The Onion: Equestrian Bureau

by The Read Later List

Head Mailmare Just Throws Away Mail

Head Mailmare Just Throws Away Mail

Ponyville, Equestria- After years of screw ups, mis-deliveries, and just an overall uncertainty of whether or not her only Mailmare, Derpy, would be able to get the parcels to their proper owners, head Mailmare, Proper Time, just threw away the town's mail. When reached for a comment, Time had this to say.

"I'm just fed up. Literally, all she has to do is take these letters to the addresses on the cover. How hard is that? There's only like 50 ponies in this town and half of them don't get mail. It's amazing that no pony has said anything to her. For god's sake, I don't think anypony has gotten their mail in at least a year. Ya know what, fuck it. I'm just gonna throw the mail out and take the day off."

When reached for a comment at her boss's statement, Derpy Hooves had this to say, "I just don't know what went wrong!"

Comments

[DerpyHoovesfan55]

Good Ol' Derpy

[kaiser0kolovos]

"Latest reports indicate that with Proper Times decision to throw away all mail sent to Ponyville, local residents have been instructed to randomly search for their mail in trash cans, dumpsters, and on the ground throughout city limits.

Recent polls have shown that this approach has led to residents receiving their intended letters and parcels 30% more often.

Onion News correspondent Quick Notes from Manehattan is reporting that Mayor Quid Pro Quo is exploration the possibility of Proper Time's policy as a cost save measure".