Believing it to be an easy job, two thieves broke into Princess Twilight Sparkle's castle. With no Royal Guards protecting the castle and Twilight herself gone, her valuable possessions were as good as theirs.
Or so they thought.
Last but far from least, special thanks to Little Tigress for drawing the great cover art.
EDIT: Featured through 09/09/20--09/14/20!!
#1 story with mature mode enabled on 09/09/20
#1 story w/o mature mode through 09/09/20--09/11/20
EDIT on 10/19/20: Has an audio reading done by the youtuber Enharmonic!
Chapters (1)
"SPike is only allowed to ride me!"
Jokes aside, good story. Fun little thing that I enjoyed reading.
OMFG that was a good line
Is that an Elder Scrolls reference I see?
Seems like this is a normal occurrence for her at this point.
I enjoyed the story quite a bit!
Very good.
Also: According to my research and the only times I've ever seen the Rainboom occur, It requires a Purpose or Reason to do it. Otherwise, you get bounced.
Guys, the rumour you heard is wrong - it was because she was late with a report, and desperately tried to come up with something to write about.
The "brainwashing" part is true, though - made them obsessed with a doll. Celestia had to get involved, it was that bad.
Birds, not ponies, and it was due to being startled - not on purpose.
...Are those birds still oranges, though? I wonder...
10427289
Actually, a Skeleton Key is a key that can be used for a wide assortment of locks.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skeleton_key
10427029
Glad you enjoyed it!
10427068
Along with a few other lines that I'm still waiting to use, I've been dying to use a line like that for over a year. I was not going to pass the chance up
10427247
Thanks, and I almost want to correct you about Locknight's name...but with how he couldn't get Starlight's name right, why not keep calling him "Lockdown"?
10427289
As 10427405 already pointed it out, "skeleton key" wasn't a reference from Elder Scrolls. However, I did slip in a reference to something else in the story...
10427313
Thanks! If a Sonic Rainboom requires you to have a purpose/reason or something to do it, Twilight sure found her reason to do it.
10427337
Rumors sometimes being shit is something Locknight was right about. You know how rumors can change as they are passed on.
Also, good question about if the birds Twilight turned into oranges are still oranges or not. Wouldn't be surprised if there's a story about that somewhere on the site.
Twilight and Rainbow flying over a tree... T-A-L-K-I-N-G!
Silly, goofy and nigh-hysterically funny. Good stuff, good stuff~
If anything, Starlight’s... width only makes her cuter
Look, you don't even want to know about the a many a thread that has been spent debating that.
And waaaaay more deserving of it, if you ask me.
No, no, she turns birds into oranges for practice. She and Fluttershy have had long discussions about this.
Could, but why bother when half-power or less will be plenty to stop the likes of you? I mean, she wouldn't want to strain herself kicking your butts or anything, now would she?
Well, that won't be hard.
Dunno if that stealth TwiDash ship really works seeing it's at best a mere passing reference, but other than that honestly quite small quibble, this was a fun read.
10427405
Ah, I see.
Then I suppose the thing I was thinking of actually references skeleton keys rather than being it's own thing.
Aside from the utterly pointless and useless TwiDash at the end, I love it. Makes way more sense than a lot of recent stories have.
10427405
I wonder if any skeleton keys were actually made from a skeleton...
So what happens when both Spike and Starlight are absent?
Hoo wee! You have no idea how much I wanted Spike to be a badass dragon that he deserves to be in a 'non fantasy' story! The 'Starlight is a super strong unicorn' trope is a common sight, but putting Spike alongside her is just perfect
Also, I may or may not support Starlight and Spike being a notable duo, kinda sad that the show didn't really focus on both of them after they met Sunburst.
Anyway, that fact, added with this line alone...
...instantly made me give this fic a 9.5/10~ Now I just wanna see those two getting chased by Starlight, Spike, and a certain pretty purple princess when Spike told her what the thieves tried to steal
10427485
Thank you, thank you!
10427511
Yeah. At least jake got it in the Jake Taylorverse.
10427530
And that would be an understatement!
I kept the Twidash very low key for fun, but I made sure to keep what Twilight was about to say to Rainbow a mystery. It could've been anything from "I love you" to "I love reading book with you".
10427554
Glad you liked it!
10427590
A VERY good question and it was even one I was thinking about as I was writing and editing this story. I thought about giving a reason, but it's possible I will write a sequel that would go into that. If I ever do, it won't be for a while.
10427604
Hell yeah! When I first thought of this story, it was going to just have Starlight knock some ponies around Twilight's castle. Safe to say, things happened since then...for the better, I say.
While I love the Starlight & Trixie duo, I also really liked the duo of Starlight and Spike too. It's too bad the show couldn't pair them together a little more often.
Nice little story. I like that fact that you feel Spike is old enough to have alone time with strangers.
Keep up the good work. . . . Cheers!
welp. leech took number 1 spot
It really is amazing how few ponies recognize the potential threat posed by a fireproof lizard who can crunch diamonds like lollipops.
10427590
10427471
"You want to know what happens when Starlight and Spike aren't there to chase robbers away?"
Looks left and right before leaning in.*
"They're always there. Even when they are half way across the continent they are in there guarding the castle. It is one of the five universal laws of ponyville I have discovered since coming to live here."
👍
Nice cover art. I'd say the commission was worth it.
(That's about what this amounted to)
It really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, but Starlight comes across as a more skilled/better reflexes fighter than Twilight is, moreso than raw power. To give say, Shining Armor credit, he's outright called her out on losing situational awareness by being distracted, saving her in the process (he probably catches too much flak, in some ways), and I'd rate Cadance's skill above Twilight's, to be honest (she actually did try to block in the Movie, at least).
Starlight did exploit Twilight not paying enough attention at least once, another time tricking her into hitting Rainbow Dash.
...but yeah, power level arguments are kind of semantics, in the end, lol, when you're not really far above average, and may or may not be of or not that far above the level of unicorn strength that involves struggling to open a peanut butter jar, versus someone who from their debut, was manipulating cutie marks, which is extremely abnormal magic, and showed a lot of variety in her return.
Anyone and their grandmother can kill or severely hurt stupid crooks, but sending them off running is more rewarding, probably, and the moral of the story is that not taking into account rumors in a fantasy land such as Equestria and therefore erring on the side of caution is basically being Too Dumb to Live.
...I'm also not sure if they'd be stupider for the fact that they didn't think of the possibility that Starlight could be making it up via illusions as opposed to "real event," or if they'd be stupider if they instead resorted to denial on that basis, lol.
I doubt Sunset would've been pleased to be there, had those two mixed up... but it would've been possibly too redundant, in the end.
Durable scales, absurdly sharp claws, teeth that can shatter gems, fire breath, in an environment not prone to catching fire... there really was never a chance. If they read anything about how the Equestria Games went, or the Movie (if applicable), they would not have scoffed... but it's pretty par for the course for Equestrians to not keep up with recent events, lol.
While still ambiguous as to what Twilight was gonna say before she didn't finish, I liked that TwiDash bait-and-switch, thought it was kinda amusing.
Hmm, would it be more fitting if it were the rainbow... or the pony's colors... in any case, mission accomplished...
but she interrupted their bonding,nuuuuuuuu.All-in-all, it was good, I upvoted it. It's quite nice to see Spike be portrayed as appropriately dangerous alongside Starlight, and have it clear that he's not going all-out to be a menace to them.
Those two, I wish we got more of their dynamic, in the show.
I think their next attempt would involve robbing Discord's realm somehow when he's absent... and underestimating how hard it is to navigate.
Other bad choices for places to break into:
Rarity's Boutique, which has an occupant who know how to use sharp needles, meaning they wouldn't even need strong magic to beat you, packs a mean punch physically, and a kid that's been Twilight's apprentice in magic since like... S4, with the evident benefits therein, achieved over time.
...and a lot of fabric to restrain you with.
Sweet Apple Acres, which has a stallion that can hop with a house in tow, and send like nine ponies flying over the horizon, aside from Applejack the National Hero... oh, and they have a dog. (pro tip for real life, and probably Rarity: cats are actually rather useless for deterring burglars)
Fluttershy's Cottage, because even if she won't hurt you (around or not), whatever animals are around up to and including a bear might be another story...
Sugarcube Corner, because... it'll cease to be a burglary and turn into an impromptu party, you hope.
...there's a not insignificant list on this matter, really, but not all would be of equal comedic value, probably. Generally is a bad idea to break into a main character's house.
10427886
Pink's might wrap you up in a nice bow or have you be the pinata... and Faust save you if she 'misplaces' her pin the tail on the pony game... either way there is going to being a party in the jailhouse tonight... with a possible short shindig at the local hospital first.
10427900
...another possibility, not mutually exclusive to some others, is that she somehow causes them to have an existential crisis with her weirdness, which given that it's Pinkie, could easily happen.
That... was awesome
Excellent job on the exchanges, characterizations, action, humor and general wrap-up in all the right places. Yeah, LOVED seeing Starlight and Spike getting to have some fun with those two dumb crooks (ESPECIALLY Spike as he usually gets left out of this sort of stuff). And, yeah, MOST rumors in a Fantasy Kitchen Sink world have at least SOME truth to them (with the exceptions of the Ponyville population's first thoughts about Zecora). As for that misnaming would-be crook, yeah, the actual Sunset Shimmer probably would NOT have taken it much better if you tried your luck in HER adopted world. And, well, if Spike could do that to you as a YOUNG dragon, imagine how much worse it will be in a little over two decades when he has fully developed wings and is as tall and muscular as Big Mac.
And, yeah, it DOES make sense that Twilight would have no guards since most of her intruders would fall into two camps. 1. Guys like THESE idiots that Spike and/or Starlight can EASILY handle on their own or 2. The would-be world beaters that would be too powerful for normal guards anyway, even if said guards were actually competent (meaning that having guards would be, at best, lots of extra hospital bills).
But, at any rate, VERY entertaining one-shot.
10427590
That's when Twilight invites the true force of chaos and destruction in Ponyville to come over.
"Cutie Mark Crusaders Castle Sitters! Yay!"
10427865
Also that is technically also his castle they are trying to rob from. Stealing from a dragon is never a good idea.
10428090
Well, they can't rob the castle if it is on fire. 😐
10428140
Just let Sweetie Belle into the kitchen. That should do the trick.
Well, at last one of the thieves was intelligent, with luck he will survive and be healed in a week instead of a year
Damn, this was a fun read! I always love it when stories remind us that while Spike may be a baby dragon, he's still a baby Dragon. Which means he can be pretty nasty if somepony tries to take or hurt what he loves.
10427672
thanks!
10427690
At least it's still at the #1 with w/o mature mode turned off. Though I might have just jinxed myself and this story will be out of the featured box completely in less than 4 hours of the comment.
10427800
With all the rumors around about Twilight, you'd think Tumble would have heard something about don't mess with dragons, even small ones!
10427818
If so, maybe they work for Pinkie Pie. That might be how she knows random stuff: she got ponies all over the place telling her any and all info!
10427827
10427865
If they survive Starlight and Spike, that would be funny. I can't think of a way for them to reach Discord's realm in the first place, unless they somehow convince Pinkie to get them there.
10427900
And even Faust wouldn't be able to save you if Pinkie loses it and her mane becomes straight...
10428021
Thanks!
10428076
Glad to hear it!
10428090
10428140
10428140
Now that gave me a big laugh!
10428251
If only Tumble was smart enough to not laugh and definitely kept it to himself that he thought Twilight and dumb and Starlight was "plump". Glimglam might have taken it easy on him.
10428305
Thanks! When I thought of the idea to have Spike be a badass, a big fat grin popped on my face. I was already going to enjoy having Starlight own those two crooks, but having Spike do it too...beautiful!
10428194
I meant to reply to you too in my last comment, but I replied to a different user twice by mistake.
Just let Sweetie Belle into the kitchen. That should do the trick.
That gave me a good laugh!
When Twi finds out about what happened, I hope for their sanity that she doesn't give them "The Treatment".
Get them, Starlight. Nobody insults Twi and gets away with it!!!
Also, what kind of idiot steals books from Twilight? The kind that'll have a national ponyhunt after them, I say.
Yes. Now blast them to, through, and past Tartarus.
Aww.
10428128
An excellent point that I hadn't considered. By extension of Twilight basically being family, and it being their property, it's essentially taking what is his.
Greed, whether direct or indirect, is a powerful motivator for dragons.
10428336
There is the question of "how the heck did Parcel Post get there," in Make New Friends But Keep Discord, so I'm not sure you'd have to be Pinkie (who offhandedly mentioned checking there in The Maud Couple, and thought Maud might've been there) to get there.
...also funnily enough, he was still there in Discordant Harmony, two seasons later, and it apparently took until before Best Gift Ever for him to get out, if the timestamped in hyperlink cameo was anything to go by.
...granted, does that actually help you figure out the "how did they get there" aspect? Sadly, not really, no.
10428194
Sadly(?), for all that it became a meme, Rarity did teach Sweetie Belle how to cook better at the end of the same episode it happened in, even if there was still smoke in the air. (Hey, at least it looked like a pie that time, and it was the same episode, way back in S2, before Sweetie Belle could use magic)
I'm not surehowyou liquefy toast or burn juice, nor do I think we want to know; maybe it was for the better Sweetie Belle seemed to live with Rarity in general afterwards, as opposed to their parents, lol.Rarity, sadly, might've ultimately forced/strongly encouraged Sweetie Belle to trade her power level in burnt food for arcane progress. It's a pity, really.
10428369
Lucky for those crooks, this Twilight never invented "The Treatment". She might just do something not as bad, such as blast them all over Equestria.
10428504
These kinds of idiots, or at least Locknight.
10428644
Oh yeah, I forgot about that mailpony finding his way into Discord's realm.
10427800
I know, right?
Like, okay, Spike is still a pretty small dragon, but anything that can breathe fire should be considered as quite the threat! Not even lava can save you from him.
Poor fools... that is an armored, magic resistant, fire breathing, fire proof, diamond eating, and now quite angry ball with claws. You never stood a chance
Meh I'm pretty sure I could Rob the place without being caught and leave a note saying they will be back in after starlight gets in shape lol
Love all of this! Especially the ending! Take my like and fav!
10427800
I'm more surprised he's not yet bit somone out that pissed him off (and now I just see spike biting tierks arm or hand and him going get it off get it off
Same
No questions no comments just swoop now your on my back
10429502
SOMEBODY DRAW THAT!
10429327
Poor fools indeed.
10429501
Thanks and I'll take it if that's okay with you
10429502
Now that sounds like a gruesome yet awesome Spike moment.
10429644
There are some things that don't need questions or comment about. Seeing your dragon on the back of another is one of those things.
10429776
Soooo lol you not at all surprised I just said I could steal twilight's book and leave her a note saying it will be back once starlight loses weight
10429804
I forgot to repiy to that. All I could say is, if you try it, say "hi" to Tumble and Locknight after you get the treatment they got
Personally, if I had to try. I'd see if I could trick Starlight with a better lie than Tumble did than risk trying to fight or outrun her. And whatever I do, I would NOT insult her and/or someone she cares about.
10429826
Or I could just walk in behind starlight in her shadow swipe the book or just open a portal into her room just fly on the balcony or blow up the apple barn as a diversion seeing as that gets destroyed alot (last ones a joke) or tell pinkie I wanna plan a surprise party and wrap the book up gift it back to her with the note this is your own book I swpied it and gifted it back to you xxx