I... Am... Guy that doesn't have enough time to write anymore... For now.
A lot of ponies think that ‘The Wonderbolts’ are just a fancy flying team. That ‘Wonderbolts’ is just a name they made up to call themselves. Very few know the truth, and very few know that it takes more than a great flying to become a Wonderbolt.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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B.E.A.-UTIFUL! Love the story so far! I really look forward to reading more of this as you write it. Keep up the great writing!
Page-ending footnotes only work if you actually have pages to turn. I recommend doing something else with the acronyms. I think it would actually break the flow less if you just stuck in a paragraph to explain each one.
Mustang, Hellcat, Corsair, Hornet... I dig
These opening two chapters feel...a little disjointed and rushed. I dunno, maybe you get better towards the middle of stories?
2620511 lol thanks Jim Carrey. Glad you like it.
2620572 I too thought it was a bit rushed, I've been trying to pace myself but it's not easy. In any case, there''' definitely be a big plot pick up coming and many chapters to come. Also, don't expect a 'From the eye of Spitfire' POV, because it's not just about her...
Ah you started your story, excellent, really good so far! If you're looking for editors at all I'd be happy to help.
Digging the pony military language. This certainly looks interesting.
2636681 gooooooood, very good.
Heh, 'showponies' indeed...but who are they fighting, I wonder?
2636697 We shall see... muahahahaha
This chapter was a bit hard to follow. So there was multiple training exercises, or it was all the same exercise? A tad confusing.
Also, I'm getting a very Call of Duty vibe from this.
2636836 Multiple training exercises. However, Spitfire and her team did not know that until the last minute.
Hmm. Telling each team member individually until only Spitfire believed it was real? Wow, she's got to have trust issues now.
The scene where she asked the team member to check his stuff and he's missing something reminded me of a SEAL memoir that I read. He was the chief and he knew one guy was always slacking off. The guy was planning to not carry a canteen for lighter weight and beg water from someone else. The chief carried an extra canteen for him until he asked. That canteen had tampons shoved inside so all the water was soaked up and had to be sucked out. Fitting punishment.
2637036 All the team members thought it was real going into it. They only found out just before she entered the office that it was a test.
Will Rainbow Dash appear or at least get mentioned in this story?
7600568 Maybe. I'll have to think about working her in somehow.