• Member Since 10th Apr, 2022
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Codiak


A Fan of Ponies, Changelings and everything cute and cuddly. Meep!

Comments ( 16 )
Comment posted by Codiak deleted Apr 21st, 2022

So, is this a version of Equestria where everything seems to be identical to the Canon Timeline (or as Col. O'Neill would say, "close enough") except the only major difference is that Shining Armor was always a mare? And Gleaming Shield ends up someplace else....

Edit--(sorry, I overlooked seeing the R63 note) :facehoof:
Interesting start, and so many possible choices for this thing to go. I'll keep an eye on this one.

But Gleaming is going to be in so much hot water with Pinkie for missing her party.... :pinkiegasp:

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Good deduction on the timeline. I see i ve managed to somehow not screw that up :D
Yes the setting is somewhere around Lunas return and Twilight slowly settling in. I ll look over the first chapter again, to edit a few lines, if that is not clear enough.
But jokes aside, I ve sent her to a very special universe, which i think most people would love to be in...the M-rating is there just to be safe, because i plan on descriptive fighting and swearing. Maybe i can rework it down to T when im done.

PS: If you happen to stumble across a better option to mark the R63 let me know.
PPS: Thx for reading, i love your profile pic xD

No, me overlooking the R63 was totally my bad. But in the narration of the first chapter, the wording was such that it did seem like Gleaming was Twilight's younger sister. Yes, most of the text does say that Gleaming is older, but where it says:

“But you made things happen without me. I heard the news about everything you achieved and I must admit: Defeating Nightmare Moon and getting Princess Luna back is going to be tough to beat for me!”

is very contradictory to that. I was left wondering if Gleaming Shield was simply a new addition to the Sparkle family, along with Shining Armor as their older brother.
By this time in canon, Shining would have sure to be at least an upper midrank officer on his way to the top, if not already way up there--not just starting out military life as a bootcamp survivor. :facehoof:
The only possible way a private fresh out of boot becomes the head of the military by the time Chrysalis makes her move in just a year or so would be if every single person senior to him/her dies! :twilightoops:

Still, I just finished the next chapter & it's looking intriguing. So, anthro changelings mixed with humans, and no evolved "Equestrians" but rather just horses? Plus, Gleaming is having trouble speaking? Hmmm....
I foresee a "take your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape!" line coming up. :pinkiehappy:

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Glad to see you like my little story :D

It appears my attempts at creating the worldframe have yet to be improved, if you are this confused. Its hard to judge ones one work, because I already have the icture in my head, but i need to get it in yours! :D It will become clearer in the future, when the story reaches its middle part, as i have planned Gleaming to talk about her family a lot there.

So far and to not spoil anything, Gleaming is replacing Shining. There are no further offsprings in the Sparkle family.

As for how and why Gleaming is just a rookie at this point, you will have to wait and see, as the reason for that is part of the story.

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So far and to not spoil anything, Gleaming is replacing Shining. There are no further offsprings in the Sparkle family.
As for how and why Gleaming is just a rookie at this point, you will have to wait and see, as the reason for that is part of the story.

Okay, cool! That's part of your worldbuilding--so in addition to Gleaming being a sister to Twilight rather than her brother, she's a slacker, too! :derpytongue2: just kidding :trollestia:
At the very least, Gleaming is suffering from mana burnout and is going to need more than a few days to recover from that before trying to make a move to escape. I at least hope the DIs in her bootcamp taught her that proper POW escape procedures do NOT involve taking reckless risks to attempt a breakout, and she should recognize that trying to do so when her health is compromised is just such a reckless risk to her freedom.

Gleaming: "whoops! :rainbowderp:"

*cue Benny Hill Chase Music*

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

I'm liking this story. Just try to not make Gleaming too dense, She was taken to a vet and now finds herself on a farm or more likely an animal shelter. Realistically, it shouldn't take her much longer to figure it out. Plus she can clearly see there is no food in the barn and there is a doggie door right there, and she clearly saw the ponies grazing on "fresh" grass outside. I'm kind of wondering who has the lower I.Q. The ponies in the barn, or Gleaming. 😜

All kidding aside, I'm very much looking forward to reading more.

Monk
"not only was love blind but it must have some severe mental disorders too." -Recteik Shade

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Hi there!
Glad to see you like my story! And do not worry I have some sort of revealment (is that even the right term?) moment for her planned in the following chapter. It will also explain some of the mannerisms and principles the ponies in my world operate on.

On the topic of Gleaming being too dense, it may not have come out right, but she only knows ponies as smart and sentient beings. She has been used to this all throughout her life, and it is kinda hard for people and ponies alike to let go of old habits and thing we are used to. It makes us feel comfortable. It makes us feel safe.
Just imagine walking out your door one morning and have your neighbor (literally) bark at you!
Also there is the possibilitiy that they are simply under a wide range spell making them dumber than they should be. In a world where magic is a thing, one has to always be cautious of mind magic and mental manipulations, e.g. Sombra. (hint: there is a changeling among us!)

Rest assured though, Gleaming will realize her mistake in judgement quite soon and leave her security shell. A big part of it will be through the character I introduced at the chapters end.

Hope you stay with me and my story, cheers.

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Hope you stay with me and my story, cheers.

I wouldn't leave if you offered me money.

Your stories too good. Is it based on any cross overs? Should I recignise the universe or is it of your creation?

Monk
"It turns out that prostitution was viewed as an honest profession. However, how ponies figured out this was their special talent when most ponies got their cutie marks in grade school was suspiciously glossed over whenever the subject came up." -Typist Gray

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Glad to hear you wont leave ;D

To answer your question, the universe is largely my own creation, even though I borrowed some elements here and there from very different franchises, such as where technology is concerned. Which ones, I will explain instory whenever they do pop up, sometimes through Gleamings perspective, sometimes through a convenient plot device.
As for the sourcematerial of my idea, I suggest you give MadMaxtheBlack a visit. Its a human in Equestria fiction (with humans as pets to ponies), which I really liked and got me thinking if anyone has ever tried to reverse the situation. Sure there are many stories about ponies visiting earth, but those have never had to deal with non smart ones before or being stuck amongst them.
At least to my humble knowledge. (I´ve read my fair share of stories here and will continue to do so, but i can´t rule out that someone else had the same plot idea.)

At some point in the past I got the image of a pony sitting in my room, smiling up at me with those big puffy eyes and its tongue poking out, stuck in my head. And over the next few weeks my mind had build an entire and by far and large plausible world around them.
I even have ideas how they are connected to Equestria proper.

And lastly i went for Gleaming because she does not seem to get much love from my perspective...and there are lots of funny situations i can get her into due to her choice in a military career, now and later on.

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As for the sourcematerial of my idea, I suggest you give MadMaxtheBlack a visit.

.............

.............

Cigar falls out of mouth in utter shock. You.....You Genius...You freaking genius!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thats brilliant!

Have you read
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/156213/your-human-and-you-i-am-not-spartacus

If not, you need to stop and actually read it. Dan is a god tier writer and what he did with YHAY is interesting.

Monk
“If you can't awe them with knowledge, baffle 'em with bullshit.” -Guardsman_Sparky

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The one i read way back was the original, centered around a human called Max and Twilight after she had just gotten her wings. Celestia had bought him as a gift to help her settle in with her new responsibilities.

But no, I have not read the one you pointed out yet.
Looks promising though. Seems like you devil may have just found whats gonna eat my sparetime for a while :D

Just finished reading this, and I want more... :flutterrage::rainbowlaugh::rainbowwild:

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Good news for you then! Despite my rather long absense due to personal reasons (family member getting hospitalised for a serios reason among other things) I did not stop writing. I am in fact planning to publish the next chapter by the end of this month.

Glad you like it! :D

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