No Reservations

by Snaproll

Chapter 6

Both Celestia and Luna traded a look before they started chuckling. It did nothing for my mood. Luna managed to recover first. "Well, as to what is going on, that may require a lengthy explanation." She leaned forward to address the lavender horse against the wall. "Twilight, I believe this to be your area of expertise."

I was starting to catch on, and as she stepped forward and began speaking, I could match the third horse's demeanor with Twilight's. "Well, Mister Kelly, first of all, allow us to welcome you to Equestria. As an immigrant from your plane of Existence, it's my pleasure to introduce you to the concept of Harmony and how our world works." As she cleared her throat, a stack of index cards levitating next to her floated to the fore. Simultaneously, a wheeled chalkboard surrounded by the same lavender aura squeaked its way into the room behind her. At the same time, I noticed that a similar lavender aura surrounded the horn protruding from her head. Note to self: Horns equal telekinesis. Meanwhile, Celestia and Luna retreated to the background, watching me with a disturbing amount of interest.

"As you may or may not be aware, there exists a force that permeates our universe and yours. It's created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us; it-"

"Binds the universe together?" I interrupted, then tried to clear my throat. My voice still sounded weird to me.

Twilight looked up at her notes at me. "Oh, so you do know about Harmony."

"Um..." I briefly weighed the merits of seeing if I could derail the Lecture barreling down at me with my knowledge of Star Wars lore, and decided it was a waste of everyone's time. "Well, I'd read about something similar once. It was called something different, though."

Twilight's eyes narrowed at that, before she shrugged and flipped over the index card she had been reading. "Interesting. I'll have to ask you later about that." She cleared her throat and began speaking again, this time levitating a few pieces of chalk behind her that began to draw diagrams on the chalkboard behind her. "This force, or Harmony, as we call it here, manifests in different ways. In some realities that we've explored, there's little ambient Harmony to tap into or manipulate, and some realities, like yours, are only able to sense it as something intangible. In this reality, it is a powerful enough force to manifest and in some ways manipulate." Behind her, the chalk finished part of its drawing. On the left side of the chalk board stood a human stick figure with an obviously puzzled expression and a question mark over his head. On the right stood a mirrored stick figure horse with a broad smiley face, rainbows, stars, a sun, and moon (also all with smiley faces) overhead. "One thing remains constant between all different realities, however. And that is that Harmony appears to have a sense of Continuity to it. Meaning, that if somepony were able to travel from one reality to another-" At this point, she drew an arrow from the figure on the right to the figure on the left, "That Harmony finds a way to put that individual into the equivalent morphological state." This time, she drew another arrow from left to right. "In this way, Harmony manages to erase aberrations to the natural order in each individual reality." She paused in her drawing and looked up significantly from her notes at me, her manner expectant.

I frowned, parsing her words for a few seconds, and tried to ignore the bottom dropping out of my stomach. "So...so...you're saying that I'm..."

She nodded, beaming. "A pony, yes. Glad to see you keeping up!"

"But that's not..." I pointed at the chalkboard, and then froze, gazing at my limb. I had always liked my right hand.¹ In its place was...A hoof, covered in silvery gray fur and, suddenly, shaking quite badly.

_{1:You could say he was attached to it.}

A quick examination of my left hand showed it to be similarly affected and I used both to feel my face. After nearly concussing myself, I used my front hooves to continue the examination much more cautiously.

It was, arguably, the weirdest sensation I had ever experienced. My hooves- Which, for the record, was a damned odd thing to think- felt like my hands had been encased in hard but flexible oven mitts. I didn't have fingers anymore, naturally, but I did have a certain degree of sensation through them. My face extended out into a semi-equine muzzle, and I certainly had more and longer hair than I'd had before I was shoved through the portal.

I was also, I became aware, quite intensely naked, and was suddenly thankful for the blankets that covered me.

"Finn? Finn, are you alright?" Twilight was looking at me solicitously, and her tone suggested she was on the third or fourth repetition of her question. I also became aware that I was breathing rather quickly. I closed my eyes and forced myself to take deep, slow breaths before nodding once.
"Y-yes? I mean..." I cracked an eye to check and see if my hands were still hooves. They were. "I'm probably going to have a pretty solid freakout over this eventually. Right now I'm just trying to process everything. And you should really wait for a guy to sit down before springing something like that on him."

"You're lying in bed."

"...Touché."

From her spot on the wall, Luna cleared her throat. "There's more, you see, Finn." She strode forward. "You see, while in your reality, there is roughly an even split between males and females, here the divide is roughly one stallion for every four mares. And since Harmony has to keep things consistent-"

"What!?" I ducked my head under the sheets and started feeling around. Everything seemed to be more or less where I'd left it, thank goodness. Before I'd finished my examination, however, Luna's composure broke and she started laughing. "Oh...oh you should have...your face!" Over against the wall, Trixie had collapsed to the floor in a laughing heap, while Sunset was chuckling into a hoof. It was nice to know that, between both realities, I was able to provide amusement for a group of women, even inadvertently. And if they were technically horses.

Luna took a deep breath, and glanced back at Celestia. "I told you he'd do that. Pay up." Celestia rolled her eyes and floated the small bag she had taken from Luna back over to her sister. Luna took the bag in her magic and floated it back into her mane, giving me a smile. "I beg your pardon for my jest, Mister Kelly. As my sister will attest, I have a depressingly low sense of humor."

I took a deep breath through my nose, and let it out in a long sigh. "Trust me, compared to everything else, that would have been the second oddest change to have to contend with." It was nice to know that I was still...well, me, even though I had a new body to contend with and my voice was different.²
_{2: It stands to reason. He is a little horse.}

Twilight glared over at Luna and spoke up. "If I could continue, Princess?"

Luna's eyes danced and when she spoke, it was with barely contained laughter. "Certainly, Twilight Sparkle. Please do continue your elucidation for Mister Kelly."

"Thank you." Twilight examined her notes again, searching for her spot before continuing. "Right. In this reality, there are three main races of ponies." The blackboard flipped over, revealing a triangle of stick figure horses. One, at the top, had wings- a pegasus. The bottom left one had no wings, but a horn- a unicorn. And on the right was a simple horse, with neither wings nor horn. "Pegasi, Unicorns, and Earth Ponies. And a fourth type." As she spoke, she levitated the chalk and sketched another stick figure horse in the center of the triangle, one with both wings and a horn. "Alicorns, which are immortal and embody traits of all three races. Yes?" Twilight glanced over at me as I opened my mouth to speak.

"So, I'm a..." Another cursory examination of my new anatomy revealed neither wings nor horn. "An earth pony." ³

_{3: Because we don't take kindly to alicorn OC's in these parts.}

"Correct. The most numerous of the pony races."

In the corner, Trixie snorted. "Common Stock. But you'll do for what we need."

Sunset and Celestia gave Trixie a glare, which she ignored with magnificent indifference as she inspected one of her hooves. I used this opening to ask a question. "So...I'm getting a lot of background here, which, sure, that's going to come in handy. But, well...just what the cuss have you hired me for?"

Sunset stepped away from the wall to stand next to Twilight. "Well, as we've demonstrated, it is possible for beings to travel between different realities. What we discovered some time ago, however, is that ideas have managed to bridge the gap as well. For instance, when we happened upon your reality, you can imagine our surprise to discover that there was a children's show that, while it got many things wrong, had too many things right to be pure coincidence."

Luna spoke up from her spot by the wall, a smile playing around her lips. "We at first thought that your world's chestnut about an infinite number of monkeys and an infinite number of typewriters was ironically apt."

Sunset nodded. "But, as we explored, we began to notice a disturbing coincidence. We began to discover that while your world had managed to somehow get a glimpse of ours and used it to sell toys, our world had managed to get smatterings of yours. Ponies were discovered to have traits and mannerisms that, while previously thought to be unique, had often paralleled events and tropes from your popular culture that chronologically predated them."

"Right!" Twilight, meanwhile, was shuffling cards, discarding about twenty of them as Sunset glossed over what I suddenly realized would have been hours and hours of exposition. "So, we needed to hire several someponies who could slip into our society, recognize cases from their own world, document them, and see how hostile they could be."

I nodded at that, trying to follow along. "So...So you needed a geek from my world to recognize stuff that might not have originated from yours."

Twilight glanced over her notes, discarded another couple of cards, and nodded. "Yes, at it's core." ⁴
_{4: What, you expected a better plot hook in a fourth rate fic like this?}

Luna spoke up. "That's not quite all, however." She stepped forward, her expression solemn. "While we have managed to slip into your reality and back, it's also possible that individuals from your reality have managed to infiltrate ours. Should that be the case, you and your partner will need to investigate how they came here and whether they represent a threat to Equestrian society. While your societies might be Mostly Harmless, we cannot count on those from other realities to exploit the same potential weaknesses to wreak havoc upon our reality."

I pondered that for a second, then frowned. "Wait...partner?"

There was a ladylike snort from the wall. "The Great and Powerful Trixie wasn't too fond of the idea, either."

Celestia flared a wing out and rapped Trixie upside the head with one wing. "Perhaps you should have considered that before you decided to tag along on our hiring expedition. Considering you seemed to have no objection to sheltering at his home, my sister and I thought it would be fitting for you two to work together."

As Trixie rolled her eyes, Celestia turned her attention to me as she continued. "Trixie, in addition to being an Agent of the Throne, is also a traveling performer. As such, Sunset and Luna agreed that she would be an ideal partner for you, Finn, as well as providing an appropriate cover for why you would be traveling across Equestria. But that will come later."

Luna nodded. "For now, your first task this week will be to get accustomed to your new body and immerse yourself in Equestrian culture. You have this wing of Castle Canter to your disposal, as well as Trixie, Twilight and Sunset." She paused, as if remembering something. "Oh, and one other." She turned and pressed the door to the hall outside open and called out "If you could come in, please, Miss Wall."⁵
_{5: Finally! I thought she'd never get around to it.}

Another mare stepped inside. She was roughly the same size as Sunset, with piercing blue eyes, a black mane and tail which were both done up in a thick braid, and a forest green coat. Her features, as I was starting to understand pony features, were pleasant, and her face was smattered with pale freckles. As she turned, I could see a mark on her hindquarters: an ivy colored stone wall, with a hole in the middle, suggesting a window or an arrow loop. The new mare bowed to the princesses, then turned to address me. "Good afternoon, Mister Kelly. I'm Ivy Wall, and I will be the one organizing the reports that you and Trixie will be sending in regularly."⁶ She glared over at Trixie and gave a prim sniff. "At least once a week, please. They'll also be read by the Princesses, so I expect them to be at least more detailed than your expedition to Saddle Arabia.
_{6: And adding my own notations here and there. Hello, you strange shaved apes!}

"Oh, give me a break, Wall. Mares were forbidden from being literate at the time. It would have blown my cover to be seen writing."

"Well, at least we know just the limits of your Power and Greatness." Ivy said tartly, turning her attention to me and giving me an appraising look. "A pleasure to make your acquaintance, sir. Hopefully you can mitigate your partner's shortcomings."

"SHORTCO-" Trixie's outburst was silenced as Celestia planted a golden-shod hoof over her mouth, giving Ivy Wall a long suffering look. "Miss Wall, is this really necessary?"⁷

_{7: Yes. Yes it is. ⁸
8:Behave, Miss Wall ⁹
9:Or What? ¹⁰
10: Or I'll have a word with the author. Your special somepony doesn't have to be Lord Flashheart Tastyflank, Stallion Supreme, He of The Dark And Magnificent Smoulder. ¹¹
11: Point taken! Shutting Up!¹²
12: Splendid!}

To my surprise, Ivy colored nicely as she said in a rush "Sorry, Your Highness, it won't happen again." She bowed low, then straightened. "If I've your permission to leave, I've duties to attend to."

Both Celestia and Luna nodded, and the strange earth pony mare left, giving me a lingering look and a smile so wicked that it should have been sent to reform school as she passed out the door.

Sunset shook her head once Ivy Wall had left. "What's her deal, anyway?"

Luna frowned after the departing mare, then glanced back at the red-maned unicorn. "Ivy Wall comes from a long line of Guardsponies. Indeed, her three older brothers serve in one capacity or another in the Palace Guard." Luna glanced over at me. "This may be pertinent to you, Mister Kelly. You see, while Earth Ponies are the most common of the Equestrian Races, and though their abilities tend more towards strength, stamina, plant husbandry, and physical musculature, Earth Pony use of Harmony can also manifest in mysterious ways." She glanced aside at Twilight and said "Witness your friend Pinkie, for instance."

It may have been my imagination, but Twilight, Sunset, and Trixie all looked like they were suppressing shudders simultaneously. ¹³
_{13: It wasn't. 14
14: I just don't know what got into them, either. It's not like the We Discovered a New Dimension And It's Not Horrible Party was bad. At least, not like the last three I threw¹⁵
15: I thought I told you to NEVER mention those other times again?¹⁶
16: Celestia take it, I promised I would behave in these hoofnotes, now I expect the rest of you all to butt out! For Heaven's sake, think of the poor author! He's going completely spare trying to track the color hex codes!¹⁷
17: Right, sorry author person! Keep up the good work! 18
18: I...what...Sure. I'm just not going to think too hard about this and take a long, warm bath afterward. Carry on, Ivy.}

Luna shuddered herself and shook her head, returning her gaze to me. "In Ivy Wall's case, she has a particular knack for seeing through the things everypony says or does. It makes her a particularly handy archivist and secretary. She is ideally suited for this particular assignment."

I nodded, not quite sure I was following along, but certain that it was better to appear like I was. "Gotcha. So...what's next on the agenda?"

Luna smiled at that. "First, you're going to receive a crash course in dealing with your new pony body as well as not standing out in Equestrian society. After that week passes, and assuming you can stand on your own four hooves, you and Trixie begin your work."

I frowned, skeptical. "What, just like that."

Celestia nodded. "Just like that. I will be, hopefully, retiring from public life soon, and while I have every confidence of leaving Equestria in the hooves of my sister and former student...Let's just say I'd like to tie up some loose ends."

I nodded, frowning, and sure that Celestia wasn't telling the whole story. Twilight, meanwhile, had been flipping through index cards, and I was suddenly thankful that the other mares had managed to bypass more exposition. "Aha!" With an air of triumph, she held the final card up before her. "One last thing. You've got to come up with your own Pony Name."

I felt my brows knit. "How do you mean?"

"Well," Twilight said, half reading off her card, half addressing me, "Your name, while it is a good name, I'm sure, would also arouse suspicions, so we'll want you to keep a low profile. An assumed name would tie in well with the profile we're assembling. If you could come up with one over the next few days or so, that would be ideal."

Despite the strange circumstances I had managed to bumble aimlessly into and the scope of my uncertain future unfolded before me, I felt a smile spread across my face. The older I'd gotten, the less and less I tended to believe in coincidences. ¹⁹ "Nah, I think I've got it." I gave Trixie a level look, feeling my smile grow fractionally more satisfied. "See, near where I grew up was one of the largest silver strikes our world has ever seen. And the fella they named the strike after, well, he cashed out early. Never saw a cent of it. I think I'm going to let this strike play out. 'Common Stock', you said? Well, I can make that work."

I looked over at Twilight. "Put me down in your recordbooks as 'Comstock'. And I'll be at your service once I get on my hooves."

_{19: And more and more in lazy writing.}

Author's Note:

You all knew it was coming, I just had to have some fun with it.

Apologies for the excessive footnotes, but the idea of having a character who was adding their own and who was also self aware was too much to resist. She won't be As much of a nuisance in later chapters ¹
_{2: Unless you guys really like having me around :D}

Also, since folks asked, played around with images of Comstock and Ivy Wall, so here we go!


Funds are tight at the moment, and as much as I'd like to pay an artist with money, it's not in the cards right now. Unless anyone knows an artist who accepts pocket change and sarcastic comments.

Good luck everyone and stay safe out there!

Comments

[Skyblazer9]

10147158
No you do not at, I loved watching that film along with Airplane II: The Sequel and the Naked Gun trilogy.

You're very welcome.

[Skyblazer9]

10147279
I got to the chapters where he ends up in Equestria and turned into an Earth pony.

[Snaproll]

10147450
I'm glad you liked them!

I'll have the next arc written at some point in the near future, but for now this is what I've got put together.

[Skyblazer9]

10147670
You're very welcome. :)

That's very good to hear, I look forward to reading them.