Twilight throws a masquerade ball to mask the new disease from the innocent ponies
Until an uninvited guest makes an appearance.
Credit to a friend, Waxworks for editing this
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 16th Jul, 2018
- offline last seen May 11th, 2022
dsmenastoner
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dsmenastoner
Joined 16th Jul, 2018 ·
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It was also a petty jerk that couldn't stand the concept of escapism. I wonder who she caught the infection from since this guy's an obvious allegory for death.
The Masque of the Red Death was one of my favorite Edgar Allen Poe short stories, and this was a nice little adaption. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Love the way you ended the story... I give this story a thumbs up! xxxx
Very cool adaptation of Masque of the Red Death, which is one of my favorite Poe stories as well!
I like how you worked in the Mane 6 as the colors of the rooms, though it would be cool to have at least a paragraph or two more of detail, since describing the rooms is a large part of the original.
It is... a good first try. You might want to go back to the source, and see why Poe's story worked, and how its style contributed to the sense of unease, tension, and brutality. The Prince of the original story attempts to seize the 'mummer' and promises to hang him off of the battlements - a display of savagery and violence, which plays into the explosion of blood and death which resolves the story. Why is your protagonist Twilight, and not, say, Blueblood?
What you've got here is a pony story about a very not-pony subject. You either need to figure out a way to make the subject more pony-like - by making it something more humorous and less horrible - or to find the viciousness in your equines to justify the ugliness of the plague.
For instance:
Once, a prince named Blueblood took in his fellow nobles, and to escape against an epidemic of pranking in the capital, held a masque in his fortified, barricade ducal palace. A soiree for only the dignified, a way to celebrate and maintain their dignity away from the snickering mob. But there, among the stiff and self-important ponies of merit, lurked a mummer-Pinkie, who slithered through the press of stallion and mare, here, there - planting pie-traps, trip-wires, glitter-bombs - everywhere that a tired noble might rest his weary hooves.
In a moment of inattention, she is caught, they have found the sabateur, she is unmasked!
And the chase is on, as the affronted crowd rush to drive this disrespectful peasant from their sanctum, their special place. The pink harlequin danced, and pranced, and led her pursuers in a tarantella of tricks and pranks, always one hoof ahead of the well-dressed mob. But finally, finally, they cornered her in the last room of the masque.
And there, then, with the pink pony caught firmly in the pursuers' hooves, Blueblood himself in the fore - then, then. Then the Pinkie-automoton explodes! It splattered Blueblood, it splattered Hoity Toity, it splattered Upper Crust and Jet Set - it got them all , and its detonation coated them in an impossible coating of cake-batter and sprinkles! And down from the rafters drifted cackling, and giggling, and laughter upon the proud ponies in their batter-slick finery. She never stopped laughing, but no matter how they looked and searched and sought, not a noble could find her, nor spot even a flash of pink in the night.
For the Pink Prank held dominion over all!
Liked for a first story, but think about style and subject matter going forward.
Yes, I liked it. Though, I'm still wondering about Starlight's room. Is there a story behind it?