A spiritual rewrite of the deleted story 'A Shimmering Memory'. Sunset has decided to take drastic measures after being accused of being Anon-a-Miss. She finds family with the most unlikely of people.
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/f3/6a/e9/f36ae9f0fc7c1df940863d2eadea7fb0.jpg
This is the basis for Sunset's outfit. Credit goes to Marty Scurll for the design
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Okay this part got me
Point the First: Rainbow needs a good hard bitch slap; excuse me, Gibbs slap; upside the head for that bit of stupidity.
("Element of Loyalty", my ass. I just have the feeling that a certain rainbow-maned pegasus would have more than a few choice words for her about this.)
And thank you for not making Applejack the unrepentant heavy in this one, like a good many of these A-a-M fics do.
Same for the other girls.
I can't do this...This story it's nice idea really nice. But you are ruining it with your GRAMMAR! It's terrible alright I'll be honest, it written in such a manner it hurts to read it.
I'm out.
Is it finished or are there more chapters?
9411944
Fixed. It was complete but I forgot to correct it
The chapter seems rushed
I mean you definitely tried with this, but the dialogue just feels so stilted and robotic and there are hardly any cutaways to show character reactions after bits of dialogue, particularly when they visit Sunset in the hospital
first Fluttershy should be the one asking for forgiveness not telling she forgave sunset
second
sunset should have sat up and strangled that bitch RD
I agree. This first chapter felt extremely rushed. There was honestly no build up to Sunset’s attempted suicide and the jumps between characters made the whole chapter feel incredibly disjointed.
I’m hoping since there are 8 more chapters after this, they will be better. But, I’m not holding out much hope if they are the same as this one.
So, after reading 3 chapters of this, I skipped straight to the end to post my final comment. If you want to know my opinion on this story, I posted it in the first chapter. However, I will add that it would probably be best if you took this down and rewrote it from the ground up. Get a popular writer on here to help you as well, because as it is, this thing is a complete and total train wreck.
There are many stories on here where Sunset attempts suicide due to Anon-A-Miss and are better written than this. You could have given your spin on the idea, but all you ended up doing was making a disjointed mess that really isn’t worth reading. I’m sorry if this is not what you want to hear, but I’m borrowing a page out of Applejack’s book and being honest.
Definitely rushed out and not really thought out.
The grammar is bad on many points and you are...going...too...fast...!
BENEFICIAL!!!!!
Those Rainbooms are the reason Sunset is at the hospital and they’re the reason she was driven to suicide!!!
I SAY BAN THEM FROM SEEING SUNSET FOR 4 WEEKS SO SHE CAN HAVE TIME TO RECOVER AND HEAL HER MIND!!!
DOESN’T ANYONE IN THIS STORY LISTEN TO WHAT I SAID!!!!!
9416406
I agree. This is a mess. And that is saying something, given I wrote one of the big Anon-a-Messes on here.
Wait......... Hasn't at this point Sunset been observant of everything happening around here including the fact the the CMC already confessed to everything at this point to people? So why the buck would she ask this question?
9587627
She wanted the confirmation and confidence from her dad Discord about it. With his job as janitor; no one pays him any thought even though he sees all that happens in the school.
I must say this is an interesting story so far.
9634251
Thank you for the opinion
9634800
No problem.
The pintrest link makes an account and they start e-mailing you
9664675
Thank you for letting me know. That was not intentional for any problems to occur
9664852
Your welcome and I hope you find out why it does that.
It was good but I liked the tournament much better
9747226
Thanks. Being a fan of Gears; I wanted to make my own version of a tournament
I've really enjoyed reading this story. I've read it at least a dozen times.
Thank you very much. I'm glad you like it
Pretty good story I'm actually impressed with it if you ever make a sequel to this story I'll read it the moment it comes out
9769738
Thank you for the compliment; but I don't have any plans to continue this story
Show.
9779176
Corrected. Thanks for pointing it out
9779189
Your welcome and I wish you were still making stories like this.
9770056
Aw.
I realize this story is already done but... my thoughts on chapter 1
reads almost like a draft script before casting. I've read worse, beats obviously google translate stuff
9 pints of blood? A teenage girl probably only has about 6 as full grown adults only have about 8. Don't go too deep into details if you want something to seem believable. Take the described injury, even the best medical attention within seconds would not be able to save someone from that
9940937
Thanks. I fixed it to be reasonable.
Human Chrysalis becoming Sunset’s mom is a nice touch, I can kinda see how that could happen. I wished there was more interaction with them.
9770056
Sad because I really wish it would continue.
nice work on all chapters
10019346
Thank you for the complement
heres a new shake your tail for u to use https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJnYZskgzkg
10069503
Thanks. Link has been changed to the new one
10070651
and it the same channel as well
I feel as though this should have been a sequel, written as a connected piece to the main story since this doesn't appear to be the path you are taking. Fine chapter, I guess.
RD, AJ, and Rarity can’t say sh*t, because if your gonna tell your parent or guardian what the cmc did you should also tell them what you did.
Forgive her for what? She didn’t do anything, Y’all the ones that f*cked up, Take responsibility.
Honestly, I lost respect for nearly everyone in this chapter, except RD.
Didn’t she accept starlight outright though?
This was so adorable.