OK GUYS!!!! SECOND CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!! SO HERE. WE. GO!!!!!! =D
Chapter 2
Mares or Stallions?
The next day, Rainbow Dash woke up looking ike she just had a hangover. Not that she would know, of course!!!! hehehe....
Anyways, Rainbow Dash, remembering what just happened the day before, slowly shuddered. She re-read the letter many times, just to make shure she was seeing it correctly. She was.
"So.... small recap of yesterday... I cried, I whined, Derpy heard me, she hugged me from behind, I got scared, I bit her hoof, I called her names, I broke her nose, I kicked her...... umm.... privates , I threatened to kill her and almost did, I got hit in the head with a muffin, and broke her heart. I wonder if she still loves me." Rainbow Dash sighed, thinking to herself.
"Well.... I HAVE been thinking..... I've only ever dated stallions, and they only seemed to end up stabbing me in the back.... Maybe I should take Derpy up on her offer."
*FACEHOOF*
"DAMN IT! I completely forgot about the fact that I just injured her physically and emotionally.... And that's just wrong! EWWWW!!! That's gross, dating the same gender pony! Isn't that illegal or something? UUGGHHH!!! WHY DO I HAVE SUCH MIXED EMOTIONS!!!?!?!?!?" Rainbow Dash glanced around to make sure no pony was around to hear.
"Well..... let's just break it down. The pro's....hmmm..... pro's pro's pro's.....Oh! It can give me an opportunity to try something new! I've never been with any pony but a stallion. Another one..... Derpy didn't seem like the type that would take advantage of her. Last, I find her pretty cute. Maybe even a little sexy! Mmmmmmm....." Rainbow Dash smiled. She didn't notice a little gasp that came from underneath her soft cloud. Then realizing what she just said.....
"...... WHAT THE BUCK! WAS! THAT!?!?!?!? Did I just admit my feelings about Ditzy to myself without realizing it? That's nuts..... but in a good way. But I don't think that i'm in good standings with a relationship with her anymore..... Considering I probably just lost my best friend and my lo...." She caught her muzzle before she said anything else. She could've sworn she heard someone giggling, but she decided to ignore it. It could've been an animal.
"Ugh, fine! I'm going. I'm gonna look for Derpy and explain that i'm sorry. But before that..... I gotta talk to Twilight." She shrugged, a giant blush on her face. Rainbow Dash got up, and left.
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DITZY DOO's POV
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"WHY!!!!!?!?!?!? WHY DID SHE DO WHIS TO ME!?!?!?" I yell at the top of my lungs. I went to nurse Redheart and apparently I have a broken nose. This is going to make my speech inpedement even worse than it already is. Bucking shit. I'm guessing it also makes me curse a LOT more.
"......I wish..... I wish I didn't supwise her.... I wish I just gave her the letter. Then nowne of this would've happened....." she whines with sadness.
I look at my hoof. There's a scar from where she bit me too! This is gonna make it a lot harder to get a mate now. I look down in sadness.
"......So.... I gwess she dowsn't wuv me....." I say, with tears starting to leak from my eyes. Then, I perked up my head.
"Wait a sec...... Maybe she was a wittle shawcked that I hugged her! Maybe she does like me and now she's sowwy that she did that! I'm gowing to see her again!"
I finally reach her cloud. I hear her talking to some pony, but there's no pony there! Maybe she's just talking to herself. I hide in the bushes, in fear of being caught. She doesn't notice me.
".....Maybe I should take Derpy up on her offer."
Before I had a chance to let out a little fan girl squeal, I heard a loud smack. I couldn't hear a lot of it, but I managed to pick up a few words.
"That's just wrong! .....Illegal......Gross......Same gender pony!.....MIXED EMOTIONS!!!!?!?" Rainbow Dash let's out a loud sigh.
I see Rainbow take a look around. Good thing she didn't see me! She continues talking to herself.
"Ok... So the pros.........Something something advantage...... Cute..... Even a little sexy! Mmmmmm...."
I gasp. What the hay!?!? She's attracted.... To ME!?!? Then I realize that the gasp was a little loud, but she didn't hear me.
"WHAT THE BUCK WAS THAT!?!?!?" Rainbow Dash yells.
Oh no.... Did she hear me!!?!?
She said something else....
".....Considering I just lost lost my best friend and my lo...."
I giggled. Bad idea. I think she heard me!
"Going to look for Derpy..... Twilight."
I rush out of the bushes, quietly and quickly. This was going to be a good day, I just feel it!!!
Author's note: This was a pretty good chapter, considering it was created at 6:30 AM. =]
Harrison... If I find out you hurt Derpys heart... I will bucking kill you
But other than that great story
164298 I understand you 100% Don't worry, I'll try to add in the real version without the W's. By that, I mean I'll just edit the real version and and in the part without the W's right underneath it. =]
R8-DASH, don't worry, youll find out what happened next chapter. =] And Baree, you'll find out why rainbow Dash was talking like that in a few chapters. And thank you lots Taranasaurus! Yeah, I'll try to fix those things. I always found that when I write something and read it a few days later, I'll see all of the mistakes I made. Yeah, I did kinda buck up on the tenses. I noticed that after I wrote it. Thank you all for commenting! =] FUS ROH DAH!!!
That was.... interesting....... I fully understood every word Derpy said in this. Not sure if that is a bad or good thing.......
Keep up the good work
Hmm...
... Why are they screaming at themselves? Would be far more believable if they were thinking these things instead of shouting them into the sky.
Also, the "i" in "i'm" and "i'll" and such contractions should be capitalized as well, you know.
Didn't break my pinkie promise so here is a gift for you!
1.bp.blogspot.com/-c2B4LK4sbWs/Tv4WAG9i8QI/AAAAAAAAZt8/dkZuLMQLMu0/s1600/105649+-+artist+smashinator+derpy_hooves+parody+the_dark_knight.jpg
first off you need to stop using the caps button for everything or you should use it less often or find something else instead of the caps button. there are better ways to help describe RD's emotions then using caps lock like a change in the font or something. like an example for unnecessary capitalization is this:
*FACEHOOF*
The reason why I think you're writing this way is because I think that you're trying to make your first fanfic look good when all you're is making me question why I'm reading this crap, but that's just my opinion.
also you should explain how she feels more than having her talk out loud about what she's thinking IMO.
I know that this was your first fanfic but usually a good story needs planning, now I don't write myself (because of lack of time) but I'd advise you to look at other fanfics that are sorta similar to your fanfic's theme but look at how they write and HOW they introduce ideas in the story. don't worry about changing your writing style for me because I'm probably not going to read the rest of this. but that's my honest opinion.