Fight the Future! On a Budget.

by eraser

Monster Hunt Gone Sideways: Janitor and Party (December 15, 1996)

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They were walking the empty streets of Ponyville. Occasional passers-by — mainly colourful ponies — wished good morning to Twilight and Steve. And the agents too. Pyr couldn't decide if he should listen to his paranoia or quell it. The town was suspiciously clean. The inhabitants were suspiciously friendly...

The second human they met was a lanky teenager washing windows of a two-storey house from a ladder. Kamran noted the lack of safety harness.

"That's our Lean John. I mean John Kellogg," Steve explained. "John, could you come down talk to these suits?"

"Who?" John replied turning around.

Yes, the guy matched one of the photos they saw. John Kellogg, gas station attendant.

"Your parents reported you missing," Pyr started. "We are investigating—"

"Here I am, alive and well!" John interrupted him. "Now you may go back and tell them to stuff it! And stop wasting your time." He took a breath and continued calmer: "And I'd really appreciate, if you don't tell them how to get to Ponyville."

"Don't worry about that. This portal is likely to be classified and cordoned," Pyr assured him.

"Thanks," John said climbing down.

"Troubles with parents?" Pyr inquired with a hint of sympathy.

"Like you won't believe. I'm old enough to live on my own. I do live on my own. But they insist on visiting me daily to tell me how much of a failure I am. Most employers don't appreciate it. I don't want to lose this janitorial job too."

"Aren't you a bit too young to live on your own?" Pyr asked.

John laughed.

"That's the best part. I'm almost thirty, I just look young."

Yes, Pyr recalled the file saying twenty-something.

"If it becomes necessary, will you testify under oath that you came here voluntarily and are staying here voluntarily?"

"No problem. I mean, I did leave without warning and didn't appear at work, but they were going to fire me anyway. So when Steve came out of the blue and suggested to move to a nearby town where my troubles won't follow me, I didn't hesitate. I didn't remember giving him a dollar last year, but he did. Where do I sign?"

"Not now. Maybe tomorrow," Pyr said.

"You'd better hurry then," John said. "I'm not going anywhere, but Rick and Dick are leaving today and won't be back until after tomorrow."

"They work on a night train to Manehattan," Twilight explained. "Jill too. But it leaves in the evening, so no need to hurry."

Pyr was going to ask if Manehattan was something like New York, but suddenly got entangled in a pink blur together with Kamran. Fortunately, the agents did not start shooting immediately.

The blur resolved to a pink pony with a poofy mane not unlike what Discord demonstrated. She wrapped her forelegs around the agents' shoulders, then buried her face in Pyr's chest (probably because it was closer) and said tearfully:

"I really want to be you friend. And to give you the welcome party you deserve. I'm so sorry, I can't!"

And she darted away, leaving Pyr's shirt wet with tears.

"What was that?" Pyr and Kamran said in chorus.

"Pinkie Pie," replied John.

"Being Pinkie," Steve added with a chuckle. "She runs a bakery. Gives welcome parties to every new arrival. Looks like the party she prepares for you isn't up to her standards. Don't worry, you'll enjoy it anyway."

"I apologize for that," said Twilight. "Pinkie can occasionally foresee the future. I guess she saw something wrong with the party."

"Ah, foresight." Pyr didn't know what to do: pretend uninterested, or pump all the info on foresight they could get. Kamran clearly had picked 'uninterested'. Lucky him, to have such control over his face. "She probably foresaw that we are in a hurry and won't be able to stay."

"M-maybe..." Twilight wasn't convinced. "She never reacted as strongly."

Pyr would've enjoyed a detour to solve this mystery as well, but they did need to hurry. For once things were looking up. The aliens proved non-hostile, the wonders weren't lethal, the missing people started to show up alive... In the last missions he felt like a forensic pathologist, observing the aftermath of tragedies. Bringing good news would be a welcome change. And hurry — if they go missing too long, SC may lose patience and start combing the area with heavy weapons.

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