- Member Since 14th Feb, 2015
- offline last seen February 12th
Dandereshy
I write sins, not tragedies. Patreon so I can continue doing... whatever it is I do.
Dandereshy
Joined 14th Feb, 2015 ·
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- Dandereshy · 7.2k words · 32 4 · 812 views
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Nice Work
8684029
Thanks.
8684141
Thanks! Doesn't sound crazy to me.
If this story isn't going to have a happy ending, then why does it have "hope" in the title?
8692620
I didn't say it wouldn't have a happy ending. Lol
Alrighty then where to start where to start? Firstly I loved the attention to detail and the imagery that you used. The flow and pacing of this first chapter were also done well. I was completely invested for most of the read. though the switching of points of view were jarring at the beginning it didn't subtract from the immersion. It was a bit long, but completely okay. I greatly enjoyed it. Leaving us with a somber tone and a sense of suspense before the next chapter. Without reading the next chapter I can't say if that's a pro or a con, but after reading this I'm sure the next chapter will definitely deliver. I did find two mistakes the first is this.
I believe you meant to use "be" instead of "he". The second was when Fluttershy said there was a bad storm ongoing instead of going on. But really that's just a stylistic choice. All in all I could see it. I could hear it, I could read it good job. I look forward to the next chapter.
8705512
I really apologise for not returning the favor or replying to you. I got caught up with life stuff and I've been gone a couple months. I'll see if maybe I can get around to checking out one of your stories and giving some feedback.
I've added this to Favourites and Read it Later.
8882710
Why, thank you.
Man, are you a boy scout or something? I oughta make a checklist of all the good survival techniques you made mention of in here. This chapter was tense and perilous and adorable at the same time. I love it and I wish the newest chapters can come sooner. This is A-grade quality in my opinion.
And the Fluttershy cuddling. Man, Fluttershy cuddling is so adorable.
8882952
I'm not, actually.
I learned what I know from a variety of sources, including, but not limited to:
Watching survival movies/shows. They can be a great resource. Shows like Man vs Wild provide an in-depth and realistic look into what survival is all about.
Online research. You can find many a site devoted to survival and what to expect in certain situations, and how to live in even the worst of them. If you do some looking around, you can find some very helpful stuff.
Books/magazines. I do a lot of reading, and I've gone through a few survival books and magazines. They definitely hold a lot of helpful information if you actively need it.
Experience. I've lived in the woods before, and it's definitely fun to learn techniques on surviving in any living situation. I know quite a bit on what plants to avoid and which are edible, trapping, how to tell what the future weather will be like, staying warm/cool, and making fire out of just about anything, even if wet. There's much to learn if you wish to be prepared for a tragedy like the one depicted in my story.
I'm glad you're enjoying it while at the same time learning. I hope to continue to pique your interest.
8882970
I'm actually a boy scout, as a matter of fact. It's remarkable that you know as much as I do about this stuff--heck, even more than I do! It's great to see something really, actually, marvelous in its knowledge of what to do!
Oh, and thanks for the watch.
8883047
Not a problem at all.
Wuh oh! This is picking up pace quickly!
And there's more adorable romance in life or death situations! Aww!
Okay, I am hooked! Awesome work
!
Sad but true
.
I’m liking this more and more! That cuddle scene is so adorable too
!
Ha
!
Let me guess, it’s the Grey Wolves 🐺 .
Anyway she wants hm
?
Also, holy hay that Amarok is scary
!
9066597
That's awesome! I'm glad you're enjoying it so far.
Woo finally got around to reading this and I’m glad I did! This story has me hella hooked and I can’t wait till the next chapter
I’m not very good at critique, but I will say that I love your writing style. It’s easy and enjoyable to read. All of the little survival tips and tricks are a nice edition (even though I probably won’t remember half of them -.-). And the romance! I swear I am a huge sucker for well-written romance and I love how it’s being handled in this story! It doesn’t feel too rushed or drug out imo.
I suppose my comment is long enough so I’ll leave it at that. Have a nice day Dandere
9083460
I'm so happy you're enjoying it so far. To be honest I was losing interest in this story due to lack of feedback but I think I'll keep writing it. Thanks for the kind words and confidence boost.
9085864
(though I would respect your decision should you drop the story :/)
Well I’m glad I could help out in some way; made my day a little better
It’s stupid early, though, and I’ve been up all night so I’m gonna keep it at that and head off to bed
[im curious though have you added this story to a fair amount of groups? You could potentially get a lot of views/feedback/etc. that way (I’m not sure if there’s a way to see the groups the story is in and I’m too tired to attempt to find out)}
9086865
I think I have it in all the groups I could post it in. Sadly it's just not the kind of story that garners a lot of attention.
9089550
That’s a shame because it’s a wonderful story. I could always try to add it to some of the groups I’m in. (That is, if you don’t mind) I would try to start a thread in the self-promotion group, but I suck at summary so I doubt it would help much
9089767
You can do those things only if you want to. I won't ask you or anyone to do such a nice thing.
Nice ART bruh! Oh, um...I don't have time to read the actual story yet LOL
9090366
Yeah the art is pretty awesome! You should read it when you get the chance, it’s a great fic ^-^
9090461
KK :3
Edit: Your profile page says that: "Am I the only one who follows someone if they have a have a cool profile pic like “yo your pic is awesome *follows;*"" I do the same thing LOL.
9098904
lol glad to know I’m not the only one 😂
I'm not to great at complimenting people for their work, but uh, I really love this story. I find it to be just perfect in every way, even though I'm no writer so I can't name the areas you are doing so well in. I think it's called pacing or something.
What I'm trying to say is: this is amazing. You're amazing. And quite frankly, I hope for more chapters soon, since I am finding it difficult to put this down, and I'll be done reading all of what you've written by the end of the day.
9089550
Perhaps you could recommend the fic to a YouTuber like Scribbler who makes audio recordings of fics. It would certainly attract the attention you're looking to achieve
I agree with Meadow Feather.
9139437
I really appreciate the feedback! It makes me feel better about writing it, and now that more than one person has essentially said the same thing, I know I'm doing the story right, too. Thanks again, and I hope to keep you entertained!
The shipping train is slowly commencing
.
What
?
What's the matter Blue
?
Wait...
Don't tell me...
.
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Yas one of my favorite Fics updated!!! *does happy dance* I want to just sit and gush about this chapter but I really need to get to bed so I’ll try to keep it short.
1. My shipper heart is about to burst. Hhnng
2. I wonder if the wolf-thing will make a reappearance (I doubt it, but ehh *shrugs*)
3. NO! They did NOT come through while our little survivalists were off.. surviving. Gosh dang it
Welp that’s about all I can think of in my half consciencesness. Keep up the great work dandy!
Edit: WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH don’t tell me I haven’t upvoted this?! What?
smashes button there that’ll fix that!
9164473
I'm so glad you're still enjoying it. I will be trying to update this more often.
9164497
those words are like music to my ears
Ooooh man, first you throw the train over, then you send them over a cliff, then a waterfall, and now you hang US over a cliff?
I love this story!
9179648
I'm so very glad you're enjoying it.
You can has review!
9210844
Thanks again, friend!
I greatly enjoyed your review and will most certainly take your suggestions for what they are worth. 
Thank you for the story! I really like it!
Imho it’s very good that you do not go into much survival details like how to they sleep in the cave (they would probably have to make some insulation, it would nit be possible to sleep on the floor), situation with water, etc. The story is centered on characters in survival situation, not survival itself. And I like it about it. But still there were few inconsistencies I found while reading (or ate least they look like it, not being addressed by the story), so pointing them out as asked:
Also need to add the same as Paul mentioned in his review – switching pow to beast hurts the story. The story is told from perspective of our two survivors and adding the third one just kind of messed up the experince from that part for me.
But nevertheless the story is nice and interesting, and I definitely look forward to the next chapters. Thanks again for bringing it to us :)
9230505
I thank you for your time reading and reviewing my story! Any and all criticism is appreciated and I always take it into account when writing! I must say that yours is pretty detailed and overwhelming so I will reply to your finds one-by-one (NOTE: Keep in mind this story has no editor. I do it all by myself and on a phone which greatly reduces my ability to edit accurately):
Caboose windows Yes, the train suffered heavy damage in the fall, but not all the cars rolled over. The idea was that the only reason the caboose remined (mostly) intact was due to the fact that it slid down the mountain instead of rolling, meaning the windows were not broken out during the crash. I suppose this isn't clear in the story and I will likely edit that in the first chapter to clarify for anyone else who might have had the same thoughts.
Bodies I honestly don't have a very good excuse for this. I was more trying to deviate away from those and focus more on the survival aspects of the story, but I suppose that mental effects are part of the survival aspects. I will be looking for a good place to insert a couple paragraphs involving this topic.
Blankets If I'm not mistaken, I did say they had only one blanket to cover up with, not just one blanket altogether. They had two, and one needed to be used as ground cover to lay on. Later, for the sake of personal space, they decide to just use both blankets for cover. For future reference though, I might do some editing to these two parts so as to clear up any confusion that might arise.
Rescuers It is good you point out that the rescuers should've sent out a search party. I was hoping readers would notice that. The thing is, that is a plot point that I cannot yet discuss, not an error. If you so choose to continue reading, you will eventually see what I mean.
POV change Two POVs are hard to follow, but interesting. This is true. Introducing the predator's POV was an age-old form (in Hollywood movies, at least) of foreshadowing. Things that we as readers see and fear, but our poor heroine and hero cannot. The ultimate form of suspense is knowing what the characters do not and being unable to tell them of impending danger. This type of foreshadowing is not everyone's cup of tea, I understand, but in my honest opinion, it fits well in this particular story due to it being an important part of the plot.
I thank you again for your time and hope you keep up with this story as it updates!
9233314
Thank you for the answers!
Few more comments:
Caboose - here are two phrases which made me think it was damaged enogh for windows to shatter: "running them to the caboose and setting them just inside the twisted entry"; "The caboose was moderately damaged, but had hardly any holes from the fall.".
I assumed that this train was not the kind of modern trains with reinforced windows but more like trains in 50s-70s with usual glass. In that case even smallest change of geometry (stretch, twist) - will cause windows to shatter. And in case if it fell and had enough damage to twist entry - I expected that there will be holes with shards, no single intact glass window; no normal glass windows would stay whole in such scenario (unless magic of course).
Blankets - this one: "She sighed resignedly. "Then what do you suppose we do, since this is the only blanket we have?"". Probably needs to be corrected. Though I personally like the idea with one blanket :) As an idea - you might tell that they were too tired to prepare any insulation except sleep on the second blanket (though those blankets do have to contain a spell or two to be able to sleep like that). And the next day - they could cover the floor with few inches of some insulation (branches, leaves, bush or whatever grows there), sleeping on such bed could be extremely uncomfortable though if you do not know how to prepare it.
POV change - that's just imho in this case. I when I was reading I was basically skipping these parts - it was just too direct and too holywood-style (oh, this thing will confront/attack them in short time) and, well, I care about our heroes, but I do not care about the beast. I do not pretend to suggest you to edit it out, just wanted to add that I got the same impression as Paul - that the story would be better without it. Finding that pawprint would be more than enough for me to understand that something is wrong, very wrong, while leaving it up to the reader to fantasize about possibilities.
Rescuers - Oh, so I was thinking in the right direction. :)
" If you so choose to continue reading, you will eventually see what I mean." - definitely :)
Decent premise.
Let's check this out.
No, no you can't
!
Oh wow, a butterfly
! Then again, considering the age he was at, its understandable why he was scared
.
Eeyup, it really is
.
I bet any kid would be scared of that
!
For obvious reasons
.
Understandable...it's hard for shy folks to do that a lot of times
.
Gotta conquer that inner fear girl
!
Awww, why'd you stop there
? You were doing so well Blue
!
Hopefully not screw it up
.
Oh no, not again
!!!
RUN!!!
Oh Flutters
...
Oh, I saw what he said
!
Nice
!
Thank Celestia...
.
Awww, Blue~
!
Not without you
.
Many others can relate Blue...many others can relate
.
Not true
!
YAY, HE SAID IT
!!! THE SHIPPING BOAT HAS SAILED
!!!
Yes! let your hear soar Blue
!!! LET IT SOAR LIKE THE WINGS OF AN EAGLE🦅!!!
As if it didn't try just several minutes ago
!
These two are gonna be just fine
.
Wow...another great chapter there Dandy! Great to see you back in business buddy
!
9341357
I do hope you find some enjoyment in it.
9341495
Very glad you're still enjoying it! And I'm also glad to have finally gotten to update this. It needed it.
9341569
.
Totally
IM LATE!!!! IM LATE FOR A VERY IMPORTANT DATE!
This is almost like an early Christmas present for my since I’m reading it the day before Christmas Eve
and my shipper heart is absolutely jumping for joy! Great chapter Dandy! 
9363347
I'm super thrilled that you're still enjoying the story!
Hay there I just wanted to say you are really good and got me hocked I don't read much with beath in it but your story give just enough for me to read it so keep it up also out of boredom I am keeping goo track of the time left sense the title is 366 hours I figure you are trying to hit that point so I got curious as I read up to this chapter how much time is left and they have like 4 days and 5 hours (101 hours) left when last hour mark was said. Other than that keep up the good work and can't wait for the next chapter