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Helios Dawn, son of Princess Celestia, always had a sense of adventure and thrill seeking in his veins. His longing for adventure is finally answered when he and his older surrogate sister and younger adoptive brother Spike are called by Celestia to oversee the Summer Sun Celebration. This finally proves to awaken Helios’s drive he longed for, and with his family and newfound friends he will fulfill his longing desires.
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Looking forward to more of this story
Not a bad opening, buddy
When is part 2 going to come out?
So good start up. What is Helios' cutie mark stand for?
Can't wait to see how this plays out
11852731
His cutie mark symbolises his love and thrill for adventure, but it also doubles as royal insignia to show that he is the son of Princess Celestia.
11852732
Nice to know. But does it represent his Talent at all or just personality?
11852739
Both.
Curious on how this will turn out.
Wonder how different things are gonna be for Spike in this?
Huh. For an alicorn oc story, (a genre I've not heard good things about), I'm pleasantly surprised. I'll be reading this.
You might want to get an editor for this. I wouldn't say that if I didn't like the story.
However, aside from a few things I noticed, your main problem isn't with grammar, but with your tenses. They seem to jump around from past tense to present tense a lot.
I look forward to more of this, though.
breath->breathe
Well, I have a story where Celestia has a son as well.
Nice beginning. I'd recommend reading my similar story element of balance.
11899506
Yeah, but I didn’t know about yours at the time when I was creating this story.
Well I'm actually reading the second chapter now. One grammar error I noticed is Twilight incorrectly says Celestia promised me I would would protect you. It should be I promised Celestia I would protect you.
Also she should say here instead of her at one point when Helios speaks to her about making friends. And I know it can be tempting to skip over certain parts but that is still telling not showing and not always the best course of writing.
So Helios is younger Twilight huh? He the same age as the CMCs? Maybe he can get together with one if them? I'm having my oc get together with Rarity eventually. I was kind of disappointed when Helios didn't meet the other two members. Hope that will be soon. Will track this.
11899609
Right, thanks. Also do you want to see what Helios looks like? I have an art piece of him.
11899610
Maybe.