Vegans. Science has determined that they exist, but what do we really know about them? Some say they always face magnetic north and wander around in the forest at night foraging for wolves. All Anon knows is that they aren't one, but Twilight insists on treating them like some sort of grass-eating deviant.
Push a filly hard enough, and they will push back. Anon might be a tiny horse now, but they will get some good bucking food no matter what it takes.
Written for The Anonfilly Contest!
Content Warning: FLESH
Chapters (1)
This was not a misteak.
Fun fact: my current headcanon for ponies is that meat is eaten but not talked about in polite company. Mostly because the societal equivalency sets up a "pleasures of the flesh" joke.
Given that we never see them do anything indicating intelligence and they never speak on the show, my personal headcanon is that pigs are non-sapient and Applejack raises them to sell to the Griffin and Diamond Dog market. (Sure, some of them could be truffle hunters, but truffles aren't really common enough to justify more than a few trained pigs per village).
The perfect Steak is left to soak in a bowl of A1 overnight while it thaws then mixed with pepper and salt (sometimes even a shot if whiskey) before cooking on a open grill. Rare to medium rare is best. Best with grilled onions as well and a baked potato with a ice cold Coke or a beer.
I’d have thrown Dash under the bus.
The perfect steak is seasoned with salt qnd pepper then allowed to look at a fire through a thick pane of glass for no more than 3 seconds.
Garnish and serve with beer
10119561
I would have demanded half the chicken or I tell half the town, and so help me if she overcooks the breast I tell the other half too.
10119223
Didn't you hear? Truffles are very popular among griffins. It's just unfortunate that so many truffle hunting pigs die from wild animals
10119283
We may need to call the police, because using A1 on steak is murder to the flavor.
Part of the deliciousness of steak is that it is a simple entree, merely seared meat with a bit of salt and pepper and maybe another spice or two used lightly to accentuate the flavor. Using A1 you might as well just have store-brand beef jerky and save yourself a few bucks and not waste a perfectly good cut of meat.
You do you, man. It's a free country. But you're the reason Baby Celestia cries.
Significant Other and I prepare a pretty good steak by suis-vide'ing the meat with chunky peanut butter then removing the peanut butter and finishing it off with a garlic butter pan sear and then served with a generous topping chunky green chimichurri with thicc bergs of garlic.
God damnit! I WANT STEAK NOW!
A nice Juicy, THICK medium rare, steak.
I usually play for team burger, but now even I kinda want a steak.
If I eat steak or any form of mammal meat, I will die in agony as my immune system rips my body apart cell by cell.
This is all because of ticks.
This is a thing that happens.
10120506 Alondro ties you to a chair and then slooooowly dips a perfectly prepared fillet mignon in a deep vat of congealed, 12 year-old A1 sauce.
He is truly a monster even Satan would fear!
10120717
You poor bugger. Hands a tuna as a consolation.
And that's where Anon finds a deer foal tagged #4... and a group of lions calling themselves the Shishigumi.
Also, Anon knows the cows are sapient, and still was willing to eat them.
This makes Anon a bigger monster than me! HAH!!
*notices the half-eaten people all around him* Oh... I tried making Pinkie's cupcakes while drunk again, didn't I? Well... that doesn't count!
10119747 I used to make my steaks just one stage before charcoal.
If they weren't at least a little crunchy and didn't nearly break my jaws when I bit them, they weren't done enough!
10120729 I actually hate fish... but I can eat birbs.
10120717
Oof.
Alpha-gal allergy is a right proper bastard. Hopefully yours will also fade away.
10120506
I will do me. Because I know how I like my steaks when I grill them. When I go out it's done more traditionally.
bottom text
What pre-human starving hobo likes meat cooked any less than Well Done?! If it ain't fully cooked, send it back to the kitchen until it is! Cooking food thoroughly is what sets our species apart and more evolved than our primate cousins!
And yes, I've cooked a perfect steak well done. No burning or burnt portion, no pink in the center, extremely little red liquid from resting... Moist and tender...
(The red liquid is actually not blood per se, but a substance with a similar structure to true blood.)
10120741
People like you will be first into the gulags when I come to power. You make me SICK. SICK I SAY!
Should have saved some money, travelled to Manehatten, and ate at a griffon restaurant.
How could you have not labeled this with the appropriate warnings? Dark, Tragedy, Crimes against all that is sacred. When the flames pushed that beautiful steak even a touch beyond medium rare my eyes filled with tears. And when our hero was forced to abandon it to its cruel fate, something inside of me shattered and died. Oh the humanity.
10119747
The wisdom of the ages lies heavy on you, noble spirit.
I'll have you know I prefer my beef, both ground and solid, to be burned.
10120823 Yeah, several other people I know have it too. Ticks are the most plentiful resource in the NJ Pine Barrens.
10120968 Fool, eating overdone steak and surviving has given me VAST INHUMAN POWERS!!
The Dark Side of the Steak grants one abilities some might consider... unnatural.
A fanfic hasn't made me cry like this I read My Little Dashie back when that was a relevant thing.
I did not realize my preference for well done steak made me a horrible monster...welp
10123010
Well done steak is drier than sand and tougher than old leather. Well done steak is a fuckin sin because a cow died so you could eat it, and now you’ve squandered that gift of the best part of the cow by ruining it. You should be ashamed of yourself.
10123024
Man I donno who cooks your steak but they need to be fired if cooking it well done makes it dry.
10123029
Well to be fair it was usually when momma accidentally cooked them too long so a steak that was supposed to be medium rare instead was well done.
Also, I’m pretty sure almost everyone hates well done because it’s drier than sand, so apparently lots of people need to be fired.
I...kinda feel as though I was called here....
"How do you want your burgers? Burnt to a crisp or bloody as hell?"
"Bloody as hell."
10121369
Such as Triple Bypass Surgery!
"How do you want your steak?"
"Just run it through a warm room."
- The Stand tv miniseries from 1994.
10120506
Hah, everyone likes their steak simple until they get one with all the bells and whistles.
Well A1 is murder, mead or wine are pretty good for elevating the umami of the steak when you cook it in a cast iron with butter and your herb of choice. Can even make a pan sauce afterwords!
10123808 And Infinite Colon Cancer!
10124208 *dips a steak into A1 and lets it sit there for TWELVE HOURS... then slaps into onto a super-hot grill until it's darker than a black hole's event horizon*
Perfect!
10124319
if you see men in black suits exiting a van, don't worry; they are there to 'help' clean up the mess. Seriously there's nothing to worry about! ;D
10124417 *crunches on his meat charcoal, much to the delight of his bumper crop of hungry colon polyps* What mess?
derpicdn.net/img/2012/10/7/116492/medium.png
That's not what that smile says, Buttershush.
I have several questions.
Oh, right, the vengeful souls of all the butchered cows. That makes sense.
"Now where am I going to go clothes shopping?"
Delightful tale of Filly Anon doing Filly Anon things. Thank you for it.
Its better this way. Anon ruined it by using butter instead of olive oil.
"Im A horse now.... WHY DID I NOT EXPECT THIS?!" -Anon moments after realizing that taste is just as much what your supposed to eat as it is palette
Good thing I'm already eating or I'd complain about this making me hungry. Instead I"ll complain on behalf of my food. You're making it feel less confident or inept or whatever it is people say when they feel like they're not good enough because dangit now I wish I was eating a steak instead!
Full-on well-done is too much, yeah, but medium-well if done right tastes just fine. Not too dry, not too moist, and no red in the middle. Granted, it's very easy to screw it up, too. Not in long enough and you've still got red. In too long and you get a black brick shaped like a steak.
Twilight, are you retarded? You know Anon isn't a child. "children her own age" don't exist.
Makes sense. Maybe.
Well, what are you waiting for?
Start running in circles! That's what background ponies usually do when in danger.
I love that pun!
Good story!
I enjoyed reading it.
I AM NOT JOKING WHEN I TELL YOU THAT THE SOUND I MADE WAS CHOKED-OFF AND ANGUISHED WITH THE ATTEMPT TO BE QUIET AT 3AM
This was HILARIOUS! Great work!! And congrats on winning second!!
I think you're missing something here, after were.
10130280
near burnt stake tastes the best if u ask me