Twilight's Bad Day
Knocking on the door to the Carousel Boutique did Twilight Sparkle no good. It was Saturday morning and it would be closed until at least noon. The purple unicorn began to panic. She paced back and forth in front of the boutique waving her cloak and gigantic hat to and froe. She hadn’t worn this cloak since the heart’s warming eve pageant, but it was the only thing that would cover her sensitive parts. She couldn’t help but stick her hoof under her hat to scratch her horn. It was hot and glowing with a magical itch that was driving her mad.
She was so distracted she didn’t notice Rainbow Dash swoop down from the clouds. “Hey Twilight! Rarity went off to visit her folks a while ago. She won’t be back today.” As she landed, she noticed something off about the purple unicorn. “Say, you alright?”
“Um, er. Yes! Yes, I’m alright? Why wouldn’t I be alright?!” stammered Twilight.
This immediately gave Rainbow Dash the impression that Twilight was not alright. “Hey, we’re buds, right? You can tell me anything!” Smiled Rainbow Dash.
“I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash, it's a unicorn thing. I really need to speak with Rarity." The blue pegasus was a little insulted. "Well, I'll give you a shout if I see her." She gave Twilight a suspicious eye. With that she took off into the clouds. Within moments she was out of sight.
Twilight was aware she had hurt her friend’s feelings, but she couldn't stop now. She reached under her gigantic hat and felt her horn. It was sparkling and hot with energy. Beneath it, a hot bulge was formed. With a loud pop, it burst forward, and Twilight could feel a second horn under her first! Even worse, another bulge was forming up by her left ear. “No! Not again!”
* * *
It took Twilight a lot of nervous questioning before she could even get the address of Rarity’s parents. On top of that, the house turned out to be way across town, by the lake. It would be tea time before she could gallop all the way over there. She galloped as fast as she could down main street without blowing off her gigantic hat.
It was then when a freak gust of wind blew through the streets of Ponyville. Shop signs were knocked over, and clothes were torn off by the gale. After a high-pitched shriek, Twilight stood in the middle of the street of Ponyville, naked, with her many new horns visible to everypony.
Twilight was mortified. In the time it had taken her to trot around town, she had accumulated five new horns on her head and another five down her neck and crest. ‘Maybe nopony will notice’ she thought to herself. ‘My mane will cover them, right?’
To her horror, the other ponies did notice. There were whispers and sideways glances. One gray pegasus must have thought Twi was in a punk band because she shot her an ‘air guitar’. Teleportation was impossible, since her magic was cancelled out by the additional horns. She began galloping as fast as she could. These were earth ponies, do they even know what the horns mean?
She could feel all the eyes of Ponyville on her horn-covered body, yet her destination was just yards away! In a mad panic, she barrelled straight for the house of Rarity’s parents. Twilight launched forward and rang the doorbell of Rarity’s folks’ house. With a second leap, she jumped into the shrubbery. She barely got behind cover before the door was answered by a unicorn filly. It was Rarity’s little sister, Sweetie Belle. “Oh, hi Twilight? What you doing in that bush? And why do you have so many horns?”
“Um, I like bushes. Can you please get your sister for me? It’s urgent!”
Twilight probably could have made a better request of the filly. It would have behooved her to be more specific when instructing the young Sweetie Belle because she immediately took a deep breath and screamed with her mighty lungs so loud the whole town could hear;
"Hey big sis! Twilight's here! She likes bushes! She says she needs you right now! And she's really horny!”
From deep within the house, Twilight could hear a spit take; possibly several. She was so embarrassed she could feel her coat turning red. Sure enough, her friend Rarity finally appeared in the doorway, and was empathetic. Being a mature unicorn, Rarity knew exactly what was happening when she saw Twilight. “Oh, you poor thing.” Rarity rubbed her nose gently against Twilight’s. “I’ll take you home and fix you.”
With a knowing nod and some awkward sideways glances from her parents, Rarity covered Twilight with another cloak and hat and walked her back to her home across town.
* * *
Late that afternoon, they arrived back at the Carousel Boutique. Twilight sheepishly removed her hat as she entered. “I’m so sorry to have embarrassed you like that, Rarity.”
The white unicorn sighed. “It’s okay. I was only having tea with my parents. And Mayor Mare. And Fancy Pants. And those three nuns... Oh well! No matter! What can I do for you dearie?”
Twilight scoffed at Rarity’s flip. "I'm a UNICORN! I'm only supposed to have one horn! Uni- means one!"
"Yes, Dear, I speak french. Now let's get up to my bedroom and take care of this." Up the stairs to the right of the parlor, they trotted briskly into Rarity's bed chambers. "Now, where is that book! I haven't seen it since I got out of magic classes as a filly. Oh, No matter. There is a copy of it in the Pony Sutra." She magically opened her nightstand drawer and floated out a small black book. She flipped to the second appendix and began reading. "Oh, yes, of course. Now, stand back!"
With a glow and sparkle rarely seen in Rarity’s horn, a massive spell shot in Twilight's direction. She was bathed in light for a moment, then began sparkling on her own. Rarity saw her friend
spring back to life, with only her original horn still in place. Twilight checked her forehead and was relieved. Now that the urgency had passed, she was going to have some explaining to do.
"Now Dearie, I know you're too busy with your studies to have a full time boyfriend, but surely you've been getting something on the side?" Rarity consoled.
Twilight sunk into the floor. "Well, I was going to--someday. My mom gave me the talk about how unicorn mares have certain needs, and I knew places in Canterlot where I thought I would go eventually. But before I knew it, I had moved to Ponyville and this is an earth pony town! They don’t have those sorts of places here!”
Rarity sat on the bed and flung her lockes about. “Yes, but surely there is some earth pony here who could strike your fancy? Even for just one night?” Rarity gasped. “Twilight, are you saying you've never-”
"No! I haven't! I've never, uh, found the time!" confessed Twilight.
“You mean you never-ever? No wonder you were so bad! I'm surprised you weren't a porcupine! We need to get you to Big Mac right away.”
"What?! But he's my friend's brother! Won't that be awkward?"
"Oh, Mac is the like the town doorknob. Every mare gets a turn. Darling, haven't you ever wondered why that boy is so soft spoken? It's because his reputation precedes him! Hehe. Look, if it's an issue I know many (*ahem* not too many) nice, healthy earth stallions that would be sure to help you out."
Twilight, whom was curled into a ball on the floor, spoke nervously "They won't hurt me will they?"
Rarity gave her friend a reassuring hug. "Oh, Twilight, why do you think I stayed in Ponyville all this time and have not moved to Canterlot? Once you go earth pony, you never go back."
With another hug, Twilight’s nerves were quelled. They trotted out the door together, leaving the bedroom empty--or so they thought. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie climbed out of their hiding place behind Rarity’s wardrobe. The blue pegasus fidgeted with the Super 8 Camera under her wing. “Shoot! I was sure we’d get some juicy blackmail footage for pranking!”
Pinkie Pie jumped up. “Oh, silly Rainbow Dash. You’re too much. You still owe Twilight an apology for what you did in town.”
“I know. I just thought she was in season, I didn’t realize she was so... horny. What was that all about anyway?”
“I dunno. I guess being a unicorn means that you're always a little horny. He He.”
Rainbow Dash sighed. “C’mon. If we hurry we can still catch them on their way across town.”
“Sorry Dashie, I got to get over to Sweet Apple Acres!”
“Wha, why?”
“It’s my turn!”
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Apparently Twilight has a horn.
I give this 10 mins before we get a mature tag.
HAHAHAHA! I LIKE IT!
No. Unoriginal and overused. I am literally going to throw a shitfit if this climbs its way to featured.
To be perfectly honest....
...I'm really not sure...
...if I should take this one...
...seriously...
meh
i.chzbgr.com/completestore/12/4/24/xpcEq0XY3EqtE7hgAHL6MA2.png
>that title
>that pic
<-----------my sides--------->
1710359
>literally throw a shitfit
You're literally going to smear the walls with excrement?
Dot dot dot.
Sweetie Belle made me chuckle, though.
1710444 I don't know. You tell me Mr. I'm-going-to-get-technical.
five bucks this gets featured
1710468
You're not in control over whether you're going to shit on your walls?
I'm terribly sorry, but that doesn't seem to be a defining trait of a person whose critique carries much weight.
AT first I was like, oh, it's just a horn problem, like two horns, lol xD. Then I was like...oh....it's not just horns....oh god....oh.... :|
b2st-b2uty-australia.2313505.n4.nabble.com/file/n4213283/HAHAHA_..NO.gif
1710523 Are you trying to start a fight?
wat.
Inb4 featured
Grammar and punctuation nitpicks and pacing and style aside, the core concept holds together only in the most ephemeral sense. I can understand a one-shot clopfic being like this, but how is this possibly even going to end in 'teen'?
1710535
Are you really getting sincerely distressed at another person over the Internet?
That's really quite precious.
1710535
Pfft, he's just saying that if you're literally going to have a shitfit, then it's possible you may not be in the best condition to be on the internet. Then again, who is fit to be on the internet?
1710575
AHAHAH!! BURN!!
1710581
I am, since my existence is just perfect for internet.
Got nothing better to do, why not? I love acting like a troll with actually being a troll.
1710575 I am not getting 'distressed,' but I am slightly unnerved by the fact that you are deciding to start a fight with me in the comments section of a story. And I'm debating whether or not I should bite the hook and tear the fishing rod right out of your smug hands. Because you're trying to pick a fight with a shark.
Oh dear lord, so much laughter
Listen, if you're gonna try to big talk someone over the internet over a comment they made about you, take it to a PM before you embarrass yourself on a story that a ton of people will probably read if/when it gets featured
1710627
That really is outright precious!
I wonder, really, how exactly 'fights' play out; is this the sort of fight which goes on with far too much time? Is this the sort of fight where one expresses on behalf of inanimate objects? Is it the sort where everyone whinges to their mod friends about people being unfair and mean? Or is it the type where people go onto their blogs and start hurling essays at each other?
I'm really quite intrigued at the sort of mindset it takes for one to unironically proclaim oneself a shark in the comments section of a fanfiction and proclaim himself not to be messed with, because that's actually a very interesting kind of neurosis that, for all my studies, I've never managed to understand. I mean, of course, there's the whole 'unjustified sense of self-importance' going on, and the whole 'serious business' idea - I'm not sure if 'internet tough guy' applies here, because you're not actually threatening me - but fuck me if I know its aetiology.
Please, do continue. This is actually a very fun way to spend one's free time. I mean, one could even say
heyokay.com/images/It's%20Free%20Real%20Estate.gif
1710687 Well, I can see now that things have gotten serious on your part, due to the fact you decided to whap me across the face with a thesaurus. I do not have the free time to 'fight' with you, but I find it sad that I am actually going to make time to do it. So would you like to start with blatantly insulting one's mothers? Or are we just going to throw feces at each other?
One thing is for sure, I will not whinge to my mod friends, whoever I don't know they are.
But let us not plague this story with your induced fight. Shall we take this to mine or the latter's page?
1710730
oh my god if I knew another word with the same pejorative implications as 'precious' I'd use it in a heartbeat right now
Your page, if you please. The little red numbers are very soothing.
1710758 Ooh goodie, shall I make a blog for it?
1710767
My god, you'd do something so cute? Certainly.
1710772
I await your presence
fc07.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/334/0/7/a_reaction_pic__just_that__by_aspergergoodness-d5moegw.png
1710787
1710847 He started it....
1710359
Considering how many dislikes it's getting, not too long.
1710990
You didn't have to get riled up with just one guy.
How does his opinion and/or thinking matter to you?
1711335 It doesn't, but he challenged me and I have too much pride to back down.
Wish this got a feature Box I would like to see some massive shit throwing fests.
1711354
Sigh?
All I have in response is this.
th01.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2012/148/6/f/mlp_fim_7_deadly_sins_by_phoebeartist-d51epxx.png
and for shitsngiggles, this.
a god at its finest
That horrible pun...
The title and I was like. Why this not Mature. Then I looked at picture.
Oh my god, I am so sorry for that incoherent sentence. I can't English right now.
*groan*
So many groans from this fic, I'm going to get an intestinal disorder.
And Teen? I guess it's teen because nothing is explicit, but gezz. The title was the very definition of double entendre, it wasn't just literal.
And this is why I watch you.
Oh fucking god. Really now? Really.
I fucking quit.
1710359
Start throwing.
1711925
images2.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw493_130721159382.jpg
I wish I had brought a 50 gallon cooler to contain all this Haterade.
Sort of meh....
It came, it saw, it went away and left nothing behind ....