Chapter 24: A Healthy Diet and Exorcise
"Legion life was a strange state of being. The spiders that made up the population of Arachnia were not one united front, but were instead composed of many different races and species of spider, many of which had different habits, cultural customs, or biological urges. Many of them were initially considered disgusting by the spiders who didn't share them, but the need for cooperation to create a greater empire eventually lead to widespread acceptance of a lot of unsavoury things.
Certain species for example were venomous, and could not be allowed near the same water sources as other spiders for fear of poisoning it. They often did this to smaller springs to easily hunt prey, being immune to their own poisons in the water, and they killed all of their prey and war prisoners through poison, slowly torturing them and drawing out their pain.
Other spider tribes were cannibalistic, and ate their relatives alive under certain circumstances. For some species, it was the children that ate their mother directly after birth. For others, the female would eat her mate after intercourse. There were extremely rare cases of the inverse of both happening as well.
Since these acts were practiced by entire tribes and species of spiders, stamping them out was simply not feasible, and this led to the Spider Legion as a whole being forced to socially accept and condone acts of cannibalism and torture by poison, and this is often why the Spider Legion came to be seen as a savage and unfeeling entity.
In truth though, they were not. The Legion as a whole never did widely practice such acts as policy, and these disturbing habits usually remained within the domain of the tribes and species they originated from, with very little spread through the rest of Legion culture. Poison torture in particular was always discouraged, though never outlawed, and the Legion did continue to hold a dim view of the practice for a long time.
Despite that though, the stigma attached to the Legion has forever been an unforgiving one, and they were always remembered for their less pleasant side."
-Crimes against nature, extract from History of the Spider Legion and associated conflicts.
***
Second stood near the open door of the Chinook, looking down at the landscape as it rolled beneath them and the tall buildings of Secopolis came ever closer. Behind him, Thug Lyfe was deep in conversation with one of the knights, and Commander Steroid Abuser just remained stoic and unmoving.
Silver looked at the brutish freak with no small amount of disdain.
"Sir?" she said.
"What, Silver?"
"Who even is this pony? I was a knight too before you promoted me, and I don't remember this guy ever being around. Where did he come from? And why is he the commander?! I thought you made me the commander!"
"...Shit. You're right. I forgot about that."
Second turned to Steroid Abuser.
"Hey, you. How did you get promoted anyway? What happened to Bullseye again?"
"COMMANDER BULLSEYE DIED FOLLOWING THE LOSS OF THE PROMETHEUS, SIR. DOCTOR APOCALYPSE TOO. THE AIRSHIP'S AUTOMATIC STATUS REPORTS INDICATE THE LOSS OF MOST THE CREW, MINUS ROBOTS. I WAS MADE ACTING COMMANDER IN HIS ABSENCE, AND THE FOUR HORSES TOOK OVER MANAGEMENT OF THE MAGES' GUILD."
"Hmm. Well, we have a problem then, because I already told Silver Vein she was the new commander."
"DID YOU KNOW OF COMMANDER BULLSEYE'S FATE THEN, SIR?"
"No, but I was planning to execute him when he arrived, because I hate him. I named Silver his successor."
"YOU SHOULD HAVE SENT WORD BACK TO US ON THIS MATTER, SIR. I WAS ALREADY MADE COMMANDER WHILE YOU WERE AWAY."
Second shrugged.
"Sorry, Silver."
"IF I MAY ASK, WHO IS THIS AGAIN?"
"Silver Vein," Second replied, "She's the replacement Butterfly One, and also the only surviving heavy trooper following the invasion of Canterlot. The rest all died in a spectacularly gory fashion, and most were eventually eaten."
"ONLY SURVIVOR? YOU MUST HAVE IMPECCABLE SKILLS TO SUCEED WHERE SO MANY OTHERS HAVE FAILED."
It was abundantly clear that this was normal speaking volume for Steroid Abuser, but Silver still had to stand back when he addressed her directly for fear of going deaf. She took a moment to wipe the spit off her face before replying.
"Thank you, sir."
"THOUGH, MY LORD, DOES THIS MEAN THAT THERE WILL BE NO MORE SOLDIERS IN POWER ARMOUR AT ALL?"
"I named the power armour users the heavy troopers. That's the new official terminology. Keep up."
"I APOLOGISE."
"And no. I fully intend to re-establish the unit, though maybe not in colour coded squads this time, and maybe not divided by race. When we build the next batch, I want a uniform standard. All models will be one colour, and they will also support all types of ponies. All suits will be fitted with artificial horns, wings, and...whatever the fuck earth ponies have. Someone note that all down."
"Already have," said a unicorn in a lab coat.
"SIR, IF I MIGHT MAKE A SUGGESTION?"
"What is it, commander?"
"WHAT IF I AM ALLOWED TO REMAIN COMMANDER OF THE KNIGHTS OF MAN, AND THE NEW HEAVY TROOPERS ARE SPLIT OFF INTO A SEPARATE ORGANISATION, WHILE COMMANDER SILVER VEIN IS PLACED IN CHARGE OF THEM? SHE COULD OVERSEE THE RECRUITING OF REPLACEMENTS AND ESTABLISHING THE NEW HEIRARCHY."
"Hmm..."
Second looked over his shoulder at Silver, who gave a noncommittal shrug.
"Yes. That sounds fair. Henceforth, the heavy troopers are their own group, independent of the Knights of Man, and are led by Commander Silver Vein. Someone note that down too."
"I'm on it," said the unicorn again.
"Silver, begin recruitment whenever you please. Anything you need, come ask me, and I'll allocate resources for you."
"Umm...Thank you, sir."
"SIR!" the pilot called, "We're above Secopolis now."
Second moved back over to the door and peered over the edge.
They were very high up, roughly level with the tip of the Palace of Kings' tallest spire. Directly below them, he could see the Congress coliseum having a session. All its seats were taken by multi-coloured ponies, and in the middle of the arena, a war was taking place. Not just one or two gladiators fighting, but hundreds of them, and not all of them congressmen.
"Looks like this is where I get off," Second announced.
"SIR, INCOMING!"
There was an explosion, and the helicopter rocked from side to side. A blinding flash of light and a deafening sound somewhere below Howard briefly stunned him, and he fell on his back. Going by the sound it was making, at least one of the rotors was damaged, or slowing down. That wasn't good.
"What the fuck just happened?!" Second demanded.
"It's Congress, sir! They've identified this as a Knights and Guild affiliated gunship and fired on us!"
"Firing on us how?! The coliseum doesn't have surface to air missiles! Do they?!"
There was another massive explosion, and smoke began filling the helicopter. Both of the rotors were now making that ominous sound.
"It's not a missile system!" one of the knights explained between coughing and choking, "It's a guy on the ground with an RPG!"
"What?! Bullshit!" Second shouted, "There's no fucking way anyone can be this accurate with an RPG across that much distance!"
"You clearly haven't met the new president, sir!"
Second rolled his eyes.
I should have known. If you win power through succeeding in death matches, it stands to reason that the president is the deadliest motherfucker on the battlefield.
The human stepped back over to the edge as another projectile narrowly missed the helicopter and exploded near them.
"What's his name again?"
"President John Fist, sir."
Second cracked his knuckles, and looked back over his shoulders at Silver.
"Looks like I'm going skydiving."
He jumped out the helicopter.
***
The great wooden gates to New Arachnia swung open to admit entrance to the princesses and their entourage. The pathway right up to the gate was extremely narrow, so Spike had been forced to hover above the group awkwardly until they were permitted to enter the village, and land on the roof of a hut on the other side.
And when they entered, it was simultaneously exactly what they expected, and nothing like it.
New Arachnia was mostly wooden huts. They came in many sizes and shapes, but they all adhered to the same basic rules; all built upon a solid foundation of stone, and all of them with no windows at all. The doors were low, but wide, made to cater to the needs of the spider population without any mind paid to pony visitors, and they all had signs above the doors indicating the purpose of the structure.
Every residential hut had the name of the individual or family living in there written in elegant script on its sign. It wasn't all just houses though, because as the ponies walked through the village and glanced at certain huts, they found that the spider village also had its own general store, grocers, butchers, (whatever that was), blacksmiths, apothecary, doctor's office, mead hall, library and even a public bath house.
The streets meanwhile were full of activity. In spite of the raging snowstorm and biting cold, spiders scuttled all about the place, performing their daily activities.
A few of them in armour like Arcelio patrolled back and forth, those obviously being the town guards, and they glared at the ponies and Spike with no small amount of suspicion. Nearby, a spider with a moustache and eye patch sharpened a sword on a grindstone, and growled at them.
As they passed one of the homes, Gold Coin noticed a pair of female spiders standing just inside the porch of one of the larger huts, gossiping about some recent family drama their mutual neighbours were experiencing. Explodey meanwhile had to stop abruptly as two tiny spiders rushed past him, and one of them tackled the other to the ground.
"Haha!" the dominant spider proclaimed, "I have bested you, fiend! Prepare to taste Legion justice!"
"No!" said the other, "You can never defeat a demon king! Roar!"
Wooden swords came out, and the little spiders stood up on just four of their legs and began a surprisingly skilful duel, indicating that they probably had actual combat training.
"...This is so alien to me..." Gold Coin muttered.
"Can I play with the other kids, Goldie?" Mystic asked.
"Mystic, come on. You know we have a job to do," Chain Mail interrupted, "We've got to meet the Harmonites right away, don't we, Arcelio?"
"What?" the legionnaire replied.
"The Harmonites. Aren't we going to meet them?"
"Oho! No, my good sir, we are not. They will come down from the monastery to meet you themselves when they're good and ready! Right now, I've been instructed to make proper preparations, and find yourselves and the pony soldiers a residence here. The child is free to do as he pleases."
Mystic grinned and jumped off Gold Coin's back, and ran off into the village in the direction the spiders went.
"Mystic, come back!"
"Don't you worry, equine. New Arachnia is small, and it's very well protected. He shall come to no harm around here."
"ARCELIO!"
The legionnaire turned his attention to another spider walking down the road towards them. At first, Gold Coin hoped it was something to do with the Harmonites, but then he noticed the other spider was wearing an eight sleeved lab coat.
"Dr. Cornelius, my friend. What is it?"
"The eggs are about to hatch, that's what! You and your wife are about to have lots of spider babies."
Arcelio's eyes widened. All of them.
"Oh..."
That tone of voice gave Gold Coin a bad feeling, and so did the fact that the legionnaire then immediately walked over to a nearby stump and picked up a woodcutting axe.
"Excuse me, fellows. An issue has arisen that I must deal with. Feel free to explore the village, and come back to meet me here in half an hour's time. You are free to use any of the village's facilities. Equestrian currency is accepted here, begrudgingly. Oh, and please don't irritate the veterans."
"Ahem."
"Yes. Coming, doctor."
The two spiders marched off down the road, launching into a conversation the moment they turned around. The last words the ponies heard before their guide was out of earshot was;
"So have we got an exorcist at the ready, or am I going to have to get a monk down here?"
***
"YAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!"
Second flew downwards, fist outstretched in front of him. As missiles and bullets flew up at him, he barrel rolled side to the side to avoid them. The coliseum came closer and closer every nanosecond, and he locked onto his target.
The maroon unicorn with a straw coloured mane, known to the ponies of Secopolis as President John Fist, recognised his lord and master all too late. He realised his mistake, and immediately dropped the RPG launcher on the ground, silently begging for forgiveness. Second didn't even slow down though.
He wasn't incapable of forgiveness, but idiocy still had to be punished.
"LET'S SEE YOU GRIT THOSE TEETH!"
CRACK!
The human hit the ground in a crouching position, with his fist buried in the sand. The president was knocked halfway across the arena and smacked straight into a wall. His jaw was broken where Second hit him.
Considering the sheer force he had been struck with though, punched in the face by a man whose fist had shattered mountains, the president's ability to not just survive, but actually remain conscious after that blow would cause him to go down in history as one of the most hardcore badasses to ever live.
And as Lord Second, God-Emperor of Secopolis, Killer of Celestia and Bringer of the Apocalypse stood over the president's fallen form and glared at him with seething anger, he had only one thing to say:
"...So you find time to go skydive punching ponies, but you can't even pick up your fucking phone?!"
***
Halfway up the mountain path, struggling against the bitter winds, a dark mare staggered along...
***
"Welcome to the Frosty Web! Please, have a seat! Can I get you anything?"
The bartender spider seemed cheerful enough. He was cleaning two glasses at the same time with four of his legs, and using two others to serve a glass of bitter to an off-duty legionnaire at the same time. He gave the two of them a smile.
"Yes, I'll have a whiskey," said Gold Coin, "Explodey, what do you take?"
"Umm...I dunno. I've never drunk before."
"You went with us to that bar in Canterlot."
"I never drank anything there. You guys just got me one of what you were having and I let it sit in front of me for a few minutes before I left."
"For the supposed Element of Laughter, you are fucking depressing, Explodey."
The bartender smiled at them knowingly as he shook his head, or did the closest approximation to that gesture as possible for a spider. He finished pouring Gold Coin's whiskey and set it down on the bar.
"Tsk. New Elements of Harmony, are you? Oh, you'll be having great fun with the Harmonites later today, that's for darn sure."
Gold Coin and Explodey both sat on a bar stool each.
"What do you know about the Harmonites?" the earth pony asked.
"Oh...Not much, really. Reclusive bunch, they are. Usually stay up in their monastery. It's that big stone temple closer to the peak. You have to pass through the rest of the village to reach it."
"Are they also spiders?" asked Explodey.
"Of course they are. What else would they be?"
"At this point, I'm half expecting them to be humans," Gold Coin muttered, "That would be in line with our usual luck."
"So what are they all about then?" Explodey continued.
"They're monks, and scholars. They believe in a kind of unifying force represented by the five virtues of friendship, which usually expresses itself in a magical form. They believe that by studying friendship, and Harmony itself, that they can achieve a state of enlightenment and find a higher purpose in existence.
"This higher purpose, they teach us, will justify the existence of the spiders as a race, and allow for us to eventually makes amends for crimes of long ago. They say that only through Harmony, can our people ever know true redemption, and that when we are allowed redemption, our demons can menace us no more."
Gold Coin gave the bartender an odd look.
"And is this a philosophy that all of you follow?"
"Harmonism is the official religion of the Spider Legion. Some feel less passionately about it than others, but it is a belief that we are all indoctrinated in from youth. Those that believe strongly enough in it go up to the summit to become monks. The rest of us meanwhile sit down here and keep society going. We farm, we hunt, we fight, we eat, sleep, and eventually die. And every day we hope and pray for our salvation to come along."
Gold Coin had finished his whiskey, and gestured for a refill.
"Is the Legion just the name of your town guard now, or...?"
"Long ago, the country our people lived in was called Arachnia. Spider Legion was the name of our government, because our government was ran by our military. The head of state was the high general, and any non-military matters related to running the country, such as agriculture and economy, was left to the business of small committees set up by the Legion and spread throughout Arachnia.
"Today we continue the same trend. New Arachnia is the name of the geographical location we live in, namely this village, and the Spider Legion is our military and government, though obviously they're much smaller now, and 'town guard' would be a more accurate descriptor than 'military'."
Gold Coin smiled at the spider bartender, and began to raise the glass of whiskey to his lips, when he stopped. He stared at the wall for a second, completely still, blinked once, and then set the glass down again and stared at the floor.
"I'm talking to a giant fucking spider in a bar on top of a mountain. Explodey, when did our lives get so weird?"
Explodey was holding a hoof right up in front of his eye, and was staring at a large vein there.
"Hey, Goldie! Check it out! My blood's green now!"
He stole the off-duty legionnaire's dagger with his magic and slashed the vein on his hoof to demonstrate his discovery to his friend. A glowing green fluid poured out and hit the bar, where it began steaming and hissing.
A minute later, the wood caught fire. Three minutes later, Explodey and Gold Coin stood outside the bar with a bunch of pissed off spiders as they watched it burn down.
"I think that went well."
***
A hush had come over the coliseum as Second walked into the middle of it and dropped the president on the ground, whom he had been holding by the neck.
"Are you fuckwits going to stop now?!" he asked.
The congressmen and knights spread across the arena all immediately dropped their weapons.
"Listen up, you primitive bunch of grass-munching, shit-flinging tribals. Your pissing match ends now. Daddy's back, and he's very disappointed, so from this point onwards, you're all grounded. That means none of you are allowed any weapons, or armour, none of you may leave your respective bases, and no wings or magic either. And this applies to Congress, the knights, and the guild. I want you all to sit still, shut the fuck up, and do as you're told."
Second paused, before adding;
"And also perform a routine decimation. Maybe that will teach you not to immediately start stabbing each other the moment you think I won't notice."
He kicked the president in the chest one last time before turning around and storming over to the exit angrily.
"Goddamn ponies..."
***
"Hi there!"
The two duelling spiders ceased their epic battle to look at Mystic.
"Hi!" one of them returned, a lighter shade of brown than the other.
"Hey," said the darker one.
"My name's Mystic Chant! What's yours?"
"I'm Lucian," the lighter one replied.
"And I'm Magnus!"
"Say, are you a unicorn?"
"Yep!"
"Cool! We've never had a pony in our village before. Do you come from Equestria?"
"Yeah," said Mystic, "Me and my friends came here to learn from the...the...Harmonites!"
"Oooh...Those guys are creepy," said Magnus, "They wear these really weird robes and are always doing these spooky chants late at night. Sometimes you can hear them up in their monastery when the wind's not so loud."
"Yeah, they're pretty unsettling," Lucian agreed, "They come down into the village sometimes to kill the newborns, but even then we don't see much of them."
Mystic blinked.
"They come down to do what now?"
"Kill the newborns," Magnus repeated, "You know. Whenever a spider has kids, you gotta get a monk down to exorcise the demons out of the ones that can be saved, and you gotta kill the ones that can't. Or else you've got demonic spider babies crawling down throats and poisoning the water supply."
The unicorn stared at them.
"...Do they not do that where you're from?" asked Lucian.
"...No."
"Then what do you do to stop the demons?"
"...We don't have demon problems."
The lighter spider grumbled to himself.
"Ponies have it so easy..."
Magnus ignored his friend and shrugged.
"Hey, Mystic? You wanna play war with us?"
That was all it took to get the colt to forget the business about demons and child killing.
"Sure! Who's fighting who?"
"Um...Lucian is the demon king Tirac, and I'm High General Silas!"
"Who am I then?"
"You can be Princess Celestia!"
"Huh? But I'm not a filly!"
"Aren't you?" asked Lucian, "Sorry. We've never seen a pony before."
"Well, I've never seen spiders before!"
Magnus tapped his chin as he thought on this.
"Well then you can be...Spike the Eternal! And that means you're on my side!"
He and Lucian both tossed one of their swords to Mystic, who grabbed them with his magic and twirled them around in the air experimentally.
"Time to die, demon king!"
***
Nearby meanwhile, Spike sat comfortably on the roof of one of the larger buildings, most likely some kind of meeting hall or the home of a particularly rich spider. If he curled up and held his tail in, he could just about fit on the roof, and for a wooden construction it was surprisingly sturdy. That said, he didn't want to spend too much time here and risk weakening it.
He wanted to find some more open place to stand. The village was too small, and most of it was either buildings too small for him to sit on, or pathways around the village that he'd be blocking off if he went there.
The Prometheus was almost calling out to him. The airship may have had tiny corridors, too small for him to crawl through like he just about managed in Canterlot Castle, but it had at least sported a rather spacious cargo hold with a door directly to the outside world where he could sleep for the night.
Being a dragon, he was no stranger to sleeping out in the open, not even in snowstorms as it happened, but it was still not as nice as being inside somewhere warm and cosy. The palace back in Canterlot was warm. So was the Prometheus. Though neither of them really had the comfort factor of his volcanic cave out in the southern ocean.
Now that was luxury.
"Dragon!"
Spike sat up and looked around. Who had said that?
"Hey! Spike!"
He looked down over the edge of the building, and saw two ponies below. Sir Ancient Tome, and Private Iron Hoof, both of the Brotherhood of Man.
"Oh. It's you," he said distastefully, "What do you want, cultist?"
Tome frowned at him.
"Okay, I get it. You don't like the Brotherhood. That's fine. We don't like you either. But we wanted to talk to you."
Spike raised an eyebrow.
"I should warn you that even my whispering could be heard by most of the village. If this is anything you want to keep between us, this would be better discussed in more private conditions."
"Then just listen to what I have to say, and you can give yes or no answers," Tome suggested.
"...Very well. What do you want?"
Tome's horn began to glow, and he and Iron both flashed away. They reappeared on the roof almost right next to Spike.
"We wanted to discuss something important with you," he said, "Thing is...We're all of one mind about the humans, more or less. Aren't we?"
"Hmm?" Spike responded.
"We all agree, don't we? Second is a threat and needs to be removed, regardless of any deal he and Princess Celestia might think they have."
"...That's true," Spike said carefully, "Though I would still take her side if she thinks that's a bad idea."
"And we also both agree that First also needs to go, don't we?" Iron Hoof added.
"Yes. Definitely."
"So the way I see it, we all need a plan," Tome explained, "Neither of us are anywhere near capable of taking down a human, let alone two. Princess Luna tried and failed to fight Second, and she only survived because he spared her from what I heard. So even though she also agrees with us, she won't be of much help. And that's not even getting into if we go with Iron's plan and go after the Pantheon too."
"Your point?" Spike urged.
"Can you fight a human?" asked Iron.
"...Perhaps. I'm not so sure."
Spike had almost lost his first battle with Second, when he first attacked the palace. Then again, that was more due to Sliske than Second. The human had actually lost in the end and been captured. But...that was more due to his own incompetence than anything he did, and Second had grown massively stronger since then.
It was impossible to determine at this point who would win one on one. All Spike did know, was that Second was among his most powerful opponents, right up there with Tirac and the Crystal Demon of the Everfree.
"We know the Elements of Harmony can stop a human, maybe even kill one," the unicorn continued, "but both Chain Mail and Gold Coin are against the idea of betraying Second and actually getting rid of him. They both want to support his plan to go after the Pantheon of B. And we don't want that, do we?"
"No."
"And even less of them want to get rid of First as well. And if they're not all in agreement, who's to say whether the elements will work when used? We need a way to sway the others into seeing our way, and if we can't, we need you to stop the humans for us."
"Hmm..."
Spike scratched his chin with a claw.
"Most importantly," said Iron, "We need someone to convince Princess Celestia to support us. She still hasn't decided whose side she's taking. We need to make sure it's ours. Maybe she can argue with her sister alone, but if both her oldest friends pressured her into it, maybe she might come around. And perhaps she can influence the rest of the Elements of Harmony into taking our side too."
"...I will think about it," Spike conceded, "But remember this, pony: My loyalty will always lie with the princesses. If Celestia says no, then no matter what I think about the humans, I'm doing what she says. Not what you say."
Tome nodded.
"That's understandable. We wouldn't expect anything other from you."
"Then we have an accord?" asked Iron, holding out his mechanical forehoof.
Spike gently held it between the tips of two claws, and being careful not to crush it, shook it amiably.
"Yes."
***
Second stopped at a coffee place on his way back to his palace. It was a Starbucks, one of many large business chains from back in the human world that he had brought to his own little paradise. Secopolis also sported a lot of his other favourites, including a McDonalds, Burger King, KFC and others. The mall uptown had a lot more, but he was glad that there happened to be a Starbucks right on the route between the coliseum and the palace.
"Ahh..." he sighed as he sipped again.
"Sir!"
He stopped and turned around, and found Silver limping towards him, minus her power armour. Her coat was burned in places, but not severely. She seemed to be okay overall, because she was still smiling.
"I found you. At last!"
"What the fuck happened to you?"
"The helicopter crashed."
"Oh."
"Into a gas station."
"Oh."
"Which exploded."
"Ohhhhh..."
"Twice."
"..."
"And killed everypony except me, the commander and Thug Lyfe."
"...Damn."
Second looked her over again.
"Do you...need to go to the hospital?"
"I'll be fine, sir. You should see the other guys."
"...Where's your power armour?"
"Melted."
"...Melted?"
"It's liquid metal now, sir."
Second blinked.
"How are you even still alive?"
"I'm a pegasus."
"Then how did the others survive?"
"Steroid Abuser is also a pegasus, and he carried Thug Lyfe because I mentioned that he was important to you."
"No fucking way. That freak was an earth pony. I'm sure of it."
"Nope. Pegasus."
"Then how come I never saw his wings?"
Silver giggled.
"You should ask him when you see him."
"Silver, what's funny?"
"Oh, you'll see..."
***
Sliske ran up to the gates of New Arachnia. They were locked shut, but that would be no deterrent.
"RAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!"
The dark mare smashed her hooves against it, and the wood broke like a dry cracker. She burst through to the other side.
Nearby, a spider legionnaire's eyes went wide, and he jumped into combat position. All eight legs drew a sword from a sheath attached to the underbelly, and he jumped onto just two legs, using two of the swords as stilts while twirling the other six around menacingly. Four other legionnaires within Sliske's line of sight spotted her as well and copied their comrade's actions
They all rushed her at once.
"I WILL KILL ALL OF YOU!"
***
Celestia and Luna smiled as they stepped into the back rooms of the bath house. The spider attendant bowed to them as he stepped out of the room and drew the curtains that they had in place of doors here.
The two alicorns climbed a short set of steps and lowered themselves into the water. Wisps of steam rose from the surface, and Celestia sighed contently as she let it wash over her. Her sister sat at the other end and leaned back against the wall.
"Not quite like the Jacuzzi back at the palace," Luna commented, "but better than I expected from the Spider Legion at any rate."
"They've come a long way in a thousand years, sister."
"That's true."
Celestia closed her eyes and just let herself relax.
"It feels like forever since I had a proper rest...The last few days have just been utter chaos..."
"Life's a bitch, ain't it?"
The princess's eyes shot open. So did Luna's. The younger sister actually screamed when she saw that Lord First was sitting between them in the tub, casually smoking a cigar. Also shirtless.
"What's going on in here?!"
The attendant rushed back through the door and looked around in a panic. He didn't seem to react to First's presence at all.
"Umm...Nothing! Luna thought she saw a moth. She doesn't like little fluttery things. They scare her."
Luna looked embarrassed, but didn't say anything. The spider still didn't notice First, even though he was in plain sight, and still smoking his cigar.
"Oh. But you didn't?"
"No..." said Luna, "I...overreacted. There was no moth."
"Shame. Those are quite the delicacy. But if everything is alright, your highnesses...?"
"Yes. Super. You may go."
The attendant bowed again and backed out of the room. Luna immediately turned to First and gave him a furious look.
"What are you doing here?! How did you get here?! What's going on?!"
"God of the afterlife, remember?" First answered, "I can be a ghost if I want to. Who's gonna stop me? You?"
He put out his cigar by dipping it into the water and tossing it across the room, where it phased through the wall and vanished.
"But whatever. I came here because I've got warnings for you, and you need to listen to them."
"I-" Luna began.
"Shut up, princess. I'm not talking to you. You want to invade my realm and try to overthrow me. You and Spike and Tome and Iron Hoof. Think I didn't know about that? You're mean, princess. You're a mean person. Pony, sorry. And to think I went to all that trouble to get you your sister back..."
"You brought her back to me as a half rotten corpse!" Luna shouted.
"Hey! I am not rotten!" Celestia said indignantly, "I'm just...a little greyer than before..."
"She still had a body, so she had to go in it. Those are the rules."
"Why are they the rules?! Why couldn't she come back as a ghost like you?!"
"Because if I let Princess Celestia come back as a ghost, then every Tom, Dick and Harry who accidentally falls into a trash compactor is going to want ghost privileges too, and the last fucking thing you ponies need right now is an army of invincible, immortal spirits traipsing across the land.
"I let some ponies with grief-stricken relatives appear to them in dreams, and even that's too much in my opinion. The afterlife needs to be regulated, and it just so happens that I am the universe's most efficient celestial beauracrat. So don't try to talk about things you don't understand, pony. I've been at this job for a long time."
This man was most definitely the son of Second.
"But anyway. Warnings. I came to give you some. So if either of you care to listen?"
"What is it?" asked Celestia.
"As I have told you princess, I can control the flow of time while in the realm of the afterlife. For that reason, it does not move at the same speed between worlds, and there's a bit of a disconnect. So whenever I peer into the mortal realm, I often catch glimpses of the future or recent past of your world. Well...It just so happens that I've seen a bit of your future, and...well...let's just say it could be better."
"...What happens?"
"Okay, spoiler alert here, but the destruction is going to get way worse before it gets better. Canterlot has already been destroyed, but it's only the first domino. My father is constrained by the narrative. The people of the so called Pantheon of B are not very happy with him, and since they basically control his actions whenever he's onscreen, that means they're going act through him to sabotage his plans. In spite of the promise he made to you, Celestia, he is going to kill a lot of innocent ponies very soon. And the worst part is, there's nothing he can do to stop himself. Literally nothing."
Celestia stared at him.
"...How many?"
"Oooooh...Tough question..."
First drummed his fingers on the side of the bath.
"Manehattan. What's its population?" he asked.
"Roughly seven million," Luna answered.
"Mmhmm. Las Pegasus?"
"Including Paradise?"
"Naturally."
"Eight hundred thousand."
"Los Pegasus?"
"Three point five million."
"And Baltimare? Cloudsdale?"
"Six hundred and fifty thousand and nine hundred thousand respectively."
"I'd estimate eleven million dead."
"ELEVEN MILLION?!" Celestia screamed.
First winced and covered his ears as she spoke.
"Not so loud, please."
"How?! How does he kill eleven million ponies?!"
"That's complicated to explain . The long and short of it is that he's got a bunch of bombs, but it won't be the explosion that does the killing. Contrary to what you might think though, time can be changed, and that's why I'm warning you. And stupid as it might sound, the only way you can save the rest of Equestria is if you make those bombs fall on you instead."
The princess's mouth hung open.
"...You're insane. I'm going to stop listening to you, because you're completely mad."
"The bombs release a thing called nuclear radiation. It's rather deadly. The bombs will detonate in the sky above the named cities, and the radiation will slowly kill most of the population. Not everypony will die, but most of them will."
"And what about the ones that don't die?" asked Luna.
"Well, either they'll become hideously mutated freaks, or they'll gain superpowers. It's a bit of a toss up."
"And you want us to make the bombs fall on...where exactly?"
"In a few days, you'll be heading back to Canterlot for the final battle with my father, which needs to occur to progress the story, and where he will fake his death and slip away so that he can work on his plan to defeat the Pantheon with your help, assuming you agree with his plan and decide to help him with it, which is still foolish in my opinion. It is at the climax of this battle that he will launch the nukes.
"Use your magic. Make them fall on Canterlot and the surrounding area instead. You can then use the Elements of Harmony to immediately purge it. Surrounding towns like Ponyville and Rainbow's Rest might still be slightly affected, but there will be a massively lower death toll. You can't stop the deaths, princesses. You can only reduce them."
Luna gritted her teeth,
"And where will you be during this, Lord First?" she said venomously, "Not helping us save anypony, I assume?"
"I will be busy as fuck. Sorting out souls and moving them to the right valleys. I may even have to call in extra help from my assistant manager, and I never do that unless I'm desperate. But, what can I say? These are desperate times. Or they will be. Or not. Depends. How good are you with your magic?"
Celestia opened her mouth to answer, but First interrupted her.
"Never mind. That was rhetorical. You're okay with magic. You're no Dr. Strange, but I think you can handle a few nukes just fine. But remember what I said. Drop them on Canterlot. That city's fucked anyway. And if you've got a large army in Canterlot and can't risk early deaths, then drop them on Ponyville instead. Just keep them off the big cities. The more ponies that are alive at the end of this, the less work I have to do. And really, isn't that the most important thing?"
He smiled at the two princesses. They were both trying to kill him with their glares.
"Well, I think it's clear that I'm not welcome here," First said offhandedly, "I'll take my leave."
The man snapped his fingers, and was gone. Celestia turned to her sister.
"When he told me he had reformed, I thought of him as a possible ally. But I am really beginning to dislike him again."
Suddenly, there was a loud thumping sound against the wall.
"What was that?" asked Luna.
***
"WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY CATHEDRAL?!"
Second's coffee laid in the road, draining into the gutter. His mouth hung open, his eyes were wide and unblinking, and his hands were flailing about to try and properly express his disbelief and frustration.
"WHAT DID YOU FUCKING ASSCLOWNS DO TO MY PRECIOUS PALACE?! WHAT?!"
Nearby, a knight of man who laid bleeding on the ground tried to explain with his last breath.
"It was...Congress...sir...There was a contingency...of knights...based here..."
He spat out a mouthful of blood onto the ground. It nearly got on Second's shoes, causing him to step back in disgust.
"They wanted...to wipe us out...They stole a bomb...and set it off..."
Well, that explained why there was a wall missing from the side of the cathedral and all the stained glass windows in the main hall were blown out. Though, the series of holes going through all the upper floors, diagonally from the north end of the palace's upper level to the south end of the bottom floor, were evidently caused by the crashed helicopter that now laid where his throne used to be, rather than any kind of explosive.
"...And where did THAT come from?" he asked.
"...Congress gunship...Knights shot it down with heavy artillery."
Second stamped on the pony's head and left only a red mess behind.
"FUCK," he screamed, "Now what am I supposed to do?!"
He grabbed his hair and pulled it.
"Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity fuck. Why can't any of my minions not be complete idiots?"
Silver walked over to his side and gave him a huge grin.
"Not now, Silver. Busy thinking."
She bowed her head sadly.
"...Whelp. Guess I'm checking into a hotel. Maybe the private sector of Secopolis is less incompetent."
***
Chain Mail rushed out of the doctor's office, where he had been keeping Soft Spoken company, when he heard the screams. Gold Coin and Explodey soon arrived on the scene too, though he had no idea where they had been.
"What's going on?!" he shouted.
"I don't know!" Gold Coin replied.
An armoured spider flew over a nearby rooftop and landed in front of the three of them. Yellowish blood, or some kind of vital fluid anyway, leaked from the corpse.
"...Demons?" Explodey suggested.
"I thought this place had defences against demons?" said Chain Mail.
"MY LEG!"
There was an explosion in the distance, over the other side of the village. Then there was the sound of Spike, who by the sound of it was breathing fire over something.
"Fuck it. We need to get over there."
***
Spiders rushed Sliske at all sides, but she was too good for them. She jumped out of the way of every single sword strike, and tore them apart with her bare hooves. Spider limbs were very weak compared to the meatier joints of most ponies, and she magically tore them off with barely any effort.
The legionnaires were evidently trained in functioning without at least some of their limbs, so doing so only reduced their effectiveness, but Sliske wasn't running out of magic any time soon. She was utterly destroying the legionnaires.
Swords clattered to the ground all around her, and she picked those up too. Back in the day, legion weapons would have been treated to make them resistant to pony magic, so that they couldn't be stolen on the battlefield by creative unicorns, but the legion hadn't been to war with ponies in centuries. Those enchantments weren't in effect anymore, and Sliske abused that to no end.
Swords flew up off the floor, guided by the alien's magic to tear up her enemies. Spiders were dropping left, right and centre. She aimed for the weak spots between their armour, and struck where they were vulnerable. She stabbed one right through the eye, and manipulated another into slicing off his own legs. The streets ran yellow with spider blood.
Then came the pony princesses.
"SLISKE! STOP!" Celestia ordered.
"YOU WILL DIE TOO!"
She rushed at the two alicorns twirled around in the air while slicing at them with the swords. It left no scars or permanent damage, but Celestia still felt the pain, and cried out as the blades cut at her. Luna could not use her magic anymore, thanks to her newfound lack of a horn, but tried to buck at Sliske instead.
To her surprise, even though Sliske appeared to have a physical body, it phased right through her.
And then, Sliske started to get creative. She phased her head through Luna's body, and then became physical again. This would have been painful enough on its own, but her head was right inside the princess's chest, and the alien bit her heart. Luna was in a whole new world of pain.
Sliske phased out again and got out of the way. Luna crumpled to the floor, nursing her chest.
Then Sliske lunged for Celestia.
"AAARRRRRGGGHHHHHAAAAAFFFFRRAAA!"
The older sister winced, expecting to be mauled as well, but she opened her eyes to find the dark mare thrashing about, foaming at the mouth, but more importantly restrained in somepony's magical hold.
Ancient Tome rushed in from the side, accompanied by Iron Hoof.
"Do something, princess!" the unicorn shouted, "I can't hold her forever!"
Do what?! Sliske was insane and out of control. She couldn't kill Sliske, because she was an element, but they couldn't let her go either. The only option was to calm her down, but at this point the alien was almost feral.
What happened?!
"Sliske!"
Celestia turned her head and saw Chain Mail, Gold Coin and Explodey rush in from the side.
"What?!" Chain Mail gasped, "What...I...!"
He looked like he was going to be ill. The sight of the many dismembered spiders was a gruesome one.
A number of nearby buildings were also scorched and covered in frost, where Spike had been attempting to help by breathing fire over Sliske, before realising that all he was doing was burning the village, and attempting to put it out with frost breath. The purple dragon was currently sat just outside the village gates on the mountain trail, looking in at them sadly.
"Sliske?! What the fuck?!" Gold Coin shouted.
"RRRAGGGHHH!"
Celestia used her magic to hold Sliske instead, taking the strain off of Ancient Tome. She then felt first hoof just how hard Sliske was resisting. It was actually genuinely difficult to hold her, and for the mare who raised the sun each morning, that was really something.
"Oh my..."
The ponies then noticed Legionnaire Arcelio walking into the fray. He was still carrying his axe and was covered in spider blood himself, but he still looked horrified by the sight before him.
"...We're going to need the Harmonites for this one."
***
Second stood in the lobby of the hotel he had chosen. The Henry Carson-Summers Memorial Hotel to be precise. He hadn't intentionally created a hotel with that name, but one had sprung up in the city when he created it regardless. He thought it only appropriate to see what his imagination had conjured up by staying here. Fortunately, it appeared to be a five star place.
"Hmm..."
He looked around the place, enjoying the aesthetic of the room. A rich red carpet, and soothing white washed walls. No wallpaper, it was just the marble bricks. Very fancy. Very upper class.
"Here are your keys, my Lord."
The receptionist smiled as she handed him the room key. He had ordered the presidential suite, which was on the top floor. Room 101.
"Thank you," he said politely, "Silver?"
The pegasus lifted up his suitcase with her mouth, packed with everything of his that he had been able to salvage from his room in the Secopolis Cathedral.
"Come on then. Let's go. Oh! Wait."
He turned to the receptionist again.
"Is there another presidential suite on that floor?"
"Room 103, directly across from yours, is available," the mare replied.
"It got a king size bed?"
"Of course."
"Give me that one too. For Silver and Thug Lyfe, once we find him."
"Of course."
Silver paled.
"Umm, you don't need to do that sir. I can just sleep on your couch or something...And Thug Lyfe can stay in the toilet."
"Nonsense!" Second said cheerfully, "I would never deny you two your private time!"
"...Thank you, sir..."
The receptionist gave him another key, which he passed to Silver. Had she not been in public, she probably would have cried.
I'm going to be murdered in my sleep...
***
The Harmonites were rather small spiders. Much smaller than most of the legionnaires. They moved pretty slowly too, possibly thanks to old age. It was difficult to tell how old spiders were at a glance, but they seemed to be older at least. They gave off an air of wisdom, and experience.
The crowd of spiders and ponies around the entrance to village parted to make way for them. They instantly recognised them by their dusty robes, which were either a very faint blue or grey depending on who you asked and what mood they were in.
There were three of them, walking in a triangular formation. The lead spider walked right up to Sliske, suspended in the air and wriggling about defiantly. He did not flinch as the alien lunged at him and bit at the air, instead examining her with the kind of curiosity of a biologist who discovered a particularly interesting blood sample.
"Curious," the spider said.
He spoke with the same refined accent that Arcelio and a few other spiders had been speaking with. Not all of them talked like that, but most did.
"This...creature...appears to be an amalgamation of two spirits. One is one of Tirac's demons, which is what is in control and struggling before us now. The other...I cannot say what it is. It appears to not be as malevolent, but this is not its body."
"That other one is a sakrassi, called Sliske," Celestia explained, "He's a friend of ours, and also, we think, one of the new Elements of Harmony that we came to see you about. If he's in there, he needs rescuing."
"She."
Celestia looked over to Gold Coin.
"We're calling Sliske she now."
The spider went back to examining Sliske.
"By the look of it, your friend Sliske attempted to possess the body of a demon during a battle. And it backfired on her. Demons are tricky creatures. Their bodies are corporeal back in their homeland of Tartarus, but outside of that land, they become something in between. Part monster, and part spirit. The spiritual side of them allows them to possess others, and to terrorise our land so effectively. And it's also what screwed her over."
The Harmonite turned again and began to address the ponies directly, while the other two began to circle Sliske to study her from every angle.
"Demons can't be possessed themselves, because they are simultaneously a body and a spiritual being. Their body is treated like it is already possessed. And when two spirits try to possess the same body, it's a battle of wills between them for who get to control it. And if both are strong, they both exert partial influence. A demon, instead of being a mind that a creature like Sliske can conquer, is also a rival spirit that will battle for control of its body. It can fight back more effectively than most."
"So the demon is still in control?" asked Explodey.
"Partially. Sliske is something quite special. She has influence too, but not in the right areas. One thing about demons, is that they choose their form. They are hideous monsters because they know that is what gives them strength and power, and makes them intimidating to the mortal eye. But Sliske's changed that body into the one you see here. This dark mare.
"However, the demonic presence is still strong, and this body's original owner still controls its actions, if not its form. And the battle inside their mind is driving it to less controlled actions. Memories are mixing, and their shared sanity is being degraded. Demons are bad enough when intelligent, but a feral demon..."
The Harmonite shuddered.
"We need to separate them as soon as possible, and lessen the damage."
"Can you perform an exorcism?" asked Celestia.
"We can try. But who would we be banishing? Shall we force your friend out of this body she tried to take, for her own sake? Or do you want me to try and exorcise a demon from its own body?"
"Can you do that?" Gold Coin asked, "Remove a demon soul from its own body? That sounds really surreal."
"It is theoretically possible."
"Remove the demon," the earth pony replied eagerly, "I want to see this!"
***
"Well isn't this nice?" asked Second.
The human sat back in a comfortable chair, and looked around his hotel room appreciatively. In his hands, he held a small cup of tea in a saucer. He had already had coffee. Now it was time for tea. Silver sat in the seat opposite him, eating a chocolate biscuit.
"Very nice, sir."
Second looked at his watch.
"Thug Lyfe should be here soon."
"Wonderful," Silver said bitterly.
"Something wrong? You don't seem happy."
"...It's just that-"
At that point, the door burst open. Second was expecting Thug Lyfe, but it was actually an odd grey pegasus stallion. He wore a little cap and overalls, and was holding a toolbox in his teeth. One of his wings was missing for some odd reason.
"Can I help you?" Second asked irritably.
He set his toolbox on the floor.
"Ah'm Water Treatment. Ah'm here ta fix y'ure toilet."
"I wasn't aware my toilet had problems."
"Well, it does. Last resident complained 'bout it a lot. Ah'm here ta fix it."
"Whatever. Get to work."
Water Treatment nodded, picked up his toolbox again, and walked past the two of them and into the bathroom. The door was right next to the king sized bed, which Second was facing away from. He and Silver's chairs and the table between them were right next to a big glass window instead, which looked out across the city and gave a view of the uptown business district and the public park.
"So, you were saying, Silver?"
"I was saying-"
"DAYUM, that is NASTY!" called a voice from the bathroom, "Got ta have been backed up for months in here!"
"Hey, Water Treatment? Shut up," Second called.
"Can do!"
"Anyway?"
"I'm upset because you keep assuming-"
There was a wet lurching sound from the next room, and a splashing. The toilet spluttered, and Water Treatment shouted again.
"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayum. I done never seen shit like this before!"
"-Because you keep assuming that me and Thug Lyfe-"
There was a sound like an explosion, and more splashing. A pony could be heard choking and shaking water off their coat.
"-That me and Thug Lyfe-"
There was another explosion. This time, Silver jumped back into her seat as a massive wave of brown sludge shot out the bathroom door and covered the entire presidential suite behind Second, including the bed.
It never reached them, because the door wasn't lined up with their table, but individual globs of it sprayed over their side of the room too. One lump even landed on the table between them both, right on the biscuit plate, and another hit the back of Second's seat, though not him personally.
Second calmly sipped his tea again, and then placed it back down on the table next to the plate of ruined biscuits. He held up his index finger.
"Just a moment."
He stood up and walked across the room, moving through the disgusting brown liquid and into the bathroom. Silver couldn't see anything, but she then heard the sound of grunting, screaming, and punching. There was an occasional clang as well, meaning there was something metal in there that Second was ramming the pony's face into.
A minute later, he stepped out of the room again, this time covered in the brown stuff and carrying the pegasus under his arm. He walked right over to Silver, past her, and to the window.
"Get the fuck out!"
He tossed the beaten pegasus through the glass and shattered it, while keeping ahold of his one good wing, which tore off as the rest of the pony's body was thrown out. He let out a scream as he fell, which gradually faded away. This room was really high up after all.
Second sat down in his chair and picked up the tea again, tossing the wing aside.
"Now, where were we?"
"...Sir, you threw a pony out the window."
"He's a pegasus. He'll be fine!"
"You tore off his wing!"
"Only one."
"He only had one to begin with!"
"Well that's God's fault, not mine."
"But you're God!"
"Hey, fuck you. I move in mysterious ways!"
He sipped the tea again.
"Anyway. What were you saying about you and Thug Lyfe?"
Silver blinked.
"I need to get some air..."
***
"And now, we say the holy phrase!" declared the head Harmonite, "GO TORMENT THE PONIES INSTEAD!"
"GO TORMENT THE PONIES INSTEAD!" shouted the other two.
The rest of the ponies looked on uncomfortably as Sliske writhed around. Celestia, Ancient Tome, Explodey and three other royal guards were using their magic to hold her in place and ease the individual burden. They all kept their distance however, and the three Harmonites were the ones up close and personal. They danced around Sliske, circling her and throwing their arms up in the air while chanting.
"GO TORMENT THE PONIES INSTEAD!" said one.
"GO TORMENT THE PONIES INSTEAD!" added another.
"GO TORMENT THE PONIES INSTEAD!"
"GO TORMENT THE PONIES INSTEAD!"
"GO TORMENT THE PONIES INSTEAD!"
Sometimes it was said in unison, but sometimes only an individual spider would say it. Other spiders in the crowd around them began to join in.
"GO TORMENT THE PONIES INSTEAD!"
"GO TORMENT THE PONIES INSTEAD!"
"GO TORMENT THE PONIES INSTEAD!"
"Hey, why are we asking the demon to torment ponies?!" Gold Coin demanded, "That's not cool, guys!"
"IT'S JUST THE TRADITIONAL CHANT!" the Harmonite leader called back, "WE DON'T MEAN ANYTHING BY IT! GO TORMENT THE PONIES INSTEAD!"
"GO TORMENT THE PONIES INSTEAD!"
"GO TORMENT THE PONIES INSTEAD!"
Explodey shrugged.
"GO TORMENT THE PONIES INSTEAD!" he shouted.
"Explodey!" Gold Coin scolded.
"Hey, I'm not a pony. We've established this. GO TORMENT THE PONIES INSTEAD!"
"GO TORMENT THE PONIES INSTEAD!" Luna added.
"Princess!"
"Alicorn. Doesn't count. GO TORMENT THE PONIES INSTEAD!"
"GO TORMENT THE PONIES INSTEAD!" Spike thundered.
"Go torment the ponies instead!"
"Mystic! Not you too! And where have you even been?!"
Two smaller spiders barged in.
"GO TORMENT THE PONIES INSTEAD!" said Magnus.
"GO TORMENT THE PONIES INSTEAD!" said Lucian.
Finally, the whole crowd chanted as one.
"GO TORMENT THE PONIES INSTEAD!"
The eyes of the dark mare's body glowed red, and she opened her mouth to let out a stream of flames. They shot straight up into the sky, and the fire curled into the shape of a demon above them, clutching its head and screaming in pain.
"RAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH! I'M GOING TO GET YOU, SPIDERS! I'LL GET YOUUUUUuuuuuu..."
It soon dissipated, leaving behind just Sliske in her new body. And it was hard won. The unicorns slowly lowered her to the ground again and let go of their magic. Sliske stood still and stared at the ground, doing nothing. It was as if she were shell-shocked.
It was odd. The new body didn't have the sharp teeth or the strange eyes of Sliske at all. Outwardly, she was a completely normal unicorn mare. But inside...
"Sliske?"
Mystic tried to approach. He looked over to her flank, and saw that cutie mark. The one of the blue silhouette of the rearing unicorn. He looked back at his own, of Sliske's true face. That, if anything else, symbolised a connection. He reached out to her.
"Are you okay?"
Sliske reached out and grabbed him. Mystic tried to protest, but she pulled him over to her and embraced him. And then she began to cry. Loudly.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"
Mystic looked back at the others, who looked just as weirded out as he was. He rolled his eyes.
"Mares. Amirite?"
***
"Second, my nigga!"
"Yo."
"Umm...What happened in here, homie?"
"Some busta fucked with the plumbing and wrecked my pad. I showed that nigga how we handle that kind of shit on the streets."
"Threw him out the window?"
"You know it."
"Word."
Brofists/hooves took place, and Second directed Thug Lyfe to the mini-fridge where the beers could be found. It was the other side of the brown mess, but a wave of the human's hand parted the sea of liquefied faeces and made a path for the zebra.
"Hey, where's mah bitch?" he called from the kitchen.
"Silver? Went out to get some air. She'll be back soon. By the way, I got the two of you a room. It's 103, across from here. She has the key."
Thug Lyfe poked his head out the kitchen, smiling evilly.
"That a fact?"
***
It was approaching nightfall now, and Sliske was still a wreck. It had taken some effort to detach her from Mystic, and then she had just latched onto Gold Coin instead. Now he was being forced to drag her along behind him.
"Sliske. GET THE FUCK OFF ME!"
"Waaaaaahahahahaaaaaaaa..."
He sighed in exhaustion.
"Look, please, it's getting really annoying now. It's been three hours. Get off me."
Sliske let go and fell face down in the snow.
"Jeez...Chains! Can you take her? Please?"
"And have her stuck to me like an overly persistent leech for the rest of the night?"
"It's your turn. Take her. Now."
Chain Mail grumbled and pulled Sliske to her hooves. She still hadn't said a word since the exorcism. Just a series of sobs, wails and screams. But hey, she wasn't trying to hug him. That was a plus.
"Damnit Sliske, you are a real piece of work. I almost miss when you were being unnecessarily cruel to everypony."
Sliske sniffed like she had a cold, which she probably did being in this weather.
"Ponies!"
The two earth ponies looked over to a spider walking towards them. Out of his armour, they almost didn't recognise Legionnaire Arcelio.
"Hey there," said Gold Coin, "So...Did you have spider babies then?"
"Yes," Arcelio replied happily, "I now have a son and three daughters. Can you believe it?"
"Congratulations," Chain Mail replied.
"Shame I had to kill all the others..."
The ponies looked to each other uncomfortably, both silently reminding themselves that the Legion had very different customs to them. Killing their own children and frequent mentions of cannibalism throughout the day had painted a picture of a very different culture than Equestria. They tried not to judge the spiders too harshly for it, but it was difficult to do.
Spiders were disgusting.
"...But anyway. I came to inform you that the Harmonites have agreed to meet yourselves, your friends, and the princesses tomorrow. I will be escorting you to the monastery for your first lessons."
"Lessons?"
"Friendship lessons. If what Princess Luna has told us about is anything to go by, you need them badly."
"...If you say so."
Arcelio smiled, and gave them a salute.
"Enjoy the rest of your night, gents."
He scuttled away into the night, leaving the two stallions alone with the broken mess that was Sliske the Destroyer.
"...So, where are we tonight?" asked Chain Mail.
"Spike's sleeping in the big building on the east side of town. Some kind of meeting hall. Us and the guards are all staying in the Legion barracks."
Gold Coin began to trot away, and the captain followed after, presumably going to the barracks. Sliske followed behind closely, still not saying anything and just staring at the floor.
"Don't the legionnaires need it?"
"The legionnaires are sleeping in their normal homes for tonight to make room for us. Some of them lost friends and family today, so a lot of them would have been going home anyway."
Sliske broke out into sobs again.
"Oh, SHUT UP will you?!"
"You know what? Let me take her. You can go your own way and you won't be bothered anymore."
"Please."
Chain Mail tapped the ground in front of Sliske to get her attention, and then gestured for her to follow him, which she did without complaint. Finally, Gold Coin was left alone.
"Fucking aliens..." he muttered.
***
"There you go, sir! All clean!"
The attendant smiled at Second and sat in place while he inspected the room.
"...It's flawless. Considering how it was earlier, that's quite something. I think you've earned a substantial tip."
He pulled out his wallet and withdrew several notes. Secopolis used American currency, and Second had become quite wealthy since he became god-emperor.
"Here you go. Sorry I killed your plumber."
"That's okay, sir," the attendant said cheerfully, "All that matters is that you're satisfied."
"I am. Very."
The pony saluted again and left the room, leaving the human alone with Silver and Thug Lyfe again.
"Well, I'm feeling rather tired now. I think it's time for bed. I was hoping to get started on Pandora today, but I guess it can wait. We've still got tomorrow."
"I hear dat."
"Anyway, you two can go now."
Silver looked around nervously.
"Uh...sir, are you sure we-"
Second opened the door and ushered them out.
"Don't worry about a thing!" he said, "I've already thought of everything!"
He pushed the door to their suite open, which was identical to his own.
"I instructed the hotel staff to soundproof the room, and they did so. Very thoroughly I might add. You can be as loud as you want, and you don't need to worry about disturbing me. You could scream bloody murder in here and no-one would ever hear you."
Thug Lyfe grinned.
"But sir-!"
"Now Silver, don't pretend you're not a screamer. I know you are. You have that look about you. I know that look. But that's what the soundproofing is for."
"SIR-!"
"It's okay, kids! You can thank me in the morning."
He shoved the both of them through the door into the hotel room.
"Good night!"
"SIR!"
Second locked the door.
"Ahhh...Finally some peace..."
And on the other side of it, the zebra continued to grin at Silver.
"I can still kick your ass," she reminded him.
***
Chain Mail was given a bed on the top floor of the barracks. He looked around to try and find Soft Spoken, but he was nowhere to be found. He eventually figured that the doctors must have been keeping him overnight to be healed. He had been rather badly injured in the fight with the demons.
The others were all there though. Explodey was lying on his back in a bed in the corner, staring at the ceiling. Mystic was already asleep in the bed next to Chain Mail's. And Iron Hoof was at the far end of the room doing something with his sheets.
Sliske walked past him and through a nearby door. Chain Mail hadn't even noticed that door, because it was very dim in the room, but it seemed to lead outside onto a balcony. Out of curiosity, he followed her outside, where she was leaning on the edge and staring up at the sky.
"You know, you've been weeping since we rescued you, but you haven't said a word to us. I think that would help you get over your problems a lot better than just crying. Talk to me."
The alien glared at him.
"Talk? To you? Why should I, Chains? Who are you to me?"
"You opened up to Gold Coin. Why not me?"
"Because you despise and fear me, and I don't like you either."
"I'm not afraid of you."
"I've been in your head, remember? I know you, captain. You fear me, and you hate me, and you've got good reason to. I don't blame you, but you can still go fuck yourself."
"...I've only just noticed you're not hissing anymore."
Sliske frowned. She bared her teeth and felt them with her hooves.
"...Gone..."
"Sliske, after the pathetic display I witnessed today, there is no possible way you could ever intimidate me again. I'm not scared of you, and I don't hate you. More than anything, I've come to pity you."
"Gee, thanks."
"You can talk to me. We're meant to be friends. So I'm trying to be friendly."
Again, Sliske glared at the captain.
"...I..."
"Yes?"
"It was that demon, Chains...His memories...I took those memories into myself...A little piece of him...Oh sweet Luna! It was awful! Nothing but pain, and rage, and guilt and sorrow! And I felt it! I lived it! It's all in me now. I feel like I'm dirty, or contaminated. Bits of that monster swimming around in my mind!"
She grabbed her head.
"I just feel so angry! I want to hurt somepony! But I also don't want to! It's like I'm in that midway point where I'm still changing into something else..."
"What point?"
"Like when I was still the old me...still the conqueror from Zarlow, but I was slowly changing into...something more pacifistic. Spending time with you. I was aware I was changing, but I didn't mind. And now I'm changing again. I'm changing back. And I DON'T WANT TO!"
Sliske laid down on the balcony still clutching her head and now banging it against the wood while Chain Mail looked on.
"I want it to stop! My head's a mess! So many memories, so many emotions! None of them are mine, and the ones that are the worst of all!"
Chain Mail sat down next to the alien mare and held her, stopping her from smashing her head against the floor again. She didn't resist.
"Sliske, I know you did some bad things one thousand years ago-"
"I did way worse things before that..."
"Yes, that too. Those ponies you killed...I know. That's bad. And I know I was the one who made a big deal about it, but-"
"There were more."
Chain Mail paused.
"...More?"
"When I said...one thousand two hundred and seventeen...I was only counting the ponies. The actual number is...higher...A lot higher..."
The captain didn't let go.
"How many was it?"
"It was..."
Sliske began to tear up again, and pulled herself closer to Chain Mail, even though his metal parts were freezing thanks to the weather.
"I killed my home planet, Chains! Everyone! Zarlans, sakrassi, grelmoks...males, females...warriors, farmers...adults, children...There must have been billions of them! And I killed all of them!"
Chain Mail stared down at her in disbelief.
"...I'm sorry..." she cried, "I'm so...so sorry..."
***
Silver poked Second in the head.
"Sir," she whispered, "Sir. Are you awake?"
"Hrrmm?"
Second's eyes fluttered open, and he looked hazily through the darkness. Silver was standing right next to his bed.
"Sir, can I sleep in with you tonight? I think Thug Lyfe is going to rape me."
"Hmm? What?"
"Can I sleep in with you tonight?"
Second yawned.
"Whatever."
Silver broke out into a huge grin.
Holy shit, it worked!
"Lemme make some space for you.." the human mumbled.
He laid his head back on the pillow again and raised his hand. He snapped his fingers, and there was a flash of light. A large blue dog basket appeared in the air next to the bed and fell to the floor in front of Silver.
"Umm...Sir?"
"Oh, right. Sorry."
Second reached across to the other side of his bed and took one of the spare pillows, and tossed it down into the basket.
"There you go."
He turned away from her and yawned again.
"G'night, Silver."
And then he was asleep again.
...Son of a BITCH.
END.
Author's notes:
Boy, is this ever a character turnaround for Sliske.
This has been in the works for a while now though. Sliske's breakdown that is. And the reveal of what exactly happened back on planet Zarlow. That'll be next time, which will probably be another interlude, so it may come sooner, but I can never tell ahead of time. Things can turn out any way.
Also you're all wonderful people and I love you.
Next Chapter: Aliens, nightmares, and other scary things.
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Damnit Danny, I have school tommorow and I have to sleep, like, now, and you post this!? You sick bastard.
1367005
Hey, it's fucking 3 AM for me, and I need to get up at seven to catch the bus to college, but I stayed up to finish this for you. How do you think I feel?
1367016 Good point, although my morning starts at 4:30. Got to have time for ponies in the morning.
1367032
I hear that.
Sees this on the featured list.
Sees all 26 chapters
Sees that it has 326,929 Words
Decides to spend all night and most of morning reading it all.
And as the bar burned, everyspider there suddenly developed a genetic mutation that would last to the final day of their race, that caused them all to bare this one sentiment: "Fucking cactuses."
holy shit yes!
I'm going to be murdered in my sleep...
Nah, you're going to be brutally raped AND THEN murdered in your sleep.
"RAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH! I'M GOING TO GET YOU, SPIDERS! I'LL GET YOUUUUUuuuuuu..."
This reminds me of pink guy...
Pink Guy is the Antichrist
I never knew what shipping was until I shipped an alien demon with a nonexistent pony unicorn body.
Not bad. But more Silver is needed.
"Hey, fuck you. I move in mysterious ways!"
Dooooooooooo I spot a U2 reference, hm?
this story always make me laugh
Infinite yes.
Silver is best minion!
Sliske should get with the Doctor and start a Repentant Genocidist club.
1367147 cacti?
Also, Sliske needs to be shipped with the demon. Because tugboats.
1369128
Mm.
And Silver into this gallery.
Yes. All of my yes!
I was expecting chain mail and sliske to kiss or something lol.
Oh i never get tired of Silver and Second scenes, they amuse me to no end.
I think the only way Sliske is going to grow passed this to well... become a new... erm pony? Zarlon? Is to like... adopt a new name and stop thinking of the past and move onward. Maybe after this little heart to heart that is doomed to inevitable interruption. But that's just me >.>; I've been routing for team Sliske since her introduction all those chapters ago. (Also team Silver...) Its good to see her grow passed the whole villain thing.
1369128
I believe it was recently established that Explodey is technically a cactus.
So since Sliske has a demon's body he can still possess ponies and what not?
Is she stronger when sharing Mystic's body or what?
You know, this always puts the biggest fucking smile on my face when I see this updated. Mainly because of the over-the-top humour and sex jokes but your writing is still pretty good too.
Your mother was a whore with a fat arse
Hmm, just on my birthday...
So, this "Pandora" is the nuke project? Pandora in a nutshell:
i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd220/wallstuff4/nuke_it_from_orbit.jpg
1367737
No, actually. Some things are just coincidences. I'm not even sure what you're referencing, or what you think I am.
1370145
To be explained next chapter.
lmfao seduction fail
1370400 It's from a song from U2, called Mysterious Ways.
Dat ending, also what the fuck happened to Sliske...
I think Sliske and Silver Vein are now tied for best pony in my head, standing far above all other ponies...
Hrm. Yes. I do believe Sliske is definitely a mare.
And Silver is best pony.
1367623 I agree
I have so much homework tonight...and then...this is all up in the way...and as usual...I read it anyways...sigh...looks like I'm going to be late...worth it...
I damn want to know what Silver Vain looks like.
I'd vote for John Fist.
Thug Lyfe is the best character......
Great chapter. I can't wait for the next one.
Good chapter man, good to see Sliske get her turn as the emotional focal point.
Aw, poor Silver got shot down. Girl's got some disturbing tastes but you still gotta root for her.
1369995
Not even that. The cactus was just the closest genetic approximation they could find.
So anyway, why does Celestia have to drop the nukes on Canterlot or Ponyville or anywhere else? Just chuck 'em into space.
....
Why do I have the strangest feeling the harmonites are the mane 6 in disguise?
If you make Silver fall for Thug Lyfe.....as awesome a person you are & as much as I respect ya,
I WILL pummel you to death with a pillow....
In all seriousness, Great chapter XD I loved it all~
Sliske has killed billions of people and animals on Zarlow, plus Equestria? Holy crap! And I swear to God, if Second doesn't fucking listen to Silver about Thug Lyfe, I'm going to flip a table! I wonder what will happen though; will Second not believe her, will he do something to Thug Lyfe, or will he just not care? And I really do hope something happens between those two, Silver has survived too much for nothing to happen. Bitch is badass.
I've never said this about any character in MLP:FiM, cannon or otherwise, but I'd actually like to see Thug Lyfe dead. Silver just isn't getting treated fairly whenever he's around.
1375045 Am i the only one who remembers that Thug Lyfe is actually A mind controlled Ze!zar? and pictures him the same was A male Zecora with A bandana and gold chain.
Do I smell some Chain Mail x Sliske shipping?
PFFFFFFFFFFT
Yeah, right!
1367016 Dude, I have gone to sleep at 5:30 AM, while having to start getting to school at 7:45. You know nothing about being tired. But still, I commend you on being able to soldier through that. And thanks for the music, I like it!
1389838
I have gone twenty four our days without sleeping and still been made to go to school afterwards. You want to turn this into a contest of who can be the most tired? HA! I laugh at your amateur-ey-ness. If that's a word.
1390076
I went 3 days without sleeping once, then I slept most of the weekend.
1390076 Okay, you got me there. But, I'm not yet in high school, so I don't know the true meaning of tired yet.
1391936
There, there, my apprentice. You may have much to learn, but your efforts are commendable. Let us continue your training...
1391961 Okay. Off to the land of hallucinations due to sleep deprivation I go!
I just want you to know that I love your your sense of humor, and I draw bit of influence from it for my fic. Not that I steal any of the jokes, mind you, I just like the overall mood.