It's not easy working a long job only to come home and have to put up with your marefriend's annoyances. Sometimes though it just takes a simple beating to get them back on track. Sometimes it's all they need.
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- Member Since 9th Sep, 2023
- offline last seen Sunday
CelerySalt
I write dark satirical sexual comedies
CelerySalt
Joined 9th Sep, 2023 ·
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I am traumatized after this very short story
poor pinkie :(
I like the implication that for some bronies their magical trip to Equestria will certainly turn into something like that. Nice discussion of the premise
11800104
This is just testing the waters. I really like the idea and might write a longer story on the subject
I wouldn't mind this if there weren't real life movements that unironically push this. So this get thumbs down from me.
If you're going to shitpost, at least do so competently. This is the equivalent of a toddler smearing poop on the wall and calling it art.
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/272/797/55d.jpg
Um…um…WHY?!
11800124
I'm not trying to shitpost or troll, I'm just writing stories for a specific group of people to enjoy.
11800107
Please don't
Why comedy?!
This is too sad dude.
Poor Pinkie Pie, she didn't deserve that beating, she just wanted Anon to help her with what she loves to do most, planning parties.
If you wanted us to hate Anon, you did it, that damn deformed Namekian.
This has the potential to explore romantic relationships that involve violence, and the consequences that could befall Anon for his treatment of Pinkie Pie.
I've seen your other stories that involve heavy fetishes, but I don't know if you're going to continue this one or if there will be a similar one, where Anon faces the consequences of his actions for mistreating Pinkie Pie, or if it will simply be a fetish story, if that's the case. Second case, honestly, I will not follow the story, because these stuff of hitting somepony, do not attract my attention, I am totally against that.
OK, now the downvotes have the moral outrage out of the way, I have some constructive comments. To preface: It is a downvote, but not for the subject matter. That said, I admire the sheer stones to post a story about brutally assaulting a pony knowing full well the reaction it would get.
The story needs some attention to its punctuation and grammatical structure, and some parts IMO need to be fleshed out a bit, but honestly, with a little bit of care, this could be a much more compelling narrative, especially if the story is expanded to see the consequences of this chapter.
i.redd.it/dvj1ne8sgxrb1.jpg
11800167
Thank you for actual feedback. My spelling and grammar aren't the best, but I could always take a few extra bits of time to check it or get someone to proofread instead of pumping the story out so quickly. I tend to not like writing longer stories because I am poor at writing dialogue but I suppose practice is all it takes. I might write another longer story of this nature, including consequences for Anon.
.......... Okay.
We should all admit that Pinkie Pie can be really annoying on most situations. But she means well, and doesn't do it with ill-intent.
Because at the end of the day, despite being annoying. She definitely doesn't deserve this, ever. Period!
All she did is politely ask Anon to attend a filly's birthday party for pete's sake!?
The audacity of not only being a pony racist/xenophobic, woman/mare-hating dick. But he is also a birthday-hating, party pooper asshole!?
But hopefully, there's a silver line to all of this. Eventually and probably soon;
Pinkie Pie couldn't forever hide her physical/mental/emotional beatings for long from her own friends and family.
They're NOT stupid or ignorant to not only know her real feelings, but also seeing the constant physical trauma, and the mental/emotional outbursts, if you all catch my drift.
And then they will finally start asking questions, and they will learn the cruel truth sooner or later.
And in the end. Anon will suffer a rather justified wrath from not only Pinkie Pie's friends;
A literal Alicorn Princess of Equestria, ex-personal student of another princess, and a full-on expert of magic.
A apple farmer with super earth pony strength that has a very mean hoof-kick against your legs, head, or even groin area.
A rainbow-haired pegasus that has flight advantage, knows pony-karate/hoof-to-hoof combat, and quite literally can break the speed of sound ( Mach ).
A animal-loving pegasus, despite being timid and shy. But can quite easily command a entire animal army of predators that can easily tear you limb-from-limb. And let's not forget her infamous The Stare.
It's always the quiet ones to not piss off.
A fashion designer unicorn that has decent magic, but still not afraid to get her hooves dirty when her friend's lives are in danger.
And a literal Dragon. Despite being a "baby". Can still quite literally breathes green-fire on Anon's pathetic ass.
Oh yeah, and they are also the kingdom's own "celebrities" and heroes.
( So basically, Anon is going to greatly piss off the MLP's versions of the Justice League/Avengers/Power Rangers. )
Not only that. But also Pinkie's own sisters that can easily break rocks and giant boulders for a living!!??
And clearly, we all know what's going to happen on Anon's weak bones and fleshly body when they go through with him.
And it will be a death sentence of PAIN if either Maud, Limestone, or even Marble uses their Super-Earth-Pony-Strength on Anon's own two and small organs that produce children.
Well, not anymore.
Maud: 😑
Limestone:
Marble:
Anon: My now non-existent balls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😭😭
Then, there's the parents that want to go after his ass too.
And that's not even the "worst" part; The Royal Sisters will most definitely hear all about this, once Twilight will obviously write a important note afterwards.
( Still no Luna emoji. )
Heck, in a different scenario. What's stopping Luna herself on investigating Pinkie Pie's own nightmares due to the messed up abuse and trauma!?
Luna: *Goes into Nightmare Moon on Anon's ass* 😡
Anon: 😱
11800136
And...what specific group of people is that, exactly? The ones who like senseless violence inflicted on Technicolor cartoon horses?
Because I feel like that's a pretty small minority.
11800299
Mostly some friends but really anyone who is into it
i.postimg.cc/hGw2Dhtx/FB-IMG-1695945735417.jpg
This sounds like an abusive relationship.
11800250
I think it would be better if he was just put in the dungeon.
I smell a domestic abuse case and a life sentence for Anon in the near future.
11800360
Well duh, but after Twilight, Spike, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie's Family goes through with him first.
Oh, and what's stopping Celestia and Luna to just send him to the Moon, Sun, Tartarus, or Turned to Stone?
Which is way worse than dungeon.
11800372
It might depend on the law they have there.
11800135
Just check the author's other works and there would be no questions left.
Top ten hot takes of 2024
I cant tell if this is some sort of fetish thing or this man is trying to make a story talking about a serious topic. and from what i have gathered i think its the first option. And if this person was tying to shed light on a serious topic then i would say that the execution was poor. There have been many people throughout history who have shed light on a serious topic like this or others much better. And this story would be fine if this dude had better morles because this man did not make the story to shed light on a serious topic and how we can change this from happening and how we can do better as human beings. This person makes these stories for a "Specific group of people." Who is this specific group? The 35 year olds who also abuse their wives? Like bro come on if your going to make a story like this you have to leave the rearder wanting to change things or give them a new out look on things that could be going right next door to them.
If you can believe it this is probably the least egregious story in this guy's catalogue.
I’m sorry, but how can anyone enjoy a story of Anon beating up Pinkie Pie in an abusive manner? How can anyone enjoy this at all?
I don’t know what type of story you were trying to reach for, but this is not it. Not even close. You’ve completely missed the mark.
11800136
And what specific group were you referring too? Because it surely isn’t any of us.
How romantic
This feels like something that a 12 year old would post on DeviantArt in 2009.
I'm honestly at a loss for words.
Can we please report the cover image?
I recommend steering away from anything controversial or overly dark until you've gotten more experience. I assume this was meant to be a joke, but the way it's presented, people aren't going to interpret this that way. Start with light hearted nonsense, or if you absolutely have to go dark. Do horror.
This will help you greatly with Grammer and writing https://www.fimfiction.net/writing-guide
Well, you've made me hate wifebeaters a lot more by portraying such a scene so bluntly. So, I thank you for that.
The truth is, though, you didn't write this because you wanted to condemn wifebeating, or mostly not because of that. You wrote it just to show something horrible, because horrible violence inspires some kind of titillation in you and your friends. Am I not right?
I can't condemn you too much for that. I've been there myself, or something like it. I hate the part of myself that used to read things, not out of a search for beauty, truth and meaning, but out of titillation. I killed it, and left it behind me in the darkness. I'm on a quest for light and meaning. Letting evil fascinate me, and bind me, and draw me into itself- that's not a fate I'm willing to accept. I know I may sound like some cliche protagonist in a hammy drama, but that really is how I feel.
So, I'll downvote this. I don't believe in titillation. But, I'm not going to yell at you, or moralize at you, or condemn you. You're just a person like me, searching for something that can make you happy. Well, I haven't really found true happiness yet, so I'm no better than you on that count. But, looking back, I've come a long way from when I used to read those stories, and I'm so, so much happier because of it. The Light Side really does have cookies. Now that I think about it, I'm not so worried about the future anymore, or so embarrassed by the past. I'm just glad that here and now I'm no longer stuck with those problems.
Maybe being satisfied with what we have is the 'true happiness' we're searching for.
11800305
Why don't you just...privately share this to your "friends," in like a group chat, and not make it public on the internet in front of everyone? Like, share the Google Doc with your "friends" or something and not like this?
It's the saying, "Think before you post online." Just my opinion, nothing else.
11800600
I was given permission to use the cover image
11800615
Do you feel as though you have been better off not indulging in such media?
Maybe English is not my native language, I am and underage person , and I sincerely believe that several people along with me agree that your spelling is lousy, clearly I have it too, and you can improve, but what I do not tolerate is the TOPIC you used, using a theme of violence seems funny to you, and it is obvious that it was not to report on the subject because you yourself said it was for people who like this kind of things an asauerous fetish.
Abuse is not comedy and yet that label is there, I see NOTHING but NOTHING of comedy in the story, and if it was for your friends then you could have sent it to them by a group chat, and if you don't HAVE them which I doubt very much, you could have sent it to them by mail, as a word, by mega, there are several platforms, you should think before you act, and this implies in your writing.
I may not seem like the best person to comment because I'm underage, but my parents have raised me well, and I know that's not a topic to be taken lightly, at first I thought this would be a fic where they really care about abuse and how they might treat it, this is quite the opposite, it seems like one person wrote their fantasies into this, and it's totally disgusting.
And in another place are her reactions, pinkie would never let herself be treated like that, she can be annoying sometimes because of her jokes, but she is funny and charismatic, she is not as dumb as she seems, in my opinion she is not, and if anon does that well pinkie would not hesitate to tell her friends, I know it is hard since pinkie is a sensitive person, but she has great confidence in her friends and would tell them about it, not to mention that her friends are super strong and would destroy anon bone by bone, even if pinkie didn't tell her problems her friends would realize that something is wrong, and princess luna could help by watching her nightmares, if before I didn't like anon now worse, but it's not because of the people, it's because of the writer.
Please don't make More content like This, fr
11800136
Honestly kind of based
I must say I am impressed, u managed to unite everyone into downvoting this into oblivion, u have real talent :3.
I forgot how autistic fimfiction was. This is clearly a edgy whackoff session. I clicked it to see if there were some funny comments but it's just socially stunted internet people crying about how this is literally the worst thing ever.
Write whatever you want, don't try to defend it because that invites criticism. If TNMT-Equestria Girls stories can get 6 sequels on this sight to massive applause you can write about punching women.
11801078
you can write about abusive relationships like these but it's the fact that it has no good intention behind it. This person did not make the story to shed light on the matter and give the reader a new perspective on how these things happen in real life. No, they made it for and I quote "a specific group of people to enjoy." This story would have been good if the morals backed up the story. You said and I quote "This is clearly an edgy whack-off session" and I agree whole heartedly but thats just the thing. That's not the reason you should write a story like this. and if that is the reason they should have just kept it to themselfs and their friends. not everything needs to be posted online that's what some people don't get. So hopefully you can see where some people are coming from. people are not socially stunted, people just dont like the fact that this story was handled so poorly.
You are the physical avatar of the Dunning Kreuger effect
11800299
theres more of a niche for that sort then you might think
11800124
more like a modern artist doing... well, the same thing since thats whats happening nowadays frankly. But yeah, this implies intent, which a baby wouldn't have, which makes it worse.
11800133
Boy when you're crawling from your grotto to burn a twerp, you know its gonna be stinker
@Celery Salt
I've been very much better off not indulging in that kind of thing.
Allow me tell you about my experience with this. My own personal demon was of the sex kind. I got exposed to it for the first time, as many people do, through a book with sex scenes, when I was too young to be ready for such a thing. I wanted to know more. 'Curiosity kills the cat', as they say. I got fixated. But the more I tried to satisfy my desire to know, the more it grew, and the more miserable I became.
People tend to think that all desires are alike. That's what I thought. What I found out then is that some desires have a mind of their own. They don't care about how miserable and cheap they make you feel. They want to take control of everything, become everything you think, do and are, and to make the rest of you their miserable slave. I realized, though only much later, as I contemplated what had happened, that whatever I had was as much a part of myself as a cancer is part of a body. And if it wasn't really a part of me, then what was it? It was what the ancients meant when they talked about 'demons'.
I sunk too low for my conscience to stomache, and I decided to turn the ship around and never look back. It wasn't a smooth escape. I had many relapses. But, every time I struggled through one of them, I got a little stronger and the desire got a little weaker, until I finally managed to put it in a coffin and bury it under fifty feet of cement. I can hear it scratching down there, sometimes. But, I'm never going to let it back up. It's never going to fool me again.
If you're interested, the techniques I used to get rid of it were:
1. Distraction. Whenever I had one of those images pop into my head, I imagined it being burned, blown up, struck by lightning, stomped on by a horde of angry circus clowns, mailed to the sun in a rocket, or whatever I could think up. It distracted me for at least a few moments, and well, if the image came back, I could just do it again. Desires can't do anything to you if you're not thinking about them.
2. The knowledge that these attacks don't last forever. They came on me in waves, which were very intense. I usually wasn't able to resist completely. So I set myself a more reasonable goal: maybe I can't stop myself from doing stuff completely, but I can do a little less than I did last time. I can make myself a little stronger and my demon a little weaker. And if I keep doing that, eventually I'll win. And I did win.
3. I had to actually get a healthy understanding of sex and where it belonged in life. Sex is a wonderful thing; I say that, for all my trials with it. It's the only act that can create a new life. And I don't just mean a baby. Whenever a man and a woman lie together, there comes into being a new life, that lies between them and encompasses both of them. And, like any living thing, it can die, if you don't give it any love. I realized that sex was meant to be a part of love, and if you put reins on it and made it serve that end, it could be something good. I was wrong because I was considering sex merely for the sake of sex, and when you approach sex selfishly, you get burned.
That's my TED talk. I hope you get something out of it. I'm sorry. There's a lot of people stuck in this same rut, and, I wish I could help them more. I wish I could help you more, if you are as I think you are. I've come to a place in my life where, finally, I'm proud of who I am. I hope you do as well.
I know you can.
11801199
Lol what. Who cares about the morality or intent of a pony fanfiction? Especially one so obviously written to be edgefuel? It isn't real, the internet isn't real. There isn't a real party pony being hit. Some of these commentors are waxing on about it like the author crawled out of their screen and strangled their pet. If a pony fanfiction "ruined your day" you are maladjusted.
It feels like somewhere along the line everyone forgot how to just ignore things they don't like. Why is anyone even reading the story if they hate the subject matter? I'm not even talking about casual readers anymore some of these comments are deranged. Acting as if, and seemingly affected as if, real violence was witnessed. Please get a grip. No internet 1 week, please.
11801076
Using "autistic" as an insult just tells me all I need to know about you. That is, you're a raging ableist the same way the "I'm not racist, but" crowd and the "please do not contract the big gay disease" crowd is. No need to read the rest of the dribble.
The hilarious thing is -- at the risk of making an ass out of you and me -- you probably use it in real life too, so it definitely isn't just a "the screen is my shield" kind of thing.
If you don't like FiMFiction...the door's right there. No one's mandated to stay here. People can write what they want so long as it's within site rules. But if you want it to be good and appeal to people...moral standards should really be considered.
Hope you continue your work :) don't be discouraged
11801402
It wasn't an insult, it's a genuine observation. No normally formed, well socialized, and properly adjusted person would break down and cry over something they read on the internet. Even moreso a fanfiction site dedicated to a children's TV show. It's unhealthy.
Also the whole "i didn't read what you wrote but here's my essay on why i don't like it" was exactly what I was talking about. That's crazy person stuff.