- Member Since 6th Dec, 2016
- offline last seen Apr 12th, 2021
jen_lee_hattie
Hi there one and all i hope you like the stories i try to make and everythnign i make is for fun and to make you either smile or cry, i am a fun of anime, mlp, video games and some other tv/cartoons.
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I don't know why I bothered reading this, but I did. You should get Grammarly. It's a free software that automatically checks your writing for mistakes. Not to be rude, but you really need it, and please review the rules before you post a story.
9785235
It is fine and thanks for the help, I will try it out. and I thought I made this story in the rules. can you please tell what rule(s) I am breaking so I can fix my story to be in the rules.
9785278
For the most part, it's grammar (Rule 11). If you get that out of the way, it'll be easier to move onto more advanced aspects of writing.
cdn.digitaldjtips.com/app/uploads/2017/09/07181610/trainwreck-digital-dj-tips-1204x642.jpg
9785346
I know am bad and I am working on it.
9785343
Ok, how deos it look like know? (use that thing you told me about.)
Let me put it this way: In your chapter title, none of the words are capitalized, and 'Prologue' is spelled wrong.
9785776
Ok fixed
I'm about to drop a hard truth on you: Not everyone can be a writer. You can say I'm mean and downvote my comment all you like, but it's true. Your writing is so poor that if you told me English was a tertiary language for you (not secondary, tertiary), I wouldn't be surprised. But even if I could look past that, you don't even have a clever or original plot. From what I could decipher, this is a displaced fic featuring overpowered Naruto self-inserts, right? No thanks.
Frankly this whole thing needs to be scrapped and you, sir, need to not try again until you've dedicated some serious time to improving your spelling and grammar. Sorry but the guy above who suggested Grammarly is wrong; relying on a website to fix your fic is like a band-aid on a bullet wound.
9786216
1. I know that not everyone is a writer but I do this for fun, 2. you only read the first chapter and not the whole fanfiction I have planned, 3. yes they well be op in time but not right away and I am planning on making the bad guys op to 4. That is why I am posting stories here so I can get honest people telling me what I need to improve. And like I said before I do this for fun (Grammarly has helped so far anyway.)
9786332
The work of a bored person with some time and ideas use.
9999050
No Nikko Hattie and Gekko Hattie only hate their mother and father for being abused.
10020171
I never was abused before so I went with what I thought was enough to show why they snap and ended their mother and father.
Why did you copy and paste paragraphs?
10377799
What?
10377930
there are paragraphs that are full on copy and pastes of earlier paragraphs
10378916
Can you show/tall me where there are so I can delete them that would be helpful.
10378940
I think this is the part they meant:
10610982
Well I did that to show that they had the same dream.
10611054
Makes sense; though you don't have to copy it word for word as that would be lazy writing. What you could do is have them both have a different variation of that dream. Like instead of Pinkie giving them cupcakes in both dreams, why not have one of them dream of a different pony doing something else.
Also, why do you need them to dream the same dream again?
10611073
to show a bit of the mantel trauma that they have do to abuse.
10611623
I'm quite aware of that part. What I meant was, why give them the same dream? Or rather, why repeat the same paragraph when you can just change the events of the dream? It'll practically be the same dream, but with differences due to the different personalities having the dream.
Also, the reactions of both Nikko and Gekko from the nightmare is really bad. You gave them the same reactions which tells your readers one thing: they are the same character. Now that would be a really good plot twist... if it weren't for the fact that other characters acknowledge that both sisters exist.
If you're making a story about two or more people, it's best to give them both a personality, actions, and reactions that differentiates the characters from each other.
10611915
I be reworking this chapter some time in the future, I am more forcus on my overpowed troll story.