Valeomega
Joined 20th Jan, 2019 ·
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This is but the first chapter so I didn't reveal to much yet considering story wise makes no sense and yes for those who read the story tags and info it will come to that first chapter is just the groundwork
Okay mate, couple things:
First, your sentence structure is pretty good. Just needs some minor tweaks here and there, but overall, not too bad.
Second, if you have the option, use your spellchecker. There were a few words that had a letter missing here and there.
Third, punctuation. Doesn't matter if it's descriptive, spoken, or what have you. At the end of a sentence, some form of punctuation is needed. Be it period, question mark, exclamation point, etc. So long as it matches up with the sentence before it.
Fourth, watch out for run-on and incomplete sentences.
Nice start. Can't say much more till I read more, but this looks promising!
Wait, he killed a direwolf? Damn. Oh well, we can work on taming everfree beasts later
Ladies and gentlemen... let the RGR start
Scuse-me?
who are you callin' weak m8
*cracking knuckle noises*
Awesome story mate👍👍👍👍👍
9452998
Thanks buddy
9453175
Lol your comments made me laugh
*<>* well this. Is definitely a road under construction... Could use more detailed development as it goes. Maybe idk im just a truck
9453407
Yeah it's still under construction hell the first chapter doesn't cover introduction yet but maybe a few small hints, if you know what to look at
I like what you have so far
. If he has a truck or jeep with a diesel engine then he can use cooking oil as fuel. and he should cut some trees and make a wall around the property for protection. does he have any weapon or fishing rod for hunting 
any old rifle or shotgun that he can get Zecora to and make gunpowder for.looking forward to the next chapter
9453690
True but the newest chapter will explain why it wouldn't matter yet
Sorry if it goes slow I'm well new to writing fanfics
I really enjoy what you have so far, im excited to see more :)
9454317
I will write more actually writing more right now, I'm new to the hole fanfic writing part but I'm happy you like it. And I'm sorry if the main plot isn't going as fast as some other people might hope but I'm happy you like it
9452998
Thank you I'll pay closer attention to it
Not a bad start but you could use an editor
9454517
yeah idk how to find one sorry :(
You meant off you keep saying of multiple times to your story
We weren't told that this was a thought until literally the last word of this paragraph. One good way to express things as thoughts is to italicize what he's thinking rather than putting it in quotation marks. You could also put "he thought" right at the beginning to let us know early. Like this:
9454726
thank you will edit now :p
9454712
sorry english aint my main language care to explain what i did wrong with an example buddy sorry if that's to much to ask
Thank you everypony for commenting ,advice and those who added to their favorites
It really means a lot to me my first story is so enjoyed and the comments and advice given to make me a better writer really help
I've noticed a few broken grammar area's.
noise
Noose is something used to execute people with in public.
Some broken English here.
"I'll let you see my clothes later miss. Can I offer you two anything to drink?"
William came back with multiple
glazesglassesI think it'd be-
Here's said tea for the soothing Pegasus
It's not a bad story and DO keep up the good work. Just look over some spelling once or twice.
It's only that the wording gets jumbled and confuses the reader.
Awaiting update.
9455090
thanks buddy and you won't have to wait long :p first fix those spelling errors u found and then a small chapter well i find it a small chapter its bigger then the first but not as big as the second one as for the spelling errors yeah English aint my main language but i'm happy you pointed it out buddy
Good chapter
I'm looking forward to the next one.
Since he has electricity they can watch movies I think maybe some animes like initial d.
Bleach. 
air gear.
tengen toppa gurren lagann . 
on dvd
*puts in the read later shelf* Looks interesting I'm looking for a second person thing right now though and, judging by the beginning, it's third person. Can you remove the second person tag please?
9455421
I have done so :p
9455410
Heheheh who knows :p still DVD what era u from bro :p , he is a tinkering tom and a nerd you think he uses DVDs for storage :p
9455531
90 kid here
9455538
same but a nerd so ;p
Now that I'm more awake and reading this...you really need an editor.
9455978
sadly i am aware of this :(
9456056
Nothing to be ashamed of, it's just that the wording is strange and some words are wrong. You just need to ask for some help.
9456323
Yeah but I don't know who to turn too.
I'm aware the wording isn't perfect it can't be expected since English is the 6th language I learned and not my main language
9455410
Hellsing Ultimate Abridged (insert evil laughter)
WOW six languages!?! I bow to your superior linguistic knowledge! And you know what they say "practice make perfect". But I have no problem reading your story and find I quite enjoyable. As for the somewhat slow pace I don't mind, I don't like it when stories speed through things.
9456593
Well I'm happy to hear it as for the slow pacing it makes sense though I do drop small signs in chapters pointing to something to build off but the pacing story wise will remain slow since Well it takes time to adapt to something as foreign as magic for a body that hasn't been in contact with it :p and well linguistic knowledge isn't everything :p
9456732
There are some groups that specialize in pairing authors and editors up. I'd offer to edit but I'm not on as much as I used to be.
Sorry everypony Chapter 4 is slightly delayed because of slight health problems and my isp being a pain lately caused me half of it once but i can write it again , Welp this is Vale signing out to a fluffy cloud to sleep on :p
Great job, I really like your take on RGRE. Many Authors grab the RGRE frying pan and proceed to viciously beat the reader over the head with it continuously sentence after sentence. Your more reasonable with it. I like that, so good job.
Minor complaint. Run on sentences and lack of commas. You really do need a editor/proof reader. If you go to one of Fimfictions writers groups, you should have no trouble finding one. There are always people willing to help. Just have to join the group and ask.
Thumbs Up
The Monk
“On her doorstep was Twilight Sparkle. While Derpy deeply respected the mare, like most in Ponyville, they wished she'd either switch to decaf, or start hitting the harder stuff.” -Dan_s Comments
Butt not but
9459258
Thanks edited :p
9458728
Yeah I gotta look into that :( , sadly I'm not sure if anypony would even want to do it or if it's worth bothering someone over
Your sentence structure could use some work. You have words in places where they make no sense. You repeat "have some fun " several times in one paragraph. Some sentences sound alright while others seem somewhat jumbled. The story progression is pretty good, just work on the grammar a little and rework some of the dialogue to make it sound a little more rational.
Just a little constructive criticism. Overall not bad for what i am assuming is your first fan fic.
I see where the stories going but I’m not going to ruin it
9466285
Hehehe you sure? :p
9466283
Thank you though, I wish someone would desire to aid me with it but honestly I think nobody would see this story worth editing or helping with so I do not ask since I don't wanna waste people their time
You need a proofreader and editor, but it's fantastic nonetheless
This story needs its punctuation fixed badly.
Damn it i wanted to see human magic
9467531
Oh well that's your misconception my friend magic is a force a power asking to see it all would be to much for even me to write since magic is an art which is devided by people to make order and form groups to create order I mean there Is ambient magic using glyphs and brews , enchanting , and many other forms and sub forms in so many possible specialisations so how can you see it all?
By my definition of magic it Is using a incorporeal force to create a desired effect so yeah very big umbrella
GET
AN
EDITOR
Seriously, I couldn't keep track of what was happening, it was a jumbled mess that had too much packed into too short of a time-frame and too short of a word count.