- Member Since 5th Feb, 2019
- offline last seen 4 hours ago
The Cloptimist
do not mistake peace for quiet
The Cloptimist
Joined 5th Feb, 2019 ·
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I love a good Sunset Shimmer story but if you wanna get spicy with things...Capes, girls in capes always a turn on.
9454581
This one is noticeably short on capes, I can't deny.
9454589
Indeed, now imagine some Fendom with Sunset Shimmer in a cape, dressed to be a Ruthless evil Queen over her unruly subject...whoever that may be.
Boom, just gave you your next story lol
9454581
9454589
Funny you two should mention Sunset in a cape...
[Adult story embed hidden]
9454728
I know the guy who wrote that.
9454729
Nice. That story just happened to be on my "Hot!" bookshelf. Nutty coincidence, huh?
9454732
lol..Sweet, I see you write a bit clop yourself, should add to the trend ;p
9454734
That I do, and maybe I will some time in the future. =)
9454740
Nice if you ever wanna bounce off ideas and what not PM me...always happy to talk.
9454742
I'll keep that in mind.
> sees notification: 10 comments about my new story!
"Yay!"
> sees none of them are about my story at all, and one of them is advertising a completely different story
"Aww."
C'mon, I'm a new writer who's been here a whole week... I loved writing this story so much, but I won't get better without feedback, does anyone have any for me?
9454815
I will say that one problem I notice is that sometimes these stories feel a bit choppy, especially if you are going to write clop you gotta write it in a way that's descriptive and poetic, I wanna feel goosebumps reading it. Get a really good description, what are her eyes, what is her hair color...What sort of beauty is the person you are writing about .
9454815
You've had good stories concepts, but I feel that none of them had made it to there full potential, and the writing itself is definitely something that I could see needs vast amount of improvement over....some of it feels...First draft and needs cleaning up.
9454906
Thanks - any specific bits you felt were underwritten/in need of cleaning up?
9454908
I feel like the beginning paragraphs could have used a pickup. It's more an overall thing of things feeling...Rushed in places, I'd suggest getting a co-writer, editor, getting extra eyes to look over it...Objective voices to critique your work.
Try other things too like practice with others RP with folks on google docs or wherever you do that stuff.
I'm always happy to offer my services in areas if you want it.
9454908
I will also say this story does feel a bit long to get to somewhat clop....and that maybe it's to much talking. Like it's hard for me to tell if there is any clop happening here. You can have long stories but you gotta pace them out.
9454923
OK, well, thanks for the feedback. I wanted it to be slow, to be more about their relationship than just having them implausibly jump into bed together straight away, but I get that that's not for everyone. As for the rest, well, like I said, I'll try to get better.
9454934
No slow is good.....But I feel that it needed to have some build up to it, seed into the idea that this is where it's all leading too.
9454815
XD Sorry about that. Tell you what. I'll read your story tomorrow, then I'll give you feedback.
9454950
It's quite alright and I don't mind! I just got excited with all the notifications to see what people were saying, and then... the only person who's actually read it and commented here apparently hated it, so, yeah. Them's the breaks.
I actually thought I'd written something quite good; it's meant to be a very slow-burning thing, but I assumed that it'd just get a lot of downvotes because of the nature of its initial premise. And from people who really hate Flash Sentry. Still... Like I said, I can only work on getting better, so if you did have any feedback, it's always gratefully received.
9454961
This was only your first story...and your longest, and you've only been here for just a bit....So you got a long way to do on the road to FanFiction greatness.
Just keep working hard...improve, listen to critique and then one day you'll come out on top
...
... Oh well.
I had fun writing it, anyway.
Loved it. Easily my new favorite story involving Flash and Sunset. even if not stricktly a romance fic for them it was something very unique and fascinating. I loved the long build up, so if you are worried about that it made things better in my opinion. The examination of Sunset and Flash’s admitted awkward situation was very well written and probably even better than more sexual scenes. I loved the concept of intimacy Sunset shared with Flash as well as her showing she wanted him to feel good as much as he wanted her to have something she didn’t get much. A really good mature fanfic, not a clop per say but I loved it. Also, dry humping can be very sexy and you very well expressed that. 10/10
9455154
Aw, thank you for that, it really means a lot.
9454938
The dialogue was packed with sex puns.
9456618
That, and the fact it starts with, well, Flash Sentry having just cum in his pants... :)
I'm glad someone picked up on those. The only part I didn't start with some kind of innuendo was the bit where Sunset is reassuring Flash that Princess Twilight isn't dating anyone, because I didn't want to actually write him asking the question and so it had to start kind of mid-sentence, and the joke would have probably taken away from it a bit... but now I kind of wish I did, just to complete the streak.
9456632
It’s fine as is. Honestly, if you’d done that, I would’ve found it annoying. A trend can be funny. A pattern, however? Too easy to fall into traps. Besides, in all the not quite awkward-ness, it’s nice I have that one serious bit. Makes the rest more real, if that makes sense.
9456647
You have no idea how happy this makes me, reading this and seeing that someone "got it". Thank you.
9456656
I only say what I see.
Well, I read it as promised. Never thought I'd get turned on by reading a story about dry humping. XD Had a lot of good one-liners in there, too!
9456696
Aw, thank you! I'm surprised - and impressed! - you actually did come back and read it, but I appreciate the kind words :)
9456705
You're welcome! Wasn't gonna leave you hanging.
Very good. Well polished with no typos or grammar errors I could find. Excellent interactions between Flash and Sunset. As to your 8 downvotes the sad fact is that any clopfic automatically attracts a few and any Flash Sentry story also automatically attracts a few. I'd say at most 1 of those downvotes was from a person who actually read the story.
So good work and keep writing.
9462958
Thank you for taking the time to say this - as a new writer I really appreciate the kind feedback!
At the time of the earlier comments, this one had more downvotes than upvotes, which was a bit depressing - I mean, the basic premise is fairly silly and pretty much guaranteed to annoy people, but I really didn't think it was that bad! - but since then, it's picked up a bit more, which is reassuring.
Considering the prompt, this is worlds better than it has any right to be.
Seriously, quite a fun, cute, sexy little story.
9555680
That's really kind of you to say, thank you! I had so much fun writing it.
I kind of want to use this and Red/Yellow (my other, non-clop Sunset Shimmer story) as the basis of a whole series of occasional little stories set in this slightly different version of the EqG universe.
This was very...cloptimistic.
Though this was really nice. Also interesting body image issues (namely the "which species are my genitals?" thing).
Their interaction was so sweet. Fav and a follow for this!
I will admit though, I would have totally offered to check for her on that. But that's just my inner horndog.
9556621
Aw, thank you so much! I really appreciate you taking the time to write that, it means a lot.
Can I ask a question? I'm not complaining in the slightest, but was this linked to somewhere, or something? It's been my least popular and least upvoted story (despite being my personal favourite!) pretty much since it was written, and then in the last week or so several people have shown up to say they like it, or added it to their favourites, or upvoted it, or all three. Which is lovely, and encouraging, but also slightly confusing!
9556963
Hrm, good question. I believe I found it by ways of one of the "Equestria Girls Fics" groups this fic is a part of. I was on a small hunt for new fics to read.
After a brief and unexplained uptick in popularity, this is back to being my "worst" story in terms of upvote percentage (I mean, it's still more than three quarters green, I think that's actually a pretty good ratio considering where it came from!). But I'll always be fond of it.
Hehe, wow. This was a lot of fun to read. Hilarious setup, excellent characterization and interplay (heh) between Sunset and Flash... this is just really good. XD
9810816
Thank you very much!
Okkie Dokkie, read the first of many stories I'll need to read. So feedback.
-Firstly DON'T focus on the upvote ratio, I've been on Fimfiction for over two years and none of my stories have a lot of upvotes to them.
What really matters is favrorites, and comments. It's very rare to get comments nowdays espicially with the show ending, but just keep trying.
You need to write for yourself before anyone else.
Now onto the story. Considering this was a "prompt" written story, it's decent. I wouldnt' call it "great" and here's why.
-There's too much dialogue. I feel a lot of what happens could've been put into the body language and the slow sensual build up.
-the puns made me groan a few times. Like really? Nothing terrible, just don't try to hard to make it funny when that's not the focus here.
-The sex in of itself could've been longer.
That is my main issues with the story.
The good is so much longer.
-For your first story on fimfiction it's actually a decent fiction, and it's very hard for Flash Sentry to be likable.
-I can tell this was written from the heart and that you are very passionate about it. (but don't let that passion weigh you down.)
-headpat worthy. *pats head*
Overall, I liked it, it's a decent story but not something I'd reread, mostly because time, and secondly it's not one of those stories you come back to. You read it, have fun and move on. Not sure that was the focus here but that's what I got. SORRY, I've probably talked way too much.
10166671
Don't be sorry, it was good to hear your in depth thoughts on the story! Thanks for taking the time to read it and letting me know what you thought.
10362519
Glad you liked it!