The Question
"Twilight," said Princess Celestia, the two of them enjoying a delicious cup of afternoon tea in the library. She idly stirred her tea, lost in thought. "I hope you don't mind my curiosity, but…"
She paused. How to say it? How to ask a question she wasn't allowed to directly ask? How, how, how.
"...But?" prompted her ever-faithful student, blinking at her mentor with curious eyes.
Celestia faltered, but then quickly composed herself, offering Twilight a pristine smile. She'd gotten distracted briefly, thinking of the very colorful way Rainbow Dash had put it:
"Princess. It's easy, ok? All you gotta do is just look her in the eye and ask, "Hey, Twilight, do you know if…"
She couldn't even think it. The blush would give her away.
"One moment, Twilight. I'm trying to think of how to say it."
This was ridiculous, really.
Just as ridiculous as how it started.
"Listen Princess," Rainbow Dash had said days before, her and the princess flying above the clouds. "Do you want to win this bet or not?"
The princess didn't altogether know how to respond. "I will admit that the more time passes, the less sure I am of this entire thing," she confessed, allowing herself a rare moment of vulnerability.
"What?! Come on! You can't back down now!" the pegasus exclaimed, screeching to a stop mid-air. "Did you forget what she said about Twilight?!"
"That when it comes to romance, my student is not very perceptive."
"No, that's not what she said! She said, and I'm quoting, 'When it comes to romance, Twilight Sparkle is as smart as a gigantic sack of bricks'. Are you going to let her get away with something as rude as that?!"
The princess smiled. "You think that was rude? Strange! I remember you laughing a lot at that."
Rainbow frowned. "Well, duh. That's because it was hilarious. Rude things are, like, mostly hilarious ninety percent of the time. Anyway!" She flew back up, her wings extending. "She's wrong, right?! Twilight totally has it figured out!"
Celestia hesitated. Now this was a true problem. There was no way Twilight didn't know. She was brilliant! She had to have figured it out. But Celestia didn't know if she wanted to find out if Twilight knew.
"Are you going to just let her walk all over Twi's honor or whatever?! No!"
Now it was Celestia who landed on the cloud, her wings folding at her side.
"You're right. She will forever be my beloved faithful student, and if someone's put her intelligence into question, I shouldn't let that stand."
"Exactly!" Rainbow Dash flew all the way up until their faces were practically smushed together. "Princess! It's easy, ok? All you gotta do is just look her in the eye and say, "Hey, Twilight, do you know if Rarity's fucking anypony?"
Evidently, she wasn't about to say that to Twilight Sparkle. The younger alicorn would probably choke on her tea, and who was Celestia to ruin a nice teatime?
But she had to find out otherwise.
"I was curious about Rarity," she said, instead, analyzing Twilight as she did so. Trying to see a sign, per se.
"Rarity?" Twilight asked, only just surprised, but enough that it felt genuine.
"Yes! I've been seeing her a lot, as you know."
Twilight perked up. "I do! She's been having all those fashion events at the castle this year."
The princess nodded. "Exactly. And since I see her so frequently, I admit I've taken a great liking to her. Is she well?"
"I think so!" Twilight laughed, taking a sip of her tea after. Again, she looked sincere. Genuine. Hm. "Honestly, at this point, you'd probably know better than I would, Princess. I'm sure you've seen her more than I have this month."
"You'd be surprised! She is very popular among the noblesse." Finding an in, the princess took one last sip of tea before placing the cup down and speaking with care: "I've been led to believe she has her fair share of suitors, too."
Now that caught Twilight's attention.
"Really?" she asked, and again! Again, her expression was one of genuine curiosity, not the one Celestia expected which was one of sly recognition, like somepony who knew a secret. She tilted her head to the side, thoughtful. "I guess I'm not surprised. She is pretty."
"Very pretty, yes," said Celestia, perhaps a little too wistfully. Which Twilight didn't notice, and also didn't notice Celestia quickly coughing awkwardly. She put on a practiced poker face and hummed thoughtfully. "I wonder if she's picked one. Has she told you anything?"
"Not that I know of," Twilight replied.
"She hasn't said anything? Really?" Celestia insisted curiously, which was probably giving too much away, but it would be fine.
Twilight shook her head. "No, and I don't think she'd have time for a relationship, honestly. She's so busy all the time!" She giggled. "She only really talks about you."
"...Does she?" the princess asked, quite delighted.
"Mhm." Twilight was beaming. "I'm so glad you two are good friends, Princess Celestia. It means a lot to me. I… I was a little worried she'd be too much, actually. With how she used to be so in love with royalty and all that." Her joy faded, replaced instead with the familiar anxiety Celestia remembered well. "She has been respectful of your time, hasn't she? And to you, right? She's always respectful?"
"Yes, of course, Twilight."
Twilight instantly relaxed. "All right. Good."
And then she said nothing else. Nothing, absolutely nothing, which led Celestia to conclude that somehow, somehow, despite Rarity talking about her endlessly, Twilight Sparkle hadn't yet used her intellect to piece together that 'Celestia' herself was, as Rainbow Dash put, the one that Rarity was fu…
Involved with.
As if summoned by the devil himself, a voice called out in the distance.
"Twilight, dear? Are you home?"
"Oh! Look who it is!" Twilight said, giggling. She craned her neck towards the door. "We're in the living room, Rarity!"
"We?" Rarity called back, her voice coming closer and closer. "Who's w—"
Her sentence died as she stepped into the room and her eyes landed on Princess Celestia. The transformation was immediate. In a second, she went from casual and cheery to fluttering her eyelashes. "My, if it isn't Princess Celestia! What a lovely surprise."
"O-Oh! Rarity!" replied the princess, definitely not blushing slightly. "Hello!"
"Priiiincess!" the unicorn whined, walking over to the alicorn with a little pout. She stood next to her and gently caressed the princess' wing. "Whyever did you not tell me you were visiting Ponyville? I'm hurt!"
"It was just a quick visit," Twilight replied, which Celestia deeply appreciated as she was entirely too focused on the sensation of Rarity now brushing her hoof dangerously close to her flank.
"Oh, I see," Rarity murmured, being shameless! Shameless as she discreetly entwined her tail with Celestia's right in front of Twilight Sparkle. She then lifted her forehoof and lifted the alicorn's chin. "Now I know why you didn't tell me. Our little soirées together do tend to go looooong into the night, do they not?"
Celestia's eyes darted towards Twilight, who was giggling innocently. Somehow. Celestia wanted to shake her. Was she really that dense? How?
"I was just telling the princess how happy I am you two are such good friends now, Rarity," Twilight added, and when Rarity turned to her, Celestia almost wanted to be outraged at how sly Rarity's smile was.
"Oh, yes. We're the best of friends, she and I." She turned to Celestia, and Celestia might have exploded the sun from sheer embarrassment at how deeply Rarity was looking into her eyes. "Intimately, so."
The princess didn't often say this, but by Celestia's beard.
"Oh! Rarity!" Twilight exclaimed, suddenly getting up. "I'm sorry! I haven't offered you something to drink? Would you like some tea?"
Still looking at Celestia, she replied: "Mhm. That would be lovely, dear."
Ever the graceful host, Twilight trotted off with a 'be right back!' and it wasn't until several seconds passed and she was gone that Rarity spoke again.
"Dumb. As. Bricks," she said, punctuating every word with a peck on Celestia's lips.
"You're shameless," Celestia whispered, allowing herself the blush she'd repressed for the past ten minutes. "Completely and absolutely. I'm appalled by how shameless you are."
Rarity grinned impishly, fluttering her eyelashes. "Oh, hush, dearest sun. You love it."
"That is besides the point. Though." She eyed the door Twilight had gone through. "I'm starting to think it's better she doesn't know. She seemed upset at the mere idea that you'd ever disrespect me, so I can't imagine how she'd react at finding out."
"Finding out? Finding out what?" Rarity asked, her hoof rubbing circles on the alicorn's flank. "That I defile you at least twice a week?"
"Shameless."
Rarity laughed, smittenly cuddling up to the alicorn. "Oh, don't worry. We're too discreet for anypony to find out. Except for Rainbow Dash who is now banned from crashing into my bedroom in the middle of the night.
"But until then," Rarity continued, leaving a string of kisses down the princess's neck, "you shall be my little secret whom I'm dying to find thousands of new ways of disrespecti—"
The sound of glass shattering interrupted her.
"R-Rarity? What are you doing?!"
Neither princess nor her lover looked.
"Mmm," Rarity said, "if you throw yourself at her, that should give me enough of a running start she won't find me for at least a week. Shall we go on three?"
"I’ll say it again. Shameless," Celestia replied, getting up. "One… Two.."
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Me: wow this sounds like the sort of story that Monochro—oh yep she did write it.
That was too interesting not to check out. Bravo
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Me: hey look RariTwi really sounds like Mono - wait it is Mono. Oops.
*reads it*
Aw, that was nice. And what a twist.
Shameless!
Think of the scandals!
Huh
What a fun little SunDress fic. I quite liked it!
Copypasting from the site
That was amazing! Not what I intended with my prompt, which was that Celestia hadn’t started dating Rarity and wanted to know if she was single, but instead you went into a hilarious new direction. I love at the end the implication that Twilight still hasn’t put together that Rarity and Celestia are dating, and thinks Rarity is just kissing her out of rudeness. Also, Rainbow just crashing into the bedroom during one of their meetups.
How it all got started:
Also, good Gaia, Twilight. Are you made of osmium or something? Because you are dense.
Cute. Never much cared for the 'Twilight is an educated idiot' trope to be honest. Especially as a Princess of Friendship. But cute all the same.
Maybe its one of those things where she thinks of Celestia as a mother figure, and does everything she can to avoid thinking about what her parent figure does behind closed doors...
My favorite ship! Mono doing my favorite ship! Today is a good day.
I'm torn between liking Twilight who's smart and sweetly innocent, and Twilight who's smart and very sexy because she's very self-aware... Oh never mind, not really. I'll take Twilight #2 any day.
But this story was especially cute because Celestia was embarrassed and blushing. I would put money on Celestia being exactly like Twilight at her age.
haha, this is great! And Twilight may be smart, but she's not exactly social-cues-smart, so I totally believe she'd be oblivious to this. 😉
Very cute.
The cuteness feels different though. Different characters means different mixes but it’s a notably different mix from your usual Raritwi.
Yes, this is very Twi.
The twist!
Well done, that was unexpected.
A fine Tailor to the Crown epilogue, indeed!
That was nice and funny. A little short--or at least I wish there was more.
Somehow feel bad for Twilight. Just imagine - two persons she may like and love more than just friends are together. And she is still alone.
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That is pretty much Spike's life.
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He should look for Sweetie Belle.
Sometimes you need to be as subtle as a brick for some ponies.
Mono's Celestia is fun. She is so singularly human, for lack of a better word.
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He should look for someone who will live for a thousand years. McFlurry maybe? Has that been done before? They are not that far apart in age, and she even lives in a city made of dragon food, now that I think of it.
eheeheehee 😊
I was expecting to have Twilight nonchalantly do a "about time you made it public" kinda thing, revealing that she'd only been playing dumb.
One of the few times a story ended at the perfect time, and yet makes me want to see what happens next so badly.
Delightfully funny story, Mono.
I love this!
Adorably hilarious and oh man it is a BIG treat to read and re-read! Great way of showing a ship and it's just always a pleasure to read your stuff! Hope ya didn't mind, but I couldn't resist making a reading of this fantastic fic of yours!
Audio Linkyloo!: https://youtu.be/qIPpnzJTkM8
(I don't mean to offend anyone with this comment in any way!)
how shamlessly adorable
Man this ship is hilarious. I would have loved one more paragraph or an epilogue here to see the post-Twilight epic meltdown.
Hmmm, delicious, delicious SunDress. Into the favourites you go!
Walking in on romance probably doesn’t warrant a tackle from Celestia. Probably.
Greetings. Your reading has been completed and can be found below. I hope you enjoy.
I'm left with one question, which it's clear would not be answered in any immediate continuation. Since this still wasn't obvious enough, what did Twilight actually think she'd walked back in on?
I thought at the end Rarity was suggesting that Celestia throw her at Twilight instead of the other way around.
I love that Celestia is *immediately* on board with the plan hahaha n_n I thought I read this on your website but maybe I forgot somehow.
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Mayhaps we could justify the 'Educated-Idiot!Twilight' with the whole 'Dumb-to-Social-Cues' thing.
We could then have her switch aver to the latter, with the justification being that she eventually managed to brush up her knowledge on it whilst experiencing an intense fit of boredom brought about by her not having any new, more interesting books immediately available for perusal.
The resultant knowledge-dump, however, would subsequently make her into an absolutely shameless tease, able to lace even the most innocent of phrases with double-meanings & innuendos of such number & intensity, that even master seducers/seductresses would be rapidly turned into Ashley-scaled flustered messes with terrifying speed.
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Same, though probably due to her not wanting her marefriend to be squashed like a bug, or punted into orbit.
Really misunderstood what she meant at first by 'throw yourself at her" though the other way would probably work too..
Not really sure what Rarity thinks Twilight is going to do to her. Murder her for "desecrating" the princess?