He awkwardly said yes. Thinking turning down one of the goddesses of this world was a bad idea and…he had been on a date for years. They agreed to dinner at the palace. Which gave him time to prepare for the evening. Twilight wasn’t a lot of help. She was worrying more than anything else. The rest of the gang was a little better.
I'd recommend reading through your work thoroughly before publishing it. The grammar isn't really that big of an issue but the sentence building you rly gotta work on.
Okay, color me intrigued! I love PoneXAnon stories, and love the picture, too (might want to reference the Derpibooru ID# or source ref if you have it). Would recommend some spell- checking and grammar-checking. I'm following and intrigued to see where this goes!
After reading the intro, I like where this is going. Celestia got a spark, but does Anon even know what that feels like? It's a good start.
I agree that an editor could help make your prose easier to read and have a bigger impact.
For example:
Didn’t have many friends nor was close to his family. He was simply…there at times.
He didn't have many friends nor was he close to his family. At times, he was simply... there. ----- Basically the same words, just rearranged to read easier. The second sentence ends on "there." I think this better emphasizes "just being there/just existing."
11523381 Thank you both. I don't sadly have an editor nor can I afford one. I ran this chapter and next posted through a grammar checker. I think it caught alot of stuff edited the chapter. Hopefully it's at least better. I also run through them caught some stuff.
Very nice!!
Cannot wait for moon butt to join in
hadn't?
11522558
Thank you I fix it.
11522561
What is the source of the pic??
looking forward to seeing more
I'd recommend reading through your work thoroughly before publishing it. The grammar isn't really that big of an issue but the sentence building you rly gotta work on.
Okay, color me intrigued! I love PoneXAnon stories, and love the picture, too (might want to reference the Derpibooru ID# or source ref if you have it). Would recommend some spell- checking and grammar-checking. I'm following and intrigued to see where this goes!
This is in desperate need of an editor.
After reading the intro, I like where this is going. Celestia got a spark, but does Anon even know what that feels like?
It's a good start.
I agree that an editor could help make your prose easier to read and have a bigger impact.
For example:
He didn't have many friends nor was he close to his family. At times, he was simply... there.
-----
Basically the same words, just rearranged to read easier. The second sentence ends on "there." I think this better emphasizes "just being there/just existing."
11523493
11523381
Thank you both. I don't sadly have an editor nor can I afford one. I ran this chapter and next posted through a grammar checker. I think it caught alot of stuff edited the chapter. Hopefully it's at least better. I also run through them caught some stuff.
Kinda sucks you skipped over majority of the date, but let’s see what this goes.