Green Supernova
Joined 21st Nov, 2018 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Good story, very simple and easy to follow storyline; starts off a little slower than I liked (but I am also somewhere between buzzed and drunk while reading this story) but after Anon gets to Pinkie's party things picked up great. The story was paced amazingly, and it wasn't centered around sex, a bonus for clop stories. Sold 10/10, and added to my favorites!!
9357558
Thank you haha!
I'm a very big fan of building characters before getting to the real juicy stuff as it helps for context. I'm happy that you enjoyed my story!
I loved it! Good job man!
This was good. I really enjoyed this one.
9357981
9358772
Thanks to you both for reading!
I appreciate that you enjoyed it!
Down vote
Some fun lead up, and great vanilla dessert
Please make a sequel
9359170
I plan on making more stories in the same style as this one. They won't be sequels per se, but what you enjoyed about this story will be in the next clopfic I do.
Alrighty. This story was good. I only have one complaint.
Rainbow Dash.
Rather, how often you just used the name "Rainbow Dash". I am totally cool with the fast blue pony but I started to really notice how often you'd say her name over and over again.
Rainbow Dash, Rainbow, Dash, Dashie, Rain, Skittles, Fast pone, blue pone, blue pony, blue speedster, light blue pegasus, sky blue sports pony, tomcolt, blue wonderbolt, pony who's got your dick is inside half her body, pony with the prismatic mane....
Well you get the point. Usually I have to tell authors there are more names for vaginas and dicks than just pussy and cock. However with Dashie and any other character, you need to use other names and means to say who is talking.
Apart from that, 7.5/10, boosted to 8 if you edit some nicknames in there.
This story was just so eh... and just plain boring to read. I had a real hard time just wanting to stay reading and not just skim through it. Far to many tropes overly used and ABUSED! Right down to the "gets tossed into Equestria and is some anti social introvert that somehow catches the eye of a cliche Rainbow Dash". It just feels cookie cutter with any of the other HiE trash fics floating on this site.
Honestly, I didn’t finish the story. I was just starting to get used to all the typos and imperfect grammar, when I hit a point where you literally repeated Dash’s full name four times in the same paragraph, if not more. I just took one look and thought “Nope. I cannot do this.” I tried, I even gave the story a like, because clearly, there was effort put in, but I can’t finish it. As someone else pointed out, you can’t just keep using a character’s full name all the time. Maybe if it was a character like Fluttershy or Rarity, whose names are one word only, but even then it’s not advisable. With one like Rainbow . . . Hel, even in the show they typically call her by nicknames rather than her full name.
9359416
9360050
Those are some honestly really good pieces of feedback. I never thought about how repetitive it would sound if I called her by her full name the entire time. I guess I was worried about "Lavender Unicorn Syndrome" and went too far in the opposite direction haha.
I'll be sure to keep this in mind when I write the next story!
9360111 I'd like to give you a tip as well, semi-veteran to newbie, if you don't mind the titles. First, never, ever, rush your chapters, stories, descriptions, or any form of creative writing. This isn't school, so don't ever worry about time limits. You are the one who decides when this stuff gets published. And considering how obviously rushed this is, and the amount of rude comments below, even if they are minimal, I'd recommend you do this with any story or chapter or even description.
1) Brainstorm your idea.
2) Outline it, trim it down a bit if need be
3) Start writing it
4) Look over your work
5) Decide whether to edit it, or throw it out and rewrite
Now, I know what you're gonna say, "But I don't want to rewrite it! It looks good!" I understand that. But, there's a damn good reason SO many experienced writers tell you to rewrite over and over and over, even if you love the idea. I also understand that that can be seen as crushing. Which is why in the guide above I said, "Decide," instead of flat out saying rewrite it. But I want you to REALLY think hard on whether you should rewrite it or not.
Another thing is, a lot of people on this site, like a few below, are much too focused on finding absolutely perfect stories and trashing stories like this because they aren't perfect. Furthermore, very few, especially those previously mentioned, ever stop to think that, maybe, just MAYBE saying they didn't like it or saying obviously mean things won't help make better authors. Seriously, guys, that's not even tough love, nor is it anywhere near constructive. That's fucking bashing. What happened to being a fan of Friendship is Magic? Point is, don't let them get to you. Instead, since so many won't even elaborate, try asking them what they didn't like, and even what they did like. Go in depth with your questions. Be cordial about it, too.
But one of the most helpful things I can tell you is that looking in-depth at other writers, not just on here but IRL, can help a helluva lot. Furthermore, really study the English language, get immersed in it and the worlds and tales you want to make. Try and create your own style of writing. Heck, for me, I try writing differently in each story, so if you wanna try that route, go right ahead. Doing all of that will make you a much better writer.
And hey, the people on the site liked this story well enough to bump it to the Featured box and keep it there for three whole days! That's a major achievement, man! Be proud of that!
And if you ever need someone to give you more tips, don't ever be afraid to shoot me a message! I love helping new writers out, and I'm always happy for more friends!
9361326
If there was one thing to add to your comment it would be. Have FUN. That is why were all here anyways.
9361326
I'd like to thank you for the amazing feedback. I'll be sure to shoot you a message at some point if you're still willing to.
I've been writing on here for about a month and I do have a lot I still need to learn, and I'm always open to hearing things that need to be improved on. Negative feedback never bothers me if it's constructive and not just hate without a purpose.
Thank you once again for the words of encouragement!
9361383 ACK! How could I forget?!? Demmit, boys! I told you to bring me more coffee, but instead you left me dry for five hours!
We were on break, tho-
No excuses! Five days in the dungeon, all of you!
9361567 Anytime! I'm willing practically anytime, and always glad to hear I helped.
This is probably one of my favorites still so far.
well done.