Everypony know that the three Cutie Mark Crusaders are bent on finding what makes them unique. But has the time finally come for them to find out who they really are?
Chapters (4)
Pure Coincidence
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I like the idea, but it seems rushed. slow down, don't give them a cutie mark every chapter, ya know? but I do like it, 4.5 stars sir
127335 Advice has definately been taken, i'll try to extend it a bit more, Thanks
Like the last person said, it did seem rushed. Also, I did find you forgot to end some of the talking with parentheses and commas. Also, whenever someone talks, you're supposed to start a new paragraph, like so:
Jaws open, Sweetie Belle and Applebloom could not help but stare at the flank of Scootaloo, where slowly but surely a Cutie Mark appeared.
“Scoot-Scoot-Scootaloo, you-you’re flank...” the words would hardly come to Applebloom’s mouth.
Understanding rushed through Scootaloo. She quickly turned to look at her flank to see that a shiny image: a metal sheet and a wild tornado spinning on top of it had appeared.
“No way!” Scootaloo shouted, “I have my Cutie Mark! Thankyou Vinyl, ThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyou!!!”
---
These are some things you can look out for when editing your next chapter.
127403 Oh, i see the mistakes, thanks for pointing those out to me, i'll be sure to try and fic those in the chapters to come
-CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM!!!-
Ok now that that is out of the way Tracking the ever loving shit out of this
127348
Huh, I think this is a good plot to it, showing how everyone eventually has to grow up. But, as Venatus said you seemed to of made this first part very hasty and also there is 1 more thing
“No, it’s just that we can’t seem to get it right. We try so many things and not one of us has yet gotten out Cutie Marks!” Applebloom explained, clearly upset.
you should change that to "our"
I will track for now then rate on the second chapter
theyll get their turn eventually.
I hope i fixed most of the mistakes then, 127403 but, i think I'll leave a few paragraphs with the extended writing for viewer comfort rather than having to read a line then scroll down.. But, your advice was still greatly appreciated and has partly been put into use.
Loved it a little too quick but three words. IT WAS AWESOME!
hmmmm... maybe she'll sing it? I always thought singing would be her talent (that's what we are lead on to believe in the series any way).
Good story, waiting for more
Poor Sweetie Belle. Shes good at singing in the show. I always pictured her having some song notes as a cutie mark.
Good Job! Write More!
Hmm I think, if you keep the tempo like this, it will maybe end in 8-10 chapter, so my suggestion is make the pace slower, and don't to focus on their own, include some main character story like they need help and CMC help them in hope they got cutie mark etc etc.
but so far it's good.
129854 Well, it WAS originally intended for 3 chapters, but people wanted it longer... so it is being extended. but it will only be 6-7 chapters... i think
D'aaaaaaaaaaaaw (or D'awwwwwwwwwwww? not sure)
Love the writing style (suits the show), and the maths reminds me of bender.
Keep it up
YAY Sweetie Belle :D I knew you could do it!!!!
SO MUCH DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAQ
Dawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
WRITE AB NEXT!
133273 Nah, I think i'll do Scootaloo again
Here's an idea:
Hire Discord.
Get him to put the three CCC's behind a pane of glass...
Have him take a photo of the glass.
Print the photo through a magnet...
And thus, you have printed out a living being!
What is it? It is...Sweetscootbloom!
I SHALL RULE THE WORLD!
133548 Correction, you have an epic break dancing, singing and another epic talented pony!!! 0.o not giving it away just yet haha.
133467 Why? she already got hers. xD
Make sure to have applebloom become frustrated at not having hers yet. Maybe do a few chapters where she doesn't get it, so she can have her annoyance stew.
This was great, but now the (ex?)Cutie Mark Crusaders need to go to prison for stealing building materials.
And then the Apples disowned Apple Bloom for NOT having an apple based cutie mark.
It was a good read.
Good Job, awestruck OVER HERE!
Loved it I think if you want to and have the time write 3 epilogues 1 for each (ex) CmC.
Or write 1 big one covering their lifes.
Epic Read, Gabe! :P
I'm not sure what you think was wrong with this last chapter. seemed great to me
wow such a perfect fit for scootaloo, she alwasy was good at choreography and moves., cant wait to see what you did for the other 2.
why do i see applebloom getting hers last, just like her sister.
yep kinda figured applebloom would be the last.
wow that was actually pretty good fanfic wise, good to see that the skills that were canon were applied to the crusaders final talents.