Sombra’s night had been fitful, but thankfully quiet. He’d hardly slept, and had heard no noise other than the music from his record player, a soft and gentle tune that so badly wanted to lull him to sleep. It was soothing, and he was certainly exhausted, but sleep refused to come to him. Memories of the past haunted his thoughts, along with an occasional flash of icy darkness within his mind.
He still didn’t understand that nightmare. He knew how his magic worked, it seeped into a pony’s mind to bring out whatever it was they feared most, weakening their will to the point of a silent command bending them to his own. But he wasn’t afraid of the ocean, and he certainly wasn’t afraid of drowning. Granted, he’d never learned how to swim, seeing as the Crystal Empire was too cold for such a thing, but not knowing something wouldn’t make one afraid, would it?
He tried to remember what could’ve triggered such a dream, but no matter how far back he went, he couldn’t remember anything that involved a close call with water. He remembered childhood fits where he would scream and cry whenever his caretaker tried to bathe him, but nothing more than that. It was a bit odd, he’d always prided himself in being clean, but he also remembered loathing bath time, despite how gentle his caretaker always was.
She hadn’t harmed him in any way, had she? Nearly every memory with her was a bittersweet one, but never traumatic. From the first time he saw her as a half dead colt bundled in a blanket in her arms, to their final meeting, where he had hurt her with what he’d become. There was nothing there to make him afraid of water.
Trying to think further, he couldn’t remember anything before the first time he woke up in her arms, despite the fact he knew he should have. According to everypony who knew, he’d have been approximately five Winters, plenty old enough to have some earlier memories. But he didn’t, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t remember further than his first few weeks in the orphanage. He knew he had been sick, found beyond the Empire’s borders on death’s doorstep, suffering from pneumonia and frostbite. He knew the first time he’d woken up he’d been crying as best as he could, but breathing had been so hard and he’d been so cold, and his caretaker had lulled him back into a calm state with her soft voice, singing a lullaby that would still occasionally replay in his mind.
But none of that explained why he’d had a nightmare about drowning, did it?
All these memories did was make him even more agitated, being reminded of those simple times, before he’d gone and ruined everything. Back when the ponies he’d cared about still loved him, and back before he’d learned of everything the Crystal Ponies had done, and what he’d done to them in return.
Nestling himself further into his bed, he turned his back to the door and hid himself under his blanket. As tired as he was, allowing his mind to fester with bitter memories was not going to help him. He needed sleep, he wanted sleep, and he’d fight off these memories to get some.
It seemed to work, at least for a while. He was somewhere between awake and asleep when he heard something in his room, though he wasn’t quite sure if it was real or the beginning of a dream. Still, his ear twitched, though the rest of him was still stuck in that semi-conscious state. For a moment, it was quiet again, until something hit his record player, forcing the music to skip.
At that, he shot up with a snarl, momentarily disorienting himself in his half asleep state, before realizing who exactly had been scuttering around his room.
“Starlight?” The snarl faded, and he let his guard down to rub his eyes, “When did you get in here? I didn’t hear the door open.”
“You were asleep,” She claimed. He tilted his head and blinked, somewhat confused and doubtful, “Trust me. You were out like a light.”
He just nodded in some sort of acceptance before yawning with a stretch. She sounded irritated, but considering the time of night, that wasn’t much of a surprise. Though it brought up a question, and at the end of the yawn he asked, “So what’re you doing here anyway? I wasn’t having another episode, was I?”
He didn’t think so. Nothing had tormented him tonight, and he didn’t feel like he’d had a nightmare.
“No, but you certainly look like you had a fight with a window,” She said. He tilted his head again in confusion, before remembering what happened earlier and bringing a hoof to his sore face with a frown, though Starlight ignored that to say, “I want to show you something. Something important.”
Sombra perked a bit, “And what might that be?”
“It’s not here, it’s outside. A bit further out,” She said, tone almost excited.
“If it’s so far, can’t it wait for tomorrow?”
“When all those other ponies are walking around?” Starlight shook her head with a sudden look of disgust, “Absolutely not, it’s best to do it tonight.”
Though a bit annoyed that he couldn’t go back to sleep, Sombra shrugged, “If you say so.”
Slipping out of bed with a stretch, he followed her out of the room in a bit of a daze after the sudden awakening. He was still tired, stumbling the first few steps before his legs finally worked right. Starlight seemed almost anxious as she led him through the castle, dark halls quiet with the princess, and perhaps even her friends, still asleep in an unknown room around them.
“Could you trot a little more quietly?” She hissed.
“Could you not wake me up in one of my rare moments of sleep?” He shot back.
Starlight didn’t say anything at that, though her ears pinned against her head as her tail swished in annoyance. Sombra rolled his eyes at the motion, staying quiet as they left the castle, and down the dark streets of Ponyville. As expected, no one was around, and it was a bit strange to realize this was probably the first time he’d seen the town outside of his invasion. It had certainly been much livelier then.
They continued to walk, no light to guide them other than the occasional streetlamp on the corner, and the moon above. He hadn’t the slightest clue where they were going, and with a nervous twitch, he asked, “So what exactly is it you want to show me?”
“You’ll see when we get there.”
“Could you at least tell me where you’re taking me?”
“What did I just say?”
A sigh of frustration. He really should’ve stayed in bed. Starlight too, for that matter. She was being awfully irritable, and for once he wasn’t blaming himself.
Their walk to wherever she was leading him led to the edge of Ponyville, and to his surprise, the forest nearby. Slowing his pace, his ears began to twitch around as he heard the rustle of creatures from within. Once upon the forest’s edge, he paused, nervously watching as Starlight continued her trek into the darkness.
This felt wrong. This felt unsafe. He’d been in these woods before, it was where the Princess and her friends hid their Elements, the very weapon they’d used against him, and that he’d destroyed. It had seemed unruly by day then, but to enter it at night?
Having heard his hoofsteps stop, Starlight stopped and turned, somewhat impatient as she asked, “What’s the matter?”
“Entering a forest at night seems like an incredibly risky decision.”
“Oh please, we’re both powerful Unicorns, right?” She scoffed, before motioning to the darkness, “It’s not like we couldn’t take down a couple of manticores.”
Sombra took a step back. He didn’t know how these woods worked, or what was in them, and he wasn’t about to find out in the dark. It wasn’t that he couldn’t see, his night vision was strong, but thick forests were foreign to him, and he had no clue what creatures lurked within. It didn’t seem wise to enter without research or thinking ahead, especially when he couldn’t rely on shadow travel to get him there.
“C’mon Sombra,” She said, voice softer as she turned away, “It’ll be worth it, I promise.”
She began to trek further into the woods, and with a nervous snort, Sombra rushed to her side. He no longer lagged behind her, sticking close with his ears high, swiveling at the faintest noise. Occasionally, Starlight would wander further ahead, but he’d be right back by her side the moment he noticed. Even if they were both powerful, he wasn’t about to risk either of them getting attacked by some feral woods creature.
He kept all his senses alert, from listening to the sounds of the forest, to stepping slowly to make sure the ground was firm, to turning his head at every movement in the corner of his eye. The moonlight hardly filtered through, obscuring anything to the normal pony’s eye, and giving the forest the illusion of being a monster itself. The glow of a mushroom or the gleam of a pebble like dozens of eyes staring at them. The gnarled trees surrounding them branched out above them, their branches swaying like claws in the wind, which in return almost sounded like an eerie song from within the forest’s depths.
It was a wonder how Starlight was managing to maneuver about so well.
He’d lost track of time as they wandered, so hypervigilant on looking for danger, that he hadn’t realized they’d made it to their destination. Starlight had stopped ahead, overlooking a cliff with her head tilted.
“Well, that’s new,” She said.
Sombra followed her gaze, noticing the ruins of a castle on the other side of the gorge, a faint pink glow just a bit beyond it. He wasn’t focused on it for too long, as a sudden familiarness hit him and his head turned to the location he knew a cave would be. Sure enough, it was exactly as he remembered it.
“This is where they kept the Elements.”
“Hm?” Starlight turned to him with a hum of confusion, eyes gleaming strangely in the moonlight, “Oh right. You destroyed those. Only thing you really accomplished, wasn’t it?”
“What?”
Sombra twitched nervously, but Starlight didn’t respond, crossing the bridge with her tail swaying. He ran after her, chest tightening in a rush of emotions he didn’t like. Why had Starlight taken him here? He didn’t want to be here.
“Why are we here?” He asked, voice wavering as he tried so hard to stick to her side, but she kept quickening her pace, “Please, Starlight, tell me! What’s so important that we need to be here right now?”
He tried to reach her, to grab her and get her to stop, but the moment his hoof brushed her shoulder she swung around and slapped it away.
“Will you just shut up?” She demanded, teeth bared with fangs that shouldn’t exist, “I knew you were pathetic, but this is ridiculous!”
Sombra was silent, hoof tucked against his chest after the slap. His eyes were wide with shock, and uncomfortably known to himself, fear.
“I don’t even know why anybody would waste their time helping you,” Starlight sneered, approaching him slowly, “You’re nothing more than a lowly little nightmare, and it would’ve done the world infinitely better if you’d just stayed dead.”
“I don’t understand.”
“What’s not to understand, you heard me. You’re a waste of space! A waste of time!”
“I don’t-” Sombra stepped back as Starlight stepped toward him, “This isn’t real. It can’t be. This is a dream.”
“Is it?” Starlight asked, voice hardly a whisper as she approached Sombra. He tried to take another step back, but the ground wasn’t there. He’d approached the cliff's edge. Starlight grinned, her eyes shimmering an unholy green, “Because it’s about to feel very real.”
She spit in his face, a disgustingly sticky substance hitting him in the eyes and blinding him. He reared back in a panic, a blast of magic striking him in the stomach and forcing him off balance, the ground slipping out beneath him. He flailed as he fell, too panicked to do anything as Starlight’s cruel laughter invaded his hearing, before slowly morphing into something far more sinister.
And then he hit the ground.
For a moment, he felt nothing. No pain, no awareness, nothing. Then it struck him all at once.
Pain, darkness, and a strangely metallic taste in his mouth. His thoughts were muddled as he tried to figure out what had happened, nothing more than a brief memory of Starlight within them. Remembering that she’d been with him, he tried to rise. A new and sudden agony made its way through one of his hind legs, and with a cry he collapsed right back onto the ground. Still, he tried again, but was once again rewarded with pain.
Coughing up something warm and wet, he gave in and simply laid there. He was injured, that much was obvious. He couldn’t be sure of the severity of the wounds, but from the amount of pain he felt, it was probably pretty bad. The fact the fluid oozing from his lips was now registering as blood certainly confirmed that.
It was fine though. He was still alive, and from the way it felt, his horn was still intact. All he needed to do was regenerate himself. Just enough to get up and look for Starlight, and then make it back to Ponyville.
Igniting his horn, he painfully rolled onto his side and began to do just that. Focusing on what he assumed to be the worst of his pain first, he tried to concentrate to heal whatever internal injuries he had. Coughing up blood was a good sign he’d damaged something important, so he began to send the strongest of his magic there.
It was a slow and painful process, and he gasped for breath as it felt as though his magic was crushing his lungs. Dark magic had never been made for healing, but for hurting, and it was for that reason he never considered it a proper healing technique. He had known a healer, a proper one. She’d healed him once, and though it had hurt horribly at first, it had quickly left him feeling relaxed, and the most comfortable he had ever been.
The way he did it to himself was absolutely nothing like that, and it burned the entire time.
“Ugh, I was really hoping that would end you once and for all.”
He bared his teeth as a strange buzzing sound approached, something landing nearby. He tried to rise to fight it, momentarily forgetting his wounds before collapsing back onto the ground as his injured leg burst with pain. He was tempted to get to healing that next, but a sudden pressure on his horn forced his magic to sputter out.
“Most ponies don’t fare too well after falling off a cliff, but of course you would be an exception,” The voice grumbled. It was a frighteningly familiar voice, and he growled right back, trying to reignite his horn, but the pressure once again increased, “Stop that. I’m only reluctantly allowing you to have the dignity to die with your horn attached, don’t tempt me to change it.”
“You’re gonna have to try a bit harder than that if you wanna kill me.”
He faded to shadow, relieved of the pressure on his horn but not the pain in his body. Even when incorporeal, it still surged through him, but he did what he could to hold it back as he flew away from his attacker. Whatever had been blinding him seemed to have faded away when he did, and he reformed against the cliffside with a less than graceful stumble as the forest spun in front of him, a dark blur just out of the corner of his eyes.
“I knew you weren’t an illusion,” He spat, leaning against the cliff wall to keep his weight off his injured leg. Once again, he reignited his horn, trying to heal his failing organs before the shock set in, “So has killing me just been your main priority this whole time?”
“Actually, my main priority has been hurting Starlight,” The blur claimed, beginning to walk toward him, “Getting rid of you was just an added bonus.”
“And where is Starlight?”
“Safe in that little castle of her friend’s, completely unaware of what I’m about to do to you,” The blur said, slowly morphing into a definable shape in Sombra’s eyes. He recognized her at once, and bared his fangs as she said, “I’ll be sure to send her a few pieces so she knows, if you’d like.”
She pounced, but Sombra leapt away, and he heard her cry out as she collided with the wall. He didn’t quite catch himself as he hit the ground, but he did manage to roll back into the closest to a standing position he could.
Setting his hoof on a particularly tender spot on his stomach, he coughed again, more blood oozing from his mouth as he muttered, “That can’t be good…”
Tearing herself away from the dust and rubble, Chrysalis shouted, “How are you even still standing?”
“I’m sturdy.”
“You’re stubborn!”
“That too.”
At that, he blasted the ground, a row of crystalline pillars making its way toward the Changeling. She buzzed away as it came toward her, giving him the chance to run, once again fading to shadow in a bid to escape. He wanted to fight her, to let out more of this overabundance of magic within him, and to teach her a lesson for what she’d been doing to him, but now was not the time. He was in no condition to fight. He needed to find a safe place to regenerate.
He still wouldn’t get the chance, for something flew above him, overshadowing the moonlight and ripping through his incorporeal form. It hadn’t hurt, or at least he didn’t think it did, it was hard to tell when his body was already screaming in pain, but it sent a horrible wave of disorientation through him. He rematerialized in midair, crashing back to the ground hard before he could even think about turning to shadow again. Pain muddled his thoughts, and he lay there in a daze until something shadowed him in darkness, at which he finally gazed upwards.
A manticore stood above him, a bloodthirsty grin on its muzzle. Fear began to creep up from within him again, mixing with the agony of his broken and battered body, but he wasn’t about to give in yet. Magic began to bubble at his horn as the manticore poised itself to strike, both creatures challenging the other to strike first.
It was a staredown of predator and prey, and Sombra was not going to let himself be the latter.
The manticore struck first, stinger ready to plunge into his face before a row of blue crystals shot out of the ground, a few managing to jab into the manticore’s side. It roared in pain, and Sombra took this opportunity to roll away, a barbed tail embedding itself into the dirt where he'd been laying just seconds before. Growing too tired to rise, Sombra lay there as a strange green fluid began to leak from the manticore’s side, the creature seeming to erupt in flames before being replaced by Chrysalis.
“Ah, right. That makes sense,” Sombra mumbled, confused by what seemed to be an unconscious attack on his end. Had his crystals always been that shade of blue?
Chrysalis' head shot up at his voice, her neck twisting at an unnatural angle to bare her fangs at him, a somewhat different fluid oozing from her mouth as she snarled, “Just for that, I’ll make sure you die slower.”
She positioned herself to strike, and he tried to rise to move, but failed as the pain finally became too great. His adrenaline rush was already wearing off, quickly being replaced by that numbing feeling after excruciating pain, and a growing desire to pass out. He continued to fight it, his horn and eyes aglow with dark magic, ready to fight to the death with this disgusting creature.
She pounced. Sombra shot the first spell that came to mind. Numerous crystalline tendrils shot out of the ground, wrapping around Chrysalis as she screamed in rage. Sombra laughed triumphantly, until those tendrils began to wrap around him as well, painfully yanking him upright. Unlike his opponent, he didn’t scream, but that might’ve had to do with the fact the crystal had wrapped itself rather tightly around his neck.
“You idiot!” She shouted, trying to struggle out of her imprisonment, “Now we’re both stuck!”
Sombra didn’t respond, hanging rather loosely in the crystals’ grasp as it held him upright. He was getting tired, and it was taking every last bit of energy he had to cling to awareness. His horn had been wrapped within this magical grasp too now, extinguishing both his ability to attack and regenerate. Despite this confusion and pain however, one thing was certain.
He hadn’t created these crystals.
He wasn’t prepared to learn who had.
“You would have done well to have never stepped here again,” A voice, Twilight’s voice, said, “I suppose creatures of darkness never learn.”
The crystals shifted, forcing the duo to look at her, Sombra shutting his eyes with a hiss of pain as the movement dragged his aching hind leg across the ground. Upon reopening them, he was greeted by the sight of the princess, her wings flared as her eyes bore into his. He still wasn’t quite able to stay focused on her, and it showed. She was incredibly blurry in his vision, and also seemed to, rather fitting to her name, sparkle.
He was falling into delirium, wasn’t he?
“Did you not expect me to catch you for this?” She asked, glaring daggers at the both of them. Something about her tone sounded wrong, almost emotionless despite the way she was looking at them, “You are hazards to Harmony, and have done too much to forgive, and for that you must pay.”
The crystals tightened, and Sombra let out a gargled noise of pain as it began to crush his already battered body. Chrysalis let out an enraged scream, biting at the crystals in a desperate bid for freedom. Twilight slammed her to the ground.
“You are nothing but an annoying pest,” She said blankly, turning her attention to Sombra, “As for you…”
The crystals released his body, and he fell to the ground with a gasp. The tendril around his neck remained, loosening enough for him to catch his breath, though blood still trickled from his mouth.
“You crossed the line. You tried to kill me. You very nearly succeeded. It is only fair that I return the favor.” The crystalline tendril around his neck tightened again, not unlike a noose as it lifted him slightly, “Any last words?”
The world was growing dark, and his senses were getting numb. Despite that, Sombra grinned, and let out a weak chuckle.
“You can’t kill me.”
Twilight frowned. The tendril tightened again, forcing a gargled gasp out of Sombra before shooting into the sky. The crystalline rope shone in the moonlight, snapping to a stop right at the top of the cliffside’s edge.
Nothing was in its grasp.
Twilight screamed in rage, shooting crystals in every direction.
A shadow rushed behind her, just managing to avoid them.
Sombra sped away, moving as fast as his current condition would allow. He twisted around trees and vines, swooping past and ignoring even the most vile of creatures as he escaped. Even when things went quiet, both Twilight and Chrysalis’ screaming drowned out by the silence of forest, he kept going.
He needed out, but he didn’t know the way, and he couldn’t fly above the trees to find it. He was already on the verge of passing out, pain and exhaustion fighting against him, and falling out of the sky would only make that worse. He didn’t know just what was injured, or how badly, but no matter what happened, he’d heal himself. Just not as quickly as he had hoped.
He wouldn’t die. He couldn’t die. Not as long as he had his magic, and the Crystal Heart was far away. Of course, that just meant the agony would fester until he could regenerate himself.
Unable to travel further, he reformed with a stumble, coughing up another glob of blood. Even then, it continued to ooze from his jaws as he stood there panting. Leaning against the nearest tree, he put his hoof to that horribly painful spot in his stomach, letting out a hiss as the touch forced more pain through him. The pain had seemed to spread to his chest, and it was making breathing hard.
So that was what he would heal first. Igniting his horn for the umpteenth time that night, he tried to focus on that pain, forcing his magic to envelop that spot specifically. He wasn’t sure what was going on inside him, but it was probably some of the worst pain he’d dealt with outside of being blown up a couple of times.
He couldn’t even be sure the state of the rest of him. Outside of his horrible stomach and chest pain, his right hind leg was hanging beneath him uselessly, and it was just now registering that it was probably broken. Almost every bit of him felt badly bruised, and possibly even more broken, but not the extent of his stomach and leg.
Staggering forward, his magic faltered. Gritting his teeth, he continued his forced regeneration. The magic burning and twisting inside him, painfully sealing whatever ruptured blood vessels were doing this to him.
He needed to get back to Ponyville, to Starlight. He wasn’t going to let himself pass out before he did.
Another step, his broken leg dragging against the ground and getting caught on something below. He bit his tongue as he held back a yelp, refusing to cry out and alert Twilight or any creatures to his presence.
He managed a few more steps before the forest began to grow dark, and with a sudden lurch, he hacked up more blood. The healing was working, he could tell, yet the blood still continued to ooze.
He was tired. Too tired. His body ached for rest, but he wouldn’t allow it.
He wouldn’t pass out. Not here. Not in these horrible woods.
Another step, and his front legs gave out beneath him. He tried to rise, but a wave of dizziness overtook him before he could lift himself even an inch off the ground. His broken leg was bent at a painful angle beneath him, and it was getting harder and harder to stay awake, but he wouldn’t let that welcoming darkness consume him just yet.
He needed to get back. He wanted to. He wouldn’t pass out.
A timberwolf howled in the distance, or was it something else?
He tried to lift an ear to know for sure, but he couldn’t. Every part of him was so hard to move, so filled with pain and the urge to sleep.
But he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t pass out.
Everything was getting darker. The pain was fading.
He tried to fight it.
He failed.
He passed out.
A mysterious chapter...
Or is this just a fever dream?
Two words: MORE!! Please.
10222098
Tbh this entire fic is just a rambling fever dream of someone (me) who was a little bit too unhappy about the results of a show about cartoon horses.
10222100
Good news I actually got about three pages of the next chapter written so maybe I won't take a month to update this next time. Key word: Maybe.
interesting chapter can't wait for the next one i hope you will be able to update again soon keep up the great work.
Oh... Oh dear. Well... This was one hell of a trip. Here's hoping a good pony finds and saves the poor idiot.
One thing is for sure: Twilight is going to have some REAL explaining to do after all this.
Very enjoyable chapter! I've been wanting to read more action scenes in fics, and this one was pretty nice. I lost my place once or twice about whyat was going on exactly, but re-reading helped me connect the dots. Can't wait to see what comes next!
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I've never considered myself great with action scenes so I'm glad to hear this! Hopefully it wasn't too confusing when you lost your place, but if anyone else mentions it I might go through and edit some things somehow. Though it's likely to be confusing anyway, what with Chrysalis doing her thing, the numerous crystal attacks, and Tree Twilight dropping in out of nowhere.
A bit of a mess overall, really.
10222418
As someone who likes reading them in fanfics as well as currently planning out a story with an action scene, it's a subject that intrigues me on how to do it right. My initial thought on typing this is: to treat action scenes just like conversation. Except instead of trading words, the parties involved are trading blows and actively fighting to one-up each other. It's probably how I will approach it in my future work.
The rest of my post is rambling on about these thoughts, and not specifically related to your fic.
The biggest thing I'd like to figure out is finding a way to write a fight scene that gives that same feeling of flow and kinetic energy that a good action movie fight scene can deliver. Something over the top and exaggerated, that will make you want to go "oooooh shit!" whenever someone lands a blow, and leaves you tense to see how it will turn out.
I watched Kung-Fu Hustle for the first time a week ago. I enjoyed the action scenes in it a lot, but the one that I liked the most involved the assassins who used the deadly harp. It's both a unique choice of weapon as well as made for a really good setup for a "push-pull" style of fight tension. I don't know how one could write a scene like this in an MLP fic that gave something close to that level of tension and excitement, but I'd really like to try.
Here's the scene in question, for reference.
Okay I saw Chrysalis coming, but Twilight?
Aside from the fact that she can't overpower neither Chrysalis nor Sombra by herself, Twilight wouldn't act so cruelly in a million years.
There's gotta be a catch here, and I feel that those crystalline tendrils are a big obvious clue I'm not getting. Only thing I can think of is all of this being just a nightmare, but that seems almost too obvious. Perhaps that Twilight was some sort of unconscious defense mechanism from Sombra? I have no idea.
10222473
Okay so I gotta spoiler this but, Twilight wasn't Twilight at all, but the Tree of Harmony. The crystal tendrils were supposed to be its roots, and it tried to kill Sombra since he's a direct threat to the tree itself. It's also why 'Twilight' was acting emotionless and sparkling, because that's what the tree does.
10222460
Certainly something to think about, and though I've never watched that movie before I'll have to check the scene out!
Personally I don't really have a method? At least not for this sort of thing. I just write what I got and hope it works.
I am not the best for writing advice, apparently.10222520
Regarding that spoiler, you screwed the pooch in an obvious way...
It would tell Sombra was trying to reform, or at least, has thoughts of it...
10222473
It's the Tree of Harmony Twilight. The one that tortured the Young 6 in the catacombs underneath the school.
Sombra tried to kill Harmony by destroying the tree and the Elements.
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10222989
Rather conveniently, at one point my mind did wander to the thought of the tree helping Sombra, but as titanhades put it in the comment right above yours,
The Tree of Harmony has a horrible moral compass. It doesn't care if he's trying to reform right now, just that he's a threat to both itself and harmony.
10223022
It's kind of why I have never thought of Harmony or chaos as good or evil. It only depends on how it's being used.
10223009
Ooooh see? There was a big obvious clue I wasn't getting. To be fair, I didn't even remember that was a thing
10223144
Perfectly fine! The chapter's probably confusing as it is, and the fact I'm throwing things from almost every season is probably makes it even more confusing, and even then I know I've certainly forgotten a thing or two myself.
10223022
Horrible moral compass is one way to put. I would say that tree is jerk and somebody should chopped it down to firewood
10223283
Well in any case, an attempt was made, but the tree is too stubborn to die I guess.
Chrysalis really is fortunate that Starlight didn't get involved, because... she wouldn't have taken it well, if how she acts under less extreme circumstances is anything to go by.
whether you'd share my viewpoint of "she'd be willing to use lethal force" is another story.10222473
I'll give you Sombra, and definitely not the both of them together, but I think you're wrong on the Chrysalis front. She nearly lost to a Twilight clone who couldn't/shouldn't have been any stronger than the original, and could've been any degree of weaker.
I think Chrysalis realistically
(even if I might consider portray both of them as tougher, injuries not factoring in as much, but that's just personal preference, not saying it's a real problem)only had any chance against Sombra in this chapter because she got a few cheap shots in on him, seriously hurting him, because the latter is not only inherently stronger, but he also comes across as better with magic in general, because he outright can rival S9 Twilight in his base power.Chrysalis, while her "base power" is on the formidable side (being "just below" Twilight, even if the clone is possibly weaker, is still strong), she only starts to really rival alicorns like Celestia, when she's been feeding off a lot of love, because that explicitly makes her stronger, or if circumstances like the S9 finale arise.
And yes, I caught the Treelight Sparkle thing, in the comments, and IIRC, I remembered suspecting such in the chapter.
That tree of harmony Twilight is savage.
Ya know what. 8/10.
Goes a bit fast in some spots, Sombra is a mite inconsistent, There's a few unclear little points that are show lore, but not really clarified nicely.
But It's good. I'm enjoying it. Good work.
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Anything specific that might be confusing or off? I know some things might have been a bit off because it was mostly done from Sombra's point of view, so there's a lot of things he doesn't understand or know yet (Almost anything involving the tree, for example), not to mention being in pain is super disorienting anyway.
I just want to know if there's anything that you think should use a bit of rewriting, or even editing.
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Starlight absolutely would use lethal force at this point I'd think.And I'm with you on that one, under normal circumstances Sombra would've likely been able to beat Chrysalis since she's pretty much at her lowest point right now. And though Sombra is also at a pretty low point, Chrysalis managed to weaken him further with manipulation and cheap shots to get him to be an easy victim. I'd also like to think Sombra's magic is more powerful, since he's fully capable of offensive attacks and curses, while Chrysalis is almost primarily for manipulation. (Though I also like to think Chryssi is venomous as well.)
So in a traditional 1v1 scenario I think Sombra would have the upper hand (hoof?). Though of course, things didn't quite come to that.
Because they got interrupted by an angry tree who's out for blood.
Theory: this is a very long and real seeming dream sequence
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I do like to think her moral readiness on "killing to protect others/self-preservation" falls more in line withhumansthan the average Equestrian; it makes her more... intriguing in my eyes, not that I'm trying to sound misanthropic.Chrysalis can be very dangerous in a straight fight under a lot of cases, but she does inherently have less going for her than Sombra does at the best of times (dark magic can be versatile, between hampering their magic [though maybe Celestia and Luna could get past it; they beat him the first time], fear spells), and Starlight can outmaneuver her even while being significantly less powerful (if you go by S9).
She does seem to understand the value of psychological warfare though (as she most definitely exploited here, against Sombra, between now, and the times before that), but a lot of her strengths are undermined by the fact that Chrysalis, as part of being a textbook narcissist (along with being a sadist), is generally speaking, addicted to grandiose schemes, which also means she isn't immune to gloating, or underestimating others. Her track record with being "utterly no-nonsense" when taken as a whole... isn't all that great, unless perhaps, she's being desperate, as is the case here.
With Sombra, while you could perhaps argue "Discord made him more arrogant with Chaos Magic, in a bit of an inversion from what he did with the Mane Six in his debut" to hand-wave the difference, even just taking S9 at face value, for the most part, Sombra arguably seemed more... focused on the goal, than Chrysalis tends to be, even if she is still dangerous either way.
For instance, she sent Twilight to the real Cadance to sic her on her, after taunting the former with her plans involving her brother, then she foolishly undisguised herself in front of Celestia to gloat not long after Cadance and Twilight showed up, when she wasn't sure she could beat her (instead of trying to stall for time), she turned her back on Cadance, leading directly to her defeat, in her debut, and past that, in S8, while her words of "I know better than to strike alone" is sound logic, it also has a good bit of "slitting their throats in their sleep is too boring, not brutal enough," as implied by this sort of quote: "Of course I haven't forgotten Starlight Glimmer! She stole my hive. Turned my subjects against me! So I'll take her friends away while she watches! And then, I'll destroy her!"
And then in S9 (if you're taking aspects of that two-parter into account regarding character; I liked it personally, even if I'm aware you were... disappointed), it was basically outright said she wanted to torture Starlight for an indefinite period of time, she was the reason Cozy didn't kill Twilight's friends at the start of 25, as opposed to "we should have fun with our guests," and she was the one who wanted to risk letting the Windigos running amok, for her plan, in contrast to Tirek's pragmatic mindset, and while Cozy didn't let her final opinion be known, she initially voted to get rid of them before Chrysalis elaborated).
(TL;DR: she's pathologically addicted to being grandiose, and she does like throwing around her power when she has it, as opposed to subterfuge, shapeshifting, when she's a parasite by nature.)
(You take The Mean 6 as a big metaphor for how self-destructive Chrysalis is, all six of them are her, Mean Twilight is her intelligence, overall competence, while the other five clones [Cruelty, Dishonesty, Disloyalty, Greed, and her Cruel Sense of Humor] hold her back, because their vices define them too much... like Chrysalis)
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Tbh I think I might actually be a bit off with portraying Chrysalis anyway, so I'll have to take some of your points into consideration when she inevitably comes back (Obviously the tree wouldn't kill her, at least not successfully, that'd be lame). It's been a long while since I've watched any episodes of hers prior to S9 so I'm probably forgetting some things. I also only watched the majority of those S9 episodes once, so I'm probably about due for a rewatch.
I ended up thinking more of their physical/magical prowess in this case, at least sorta. If anything, Chrysalis was certainly going for the more manipulative route in this case.
On another note, in this story Discord and Grogar aren't the same being. I started writing the story months before S9 ended, and I couldn't really see a way it word work out, not to mention I wasn't fond of that twist. Though I'm not sure if you're mentioning the arrogance to my Sombra or canon Sombra, but I thought I'd bring it up. I can certainly say I'm trying to portray him as arrogant, but I'm not sure how well that's working.
As for this, I actually did like the majority of the two parter! What I didn't like was watching Sombra, the character I'd grown extremely attached to due to his comic portrayal, being used as an expendable villain for what I consider bad fan pandering. I mean, I know the comics aren't canon, and they're for the most part ignored by the show writers, but it still hurt.
That being said, I do try to make my Sombra a mix of his S9 and comic selves. Not so much of his S3 self because, well, there's not much to add to his personality there.
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It's tough to pin it down, really. I think some of it might just be "The next chapter will explain this."
I can say that Tree-light Comes out a bit jarring in particular, it almost blind-sides you without any real build-up or hinting to it, and relies entirely on "This is a thing in the show" and insider knowledge to work.
Conversely, what you've been building with Hope, when I read the lead-in I had an idea what was up and felt smart when it was expanded upon. There's enough that even someone who didn't read the comics could put the hints together there.
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This is a completely fair point! I guess I was just thinking the fact they were by the Castle of the Two Sisters, and therefore the Tree(house) of Harmony would be enough of a hint. But then again I never did specify whether the events of Uprooted happened in this fic.
Hopefully I can explain enough in the next chapter, in that case.
Glad to know I'm doing good with Hope's buildup though.
Now all I have to do is write another snippet of her and Scorpan.Oh mah gosh, I love it so much! MORE!!!!
please?
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I have never been the fastest writer, but I shall try my best
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Please take your time, I know from experience that good work takes time
Yes, more...
This chapter is a surprise! I love it when slice-of-life stories begin to evolve into epic action stories, and this is no exception! I also really like the twist of the Spirit of the Tree of Harmony being a "villain". It puts me in mind of one of the themes of my latest story. If you hurt others, they'll hurt you back.
(oops, I meant to write this comment earlier)
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In any case, I don't think you're all that off thus far, regarding her. Seeing Starlight have a pet project that she manipulated into caring about her (from the way Chrysalis probably sees it) could conceivably push her to be on the no-nonsense side, in doing something like that just to spite her. Sombra's not the one she's primarily focused on torturing
(well, probably would be more inclined to draw it out now, if she got the opportunity, lol).(not that she was ever going to be a fan of him anyway)
I do need to read the comics, to be honest, lol. And yeah, some people will say that Siege was done better (others will say... not so much, though in any case I think it's a better idea not just straight up go "Sombra isn't a shadow pony, he's just a normal unicorn now," lol, which I think I remember you saying you agree with).
I do know that Princess Amore was kind of a failure, from what I know of the comics, lol. One could imagine how things might've turned out if Sombra was sent to Equestria instead, was raised by Celestia, or something...
Well I certainly wasn't expecting this conversation to get brought up again, but it's cool.10304093
Yeah I'd say that's pretty much what I was going for. Even without a rewatch it's easy to remember that Chrysalis is incredibly spiteful.
And I encourage the comic reading! Even if you don't like them, it's still got some stuff to potentially work with if you ever plan on writing anything! That and I just like to encourage people to read the things I enjoy, as any fan does. As for Amore? Yeah, I kinda had to work something more interesting out with her, but that'll get addressed at a later point.
Interesting to think on how different things could have been though!
More more more more more more.
Also, I'd say your good with the tags you have. You're just having soft-teen 1-1 combat. There isn't anything that is especially brutal or warlike, and nothing that is frequent enough to really warrant it. At least, that is what I'd say.
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Ponies are getting beaten up but it's okay because it's not especially graphic other than mentions of blood
and maggots that one time. Good to have some sort of response to that though, because I really don't know what the limit might be.I'd say this warranted a violence tag. Could also afford Dark, since it deals with heavy topics.
I'm really enjoying!
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A violence tag, I don't entirely doubt. But I don't think a dark tag is entirely necessary, the darker themes aren't the overall focus of the story, and the 'drama' tag fits with that I think. I mean I get pretty angsty, but overall I'd say the dark themes aren't quite as dark as Fimfic's rating guide says.
Is that Tree-of-Harmony!Twilight or legit Twilight?
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Thanks, I wrote that with absolutely no planning but it sure did happen!
This question, as well as your one on the previous chapter, have been or do get been answered. But it's Tree Twilight. All evidence would point to the tree wanting him dead, after all.