Johan retched as he emptied the contents of his stomach into the toilet bowl he was hugging. He felt a couple firm pats on his back. Platinum was with him, making sure he was alright.
"Oh god! Make it stop! Make it st-" he was interrupted by another rush of bile evacuating his stomach into the toilet bowl.
"You're ok Johan. You're ok." Platinum said quietly continuing his reassuring backpats.
"Oh god!" Johan cried as he pulled himself back. "This is agony!"
"I know I know. You're ok though, I assure you. Everything's gonna be fine." Platinum said in his most calm and collected voice.
"What if I have chronic wasting disease man!?!" Johan bemoaned, curling into a ball and slowly rocking back and forth.
"Chronic wasting disease?" Platinum asked with a raised eyebrow. "The heck is that?"
"It's a thing deer got back at my home world... or however I am supposed to say it..." Johan said bringing a hoof to his chin. "You know the more I think of it, the more I realize that I am technically an alien..."
"Yeah... that's something I forget a lot, not gonna lie." Platinum said rubbing the back of his head.
Johan shook his head. "Anyway, chronic wasting disease (CWD) is a contagious disease that affects cervine. It's really freaking nasty man. Like, it's called the Zombie deer disease back home. It like... makes them loose a bunch of weight, and mental ability and then kills them." He said visibly growing more and more uncomfortable.
"Well uhhh, it does like you have been losing weight recently..." Platinum said, a concerned frown coming to his face.
"Oh Christ really?!?" Johan screamed, panic filling his eyes as he sat up feeling himself up. Platinum was right. He could feel his ribs! "Oh no! Oh no! I'm gonna die! I'm totally gonna-"
He was cut off when he once again was forced to drag himself to the toilet bowl and empty the contents of his stomach.
"Or you have just lost weight because you can't keep any food down properly. That could be the case." Platinum said with a slight chuckle.
"Yeah... probably..." Johan groaned, his face a rather gross shade of green.
Platinum opened his mouth, but he was interrupted by a knock at the front door from down stairs. They both turned in the direction of the stairs.
"Who is i-?!?" Johan cried down, but was once again interrupted by his stomach needing to empty itself. Platinum patted on the back while he retched.
"Don't worry bud, I got this. It's probably just Spike with the medicine or whatever. " Platinum said standing up with a huff and headed towards the door downstairs.
The knocking didn't stop, which he noted, was a bit too rude for Spike. He usually only knocked once when he visited, which he had done in his past couple check ups on the sick Johan.
Eventually when he reached the foot of the stairs and approached the door, he noticed the door handle grown a deep red.
"Oh fuck..." He said under his breath.
The door unlocked and swung open rapidly, as he stepped inside.
"Hey Johan!" Derek shouted with a smile on his face. "I heard from the grape vine that you were sick so me and the elements of harmony decided to pay you a vis..." He trailed off when he saw Platinum.
Platinum heard six gasps, and what sounded like someone feinting. Through the door, he saw Derek and the Elements of Harmony, the white one with the purple hair having fell over unconscious.
"Uhm... Lovely weather we are having isn't it?" Platinum said, his face whiter than normal. He let out an uncomfortable chuckle, which was cut short when, in a burst of incomprehensible speed that left even Rainbow Dash scratching her head, (Because Derek is just that fast) Platinum felt a fist connect with the side of his face.
He was sent flying backwards, slamming into the fridge in the kitchen. He kept flying, taking the now broken fridge with him, as they both sailed through the microcline brick wall, which shattered with a deafening crack. The fridge hit the ground first, before Platinum landed on top of it, crashing through the already broken door and coming to a stop inside of it, his hooves hanging outside of it like he was in a bathtub.
"Where's Johan?!?" Derek roared in genuine rage as he approached the hole in the wall he had made with Platinum's body. Red lightning shot out of his horn and eyes, as a crimson field of energy surrounded him.
"He's... upstairs in the... bathroom." Platinum said between coughs as he struggled to get out to the fridge, collapsing onto the ground besides it. He held his chest as he tried to catch his breath, blood pouring from dozens of cuts on his back, and a massive gash on his cheek. He regretted not wearing his armor today.
"Twilight! Go upstairs and unfreeze my friend! This bastard probably turned him into another platinum statue!" Derek said, approaching the stunned and injured unicorn.
"Right!" Twilight cried out to him from the now wrecked living room. "Let's go girls!"
The purple unicorn and her friends quickly rushed upstairs leaving Derek and Platinum alone. Platinum barely had time to look up as Derek approached him before the hybrid grabbed him roughly by the hair and painfully lifted him into the air.
"This is what you get for hurting my friend!" Derek roared as he raised a fist into the air, ready to punch the unicorn in the face.
And with that, something snapped inside of Platinum. His vision went completely red and he let out a shrieking roar of rage, his horn glowing, and an extremely bright white light filled the space around them. Instinctively, Derek brought his fist down towards his opponent's cheek.
He was met with a crunch, and the feeling as if he had just punched solid metal. The hybrid cried out in agony as he let go of the unicorns hair and stumbled back, holding his hurt claw. He turned back to the unicorn just as the light lessened. Platinum stood there panting with rage, his entire body seemingly turned into solid platinum.
Derek took a step back just as the Unicorn charged him, delivering a powerful uppercut to his chin, causing him to sail away through the air . He was caught by platinum white magic a mere inch from the ground, before being thrown through the air over Platinum and slamming into the ground on the opposite side of the unicorn as the house.
"Friend? Don't you dare give me that bullshit!!!!" Platinum roared, his voice taking on a deep, intimidating, metallic tone. Derek felt the metallic unicorn let go of him allowing him to raise his head just in time to be blasted directly in the face by a massive beam of pure white magic.
Platinum kept the beam going as he slowly marched towards the hybrid bastard, his hooves digging deeply into the ground as the recoil of his spell kept trying to push him back. His face was contorted into pure absolute anger.
He only stopped firing when his horn hurt and his legs felt like they were about to give out. He panted as he stared at the damage he had done, a shallow trench stretched out in front of him, alongside burning shrubbery and charred rubble, but no Derek to be seen.
A small smile came to his metallic face, but it was instantly shattered when Derek suddenly teleported in front of him with a flash, and it didn't look like Platinum had even hurt him. A grin slowly formed on Derek's face as his horn glowed a deathly red.
"My turn." he hissed.
10445781
Your wish is granted XD
you have to wounder now if derek was ment to have these powers or it was just dumb luck he got them or an issue with him commig to equestria.
would he give johan half his powers if he could to help his suposed freind?
does platmin's power to turn things platmin work on derek?
how badly did derek just wreck johans house and will this along with him being sick be what he needs to finaly tell derek to stuff it?
its not that the magic is necessary but it feels like if all of the deer are like him than they would be destroyed by anything. also the yaks are more powerful than earth ponies on average but averages dont mean squat to an individual, plus even if they didnt have that who would want their home anyway its a ice wasteland. like i said on my previous comment if it was a combination of highly trained guards and diplomacy to cover where their weakness seems to hamper them then id buy it. that not taking into account that derek could be lying about everything for whatever reason, like he was jealous of johan before, its part of his power like he make a deal with a demon for the power, he likes to flaunt his superior everything in his face or any myriad of reasons. but as i was saying before i dont mind that he has no magic its just what advantage does he have besides looking so pathetic that platinum pitied him?
Well that's a big misunderstanding right there. Bet Derek and Mane6 are not even going to be sorry about it, or even bother to fix the damages THEY cause. (IMO at least.)
But now to wait the "Next"-button to re-appear...
The worse for Johan, the better for Derek.
mechanics are like energy vampires
So Derek keeps him close and in dire conditions
the rest of the excuses are in favor of the poor in mind
** another reptiloid theory
Going to call it now. Johan’s going to try and stop the fighting and Derek will learn that Johan no longer considers him a friend. This will be after Platinum has been smashed into paste.
Just gonna put this out there that this fic isn't enjoyable to read, the premise would have been amazing if you had delivered what the synopsis promised. but as it stands the story is just as infinitely frustrating to read as any other generic 'HiE gets walked all over by obviously evil but totally not evil mane 6, or celestia, or random jerkass oc.
All well being written well enough that people are going to be back every couple chapters to see if anything substantial actually changed for johan... Of course, considering it's been nothing but bait abuse And perpetual victimhood I really doubt it.
I second that notion.
Platinum did say he wanted to be good, but was seen as a villain for it.
Guess it just happened again.
Derek teleoprted away, latting Platinum exhausting himself attacking the empty air.
Clever from Derek, stupid from Platinum for falling for it.
Okay, but only since "pwease" sounds kinda cute (I have to think of filly Twilight...).
Just joking.
You made a good chapter, and good work simply takes time. It's as simply as that.
10453806
This pretty much sums up my feelings for this fic. Despite an interesting premise and good beginning, the story never actually progresses keeping things etetnally locked at how they were at the start with the protagonist being shit on repeatedly and never standing up or doing anything about it. Things never truly progressing no matter what happens outright discards the actual premise of the story, thus taking what was good about it and throwing it away.
Really, the author needs to decide what kind of story he even wantscthis to be. Does he want it to be one were thing actually change, or just chapter after chapter of the protagonist suffering with nobody ever caring or making a difference?
Dammit! Johann has zero ability to take care of himself, zero respect from anypony except Spike or Platinum, zero horns on his head, zero genuine prospects for happiness in life outside of an ex-villain deciding to be a total bro, an agonizing stomach virus and infected stumps...
And now he just lost his fridge and gained a giant hole in his house! The symbol of Johann's prospects improving, the house that Platinum and Johann spent tens of thousands of bits and several days sprucing up together, just got wrecked by an evil landlord who cannot respect privacy.
This is a pivotal moment in the story. There could not be any better set-up for a confrontation where words are spoken that change the course of the story. Something HAS to change for Johann by the end of this fight scene or else it will be undeniable proof that Deerbuddy is just being tormented for torment's sake.
10453486
No.
No.
Maybe. Here's hoping.
10453847
It's down to the fact that, at its heart, this story is ragebait. Keep writing about a human turned deer that keeps being treated almost comically horribly, stir up some Jimmie, rinse and repeat.
10453957
im hopeing for either johan finaly standing up for himself fully and leaving his crap situation or maby magic or some sort happening like maby johan gets it or dereks magic stops working?
10454257
I honestly want to see Derek BURN. I always hated anyone who is being smug.
10454378
yes that would be satesfying but unless he has a way to out derek as the bad dude he is as well as do that at the same time it could turn bad quick for the deer boi and his buds
10453806
10453847
He literally progressed from a buck perpetually stuck in a shitty house with no friends to a point where he has an actual close companion, a larger house and more.
If you can't see any progress in that, then you really have not been paying the slightest bit of attention to this fic.
What, you want him to progress from weakling to powerful god who can do whatever he wants in only about dozen chapters? These kinds of stories take time.
Hmmm...If I was being intimidated by someone like Derek, I'd be having nightmares. Is Derek's Gary-Sue ability canceling out Luna's ability to comfort Johan when he has nightmares about his "friend"?
When the poll for the vote come put let me know.I'm excited to see what will happen I'm the next chapterHappy deer
...fuck Derek...
If this ends with Platinum dead....and Johan suffering more without getting the Happiness.....I am starting to
Hit the limit that I can stand....& goingvto agree with other comments about this being a somewhat clickbait
10453957
Yes
10454422
I agree with you as I do see Johan getting improvement. These kinds of stories take time
Man I just want him happy, I was glad to see him get a house and a total bro friend but having Derek around puts an unbearable weight around his neck
And on the subject of Derek I still would like to know why he keeps Johann around and purposely torments him. What gain does he have from keeping him around like a pet as it were? Do his powers come only from having Johann around? Or is he genuinely just an enormous clod who just doesn’t realize what’s he’s doing to his former “friend”?
So many questions so few answers... for now...
Ah well maybe I’m not seeing the forest for the trees so I’m trusting your writing process deer author. (haha! Get it? Cause deer? I’ll see myself out now.)
10453612
I can envision it now. The Main Six enter Johann’s room and try to “help” him. While doing so, they (probably Rainbow Dash) will mention that Derek is fighting Platinum.
Johann gets up quickly and runs to stop the fight, while the Main Six are chasing in tow. Johann stops the fight, tells Derek off, and the Main Six (who are under the influence of Derek) will deem Johann to be in the wrong for doing so.
I also think that, similar to when Derek crashed Johann’s dinner, that the alicorn-hybrid will show signs of “getting worse.”
10455108
If that happiness involves all the ponies around him realizing their mistreatment of him and trying to rectify their actions, I hope that he walks away.
By then, the damage has already been done; especially by Fleur de Lis. Personally, if I was Johann and Fleur de Lis tried to go on a date with me to make up for her previous actions, I would turn her down.
Hopefully, Johann will find happiness by relocating elsewhere. A place where he will be cherished and helped into growing as a person. Who knows? Maybe Spike and Platinum will accompany him?
10454422
I think they just want Johann to just stand up to Derek and tell him off without every other character trying to lynch him for doing so. And maybe get some physical training in fighting/other stuff to make him go from helpless to slightly bellow average pony competence.
Personally I think he shouldn't just get magic, maybe he could if he worked really really hard for it, but I think he should be the opposite of Derek. Derek was gifted great power, and abuses the hell out of it, but Johan becoming (over a long period of time) more powerful, confident, and self assured? Eventually overcoming his fears and weaknesses through trial and tribulation and doing more good for the world than Derek ever will? Hell yeah!
Also KICK HIS ASS PLAT!!
I personally would like it even if he just got your everyday run of the mill TK to help him with moving and manipulating objects. Guy could cook and use tools better which he deserves to get at least.
but, it is your choice.
Only Platinum said that he's became good ..
He showed himself to be smart and reasonable - it would be wiser to come to the meeting with a real result, and not empty hooves - Platinum must/want prove he is worth his name.
History still has so many options for the development of events:
- the reason why they became so different
- does Platinum try to become good not only in intentions, but also in deeds? or just playing his own game?
- maybe the princesses and their six are hostages of the Derek? (because of his .. temper .. and power)
- are ponies ra.. not tolerate towards weak deers?
- maybe the Derek told the princesses and the mane six something, and that's why they ignore Johan like that?
- how much is the Derek a villain after the destruction of the city due to his fight with Platinum?
- Or was he always a hidden evil? chapter-9 :
- or Derek just a full and total blind conceited idiot?
- insert your green theory here...
There are still so many variations for the development of the story, even without rewriting what has already been written ..
10456637
Similar to The Rising of the Shield Hero, where the protagonist has to work for everything, while his peers get handed things on a silver platter.
10453612
While doing that, I hope that he talks about how he was made to live in poverty and under the equivalence of imprisonment, as well as having his dinner with Platinum ruined by Derek for...reasons.
The Main Six will dismiss it. Twilight, who will probably be upset by the events that transpired at Johann’s house, will discuss it with Spike. Spike will then tell Twilight that Johann was speaking the truth.
Twilight will either dismiss it again or will start to be suspicious of Derek. If the latter, she will probably have a discussion with Derek while on a date.
Hmmm. I agree with a few of the comments, but I also agree with the author that things like this take time, but I also would like to say having your main character be thrown around for what is esentially the equivalent of maybe 3 or 4 episodes of anime without imrpovement of the spirit and mind, leads to many being malcontent with story progression. I see what your going for, but even in that regard taking longer, or even hoping to have a significant improvement happen at even the 15th or 20th chapters might get people to drop it. But I digress; this story gives me Rising of the Shield Hero vibes, but without the Shield hero part. We see all of these crafted characters, and these villians being introduced, but everyone can't but help feel as if this is more baiting considering even what was supposed to be his friend, is against him. It also happens to give me Arifureta: From Commonplace to World's Strrongest, just before he got dropped in a pit, and even then he still tried to do something. Overall, I feel as if I've just reiterated what everyone has said, but I do believe that there is a plan in the seams, it's just taking way longer than what people accept for a main character to do something. In other regards, do you ever plan to incorporate the comic in some way, shape, or form? Considering there are deer other than just normal ones, and King Aspen of the thicket, and the other deer shown such as the reindeer. Don't consider this as me trying to be rude or conceited in some type of manner, just perhaps nitpicking your brain a bit.
10458706
You aren't being rude or conceited at all, and you make a lot of good points.
I would like to say that there has been a considerable amount of progress into improving Johan's situation and I guess people are just ignoring. As I have previously pointed out, since he met Platinum his life has gotten considerably better, like tearing down the old shack he was living in and putting up a brand new two story house in it's place. Alongside considerable heightening of his mood. Such as the fact that he started the story in a never ending state of depression and cynicsm, which had gradually changed to genuine happiness and hopefulness in Platinum's presence, which again, everyone seems to ignore.
As for King Aspen and the Reindeer, well... The Reindeer are fine I suppose but honestly, I have always hated the comics and especially the way they portrayed the Deer.
Oh wow, the Deer are Elves without any of the advantages that make Elves special such as hundreds of years of life to perfect their craft. They can literally be conquered by a single minotaur with a couple bulldozers and concrete... Great...
As it stands I despise Elf Deer in all regards. It's part of the reason I hate plant magic so much.
10459242
Perhaps the key is to... not see them as elf deer? What about dwarf deer? They need lovin too!
Some things in this fic feel a bit off. At least to me.
Like Spike being the one canon cast member who hates Derek. I keep wondering why. Just because of Rarity? Nothing's made of that. Is it because Spike is a fan favourite, so he has to be in the right on this while everyone else is wrong? Spike is smart, sure, but everyone else looks like a complete moron or utter jerkwad or both and I don't understand why.
10462197
Spike reads a ton of comics. He can recognize an annoying Gary Stu super hero when he sees one XD
Grape vine? Who’s that?
Guess who just evolved?
Platinum is tired of this man’s sh*t.
Finally, someone says something. You tell him, platinum.