Princess Twilight's Pupil

by starcoder

The Search

Spike arrived on Zecora’s doorstep, bringing the pony inside. But surprisingly, it wasn’t Starlight. It was Twilight!

Zecora walked into the hut, rushing over to where Spike was. “Is this an injured friend you bring, One that has clearly hurt her wing?” Spike nodded, stepping back to give Zecora some space. “Though her reaction may be tragic, I think I can fix this with some magic.”

Spike helped Zecora mix up a potion, which they fed to Twilight as soon as possible. Soon enough, she awoke and rubbed her eyes. She felt a jolt of pain and looked at her wing. “Did-did something happen?”

Spike nodded. “Starlight went missing, and you went into the Everfree Forest looking for her. Luckily, I did, too. I found you and brought you here, but…”

Twilight folded her wings, wincing at the pain. She stood up, her legs shaky and painful with every step. Zecora nodded. “The sprain is a thing you should restore, as for side effects, there won’t be many more. You should stay and rest in here, before that pain draws even more near.”

Then Spike held Twilight steady as they walked outside. “Thanks for your help, Zecora,” she squeaked. “But Spike and I have to go. Starlight could be even further away now!”

Zecora’s eyes widened. “If it’s Starlight Glimmer you speak of, then she’ll give you more than a little shove. Be careful, kind, and be yourself, who knows, the end could be swell!”

Twilight smiled. “She already is nice. But she’s run away, and we still can’t find her. We searched the Everfree Forest for her, but she wasn’t here.”

“Or at least not in the parts we searched,” Spike added.

Zecora nodded. “Good luck on your search for your missing friend, hopefully she’s as happy as we intend. If I see her in my home, surely I will let you know.”

Twilight and Spike looked at each other, smiling. Starlight would’ve been happy to hear that someone actually cared for her.

---

Twilight and her friends met back at the castle. In the throne room, they sat, brainstorming places where Starlight might be. “She wasn’t in the orchard,” Applejack told everyone.

“Why would she be?” Rainbow rejected. “It’s not like she’s a fan of farming. She always struck me as more of the adventurous type. I checked in Las Pegasus, and she wasn’t there.”

“Doesn’t she like attention?” Rarity asked. “I checked Manehattan and Fillydelphia, but no one I asked had seen Starlight.”

“I thought she’d be trying to avoid attention, actually. Wasn’t she trying to hide and run away from anyone who had anything to say about her? I checked this open space, and the area around it, because it’s calm and peaceful and somewhere you can go to avoid ponies. That's why I want to start a sanctuary there someday,” Fluttershy noted, her hooves running through her mane again.

“Hey, wait! I checked there too! Fluttershy and I didn’t think she wanted to be around anypony, but I couldn’t find her under any rocks,” Pinkie added, her mane slightly deflating. Everyone made weird faces at this, except Twilight.

“I don’t think Starlight would be under a rock,” Twilight said, frowning. If Starlight wasn’t missing, then she probably would have giggled. But nothing was funny about your friend that had run away from home. “But I agree with you. Starlight wouldn’t want to be around anypony, not after the way they talked about her. Spike and I checked in the Everfree Forest, but we couldn’t find her. Also, I sprained my wing, so I had to rush to the doctor’s office. But Zecora said she would keep an eye out for Starlight, and we don’t have any new news back. Yet.”

They all sat in silence for a little while, and then heard noises upstairs. Noises that sounded a bit like… muffled hoofsteps! Someone was home, and they just had to hope that that someone was Starlight Glimmer.

---

Starlight jumped and turned around. Her door was now open, and standing at the doorway were six ponies and a dragon, just the ponies(and dragon) that she wanted to see the most. Starlight rushed to Twilight and happily embraced her, tears forming and squeezing their way out of her eyes. Starlight didn’t even try to stop the tears from flowing.

Twilight returned the hug and stepped back, examining her pupil. “You’re okay!” she happily exclaimed. She kept the smile on, until she saw Starlight’s face. There were an excessive amount of tears, and Starlight looked worried, frowning. Her body was shaking terribly, so much that she almost fell down. “Are you okay?” Twilight questioned.

Starlight shook her head no, but still answered yes anyways. “A lot better now that you’re all here. Ever since I had that nightmare, I’ve been wanting to talk to you.”

A thought came to Twilight's mind. “Are you… Did you…” she stammered.

Starlight tilted her head and asked, “Did I what?”

“Have you left your room ever since you came back from wherever?”

Starlight blushed and looked away, but nodded her head.

“Really?” a suspecting Twilight interrogated.

“To use the bathroom,” Starlight said. Twilight raised an eyebrow and motioned with her hoof that she wanted more. “Only to use the bathroom,” she confirmed.

"When did you return, exactly?"

"Um, around a few hours ago?" Starlight answered, unsure.

Twilight was about to respond, when Spike interfered. “Woah, woah. Hold up. You said you wanted to talk to us about something?”

Starlight sighed, glad that someone had changed the subject. “Yeah. I feel like I’ve been upsetting you lately. All that shouting, all that running away business. I’m sorry.” Starlight looked down at the ground, her head moving down.

Twilight held her hoof to her chin, a warm smile on her face. “Luckily, we all forgave you for what you did in the past. Which means we can forgive you again. Those are things you shouldn’t have to feel sorry about. All that matters now is that you’re back.”

Starlight looked at the ponies Twilight was motioning to. She stood up and everyone surrounded her in a warm embrace. “It’s good to be back.”

Author's Note:

I know what you're thinking. So I'll just say it: I suck at rhyming. So yeah, if you read this, you probably think Zecora's lines are cringe, and that's fine because I feel that way too. Also, I suck at naming things. If anyone has an idea for a better name for the chapter, I'd love a suggestion.

Thanks for taking the time to read this!

Comments

[Catpaw616]

I suck at rhyming

Its ok, I suck at rhyming too.

[Catpaw616]

Forgot to say, great story! Had me at the edge of my seat!

[Shiny Kelp]

11390379
If you'll appreciate some advice, I'm happy to oblige.
The first (and admittedly most tedious) thing to work on as a writer is to describe things more. Describe the scenery, describe the feelings and thoughts of the characters in question, maybe even go on a tangent about a loosely related topic. The vast majority of this fic is just dialogue or telling direct actions. There's no time for the reader to get invested into the fic because everything is told at such a fast pace. Heck, I got lost a couple times and had to re-read some paragraphs.

Secondly, the dialogue seems rather forced, and the characters don't have much characterization. If you removed everything except the dialogue itself, would you be able to tell who's talking? I couldn't. The mane 6 have vastly different personalities, they should be easily recognisable.

Lastly, this is more specific to this fic in question: the story as a whole is kinda overdone. Starlight struggling during her first few days as a student is one of the most common premises of her fics. A character overhearing/eavesdropping an important conversation is also very overdone, kind of an uncreative way to force the plot to continue. And yes, I know Luna is cool and all, but using her to solve Starlight's (or anybody's) stress issues is once again a common scapegoat.

Eavesdropping or Luna's intervention by themselves are good tools to enhance the fic, but they can't be the main source of progression. They are the only thing respectively causing and soothing Starlight's breakdown, which results in the fic as a whole not having a single unique idea.

This whole comment seems very harsh, but I want to add that this is far from the worst fic I've seen, despite it all. Keep writing and keep reading and you'll certainly improve.

[starcoder]

11391046
Thank you for all the advice! This will surely help me in future stories! Just keep in mind, again, I won't take it as a negative comment, but instead constructive criticism.