Chapter 104 - The Image of Twilight
The Darkness. In spite of its name, it did not feel cold, and there was a sense of numbing comfort. She was there, and yet it did not feel like she was present.
"Wake up."
It was that thunderous whisper again. Twilight tried to open her eyes, but she could not.
"You must wake up or the pony that is most precious to you will harm herself irreparably. Hurry. Time marches on in your world."
"Wha--huh?"
Panic immediately set in when she did not feel ground beneath her hind legs. Her front legs instinctively stiffened as she held onto dear life on the twisted matrix of metal debris. Hard winds blew through her tail and mane, forcing itself upwards towards the giant hole above her. Water and other chemicals trickled from above and down towards her.
She smelled blood dripping down her face, and her head pounded. Twilight remembered now. In her struggle with Crystal Clear she bumped her head on the way down. Right before she lost consciousness, she witnessed Crystal Clear turning into a tall equine creature of darkness before it transformed into a reflection of herself. It was a changeling, but it was not the Spitfire's resident changeling, Doomie.
Twilight concentrated hard and teleported herself back up to the Chemical Storage Chamber. She nearly slipped when she materialized out of the Aether Space, and that was due to all the ice cocoons melting above her. Several of the trapped ponies had been freed, but they crawled on the ground in a pathetic state.
"Hey, are you okay?" she asked one of the freed pony slaves. "Have you seen an earth pony with a Stetson hat escaping with a unicorn who looks just like me?"
The slave only groaned in response. It appeared the other ponies, both pegasus and earth, would be no help.
She heard voices coming from the entrance. Twilight immediately teleported up towards the catwalk at the far corner and hid behind one of the metal columns. Carefully she poked her head out, and saw a swarm of pegasus guards flew into the Chemical Storage Chamber, followed by a stallion pegasus in gold armor. Based on the mission briefing, he appeared to be Lord General Flash Sentry. He and his fellow pegasus guards hovered around the area gasping in horror of the malnourished ponies freed from the ice cocoons and the wanton destruction of the area.
"Darn those Shadowbolts," Flash growled. "You, you're with me. The rest of you, I want you to find Lord General Soarin and help protect the Empress Commander."
Almost all of the guards swarmed away, and Flash and his immediate subordinate lowered themselves down onto their hooves. Unexpectedly, the two of them started dragging the freed ponies towards a more stable part for the Chamber. For those still trapped in the ice cocoons in the ceiling, Flash himself flew up while his subordinate stood ready to catch each of the falling prisoners.
Flash Sentry's Atmos Arts technique turned out to be quite impressive. His technique involved creating a bright flash of light with a slash of his hooves. It seemed to have both a cutting and melting effect, and while he seemed to do it in the middle of each cocoon, he had yet to harm the imprisoned pony that he freed.
At the last pony he freed, he remained hovering in the air. His ears erected themselves, and he turned himself slightly towards Twilight. Twilight immediately pulled her head back into hiding and covered her mouth. Flash was getting closer, and the slow beat of his wings matched that of her beating heart. If she used her magic, Flash would catch the glow of magenta emitting from her horn. Even if she were successful, she would be at a disadvantage against Flash's speed and skills, and there was no safe place to teleport. She might have to resort into goring him with her own horn.
"Sir, I brought the slaves we recaptured during the explosion," said a guard as he flew into the Chamber.
"Good. Now help me bring these ponies to the infirmary."
"Sir, our Tenets state that--"
"Do not question my order, soldier. I will not have these ponies die on my watch."
That was a surprise. Normally, pegasus warriors would have tossed the weak and defeated to the surface below without hesitation, but Flash Sentry seemed to be an exception. Then again, he might have an ulterior reason for keeping them alive. If so, Twilight could no longer hide in the Chamber any longer because she had already revealed her face to the ponies freed from Crystal Clear's ice cocoons.
She took one last look down and saw Flash Sentry hovering to the ground to haul the malnourished ponies onto the stretches brought in by the slaves. Twilight let out a low sigh of relief. Feeling that every pegasus guard was busy with helping the survivors, she stepped out from the shadows and zeroed on a large air vent above her. Quietly and discreetly, she undid the screws with her magic, and gently placed the vent itself on the catwalk. She gave herself a magical boost when she pulled herself into the air ducts, and began crawling.
Her heart was still beating fast, but she was not worried about Flash and his guards finding her. Rather, she felt an intense force tugging at her soul, and the image of a wounded Applejack manifested in her mind with the utmost clarity. The Darkness was right. Something was happening to her friend Applejack, and the worry caused Twilight to crawl faster through the ducts.
She was a pony, and yet she wasn't. She had the same height and build as a Saddle Arabian, but she had atrophied hooves, legs, insect wings, and a horn. A long and sickly mane and tail draped over her head and rear respectively. Her eyes were real pony eyes, but they were of a sinisterly green color. Behind her long and crooked horn was a blackened crown. For whatever purpose, she had fangs, and that only served to make her appearance demonic. Worst of all, she exuded the most terrible smell, and Applejack nearly threw up before she forced herself to put up with it.
"A changeling?" gasped Applejack.
"Not just any changeling," smiled the creature. "You are in the presence of Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings, and I must extend my gratitude for you and your friends in setting me free."
"What the hay are ya talkin' about?"
"Do you remember the underground labs of Gaeaopolis? The infernal prison that is Tartarus 01? During the chaos that you've caused, I took the liberty of disguising myself as one of Gaea's Roboponies and slowly worked my way to the surface and out of Gaeaopolis. I could not reunite with my brood because that blasted Chancellor Posey has used her magic and my extracted pheromones to subdue them.
"So I inserted myself here as a pegasus, and impressed the Empress Commander enough to appoint me as a Shadowbolt. Little does she know that I plan to steal Pegasopolis's Element of Creation fragment, but now that you and your friends are here, I decided to accelerate my plans to win back my brood and take over Gaea. After that, I'll capture Pegasopolis, and then the world! And you, my pretty, are going to help me."
"Tell me where she is," said Applejack.
"I can see that you are not pleased with the deception. Isn't that what you want? To caress your beloved Twilight, your 'Sugarcube' in your hooves and beyond? Why not surrender to your lust and your pleasures? Then you and I can destroy the enemies that is Gaea and Pegasopolis."
"I ain't gonna repeat myself. Tell me where she is!"
Chrysalis shuddered with ecstasy, and she was almost in tears. "Oh, yes! I can feel it! I can feel the unrequited love you hold for your dear Twilight! Forbidden love is the juiciest, if not the most addicting kinds of love. I don't even have to use my magic or disguise myself to savor it!"
Applejack's unbridled rage caused her charge forward and make another slash at Chrysalis, who gave no effort to dodge it as she was too absorbed in whatever witchcraft she was performing. The attack knocked the Changeling Queen and sent her reeling towards one of the marble bust pedestals that shattered upon her impact. She winced in pain, but then proceeded to laugh and gloat as she rose back to her hooves.
"Ow," said Chrysalis. "That stung, and if not for me feeding off of your love, you would have killed me. That was your intent, no?"
Applejack charged forth again, but Changeling Queen quickly cast a glowing barrier spell between herself and the angry mare. Furiously, Applejack slashed repeatedly at the barrier, and already it started to crack.
"As much as I admire your love for your Twilight," spoke Chrysalis, "I do need for you to be at your best behavior in my bid to take over Pegasopolis. As such, there is a reason why I have brought you here."
The Changeling Queen flipped the nearest bust's head over, revealing a hidden switch that she pressed. Applejack wasted no time in finding out what it was going to do, and she immediately cut through the magical barrier for another attack. Chrysalis launched herself backwards several alcoves down the hall with a mighty push. The last alcove she landed in front of spun itself on its axis to reveal an armament hidden behind the wall. She magicked it off its stand, took aim, and fired a net made of jagged black chains. It caught Applejack's Sword of Truth before she could use it, and the chain net anchored it on the carpeted cloud floor as it reverted back to its golden necklace form. With Applejack momentarily distracted, Chrysalis fired another chain net that was larger, and she trapped the orange mare under the weight of her restraints.
"Do not be afraid, my silly little Applejack," hissed the Changeling Queen. "Give into your desires. Experience the bliss that you deserve."
Applejack's tired body had no strength to push herself out from the net. The more she tried, the more she slowly sank into the cloud floor. Chrysalis licked her lips as she trotted up to her, and she lowered her neck and head as her crooked horn glowed green.
A wave of euphoria consumed Applejack, causing her to moan as the pain and the soreness vanished from within. A pleasant odor substituted the terrible smell, and the lightheadedness gave way to a lucid dream.
Another case of a chapter with really bad dialogue, I'm referring mainly to Chrysalis, once again just spelling everything out for the readers in the most wooden and unrealistic way
Micro-Chapter is Micro-Chapter. Barely took me a full minute to even finish.
Dang it Chrysalis is Broken. Couldn't she atleast be a bit better?
So many updates
6715499 but the fact there has been no mention of that magic ability in this world at all i say it isn't possible unless the author states otherwise.
okay. so Posey really is Posey. She found away to controll the hive.
6715830 I was hoping that she'd at least be sympathetic to Twilight's gang, but I suppose in hindsight that was entirely too much to hope for.
Interest turn of event involving Chrysalis. Wonder where she got the ability to utilize the freezing cold like that? Anyways, Twilight need to hurry up, or Applejack will find herself in a terrible situation.
C&Cs:
In her struggle with Crystal Clear she bumped her head on the way down.
> Comma after ‘Clear’.
The attack knocked the Changeling Queen and sent her reeling...
> Add ‘back’ after ‘Queen’.
6722436 I'm aware, just poking fun at AB's sudden shock given all that she's said and done since she left Geaopolis. Besides, doubt neither of them want to see harm done to the other. Posey is just doing what she has to I imagine to maintain her image, possibly. I was mostly poking fun at AB's abandoning her home to seek out Applejack over staying with Posey and then suddenly being all surprised that somehow her mother finds her to be a traitor.
Well, it's been forever since I got to relax to some pony fiction so off I go to catch up with some 10k'ish words. <3
Noooo I'm caught up!
Awesome story so far
6738515
Associating a kunai dagger directly with anime is a bit presumptious. They were proper tools/weapons back in their time.
Did you ever think about why there is the word "kindergarten" in english? Use of foreign vocabulary does not need to make sense, it just happens if there is a better word to describe something than the native language has.
You are trying to relate to a world with sapient ponies using magic. Think about that before worrying about gender-orientation.
At long last, my fourth and final review. I decided to tack on chapters 101-104 because, why not. after this, comments will be chapter specific.
This one certainly has its fair share of fast paced action. I like the idea of having Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy meet in practically the same way as the show, with Rainbow saving Flutters from the same three ponies. I also like the creativity you have with the Atmos-Artes. I'm not sure if they were inspired from anime, if you created them yourself, or a little of both, but they are very cool abilities.
As for Rainbow Dash, at first I didn't like her. She seemed to be just a dumb, cliche character obsessed with attractive ponies, but after a bit I started to see this as simply a cover for her fears and insecurities. I also really like her back story, more the the others.
Of course, it's still not perfect. There's still the ever present improper and awkward word usage. Some of the dialogue seems natural while some seems forced and mechanical. There's a lot of convenient outs to problems, and psychic enemies that just know where the heroes are going to be and when, despite having no way of knowing either. Also, you use 'pegasi' a lot when you you should use 'pegasus'
All in all, a great story that could be better if you got someone to go through and edit.
6738515 None of the mane 6 have been confirmed as lesbian in this. In fact, the only ones to show a real interest in mares at all is Rainbow Dash, who is bisexual, and Applejack, who has even mentioned that she had never been attracted to mares before Twilight, only stallions. Pinkie Pie is only trying to see if she might like mares, Rarity has displayed interest in only stallions, and Twilight and Fluttershy are uninterested.
As for the kunia, pegasus culture has already shown many similarities to feudal Japan. Their caste system, for example, seems to take more from Japan than Greece, though there are some Greek influences. If the author was a weeb, there would be far more Japanese influence
Finally, your language complaint is quite ridiculous. There are countless reasonable ways that character would have a German nickname; the character could be from a German-like region, she could have been given the name by people of a German-like region, the art could have originated in a German-like region, or the character just liked how it sounded and wants to sound tough. There are people like that in reality, so having one in a story is not wrong.