The Forest
Chapter 2: The Forest
DAY 1
Somehow I had ended up in the middle of a mountainous forest. One minute I’m exiting the highway, then something like a flashbang goes off in front of my car, and the next, thing I know I’m hurtling off the side cliff.
All things considered though I wasn't in bad shape, my car was totaled, but by some miracle of God I had escaped without any injuries beyond a couple of bruises and a massive headache. As far as supplies I was also on the lucky side. Taking inventory I had a backpack full of my regular camping gear (now soaking wet), my iPod and cell phone, a thirteen inch US-Marine ka-bar (combat knife), a 12-Gauge semi-automatic Beretta shotgun, one hundred and seventy-five rounds of target ammunition, five rounds of home defense ammunition, my pocketknife, an old machete and one o so precious bottle of coke. I had had a GPS, but when I kicked the windshield off of my car the damn thing went flying into the water and by the time I realized what I had done it was too late.
If you’re wondering why I just happened to be so prepared to be dropped off in the middle of nowhere, the answer is actually quite simple. I had just been on my way to a friends new deer lease for a weekend packed with manual labor and some friendly skeet shooting. A weekend adventure, that due to my current circumstances, I was pretty sure I would have to put on hold.
I don’t tend to be one who dwells on how a problem arises, and because my appearance in this strange land seemed for now to be an inexplicable phenomenon, I pushed questions of how aside in my mind and moved my thoughts to getting back from wherever it was I had gotten myself stuck. My fist idea was to check my phone and call for help. Naturally, I had no service, so that kind of help was out of the question. My next brilliant idea was to figure out where exactly I had ended up, the only way I knew to do this was to check my surroundings and use my somewhat expansive knowledge of North American plants and terrain to figure out where I was regionally.
The sand of the large pond that held my car was a bright white but the stone of the waterfall that feed the pool, and the surrounding mountains, seemed to be composed of a grey granite. The water in the lake was cold, probably less than 50° Fahrenheit, that’s 10° Celsius for those of you who are not in America. But the point is that this meant that the water probably came from snow or glacier runoff, instead of rainwater or a spring. Which, it being July, indicated that I was nowhere near the east Texas town I had just been driving through. I was also tipped off by the fact that instead of being in the high nineties as it had been minutes before outside my car, the outside air was a cooler room temperature with an easy breeze that that seemed to be coming from nowhere.
The next thing that caught my attention was the flora. What bothered me about it. I recognized nothing. I couldn't recognized any of the plants. A few of the trees looked like they could be oak, most of the others were short, smooth, angular, and were adorned with leaves that resembled maple. The grass seemed to be as normal as it could, but the flowers that appeared among it with startling frequency, were mostly bright solid colors, with pedal and stem configurations I was sure I’d never seen before.
I sat there for probably half an hour trying to figure out where I was, and every time I thought of a possible region, I would notice something that made it seem wrong. The southern half of the US was out of the question because of the temperature. Colorado? No the trees were wrong for that elevation. Actually the trees seemed off for anywhere I could think of. The trees were just wrong. And since I didn't think I was in some part of Canada with stunted deformed maple trees, I could now say with the utmost confidence that I did not have any idea where I was. However this information was entirely unhelpful. So, having thought about my predicament I was returned to square one, only now I was more confused than when I began, and a little pissed off at my own incompetence.
Drawing a blank for everything else I figured I might as well take account of the more specific terrain that surrounded me. Assuming my watch was still correct after my seemingly magical teleportation it was about eight o’clock in the morning, noting that the sun appeared ninety degrees to the left of the short waterfall meant that that was east and the waterfall was south. To the north the pool emptied into a slow moving stream. To the east and west there were mountains with steep inclines and barren rock surfaces. The peak of the one on the east side, the side on which I was currently sitting, didn't look to be more than a thousand meters away. With nothing better to do I put the sheath of my combat knife through my belt and slung my shotgun over my back, while my other things were left to sit and dry. So in the interest of forming a real plan I began my ascent.
****************************
Reaching the top of the mountain was a rather uneventful endeavor. Most of it was pretty steep but almost the whole thing had been covered in cracks and crevices with which I could easily support myself on my hands and my feet. When I when I reached the top and began to survey my new domain I immediately lost my breath to the vast wilderness before me. I had landed in a small enclave a surrounded by mountains which stretched to both the east and west as far as I could see, to the north the dark emerald forest continued to the end of my vision before disappearing into nothingness.
When I finally caught my breath and got a good look at the forest I realized I may not be in as much trouble as I first thought, part of the illusion had come from the thin fog that seemed to sit just on top of the forest if only to obscure my view of the area. The runoff water stream that I was now orienting myself with met with several others that snaked down the mountain and then met with a river that seemed to be traveling along its base. Further along the river branched out and part of it seemed to disappear into a large area filled with slightly larger and lighter trees than the ones that dominated the other areas, this I assumed was some kind of swamp. Squinting as I stared off into the distance I could see what I thought could be a break in the trees and probably the fog but it was impossible to tell for sure. The spot seemed to be a few miles past the base of the mountain. And if I wasn't completely out of my mind (definitely not ruling that out as a possibility at this point) I believed that the angular obstructions in the distance resembled buildings. Buildings meant civilization. Civilization meant people. People meant answers. And answers meant home.
In my head I mapped out the easiest route I could, I could take the longest part along the base of the mountain, then travel through the forest following the river to the “town”. I could feel my heartbeat starting to slow, it eased my mind a little knowing that now I had a plan, it would take days to execute but with a lotta luck it would help me get this whole mess figured out.
****************************
As the day began to draw to a close I sat in front of a small fire and gnawed at a hard apple I had found. I had made good progress in my travels throughout the day but by now I was frigging hungry. I’d eaten a large number of blueberries when I found a decent patch of blueberry bushes and I had filled the remaining space of my backpack with half ripe apples when I had found a surprisingly large apple tree. The apples were hard and sour but I’d definitely had worse and at least they gave me some sustenance, which I hoped would hold me over until morning.
I wanted to get to the town soon. If I didn't I would have to start hunting, all my ammo was heavy but something told me I should conserve. On top of that the only ammo I had a lot of was target shot and I was not looking forward to having to pick out all the tiny beads from my food.
Crack. The sound of a breaking twig interrupted my thoughts.
I lifted my eyes from the fire and stared straight ahead into the darkness. Ahead of me two red orbs reflected back the light of my fire. Immediately my heart began beating fast, I stared ahead for a few moments and waited for them to move. They didn't even blink. My eyes darted to the fire and then my side, the gun was unloaded but my machete was easily within reach. My eyes fell back to my uninvited guest. Still it hadn't moved. Slowly I began to reach my hand towards the fire, not allowing myself to break eye contact again. When I reached the end of a larger log sticking out of the fire, I let my hand slowly close around it. Once it did I paused, probably for a few seconds but it had seemed like and eternity. Suddenly I shifted my weight forward and flung the burning log so it would sail over the creatures head. Instead, the projectile struck a low branch and in a flash of light and sparks the entire area was illuminated.
In that instant I saw that creature, it was about four feet tall with a body seemingly made of hollow black bone, covered in rotting flesh and black muck. In front of the eyes there was a short blunt snout with jagged broken teeth that that reflected the same red hue as its demonic eyes, I could see all the teeth and every aspect of its mouth because it was left completely exposed by the vile creatures lack of lips. On top of its head rested a few stray strands of hair that seemed to spring from around a large area of exposed skull. And then, before my fear could take hold, it was gone. Before the light of the falling sparks died away the creature had disappeared.
I sat there for a moment with the image of the creature burning in my mind. Suddenly I was struck with the impossibility of what had just happened, but the knowledge that such a creatures existence was impossible did little to calm my nerves. I looked down at my apple before tossing it into the fire. Clearly something about this strange forest was getting to me. Even though my heart was still beating a mile a minute, I decided it was time to call it a night as I lay down on the ground and pulled my sleeping bag over my frame. Then I stopped, reached over to my pile of clothes and took my knife from out of my belt loop and slid both knife and sheath into my sleeping bag, then closed my eyes and listened to the fire as I waited for sleep to overtake me.
****************************
DAY 2
After walking for most of the day I reached the far end of the mountain. I only had a few hours left of daylight and after the previous night, quite frankly, did not want to re-enter the forest again after dark, so I decided I should call it a day and sleep out on the mountain. I had spotted a cave on the rock face about twenty five meters away from the lowest mountain path. The path, essentially the edge of the mountain, dropped off directly into the forest below on the other side, a straight fall of about ten meters. I let my eyes continue to follow the path to the down the northeast side of the mountain which appeared to carve its way down the side of the rocky slope for a mile or so before finally meeting and disappearing into the woods. I had had some wood with me since about midday, when I had spotted the path that ran along the side of the mountain, and had decided the day’s journey would be easier without hindrance of trees and underbrush.
Now I was laying on the cave floor, the ceiling was about five feet high and the cave was about nine feet deep. More than enough room for me and all my stuff, provided I didn't try to stand. Most of my things were scattered in the corner and I was content to wait until dark before lighting myself a small fire and eating what was left of my now meager ration of apples. I lay there for God knows how long, simply breathing the fresh air intentionally avoiding thoughts of my position and marveling in the emptiness of my mind. Most likely I would have just fallen asleep inside the mouth of the cave but in the absence of my own thoughts I became dimly aware of the sound of voices drawing nearer to my current position. I couldn't tell what they were saying, but the voices got progressively louder as the group approached. One voice was shouting and another was quietly whimpering as its owner was berated by its partner. Their conversation reached its climax just as I began to understand what it was they were saying.
“Dammit kid, I said shut up!” a loud angry voice screeched.
“Bu.. Bu… but..” the stuttering voice was cut off.
“Leave the kid alone.” A slightly more masculine voice replied.
“You stay out of this you lowly bastard!” Immediately the voice was followed by two loud cracks. Which were followed by a grunt and the muffled scream of a child, respectively.
That had been all I needed to set me in motion. I scrambled out of the cave as fast as my legs would carry me and began running towards the first thing I saw breaking the line of the horizon. As I approached I noticed a few things about the small party I was now descending upon. First the group was much larger than I first thought, what I’d thought would be three or four was actually more like seven or eight, and at least half of them were children. I also noticed that their proportions were very, very wrong, a fact I became more painfully aware of as I reached the group and the sun no longer blurred my vision. Whatever they were they were not human.
I skidded to a stop in front of the group and took a minute to gawk at what I saw. There were three griffons whose coats were various shades of grey and brown, between them there was a group of five ponies each with ropes around their hooves to restrict their movement, four were just kids and one was a full grown stallion. The adults of the group were all around four feet tall and the children ranged from one to two. Most importantly the entire group was now staring at me, all looking as confused as I probably did.
“What do you want?” a gruff sounding voice called after an awkward silence, its griffon owner walked around from behind the stallion and a small colt who was crying on the ground.
As soon as I snapped out of my stupor I immediately noticed that he had a bullwhip wrapped in his claws, I also took note that the griffon that was leading the group was carrying a long spear, the third and smallest griffon to his left had a long dagger in a sheath at his side. This brought to my attention the fact that I had left my shotgun in a heap with my other things. The only armament I had was my old machete, and the only reason I still had it was because I was to lazy to remove it from my belt when I had laid down.
I didn't really think but the words flowed all the same. “I’m a traveler passing through. I wanted to know what all the commotion was.” More or less I guess I didn't want to lie and there was no point to overreacting if my initial assumptions were wrong.
“That’s none of your business. Now get lost before you get hurt.”
“Clearly they are either prisoners or slaves, because if it’s the latter I would likely be willing to trade.” I had no idea where I was going with this but I still needed to know what was going on.
“Well in that case, we're slavers. But I don’t see that you have anything to trade.” His voice had dropped a few decibels, like I had flicked a switch in his tiny little brain. Suddenly he thought there was a potential for profit.
“All of my goods are up over that ledge. I have some good cloth, useful novelty items, and a weapon or two. But before I do any trading I need to know how and where you came by these captives. I consider it a matter of principal to know what I’m buying.”
“Ponyville, on the other side of the forest. We raided a schoolhouse on the outside of town and captured these kids. We would have had the nice piece of flesh that was the teacher, if this goody-two-shoes soldier and his friend hadn’t showed up.”
Now I had more than enough information to act. “Well I’m afraid that’s not a very fair way to come by your merchandise.” I reached my hand over and placed it on the handle of my blade and continued. “So you and your friends are going to have to let them free or this ain't gonna be pretty.” As I finished I began sliding my old blade out of my belt loop. I had my heart began to speed up and before I fully realized what I was doing my mind began run over dozens of possibilities for attack, defense and escape. Just like dad taught me, the switch had been flicked.
Now the three griffons looked as confused as when I had found them. All four of the kids looked up at me hopefully and the stallion simply kept his steely gaze on me, waiting to see how this turned out I supposed.
After about two seconds the first griffon snapped out of his stupor and lashed out at me with his whip. The supersonic tip would have struck me in the face if my left arm hadn't decided to act on its own and intercept the leather coil, It wrapped around my arm digging into the flesh but I immediately yanked back as hard as I could. Much to my surprise the owner did not lose his grip on the handle, instead he was pulled off his feet and his body was pulled towards me. Rather than dodge his body, a quick flick of my wrist let his own weight slice his throat on the end of my machete. At the same time I realized that the second griffon, the largest one armed with his spear was charging me. In hindsight he probably had the best chance of killing me, but because I saw him at the last second I was able to use my own weapon to parry his spear and close the distance between us in an instant. I placed my hand on his head and pushed it to the ground. Almost before he slammed onto the rocks, I had brought my machete back around and down onto the back of his neck. Finding the resulting snaps that emanated from his neck and skull to be far more satisfying than they should have been. I paused taking a fraction of a second to revel in the kill. His warm blood ran over my hands and the fresh scent of the kill reached my nostrils.
With renewed vigor I turned my attention to the last of the three griffons. He was clearly smaller and younger than the first two, and I guessed had never seen combat because even now, he had not yet drawn his blade. I rose slowly from my crouched position and began to approach the terrified rookie. As I did so a wide grin spread across my face. He was shaking uncontrollably. He had seen me kill his two companions in just a few seconds, and my hands were now covered in their blood. I was also fairly sure I had felt the stuff splatter across my chest and face.
I reached the young creature and stared down at him for a moment. Words escaped him. So I reacted for him. I dropped my machete and reached down to take his weapon from its sheath, at the same time reaching under his forelegs and flipping him over on his back. I brought my face close to his, my smile growing ever larger as he found his voice.
“W-what are you?” Was all he managed to get out.
“What am I?” I asked as condescendingly as I could. “I am but an apprentice of death. I come as an omen of what is to befall you, should your path lead you astray. To simply put it, I am human.” I finished my little psychological attack and followed up with a simple question. “Can you fly?”
“Fly?”
“Yes fly. With those pretty little wings of yours.”
“Y-yes.”
“Good then go tell any others what you have seen here today. Oh, and even though it was fast, make sure they know your friends tried their best.” With that I grabbed onto the tuft of hair on the front of his chest and heaved him off the side of the cliff, after a few seconds he had recovered and was flying away in the opposite direction as fast as he could. I took note of the way he flew, like a bird of prey, I would have expected as much from a creature so large.
With them gone my attention was brought to the former captives. The children seemed to be looking at me with a mix of fear and reverence, the light blue stallion had a look on his face that told me he thought he had just come out of a frying pan and into one helluva fire. For a moment I contemplated just leaving them, then I realized they would have nowhere to go, if their town was anywhere near as far away as I thought it was they had at least a twelve hour walk. Which looking at them I decided would be far beyond anything they wanted to do. So I approached them slowly so I could cut their ropes.
“I don’t really know where you've come from but you’re safe for now.” I said as I cut the ropes on the nearest filly.
“…” I was meet with silence as I cut the ropes off the next two.
“There is a cave just over that ledge we can spend the night in, then tomorrow I’ll take you back to your town.” When I got to the last colt, the one who had been crying when I arrived, I realized how terrifying I probably looked, so I added “None of those things I said true I just said them to scare those griffons.” By now I was starting to wonder if these ponies were even sentient and if I had just killed two talking griffons over some cattle.
When I got to the stallion his gaze had change he seemed less imposing than he had before like he had finally realized I didn't intend to eat them. “Thank you.” he said as I cut the last of his ropes.
****************************
We were now all inside of the cave. Outside it had begun to storm. The foals were all curled up on my open sleeping bag, munching happily on the little apple pieces I had given them. Blissfully unaware of the fact that they had just cleaned me out, except for a few pieces of jerky I had found in the saddlebags of the two nameless griffins. Jerky would be fine for me but I didn't think my new companions would be very fond of a protein based diet. Other than that there was nothing of note in the cave except for the grey walls and the very small fire I had started to keep myself and the creatures warm.
Prior to coming in to discover how my new friends had settled down, I ha left the cave and raided the bodies of the two griffons I had killed which left me with some alcohol and bandages, that is of course after I hid the jerky and gave my new stallion friend the spear. I had cut open the bodies of the griffons. For scientific purposes I told myself. After all how many people get to learn about the biology of mythical creatures. I had discover that their bones were hollow like those of birds and were relatively weak but still quite flexible. Most of the organs I recognized, except for two located right next to each of the kidneys, they looked like two disks that swirled out from the center with hundreds of tiny tubes that branched off into the rest of the body, almost like a secondary circulatory system, but the tubes and organs contained nothing but regular blood. When I finished confusing myself with the bodies of the strange animals I rolled the bodies off the path into the forest below and allowed the then torrential rain to wash my hands of the blood.
I sat with my head pressed back against the wall contemplating my peculiar position and allowing myself to dry, when I realized someone was speaking to me.
“I don’t know what we would have done if you hadn't come along.”
I opened my eyes to see my largest companion facing me with his hoof outstretched.
“The names Steel Blue. I’m a member of the Royal Guard. I was seeing my parents in Ponyville on leave when those griffons showed up.”
I reached out and took his hoof in my hand giving it a firm shake. “So they attacked a town with just the three of them?”
He diverted his gaze and brought his hoof around to scratch the back of his neck. “Well actually there were four of them. A friend of mine killed the fourth one when we got to the schoolhouse.” When he finished he brought his eyes back to me.
“So, they killed your friend?”
“No, they knocked him out, but he was too big to carry so they left him behind.”
“That was stupid.”
“Excuse me?”
“The smartest thing for them to do would have been to kill him. Especially if he had already killed one of theirs.” My new pony friend looked skeptical. So after an awkward pause I decided to change the subject. “So you’re military?”
He took the bait. “We're more of a police force really. Equestria has never really had a need for a military.” he paused “Until now.”
“The griffins?” No harm in asking.
“Actually several discontent armies are gathering outside of Equestria. Nopony is sure why, but we know they're not here to play nice.”
“Where did this group come from?”
“They came from an camp of rogues southeast of here. One of the largest that’s actually pushed into Equestria. I never would have thought they were bold enough to make the trip all the way to Ponyville though, it’s at least three days walk.” His tone had taken one a new solemnity.
“Think they’ll be back?” I really didn't like the way he sounded.
“I know they will. The one in charge of bringing us back had a big mouth. All forty of the troop are planning to take the town themselves, they think that we won’t put up any kind of fight.” He stopped and took a deep breath “And if this last raid was any indication their right. When we get back to town I don’t think there’ll be any time for the guard to get there. That and Celestia has taken the bearers of harmony to Canterlot for some spell or something.” Another pause “And…”
“Let me guess, after I've pulled your ass out of the frying pan, you want me to put my head right back on the chopping block.” I spoke with poison as I felt anger rising up from a source I hadn't known existed.
“…” Blue Steel just stood there staring at the ground.
I realized then that the kids had stopped eating and were all looking at us. Our conversation had not gone unnoticed. Goddammit, those eyes. “Look, Blue Steel.” I said, as I held the bridge of my nose. “To be honest I have had a rough couple of days, I haven’t slept much since I got here and I’m more confused than anything. How about I take you back tomorrow and then we can decide what to do from there.” In reality I intended to drop them off and if they didn't have any way of sending me home, which they probably didn't, I would just keep moving in a straight line until I found something useful. I admit, it wasn't the most logical train of thought but I was tired and still hyped up on adrenaline so I was not really willing to change my plans for anything. Hell the only reason I was sure I was taking them back was because that was where I was headed anyway, that and there was a good chance they would at least feed me for bringing back their children.
That seemed to be enough, Blue Steel looked at me and forced a smile. “Thanks… By the way I don’t remember your name.”
“I never gave it.” Can’t believe that he still wants to talk.
“Well what do I call you.” He asked with genuine curiosity.
“I don’t know, first tell me where I am.” He didn't seem to see how his words had prompted my question. “One basic question for another.” I said.
“Um, we're in Equestria, more specifically the Everfree forest.”
“Then call me ‘Everfree’”. I had only just begun to realize that I may be beginning a new life. But somehow I saw the opportunity to leave an older one behind. And I took it.
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Hmm, you have my interest. Do go on.
Seriously, you can't blame them.
Why is Equestria only allowed to have peace and happiness?
Also, if the ponies didn't hide behind their pussy ass magic, I'm pretty sure the Diamond Dogs, Griffons or Dragons would have won in past wars.
Interesting, although I've gotta ask; are you planning on incorporating why Celestia, immortal goddess of all things fiery, with the power to literally move a star the size of the sun cannot simply laser beam the armies herself? or why Celestia or Luna couldn't threaten eternal night or something to stop the incoming invasion of nations?
All in all thought, this seems pretty good for your first story. So a like, fav and
for you
2565820
science and logic, the 2 things that ruins fiction
2565858 But since fiction is in fact an invention or fabrication as opposed to fact about imaginary events and people, you can easily make up your own science and logic to fit the universe your fictional story takes place in.
First HiE fic I've ever seen with an OC human that was actually GOOD. Definitely gonna like and fave this. Keep it up!
Wow. I really like the premise and the writing style. I'd be glad to proofread it if you're still looking for that.
Oh wow, for about half a second there, in between reading the description and looking when it was published... I instinctively wanted to downvote this thing. Without even looking. I never downvote. I managed to stop this impulse as my mouse moved toward the button but I guess something is off with me.
I suppose I am tired of the HiE subgenre. I read some good stories in it. And some that were The WORST. POSSIBLE. THING.
I didn't even notice my mental fatigue until I hurt my neck just now when I flinched.
I'll add this on my to check out list for later and try to write up a constructive review at that time. Do your best to avoid traps of the Gary "Emo" Stue, the club of his troll companion Mr Bash and their evil friends (such as Madam Foalestia and Herr Goreing.).
And remember. Do your best and try to learn from everything.
I SAID I WANTED TO SEE HEADS ROLLING NOT JUST FLOPPIN AROUND ON A LIL STRIP OF SKIN STILL ATTACHED
Ohh I love this so far!
Will you update anytime soon?
Damn.... This is good.
2565810 The same could by said about our technology
2565820
Yet you can jack the Changeling queen up on some love and she can whip Celestia in under a minute.
I don't buy that the Princesses are indestructible. Immortal, yes. Powerful, yes. Indestructible, no.
They are killable, my friend. Not easy to kill but definitely possible.
Silver out!
His behavior seems a bit odd for a seventeen year old guy, i get the part with the hunting and stuff but that he takes it so completely cool that he just killed two sentient beings, then cut them open to see how they work and that he probably will never get home again seems a bit off.
But its a good start nonetheless so on with it!
2565820 I like to think that the sun over there is waaaaaaay smaller than ours and therefore, closer to their planet to make up for it. Same goes for the moon.
2566272 The very definition of immortal is Living forever; never dying or decaying.
However friend I totally agree with you, personally I don't believe that the Princesses are immortal as in they can never be killed, I think it's more like incredibly fast regeneration, as in their cells are replaced at an increased rate meaning they don't die from old age, but a shotgun to the face would kill 'em. However my original question was whether he was going to implement a back story as to the reason why neither Celestia or Luna couldn't use their powers to stop the invading armies, not whether they could die or not.
2566323
Easy, send an assassin or lead them into a prepared ambush.
Don't fight them directly, use cheap guerrilla tactics, like sabotage and such.
That's how underdogs are able to fight advanced armies without getting steamrolled.
(The Changelings would be masters of this, even better if they get help. The Diamond Dogs can attack from below, like the Japanese in WWII or the Vietcong during that conflict.)
Still true today.
Silver out!
Judging by the cover, am I correct in assuming a Far Cry 3 style character progression?
2566323
I always divided the opinion that immortal is an unlimited lifespan, whereas immortality is an inability to be killed
2566297 I see were you're coming from, and it makes a lot of sense, but to even be able to move a white dwarf star on a daily basis it would take a considerable amount of power. You're explanation is probably one of the best that I've heard though!
Then again this is a magical pony universe we're talking about so I guess you could make anything up and it would go with it!
2566338 That still kinda doesn't give a reason as to why they don't fight themselves
, only how they could be killed.
2566351 I love how even though I dropped out of 10th grade I can still be smart.
2566342 I was always under the opinion that they were the same thing!
After reading this, I don't see how this is going to feel any different from any other HiE stories.
2566368
Why they don't fight? I like to think that they want the ponies to be able to have some degree of independence. Show them that the big powerful princesses won't be around forever to save them. That, in case something should happen to them, the ponies will be able to take care of themselves.
It must be hard, to have that power and want to help so bad, but refuse for the ponies' own good.
That's where a writer has to get creative my friend.
As killing them, (or at least getting them out of the fight), a hundred options.
The princesses really have to get pummeled to compromise them. One option is to get them in a bad spot, away from help and hit them with everything you've got. Attack from all directions, booby trap escape routes, if you don't have strong weapons to take them down, then spam-fire them. You can poison them, put a bomb in a package, bribe a traitor, make a device that weakens magic (like a jammer) etc.
Trust me, there are many ways that you can take them down, tons that I left out.
Which one fits you?
Silver out!
2566397 No no no, I think you've got what I'm talking about entirely wrong (which is probably my fault) I only wanted to know why didn't they fight themselves, as in: were they scared? are they strong enough to take on an army? does their power have a limit? I wanted to know stuff like that.
You're just listing ways to kill them. 
2566413
I modified my comment,. Read the first paragraph.
Silver out!
2566433 I'd have to agree with that then! However I think it'd be a good thing to include those thoughts to the story or perhaps add in a situation later in where the Princesses must choose between using their powers or let ponies fight and die, since the writer has already said that their armies are little more than a glorified police force.
2566469
I agree, I guess we'll just have to see what will, eh?
Happy reading! I'm off to write and run errand. bleh.
Silver out!
2565820 hm. one would think that even though celestia can move a star its her special talent her calling in life so it wouldnt be hard to imagine that for her it takes no real effort whatsoever to move the sun (and when i mean no real effort i mean she doesnt gain strength from the experience of moving a sun) besides we all know celestia tends to be a pacifist at heart
hence why the only offensive spell we see in the series is just a quick magic shot of some sort and everything else is defensive (bubble shield ect) it could also be why celestias unicorn guards still wield spears despite them knowing magic.
personally i think twilight is much stronger then celestia. o.0
its why celestia could only banish NNM while twi and her friends could purge her and why twilight could best Discord while celestia could only watch from the sidelines and twilight defeated chrystalis as celestia could not (albit shining and cadence helped with the final blow :P)
and IF she is really as strong as that, that would imply that her magic could easily destroy lands and kill thousands (that includes the enemies neutrals and friendlies that are in the crossfire) so she cant use it because shes much too strong or the power would set her down the wrong path and it would eventually corrupt her (Solar Flair) hence why shes a pacifist even when angry. :P good lord sorry for the long winded comment xD
2566481 No problem about the comment! I enjoy talking about stuff like this!
I'd have to say whilst Celestia is mostly portrayed as a pacifist, I think she'd rather use her powers to save her own than the enemy nation, however due to her personality she'd only do that if there was physically no other way. (hence she summons a human to sort it out, so she doesn't have to do it herself and cause more damage).
I'm going to have to disagree with the cuite mark comment though, as whilst Twilight's special talent is magic we still see her strain with spells, also we can't forget background ponies and their cutie marks! I personally believe that 40% of the their population are compromised of clock makers!
Good story. Looking forward for the next chapter
2566531 :P As do i! :D and thats true to an extend but i like to think she would know better then abuse her authority and power (I.E do as i say or you dont get any sun or something like that) :P tyrantlestia
and yes she wouldnt get involved because she too weak or much too strong to be of any help.
as for twilight shes geting stronger every episode the very first time she did a teleport spell she shinged herself and was very dizzy (unless that was spike xD) and now she can teleport multiple times in succession without so much as a eyespin so ya she'll have trouble when she first starts using the spell but after a few tries she masters it :P and for the clock cutie marks EVERYONE knows its just the Doctor and his multiple encarnations xDD
Watch out -- I see lots of comma splices. See here for instructions on avoiding and fixing them.
Look really closely at your cover art...
2566908
Not sure if I agree with you or to continue reading...
...Well, I only have like 2000-something story updates to read. Might as well keep reading.
i know this is fanfiction... but what 17 year old has enough combat training to use a machete to kill two armed, deadly aggressors who don't even have the same fighting style as his own species? is this guy a modern day Assassin? because that would be epic.
2567060 No it would be typical.
First of all, you're doing a fairly good job with grammar, punctuation, and the other mechanics for this being your first story, so good job there!
The plot is . . . well, it's pretty Mary-Sue-ish. The main character doesn't read like a real person, he's just a collection of generic "bad-ass-ness" and randomly assigned skills. That kind of character is EXTREMELY fun to daydream about, but dull to read about.
My suggestion would be to think about your character some more and make sure you craft him into someone who is not basically an upgraded version of you (are you a 17 year old male, by any chance?), is not so hyper-competent, and has some flaws. (REAL flaws, not "will fight for his friends even at the risk of his own life." Flaws like "stubbornly refuses to admit when he is mispronouncing a word even when confronted with a dictionary" or "is a kleptomaniac.") This may be hard, but writing is about killing your darlings.
This is still a very good fic for it being your first fanfic, so good job.
I have to agree with LadyMoondancer. The way you make it out to be, a 17 year old took down 2 lions in a short amount of time, defying physics & rationality. Also, he does it expressing little to no fear. This, I must agree, is unrealistic.
Though, you do have a nice style of writing & i'm still reading the story.
...
5:1 like/dislike ratio. Unoriginal HiE premise. Can't even properly punctuate the description.
TOP OF THE FEATURED BOX.
Every goddamn time I think this community has standards...
I, too, have heard about how horribe was is.
The picture is the first thing anyone's gonna see about your story. Keep it typo-free.
Screwed up conversation grammar. When you have a conversation attribution (he said, she replied), that conversation attribution is part of the same sentence, so should not start with a capital letter unless the word would normally be capitalized. If the bit of conversation before the attribution ends in a period, that period gets replaced with a comma. When addressing someone, the addressing term should be separated from the rest of the sentence by commas. Right now, you have Twilight saying that she, in the royal we, is a princess, or maybe that the mane 6 are a single princess, rather than telling Celestia that they are ready. This should be:
"We are, Princess," replied her most faithful student.
I'd suggest looking at EZN's guide for examples of how to and not to do conversation related grammar.
Tense issue. Creating should be created.
"Except for a few guards unlucky enough to be on duty at the ungodly hour" is a parenthetical statement and should have commas before and after. Also, "the" should probably be "this".
You need a comma after "place" at the least, though I would start a new sentence at that point (and change the tense of the verb appropriately). "She had failed, her spell had failed without explanation" is a bit repetitious, due to the double "failed", and it makes the thing feel clunky. One part or the other should be cut. You need to a comma after "spot".
The second chapter has some other issues, like it really needs to be read for spelling errors. You've got a camp of reddish makeup, rather than one of rogues, "there" is not how you spell "they're", nor is "were" equal to "we're", and so on.
Story itself:
Main character feels like a Mary Sue already.
He goes from suddenly driving down a road to flying over a waterfall, kicks out a windshield (never mind the steering wheel/dash in the way or that he just went from 40 MPH to a sudden stop). Then, after this, he calmly empties out the trunk because, hey, this type of thing happens all the time. No shock, no reaction to just having survived a life or death situation that completely defies the laws of reality. This type of reaction might make sense if he were a well-trained and experienced covert-ops type, but he isn't. He's supposedly a seventeen-year old kid.
Mr. seventeen-year old is loaded with firearms and ammo. And some blades. And he apparently travels all over the place in the US, because he has extensive plant lore. And then he calmly kills two sentient beings. He still isn't freaked out by talking ponies or griffons. No, instead he spouts something that the anti-hero or villain would say in a bad movie. And then, in front of some traumatized schoolkids, he proceeds to hack up bodies and play with the internal organs.
Obviously, he's a sociopath, probably a serial killer, and he's lying about his age. Equestria would be better off without him.
Can't help but feel he gave up on getting home too easily. One moment he's planning on going to town/city/whatever and finding some answers, the next he kills a couple griffons, saves the kids and guards, then decides 'Well, new life, new name. Guess I'd better start to like it here."
Not trying to diss your story (it's good. And I will be tracking it), but that just seems kinda... generic? Giving up everything you had before at the drop of a hat.
Great job! I'm really enjoying the story and I can't wait for more.
No combat experience? So you stated that you weren't going to do something that most fics should avoid at all costs, but you did it anyway. I get that a human is pretty big compared to these griffons and ponies etc. but he takes a group of griffons and he kills them like nothing? And then the whole bit with the intestinal fun time? That was overkill. And the guy is a seventeen year old. I'm pretty sure he is going to try and run before he suddenly goes Ruroni Kenshin on everyone and hacks them up like nothing. Time to get back to the Halo crossovers where the hero has actual, believable combat experience......Ya know. Because Master Chief is a trained soldier.
2565820
America has the power to incinerate the entire planet with the push of a button, and yet 9-11 still happened.
I have to question why the hero is so reluctant to help them, seeing as he is desperate to find civilization and their town is the nearest.
Also:
Their--- possessive, "their cabin."
They're--- short for "they are". "They're going to their cabin."
There--- location. "They're going to their cabin, and have dinner there."
2566908 Dear lord I can't believe I missed that line!
This thing needs a comedy tag!
2567582
Maybe the "We are Princess" is intentional? If so then HASBRO IS BEHIND THIS *raises fist*