At the Swimmin' Hole
Doctor Horse, Mayor Mare, the Ponyville police chief, and the stallion from Foal Protective Services glared across the hospital's conference table at Applejack, Big Mac, and Granny Smith.
"All right," intoned the mayor, "explain very carefully what happened."
"Every year," Granny Smith began, "the week after the Summer Sun Celebration, we Apples take a few days off the farm work and go campin' at that thar lake. Bin happenin' since I was Apple Bloom's age, ain't gonna stop now."
"Eeyup." Big Mac nodded.
"We know where it happened," said Dr. Horse. "The crew from the pegasus ambulance filed a report."
"Ah'm not sure what you're asking us, Mayor," said Applejack. "We explained that Apple Bloom fell and hurt herself."
"She has a concussion," said the FPS stallion, "and three broken legs. She's--"
"She's lucky to be alive!" Applejack interrupted. "Ah know that!"
"And you," said the police chief, "are going to need to explain very carefully how this happened. Usually these sorts of injuries are not the results of accidents."
Applejack burst to her hooves, and her chair flew across the room and punched a neat chair-shaped hole in the wall. "Y'all take that back! We would never hurt Apple Bloom!"
"Nnnope!" shouted Big Mac.
Granny spat on the floor. "Never!"
"Then explain to us," said Mayor Mare, "what actually happened."
Big Mac stopped on the flat patch of ground the Apples always camped on, and the wagon squeaked to a halt behind him.
Apple Bloom leaped out of the wagon and took off towards the water. "Last one in's a rotten pear!"
A few seconds later, a massive splash arose from the lake.
"She's a good 'un," rasped Granny Smith. "So much like her mother."
"A shame Grand Pear couldn't make it today," Applejack said.
Granny Smith snorted. "Ain't need to see his wrinkly hide all pruned up from the water. My wrinkly hide will be as much as you three can stand."
Big Mac took his yoke off his neck, put his ducky float in its place, and trotted after Apple Bloom, but he settled for wading in, instead of cannonballing.
Applejack looked up at the sky. "Sunny day. Not many clouds. We'll need to get some sunscreen on Apple Bloom's nose in a minute."
"Ya worry too much," Granny replied. "A little foalhood sunburn is good for making memories."
Big Mac and Apple Bloom swam out to the center of the lake, splashing and laughing.
Applejack smiled. "I'm glad they're getting back to how they were. For a while there, Apple Bloom was so caught up in me and mah adventures she wouldn't give Mac the time of day."
"A mite bit o' hero worship is good for a foal," Granny said. "Help me get a firepit set up and I'll get the potatoes in just'a soon as there's coals are hot enough."
Applejack gathered kindling and Granny gathered rocks, and soon they had a fire going in a small stone ring. Apple Bloom and Mac were still in the lake, but Big Mac was in the shallows where he could stand, Apple Bloom floating tiredly on his ducky float.
Once the coals were hot, Granny grabbed some tongs in her mouth and placed foil-wrapped potatoes deep into the fire.
"Let me show you something," Applejack said, "that Twilight got me from the world on the other side of her magic mirror."
"It better not be another iPad," Granny said, wagging a hoof. "Them Facetubes and Twitbooks darn near broke up the Crusaders."
"Nnnope," Applejack said, hopping up into the wagon. She rummaged underneath some canvas bags of supplies, and held up...
...a large truck tire.
"What the tarnation is that?"
"An 18-wheeler transfer-truck tar," Applejack said. "I've got some rope, too. Apple Bloom! Big Mac! Come back here!"
The two swam back to shore. Apple Bloom climbed a large tree at the edge of the lake--a pecan tree, but Apples can't be choosy--and tied a rope around a branch that hung over the lake. Big Mac held up the tire, Applejack held up Granny, and Granny tied the other end of the rope around the tire.
"Princess Twilight," said Applejack, "told me that this is really popular on the other side of the mirror. Last time she visited, those Crusaders were swinging into a lake there."
"Wow! Thanks, AJ! And I'll have to tell the princess thanks when I see her!"
Applejack smiled, and mussed Apple Bloom's wet mane. "Let's eat some lunch, and then try it out."
They ate fresh baked potatoes, with cold fruit salad and large hunks of white bread and yellow cheese from an icebox in the back of the wagon.
"Let's go try that swing!" Apple Bloom shouted.
"Nnnope," said Granny. "Y'all gotta wait an hour to swim after y'eat."
Apple Bloom threw herself on her back and gurgled, legs twitching. The four then spent the hour setting up their tents and rolling some large rocks to the edge of the fire, to give themselves a place to sit.
"Has it been an hour yet?" whined the filly.
Applejack glanced at the sun. "Just about. Your nose is as red as Mac's. Let me put some sunscreen on it."
She rolled her eyes, but let her sister put the lotion on.
Big Mac boosted Apple Bloom into the swing, and AJ stood on her back hooves and gave it a huge push with her forelegs.
"Yeeeehaaaaa!" shouted Apple Bloom, who jumped from the tire swing at the apex of its parabola, and flew through the air and landed in the lake with a muddy splash.
She emerged above water a few seconds later, spluttering and cheering. "That was great!"
Granny Smith said, "Yeh flew father than Scootaloo ever has."
"Granny!" shouted AJ.
"Tain't right to make fun of the differently abled," said Big Mac.
"Let's go again!" Apple Bloom said, trotting up the shore and shaking like a dog.
She flew into the lake a second time.
And a third.
And a fourth.
On the fifth time, her tail caught a rough patch of the used tire, some of the exposed steel wires, and Apple Bloom jerked to a stop, instead of flying into the lake, and as the tire swung back, back, back toward shore and the pecan tree she screamed and Granny gasped and Applejack's jaw dropped open and the tire swung, swung, swung past its lowest point then back up, up to an apex on the shore side of the tree, and her tail snapped free and she plummeted, plummeted, plummeted, and smacked into the hard dirt and water flew from her coat and mane as the sound of breaking bones echoed across the campsite.
"So what you're saying," concluded Dr. Horse, "Is that instead of flying into the lake, the Apple didn't fall very far from the tree?"
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Very nice!
Jesus Christ all of that for a pun
9691372
That's.... the definition of a feghoot.
9691371
Thanks!
9691375
You're welcome!
Jack Kerouac reference?
9691385
Nope, never read him. Derived that from my Scootaorphan story I wrote in December.
9691390
Oh. The flow of the sentence just reminded me of his style, that's all.
This contest is testing my resolve for violence from the sheer volume of bad puns.
Take your like and upvote, GTFO, and good luck.
Don't take the first part seriously, this is groan-inducing good. Which is what you want.
~Skeeter The Lurker
9691453
Thanks!
Oh god, that ending.
You monster!
9691479
(Bows)
Well, there's a story...
Oof, that ending. Oof on multiple levels. Well done. Best of luck in the contest.
9691660
Thanks! I appreciate it.
That's a lot of trouble for a bad pun. XD
Stohhhp that...it's getting silleh....
God has blessed use!
Die.
I liked it, but die.
Why is everyone suddenly writing stories just for the sake of setting up a punchline? In other news, very funny.
Hold on, I've got the perfect reaction image in mind...
Here we go:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2019/3/11/1983119.png
9692108
Ah'm glad you asked! They're all for the FimFiction Feghoot Festival! Write one yourself, and you could win 100 dollars!
Poor Apple Bloom. I hope she doesn't have to be euthanized.
9692164
The glue factory will certainly hope so!
I am so glad to know that I’m not the only who will write an entire story to set up a single gag.
You're evil.
9692593
Yes, that's true.
Q: Why wont the ponyville doctors ever go to their local farm?
A: Granny Smith and the rest of her family are there every day.
Ba-Dum Tss
All of that trouble...
Just for a pun--
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.
9692958
Right. I shall correct that.
......
Take the like and favorite, for a job well "Pun"
This reminds me a lot of a Twiluna story I read once, where the last line was "read the first word of every paragraph," AND IT WAS A RICKROLL
You know what? I think I like feghoots.
Very nice Very nice
Yeet.
I should've seen that punchline coming from a mile away, but I didn't.
You magnificent bastard.
9693267
Thanks! Much like "Scootaloo gets a Twilight lecture," I started with the final line, and worked backwards from there.
Okay, that was funny!
9693503
(Bows)
Wow....just wow. Poor Applebloom. I would love to try this contest thing but have no idea how to make a story out of a pun! Best of luck!
"That's the truth," said Applejack. "Would we tell a tall tale about a tire tail wire tie-er?"
9694501
Oh god. That's why you have 30x more followers than me. Brilliant!
9692920
Tom Scott demonstrates
9693010
Since you mention it, I was curious and went and found it. It somewhat defeats the point having it linked from a discussion of the last line, but it's still fun: Nothing in the Way of Love
(But, uh, this fic was fun too! The subject matter was a little more painful than I like in my puns, but the quality of both the pun and the build-up is undeniable.)
Augh, dammit.
Apple Bloom's not the only one who's in pain.
I wanna know how AJ fit that in her saddlebag though. c.c
This is the best one I've read yet
9715935
Thanks! There are definitely several good ones.
That was beautiful.
Oh you... you. Very funny!
...well-played. Well-played
The pun hurts