Kaidan's Short Stories: Vol. 1 - Teen

by Kaidan

13. Pinkieus Pieicus :: E/Co

{comedy} {everyone}

Twilight's Log
Subject: Pinkie Pie
Scientific Name: Pinkieus Pieicus

June 5th, 1030

After several coincidences I have decided to observe Pinkie and note her various so called "pinkie senses" and determine how she is able to predict events. She is currently claiming that:

A twitchy tail means something is about to fall.
Wobbly ears means somepony is about to need a bath.
An itchy back indicates good luck for Pinkie.
A pinchy knee means something scary is about to happen.
An achy shoulder means their is an alligator in the tub.
A combination of "ear flop, knee twitch, eye flutter" means a rainbow is coming.
A combination of "ear flop, eye flutter, knee twitch" means to watch out for opening doors.

June 5th 1115

I caught up with Pinkie at the park, where I was interrupted by Spike. Shortly after Pinkie got an itchy nose then hid like something was going to fall. I was attacked by bees before I could disprove the twitchy tail... There are far too many coincidences happening today.

June 5th 1145

Observed Pinkie Pie at Applejack's barn where I was able to disprove the "ear flop, eye flutter, knee twitch" combo. Unfortunately after I proved the barn door wasn't going to hit me, I stumbled into Applejack's cellar. I have now been assaulted by frogs, given a bath with an alligator, hit by several doors, attacked by bees, and sprained my front legs! This is getting ridiculous, Pinkie can not be predicting these events! There is a logical explanation for this!

June 5th 1330

I've been discharged from the hospital after Derpy nearly crushed me to death. Shortly after Pinkie's tail started twitching, she dropped an entire truck full of some ponies furniture on me! This is unbelievable, every time I'm about to see if her predictions are true somepony else interrupts or nearly kills me!

June 5th 1345

I've located Pinkie again and I am ready to take my testing to the next step. It is clear now that I can't just sit by idly and wait for something to happen. I have set up an anvil over the front door to Sugar Cube Corner. When Pinkie Pie comes out of the store, I will use my magic to release the anvil. If her tail twitches before it hits her, then I will have proved my theory. Here she comes....

Nothing? Nothing's happening, I pulled the pin the rope should release! Ugh, she didn't even twitch her tail, I need to go investigate the anvil.

June 5th 1400

The rope got stuck in the pulley, when I went to investigate I was nearly crushed by the anvil. I have caught back up to Pinkie who is in the town square. I have used my magic to paint an elaborate picture of an ice cream shop on the side of a brick wall. Right where the ice cream pony is drawn is a door, when she goes to buy an ice cream I will push the door open, hitting her. If she has this ridiculous "Pinkie sense" she'll see it coming.

June 5th 1415

I can't believe this! The door jammed! Pinkie had a 3 minutes conversation with a painting and I couldn't get the door to budge! I walked around to the door, only to have Doctor Whooves slam it open into my face. He said something about a lock before I stormed off to catch back up to Pinkie Pie.

June 5th 1430

I have caught back up to Pinkie Pie, who is currently following a trail of candy corn to a box, propped open by a stick, attached to a string, that leads to this bush. When she gets to the box, I will spring the trap and forcibly test her Pinkie sense back in the lab. Her ears are wobbling, but there is no mud or water in sight! I might have finally proven it.... Why isn't this string working? UGH!

June 5th 1445

After heading over to inspect the box, it wouldn't fall over because of a sprinkler in the guardian. I angrily shattered the box with my magic, which broke the sprinkler resulting in a mane full of muddy water. Where is Pinkie now? I need to see if her ears are still wobbling...

June 5th 1500

Time to end this, with the pinchy knee. According to my research, it means "something scary" is about to happen. I have loaded her party cannon with stale cupcake batter and left it in the middle of the street. When she goes to inspect it, I will set it off... She is approaching now, but her back is itchy? That means.... Good luck? Hah! Time to prove her wrong!

June 5th 1545

The cannon failed to launch and you guessed it, somehow ended up exploding in my face. After washing all the cupcake batter out of my mane, I have found Pinkie again only to learn she knew I was following her all along! This was all a setup! I bet Spike AND Applejack were in on it. I am too angry to keep taking notes in my journal. Pinkie keeps saying there is a "real doozy" at froggy bottom swamp. For now, I'm just going to follow her and be patient. I'll take more notes AFTER I prove the Pinkie sense is fake.

Twilight's log,

June 5th 1900 zulu.
Final entry.

I quit. I don't know how she does it, and I don't want to know how she does it. I'm going to go get drunk with Dash and Vinyl, and forget this whole bucking day ever happened. Then I'm going to write the Princess a drunken friendship report, wake up hungover, and avoid Pinkie until I stop bursting into flames every time I think about her "Pinkie Sense." UGH! See, that right there! I just burst into flames again. I've got half a mind to burn this journal and cast an amnesia spell.

---

Author's Note:

This episode made me think of Road Runner so I jotted a quick story down to get the idea outta my head (it was bouncing around for days.)

If you have any ideas and would like me to write a short story about, suggest it below.

Comments

[Neko Majin C]

Chapter thirteen: Pinkieus Pieicus. Poor little red haired stepchild chapter thirteen, nobody posted a comment on you, well, I shall not ignore you. In this story the part of Wile E. Coyote: Super Genius will be played by Twilight Sparkle: Element of Magic and Princess of Friendship.