- Member Since 4th Mar, 2019
- offline last seen Sunday
Wolftamer54
Tamer of wolves, purveyor of horse smut and ShiningSparkle shipper. I did write something eventually, even if it's not much.
Wolftamer54
Joined 4th Mar, 2019 ·
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And then the world was overrun with black and white changelings with blue manes! the end
9813789
so this then?
9813972
exactly that!
9813972
9814081
Lol, I actually saw that as part of my inspiration for this story.
Very impressive so far, especially for a first story. Writing was good with enough world building and convincing character interaction. I'll have to finish up the rest of it later though.
So are we going to get Velvet on the sequel? maybe a bunch of eggs too?
9815774
Actually, I have written a bit in other fandoms. I’ve got accounts on deviantart and Fanfiction.net. I should probably edit it to say “first story in this site”.
9815927
You’ll have to wait and see. Idk how long it’ll take me to write.
9815960
Oh, in that case it shows. Probably finishing your story in the morning and looking forward to it.
Did not expect an actual sex scene in there but I can handle it. Story is still good, but it does kind of occupy an odd middle ground for me. There is enough plot here that the sex scene definitely isn't the whole point. But it also occupies enough space that I want a little more payoff to the rest of the plot. Not much, something as small as like... Shining initially refusing until she throws out that one last twist as an incentive, offering him a one time, guilt free chance. A simple, slightly hesitant, but humorously achieved, "ah, screw it. Let's do this", moment would be all that would be needed. Overall good, but it is difficult for me to properly comment on some of the content.
9816547
Yeah, sorry if it feels a bit rushed. I was trying to get it done in time for a contest and it’s also my first time writing clop. In terms of story payoff, I plan on writing an epilogue and a sequel as well.
9816597
Cool, might tune in if you do. Never done one of the writing contests, but I feel like that "surprise" part of the prompt was hard to account for.
I enjoyed this more for the political intrigue. The incestuish bit comes a bit out of left field though.
I'm all for Twi-Shine shipping, obviously, but a bit more build up would have done wonders, some kind of earlier suggestive interaction between Twilight and Shining.
Something more than the relatively harmless teasing from Cadance at the beginning, because even with that, Chrysalis just saying, point blank, "you lust for her" feels a bit forced.
Still though, scene by scene, this was well written and enjoyable to read.
9821392
Yeah, sorry about that. I wasn’t originally planning to write this for the contest, I just had an idea, and then realized that I could work it in. There will hopefully be a bit more down the road though, which may include some more development.
9821530
Hopefully!
Why did you enter this into an incest contest if the fic contains no actual incest, much less any accidental incest?
In any case, your writing here lacks a lot of style and finesse, your dialogue was stilted and awkward, and the whole thing just does nothing to really stand out amongst the countless shining/chrysalis fics out there. Not a great showing.
9821625
The accidental incest idea was that Chrysalis turned into Twilight withought realizing she was Shining’s sister. I had asked Shakespearicles and he said that shape shifting counted.
Also, yeah, I’m sorry if my writing is not the best, I’m pretty inexperienced, just a student really. I had some semblance of an idea and decided to run with it, after all, I’m not going to get better if I don’t try. And there will be more to this story down the road, hopefully it will become better written and a bit more unique as I improve myself and give it it’s own identity.
Finally a story where Shining reacts properly to being raped!
Interesting premise. Love Cadence's support of Shining.
I love the build-up and sense Shining might be walking into danger. Then Chrysalis just wanted to be loved, d'aww.
9825689
9825653
Thank you.
Not a bad read. Short and to the point without sacrificing any of the needed details. Would be interesting if or when Cadance finds out about the arrangement. Would she be against them or encourage them? Since she seems very flirty about Armor and Twilight, I'm willing to think she's into more than a few threesomes.
9953355
If you want a bit more detail, there’s a sequel where Cadance touches on it a bit.