at your disposal early on. How do you motivate them to fight for you if they're forced to? Get to their sense of patriotism (though propaganda might not be so legitimate a means...).
Also, yeah. The "hiatus."
I placed it in "hiatus" to prepare readers for it. I expected that I would be out and have not much free time. Turns out, I do have much free time. However, the New Year festivities are kicking in full gear starting today. If I'll publish a chapter today, it'll be shorter. The final chapter for the year will be tomorrow—unless there's a massive change of plans for Saturday, in which case I might make one then.
Another reason why I'm "speeding up" the chapters now is because, up until last week, I was alternating chapters between this story and "Society as We Know It," a slice-of-lice fic about changelings. I published its last chapter so I have nothing else to write until 2018—a short story might be in order then. I miss doing those.
So, merry Christmas to you and have a happy New Year!
hippogrifs, this ought to be interesting
Looks like we've got fluttershy making an appearance
I am loving this story it's amazing. I have been thinking though that Sunset would have still come back through the mirror to find equestria at war. I'm sure you may have also thought of this as well.
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No, I haven't. But, it would be nice to address.
This story as gotten me doing a lot of thinking about what other characters are doing at this point.
I think that out of all the major events that occurred during the season finales/premieres in this time line. The changeling invasion during cadance and shining's wedding were probably the least affected.
I mean twilight would still turn up to the wedding since it's for her brother. She probably still wouldn't know who "mi amore cadenza" is when she reads the invitation. And will be very suspicious when cadance doesn't act like she's remembered.
And even if twilight didn't become celestias personal protege, she still probably would have went to a very good school since she's really smart and would still spend most of her time with books since she'd still love reading.
The only difference I can think of is if she stayed in canterlot then she'd have a closer connection to her brother so she may have known he was in a relationship. But at the same time she may have gone to another city like manehatten for university, so she may still lose hat connection with him and not know he's in a relationship. In the normal universe we have no indication twilight went to university, but being the personal protege to the princess probably meant she had all the resources a uni would have and could easily get the qualifications as well.
8648823
Actually, that's one of the main attractions of this story—or, at least I hope it is. We've already seen what the Mane 5 (plus some other ponies) were doing in this alternate timeline, and by that, I mean through "The Cutie Re-Mark, Part 1". While the episode provides us with a glimpse into that timeline, this fic is supposed to provide a journey to that scene—and beyond.
8649319
Without delving into spoilers for the fic:
Who's to say the changelings would push through with the invasion in this timeline? Without the Mane 6 as the Elements of Harmony, Queen Chrysalis would look to the Princesses as her biggest foes—and she's not dumb. They control the sun and the moon. Whether I make Chrysalis more hard-headed in this timeline or not, only time will tell.
Of course, I'll keep things hushed about Twilight Sparkle.
Looks like rainbow is still playing tough, it's only a matter of time before wonderbolts start dying and that will probably start to change...
Your story telling is just amazing. was that also a reference to sunset shimmer as well?
I'm starting to think you may be introducing a few too many characters. We're (or at least I am) getting to the point where it's hard to keep track of what all the characters are doing, their personalities, and how it connects to the plot. I sure you already have at least a basic idea for everyone mapped out, and you may add more characters yet, but try not to do too much too quickly or we'll (or at least I) will start to lose track of everything.
8673635
I won't say anything about it.
8673716
Good point.
On the one hand, I'm not going to give everyone here a fleshed out story—at least, not to the reader. There will be one- or two-shots in this story and perhaps some passing mentions of them later on. On the other, I guess I've been too caught up in showing everyone's lives here that maybe I'm speeding up character introductions too much—perhaps the narrative pace is too fast. Thanks!
Alright, so the promised minireview for the opening chapter; the introduction to the story is very dynamic, consisting mostly of dialogues that make the pace faster, but it all works well here. You start the chapter with quite lengthly and detailed description, which I personally don’t mind. Just be aware that sometimes you get a little tangled in the longer sentences, leading to some strange stuff like this:
Also, try not to overuse em dashes. They kind of break up the text and sometimes a comma would be better in their place.
From the way you describe in detail the appearance of each character and the locations, it is clear you are writing this for audiences that “haven’t seen” the show. There is nothing wrong with that, only know that I’ll be keeping an eye on the consistency of such portrayal. Also, it might be a good idea to break up the mostly monotone descriptions of mane and coat colours by mentioning other defining attributes, or you can try to serve us the colour schemes in smaller doses inserted between descriptions, for example like this: “...” she said, pulling on the locks of her violet mane.
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To be honest, I've been holding out for reviews like this. I know that I'm not a perfect writer and I've already had some suspicions about my flaws, but you putting out your review here makes me happier.
On both the long winded sentences and the overuses of em dashes, I could say that I need to cut down on those.
Regarding writing the story for those who "haven't seen the show": Yes, I write with that in mind. To take an exaggerated example, I don't want to plop in the name "Twilight Sparkle" without any explanation or even a description of who that pony (if she is even a pony) is. I'm, in a sense, making the story accessible to as many as possible, which I hope is a good thing.
Finally, I struggle with creative descriptions of the characters themselves, especially ponies. I might be running dry when it comes to introducing characters. That example you've given will bring me some ideas on how to liven up my writing.
On a side note, I'm in the process of tidying up the early chapters as I also write the new ones. I have the .epub file which I update with almost every new chapter and I take notes on what seems off and what needs to be improved.
Thanks for the minireview!
8681098
You are welcome and sorry for taking so long to reply.
For training of creative descriptions, I’d say there is no better place than a moderately crowded bus stop. During the years, I have picked up the habit of describing the people around me with what I can see, hear or smell and what I consider defining for them. Applying this to ponies is no big deal then. Might be worth a try, just make sure not to stare too long
8685955
Alrighty, then. Thanks for the tip!
Looks like twilight (probably) has entered the story
Looks like scootalo and rumble love hearing of stories from their respective siblings (or honorary siblings as the case may be). I'm kinda starting to worry that they might think that fighting is awesome and want to join. And while they're too young now, they'll get older, also given just how long this war goes on for, it's only a matter of time before the enlistment age starts to drop and officers turn a blind eye to someone who looks a little younger than they should be...
Sadly we all know what she chooses
So far my favorite scenes in this story are the ones between Pinkie and Rainbow Dash. I hope we get some more of those for sure.
It's nice to see trixie in a positive light right from the get go. Very few ever tend to do this.
the book that Trixie was reading, to me it seemed it was written by twilight.
We know how the season 1 premiere was solved now. celestia did it.
So we see twilights mother, but not twilight. Also that librarian at the end, we never did catch her name did we.(i bet that's twilight). Also wasn't 'crystal hoof' thorax's disguise in 'to change a challenging'......
I know too windy, I know too
I always found it wierd that rainbow had an artificial wing in the episode. I mean they still use steam trains, haven't made the internal combustion engine (or maybe they're just too expensive and/or unreliable to be common), and don't appear to have anything in the way of advanced electronics. And yet they have advanced bionics with which they can replace a wing.
The fact that it's a wing, which will be made of many parts to simulate feathers and will likely have joints, or at least on the most important 'feathers' (for fine control during flight) means that these bionics are likely far more complex than even any bionics in existence today.
That kinda annoyed me a little during the episode, this unrealism. Then again "magic", so I can't really say much. I mean pegasi should never even be able to fly with regular physics so obviously there is something going on. I do have a headcannon as to the mechanisms that allow Pegasus flight, could tell you if you wanted me to.
8728267
You're free to tell your headcanon about pegasus flight in the comments here. In fact, I'm interested now that you mentioned it.
About the "unrealism" going on in the episode: It's actually (sort of) realistic, given the circumstances. At times, technology is developed according to a society's need. The Mongol Empire, for example, did not seem to care about shipbuilding on a large scale because their borders rarely, if ever, touched the sea. Using the same logic on this episode, why focus on trains when Earth ponies can endure long distances, pegasi can fly, and unicorns can have a variety of spells to enhance their stamina and what not (not to mention outright teleportation for those who are willing to study magic more than the norm)?
Now, bionics, on the other hand, would get a boost from the war. With ponies suddenly getting fractured, broken, and missing wings and horns left and right (and, assuming that technology progressed since the last major Equestrian scuffle), much research would pour into bionics apparently out of nowhere.
Also, don't forget that magic in Equestria can't be used as a "This explains everything" kind of thing. Magic has principles and, I would like to think, treated as a science in and of itself.
8729600
If you don't like maths just skip to the '***'
Well to show just how why pegasi need magic to fly I need to explain why they can't fly without it. I'm going to assume that the air density and gravity are the same in equestria as on earth.
I'm believe that ponies are about the size of a large dog. A German Shepard weighs about 30kg. Now a Pegasus would have weight saving features like hollow bones and such so I'll assume that rainbow weighs 20kg. 20x9.8=196 therefore rainbow weighs 196 newtons.
Now 1 cubic meter of air weighs 1.225kg, so let's say that per wing flap, rainbow moves 2kg of air. And let's say she flaps her wings at an average speed of 1m/s.
Now force=mass x acceleration, so 1x2=2. So rainbow generates 2N of thrust per wing flap. So 196/2 = 98.
***
This means when rainbow hovers her wing flaps are 98 times too weak to get her off the ground.
Obviously this means there is something else helping her fly, and that something is magic. I believe that Pegasus magic allows pegasi to hold and manipulate air, so when rainbow flaps her wings, her magic is "grabbing" onto the air around her and holding it in place so she can "push" off of it with her wings. She may even pull in surrounding air and move them under her wings.
Basically the air becomes much denser and more viscous so it is more like she's pushing off of something like water, and not air which allows her to fly. Or maybe something even more dense like honey, since in the breezie episode we see her just barely moving her wingtips and still managing to hover. Though this likely takes far more magic to do.
Furthermore the fact that she can "hold" onto air means she can make a cone of air in front of her which makes her more aerodynamic and stops most of the air from hitting her face. This is how she can reach rainboom speeds without her face being ripped off by the hundreds of miles an hour wind. Though some gets through which is why we can still her wind against her body.
But hey, that's just a theory. A pony theory.